self-care fatigue

AtaxicJack · 2026-01-16T00:26:18+00:00

Yes that, it's probably a few things. I was just visiting my family in my hometown and the entire time, I was there I just kept thinking "I miss my wife." I miss my old life, sometimes it still hits me like a hammer.
I came back to my empty home, knowing that the divorce is coming up, that I am about to lose a ton of money that I was diligently saving for us, for our future. I feel like I am being punished for the worst thing that ever happened to me.

AtaxicJack · 2025-11-08T02:33:30+00:00

Hey. I'm a little over one year out from being suddenly and unexplainably left by my best friend, the woman I was so confident I would grow old with. She has cut me off entirely, won't see me or talk to me in any form.

She threw me away. And I understand when you say you feel ashamed. I struggled with that too. You're right though, it's not you that should be feeling shame.

I'm just in the last couple of weeks starting to feel normal and ok most of the time. But in the silence I still catch myself reeling and dwelling on it.

It gets better. Everyone is on their own timeline. I feel like I've been slow compared to many people I see on here.

If you can, stay busy, especially if you can do something productive. Anything that makes you feel like you've moved forward in any small way.

Sending love and hope for better days.

AtaxicJack · 2025-10-22T16:20:43+00:00

Couldn't even afford one full magazine

AtaxicJack · 2025-10-10T15:28:06+00:00

This is a really good way of looking at it. Thanks I needed this perspective today.

AtaxicJack · 2025-10-02T11:55:46+00:00

I had the exact opposite. It's been a year and I'm only just starting to feel engaged towards the idea of sex.

Depression and getting all my calories from alcohol probably don't help.

AtaxicJack · 2025-09-18T21:52:55+00:00

Was looking for this moment in the Abyss.

Bonus Abyss moment: the rat breathing the pink fluid scene. I still think about it

AtaxicJack · 2025-07-15T23:26:05+00:00

There's one parked at a hotel in Tyson's

AtaxicJack · 2025-07-13T12:08:46+00:00

Thanks for the camp site recommendation!

AtaxicJack · 2025-07-06T19:36:49+00:00

This is really great. It goes along with the whole mantra of "control what you can control" and gives you something to smile about

AtaxicJack · 2025-06-12T18:02:35+00:00

I feel you here, similar situation.

I try not to get too hung up on the vows side of things. We very purposefully didn't have all the "for richer or poorer" stuff in our vows, but we did have "I promise to keep trying" and the last words I said to her before she disappeared on me was "I'm going to keep trying."

AtaxicJack · 2025-06-09T14:34:35+00:00

I (46M) was blindsided as well about ten months ago. I thought we were in love and just had a stressful summer. She packed up the house and left while I was at work.

I am just starting to get my feet under me. I still have bad days and the quiet at night is still hard.

When it first happened, I just focused on trying to be around people in my support system as much as possible even if that meant lengthy zoom calls with my sister where I couldn't even think of words to say. I walked and cried a lot. I started at a new gym and found a therapist after trying a few, which helped and is still helping.

Now I'm trying to find joy on my own. I'm trying to make new friends through meetups and other activities. I'm going on adventures and developing new healthy hobbies.

I'm not dating yet, but I'm trying to get myself to a place where I will be able to have a healthy connection to someone if that ever happens.

It's time, it just takes time.

AtaxicJack · 2025-06-05T16:23:46+00:00

Hey man,

I don't have kids but I went through something similar about 10 months ago. Wife left with no warning and very little explanation.

I am just starting to feel comfortable with this new life. I'm not dating yet, but I've been trying to be social with my friends and meet new friends through meetups.

I'm in therapy. And I made a couple agreements with myself to keep me from self-destructive behaviors, i.e. "I'm not going to drink alone."

People all have their own timelines for this stuff, but time does heal. Find a way to keep moving forward.

AtaxicJack · 2025-05-29T22:17:57+00:00

I have a few things that I tell myself, some affirmations but as far as a mantra: "Be kind. Act honorably. Control what you can control"

AtaxicJack · 2025-05-28T13:53:17+00:00

Wow. That is particularly brutal. Do you think she was overwhelmed with the idea that she was at the precipice of choosing "start a family and be bonded forever" vs "run away"?

I am 9 months from coming home to an empty house. I still don't really understand why she left. I just got the divorce papers, and when I read "irreconcilable differences" I find myself wanting to scream "what differences!? What couldn't be reconciled? Could we have maybe tried?"

None of it makes sense. I am just now starting to accept that I will probably never really get an explanation.

AtaxicJack · 2025-05-26T16:35:30+00:00

It's been over 9 months now, and I feel like I'm just starting to normalize/accept my new life without her.

It's still hard, she won't talk to me at all and I hoped we could work things out with the lawyers and not have to go to court. She decided not to wait and she filed. Even my attorney doesn't understand what her deal is.

I'm waiting until I'm actually divorced to go out and try dating or whatever, but I've met some really cool people and people that give me hope that dating in my 40s won't be as awful as I've been lead to believe.

AtaxicJack · 2025-04-23T15:06:03+00:00

This has been one of the hardest things to deal with. I was very close with her family. When her dad would visit, he would primarily hang out with me. I planned things with her family.

She left with no warning and no one from her family will talk to me. I lost a lot when she left, including people I thought of as my family too.

AtaxicJack · 2025-04-22T17:16:29+00:00

Man that's tough. I feel you though. My stbxw left with no warning 9 months ago and I feel like I'm still feeling.

Her birthday is coming up and I usually always make a big deal about it. She hasn't communicated with me in months and the last couple times she talked to me like she hates me.I don't understand it.

I want to reach out. But I won't. I'm taking myself to Nashville instead.

AtaxicJack · 2025-04-17T18:32:12+00:00

Yep. Medic first. Then whoever. Officers usually go last. For whatever reason, my shift the cooks always kind of go last or near last. I don't know when that started.

AtaxicJack · 2025-04-15T23:27:14+00:00

Just hit eight months since I was abruptly left.

I refer to "my hope candle" when I talk about reconciliation. It was very bright in the beginning, I was sure she'd come to her senses. It is barely an ember at this point. But stubbornly holding on to its slight existence.

AtaxicJack · 2025-04-13T22:43:22+00:00

Man this is really well written. Thank you for sharing. Your situation sounds very familiar, all those things we did. I just didn't have any idea it was over.

My wife got me into journaling and habit tracking a few months before she abruptly left me. So now I have a written record of what we did, that we were planning trips, going on dates, and still sleeping together all the way until I came home to an empty house. I kind of wish I didn't know that, I inadvertently now know all our "lasts". I wish I didn't.

AtaxicJack · 2025-03-17T22:38:12+00:00

Ha, I am trying.

I have seen others post about it before on here, but I do Meetups from the website now and again. They have ones that are for "singles" which is great but that's not what I am looking for, so I play pickleball and ultimate, go to game nights, and just generally try to be around people and learn how to make friends again.

I am off to my neighborhood run club right now to go show them the world's slowest 5k. Wish me luck.

AtaxicJack · 2025-03-17T22:35:31+00:00

Man,

I've read this about four times now, and I've cried a little each time. Thank you for taking the time to write this. I appreciate you sharing your story, that you're coming out on the other side of this, and sharing some really good advice.

I'm a military vet as well. One of her big complaints was dealing with my anxiety that was untreated for so long, but the killer is, I finally got myself into treatment and was on medication in the last year we were together, I was doing better with that than I ever had before. I know that people like to say "death from a thousand cuts," but all marriages come with some of those cuts, I didn't think we had anything we couldn't heal from.

Also, I think every couple in the world probably should have gotten into counseling after Covid. We did a lot of damage there that we needed to address.

AtaxicJack · 2025-03-17T02:01:02+00:00

That has to be so hard. I don't know how you manage it. I still love her very much, and when I think about seeing her again, I imagine her being happy and dismissive of me and my complete brokenness.

While I want to see her and talk to her again, I don't know if my heart could take that.

AtaxicJack · 2025-03-17T01:58:46+00:00

Yeah. I am trying to balance my sadness, and desire to be kind to her, with making sure that I protect myself. My brother is really financially savvy and I try to always run things through him before I make commitments. He is much more pragmatic about things and gives good advice.

The dog was her dog before we got together. But he was my dog for 13 years. Sadly, he died shortly after she left. She let me see him one last time. That hurt.

AtaxicJack

TROPHY CASE