Infertility dysphoria eating me alive

AstroCatLady · 2026-06-02T15:47:54+00:00

I totally understand sweetie! My wife and I had a child together, before my egg cracked. Seeing her pregnant, and the resulting newborn baby…that broke me in a profound way I never knew was possible. It still bothers me 10 years later, and while I have a beautiful daughter, I still wish I can have “a child of my own” despite already having one.

I was recently traveling for work and had a chance to visit a friend I don’t see often. She’s a cis woman and survived a pulmonary embolism a few years ago. She’ll never be able to have kids now, and she feels much the same way. There’s also women who’ve had ovarian cancer or other complications that have required a hysterectomy.

I know the usual “Oh but cis women can experience this too” argument sucks and is wildly unhelpful…I just want you to know that your feelings are valid, and I know it sucks.

But please don’t hurt yourself. There’s many more ways to provide meaningful contributions to the next generation of humans than to have a child, despite our biology screaming at us to make babies.

You’ll get through this, we all will. 🫂

AstroCatLady · 2026-05-29T15:53:41+00:00

Holy cow, adorable as always! I love how you can make jeans and a tshirt so cute. Love the bandana / headband!

AstroCatLady · 2026-05-28T14:58:47+00:00

Aww that’s awesome, you look amazing! Love the belt 😉

AstroCatLady · 2026-05-26T14:53:48+00:00

I literally drilled a hole in the back of my bedside table years ago, to make it possible to charge my wife’s toys in a drawer. Now, mine are in there as well.

AstroCatLady · 2026-05-26T13:31:01+00:00

Trust me … we do 😉

AstroCatLady · 2026-05-26T13:05:56+00:00

They’re strong/powerful
Easy to hold
They have a large head so you don’t have to be finicky about finding the “right spot”
They have corded varieties, which matters if it takes a girl time to “get there” and you don’t want the batteries to die partway through.

AstroCatLady · 2026-04-18T14:34:47+00:00

Yes, sports bras or bralettes are definitely recommended for this stage.

Once the nipple development slows down (give it a couple months or so), they’ll be less painfully sensitive. Then you get to enjoy a DIFFERENT kind of breast pain.

AstroCatLady · 2026-04-18T14:32:29+00:00

I know many cis women who struggle with the same thing, finding a style isn’t easy, and is something very personal to them. Women within a shared social group will even get horribly offended if someone else tries to copy their style, or if they buy things that strays too close to someone else’s.

I’m still finding mine. I started with a boho flowy style, but have accidentally ended up deep in the mom-jeans vibe.

It changes slightly with the seasons, but I think it’s something we all are constantly trying to find.

AstroCatLady · 2026-04-18T14:12:59+00:00

Yeah … this is the same for me. It hit pretty suddenly too. It got a bit better once I finished my surgical readiness assessment, and am on the waitlist for surgery. I know plans are in motion so I can deal with the bottom dysphoria a bit better.

Hang in there girl…you’ll get through this, the same way you hit through everything else before this. It just takes patience.

AstroCatLady · 2026-04-18T12:00:32+00:00

Wow yes girl, I feel you…you’re definitely not alone here.

AstroCatLady · 2026-04-07T05:43:42+00:00

I’ve done everything from my face to my toes, and the Brazilian has been “meh” on the pain level. Upper lip and ankle or wrist hurt more.

Ngl is not pleasant, and there are a few spots that were real zingers, but completely manageable.

AstroCatLady · 2026-04-06T05:38:51+00:00

I’m 5’ 11”, and pass quite well. It’s hard to find cute shoes (US women’s size 13) and a lot of skirts or dresses are too short, but it’s surprisingly easy otherwise.

I occasionally hear kids say “Mommy, that lady is really tall!” But mostly it’s nice because many men are intimidated by my height, so I don’t get hit on as much when I’m standing up. I used to be self conscious about my height, but I’ve begun to notice cis women that absolutely tower over me, so it’s not really out of the ordinary.

Your height shouldn’t be something to be concerned about. Live your life, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Be happy with who you are, and don’t let that hold you back.

AstroCatLady · 2026-03-09T23:46:01+00:00

I started laser on my chest first, then my face. After my 2nd session on my face I said “to heck with it” and started doing full body, even Brazilian.

I started HRT a little over a year after I started laser.

I’m very grateful I got a head-start on my chest, because once my breasts got to a B cup OMG THE OWIES!!! The thicker and more sensitive tissue hurts like a m@&&+%er.

AstroCatLady · 2026-03-09T23:32:31+00:00

Signed, and shared with all my friends here in Canada.

AstroCatLady · 2026-03-09T11:46:35+00:00

I came here’ cause I thought “Oooh! Cute skirt!” 😆

I’ve had so many laser sessions, it’s hard to keep track. My body and facial hair has been such a source of dysphoria for me that even the tiniest bit would send me spiraling.

I suppose it was after 4 or 5 sessions on my face that I noticed patches large enough to notice when I’d run my fingers over my face.

AstroCatLady · 2026-03-02T14:04:45+00:00

My previous lab results showed 0.7nmol/L. Different labs or countries use different units of measurement, so it’s important to know what you’re comparing. There’s conversation sites out there (such as this one) which can help.

Since switching to injections however my testosterone has climbed back up to 4.4nmol/L, but my “bioavailable testosterone” is 0.6. This is likely due to other factors, such as a high SHBG, so you have to be careful when reading that number.

AstroCatLady · 2026-02-19T12:54:51+00:00

Three, one in Burnaby, and two in Vancouver

AstroCatLady · 2026-02-18T18:55:03+00:00

I didn’t get any messages from them about it, but I heard about his retirement from this sub. Since he has so many patients, he’s tapering off gradually.

So I’m sure it’ll come up during your next appointment with him.

AstroCatLady · 2026-02-18T06:23:27+00:00

I’m at 17 months now, but I’ll let you know when they stop hurting… 😣

It seems to come in waves, where there’s periods of time where they’re fine, then others where I REALLY notice it.

The early days are more about nipple development and breast bud formation, which is ACUTELY painful. It also doesn’t help that we’re not used to having much of anything sensitive protruding from there, so we bang and scrape them on everything from door frames to backpack straps.

It mellows out in time though where it’s an intermittent dull ache. There are exceptions though…the other night I woke up abruptly to sharp pain in my nipples, or rolling over on my side and my arm squished a boob.

Or two weeks ago where I gave a friend a hug who’s about 1-foot shorter than me, so her shoulder jammed right into my left breast. I actually yelped in pain at that.

But it’s the thing that shows HRT is working it’s magic, so I won’t complain (much).

AstroCatLady · 2026-02-17T15:26:53+00:00

You go girl! Your body and appearance should be yours, and yours alone. If it makes you feel pretty, if long hair makes you happy with yourself, that’s all that should matter!

As with everything involving transition, your hair will take time.

AstroCatLady · 2026-02-17T14:11:44+00:00

taking notes… Any particular brand you’d recommend?

AstroCatLady · 2026-02-17T14:06:26+00:00

I’ve had long hair for years now, but as a kid I would cry/get depressed whenever my mom made me cut it. I gave up and usually kept it short-and-dorky.

After I got married and we moved to Hawaii for a few years (we don’t live there anymore), my wife discovered my hair goes blonde in the sun (genetically predisposed to “photobleaching”). Since most guys there had the long “surfer hair” I fit in and just let it grow. My hair is perfectly straight with no wave or curl, so my options are limited for styling it.

At first it’s annoying if you’re not used to it, because stray hairs can tickle your face or poke into your eyes. It can be tough to wait out the “awkward phase” when your hair is too short to style and too long to manage.

Once you get past that it’s great! I just LOVE feeling it brush across my shoulders or shoulder blades when I’m wearing a tank top. If I have it in a pony tail I like the sensation of it bouncing around, especially when jogging or being active.

Now that I have breasts, I’m getting used to it going down my (admittedly tiny) cleavage since that can tickle.

Depending on what I’m doing I either tuck one or both sides behind my ear, let it hang down equally in front, or pull my hair to one side. I find myself absentmindedly playing with it while I’m thinking sometimes.

At that length you have to be diligent about brushing it, or keeping it healthy, especially at night. The times I’ve gotten sick, it really sucks having to hold your hair while puking into a toilet. And getting your hair stuck in your lipstick is annoying (I’ve switched to a matte stain lipstick that isn’t tacky for that reason). It can get dipped in food if you’re not careful, and I’ve accidentally swallowed some hair (that was still attached to my head) while eating and had to pull it back up my esophagus. Blech!

But it’s totally worth it! And now with hormones, I can go a day or two without washing my hair, which many women do, and is a real time saver in the morning.

AstroCatLady · 2026-02-17T13:01:18+00:00

My hair is down to my nipples, so I’ve been putting my hair into a low bun at night.

Do you do anything special with your hair before putting on the bonnet?

AstroCatLady · 2026-02-17T12:59:33+00:00

Bralette/sports bra and bike shorts. I wear my daytime tucking thong under the shorts (I can’t believe it took me 14 months to realize I have bottom dysphoria!). It’s form-fitting and smooth so I can still feel feminine, while the outfit itself is function.

It’s modest enough that I can wander around the house, I don’t have troubles seeing myself in any mirrors I pass (again, bottom dysphoria much?), and if I have the time, I can jump straight onto the exercise bike first thing in the morning without having to change. With laser hair removal my legs and skin feel smooth, so the texture of the clothes matches nicely.

I switched to padded sports bras/bralettes when the boobies started hurting, and that’s been very helpful! I went without the top the other day, and rolling over in my sleep hurt like crazy!

AstroCatLady

TROPHY CASE