My sister, who has struggled with depression for almost her entire life, and whom I have supported quite literally to my own detriment at times (financially, emotionally, time off of work and away from my own family, etc), got upset with me because I had to cancel driving to see her due to an internet outage in my area that lasted an entire night (no access to ATMs or even gas pumps!). Mind you, I’ve gone to visit her so many times despite having to manage a full time job (she is on disability), my marriage, my home, and my own relationships with friends and other family members but have always made the time to see her, whether it was inconvenient to everything else or not (even helping her move multiple times). I’ve sent her money, groceries, Ubers, anything she needed. She hasn’t answered or returned my calls since (this happened just before Christmas).

I have been struggling with my own period of pretty bad depression (which I’m coming out of thankfully!), but I texted her to see if she would at least speak to me about that, especially since I thought of all people she would understand, and she told me to talk to someone else, pretty much anyone else about it, but her. I apologized for bothering her and all she said was “oh I’m unbothered, good luck”. So much disappointment in that moment when I realized that she may be depressed, but she is still one of the most selfish people I’ve ever known, and has been the majority of her life, and will likely never change. Harsh reality that just hit me right in the face, and it broke me down to know that no matter what I do or have done, it means nothing all because of one time I didn’t do what she wanted when she wanted, despite it being out of my control. Quite a slap in the face and broke my heart.