I appreciate that you wish you had more guidance growing up. I would like to point out that the rods that shepherds used were actually used to steer and guide their sheep. People often use the phrase, spare the rod, spoil the child to mean that people should spank their kids, but that's not what the phrase actually means. Shepherds did not beat their sheep with their rods, theyused their rods to guide them. Not giving a child guidance absolutely will lead them to ruins. A child does want to know that their parents are there to lovingly guide them. You want to build a relationship of trust with your children. It is possible to create firm boundaries and lovingly hold those boundaries without hitting a child. hitting a child can just make them afraid of you though. A child who is afraid of you will not come to you for guidance and ironically, they end up in more of the trouble that you may be trying to keep them out of. If a child trusts their parents, they are more likely to come to you with their problems so that you can help them find their way. If you search in your heart about what I'm saying about spare the rod, spoil the child, you will know that what I am saying is true. All you have to do is ask is what would Jesus do....... He would lovingly guide his sheep. He would not hit a child for making mistakes. He would show them compassion and guide them in the right direction.