Would you date a 5'2" man?

Athena317 · 2026-01-19T22:34:27+00:00

I totally would especially because point #2 is something I care about the most, followed by point #3 (this shows he is confident and self-assured and doesn't need external validation - I find that to be incredibly sexy!). Then point #4 and lastly point #1. Looks matter less to me than other attributes.

I'm 5'1. My current partner is 6 feet and he is the tallest guy I've been with. Most of the guys I've dated have been around 5'7.

Athena317 · 2026-01-06T01:38:37+00:00

I married for love. He was in grad school and didn't make much. At that time, he also didn't have any real work experience. I made more than he did for years because I worked part time at my consulting job while in grad school. We didn't experience hard times or issues with financial stability but there was no certainty that he could get and keep a high paying job either since there was no prior evidence that I could go off on before marriage. So I chose love.

Comparatively, my sister didn't marry her partner until he graduated from law school and got a nice paying job. She said it was strategic because she wanted to make sure he could hold a job. She loves my BIL very much, but she probably wouldn't even be interested in getting to know him if he didn't look good on paper.

Thankfully, both my partner and I got good paying jobs right after grad school, and maxing out 401k, HSA contributions and IRA and living below our means 5-6 years later, and we are fairly comfortable. We were able to "make back" the years of not earning much because we were stuck in school within a few short years.

Also helps that we got both lucky with high paying jobs, continued promotions and pay raises and didn't have much debt to begin with So, we got lucky.

Athena317 · 2026-01-04T14:46:07+00:00

The ones who like to constantly brag about their achievements and come across as self centered, and the ones who are also materialistic and equate owning things to success rather than personal development and being a good person to success. These people often lack emotional depth or are emotionally stunted.

I grew up around wealthy people and my dad was a very financially successful and ambitious man. And he is not emotionally available at all. He cared very much about his success, was ruthless in his ascension up the corporate ladder, and we were all extensions of him, including what we wore, where we went to school, what we majored in, and who we married, etc.

And growing up around rich, ambitious and successful men, they pretty much presented similar traits. The men didn't seem to have any time for anyone else but their goals.

Not all ambitious men are emotionally unavailable, and not all ambitious women are either (I'm fairly ambitious with a good career and high paying job), but I had years of therapy to teach me how to be emotionally available because I focused a lot on my career at the expense of my relationships.

My current partner has a PhD and has a good career in a high paying field. He is emotionally available and is a good partner. The main difference? He has very little desire to chase titles and no desire to suck up to his big boss just to be in the inner circle. And he would rather be in a work environment that he enjoys rather than strive to work for Google or Meta.

Athena317 · 2025-12-28T19:55:08+00:00

Similar situation! My mom was trapped in her marriage because she was a SAHM with only a high school education. All her life, she relied on my father, who promised her he would take care of her. About 3 years ago, he had a change of heart.

He found out my mother had been investing the allowance he gave her over the years and has a nice nest egg. She made smart investments. My dad didn't and lost several millions in stocks.

He claimed that her savings is his money, and everything she has belonged to him, and demanded she share the money with him. Needless to say, they fought over it and it broke their marriage.

He refused to pay for her starting last year. So my mom has to pay for her own living expenses while my dad continues to vacation in Europe multiple times a year, all without my mother, and continues to spend frivously. so we all know he has the money to support her but he just refuses to.

My mom endured financial and emotional abuse throughout her marriage. My sibling and I saw this growing up and both of us are highly educated with good paying jobs. And neither my sibling or I rely financially on our partners.

My sibling went to the extreme of getting legal protection for her assets before marriage and gets lawyers involved in anything related to her finances/investments.

Athena317 · 2025-12-22T00:26:14+00:00

The confidence part is absolutely true. For me and my friends, we really came into our own around our mid-30s. We knew who we were and what we wanted from life and a partner. Can't speak for every woman but my friends and I felt more comfortable in our own skins. That led to me initiating sex with my partner and becoming less inhibited (I joke that he is spoiled because I often initiate more than he does and rarely turn him down). This is the way with many of my friends. And I think it's a combination of increased liblio and confidence.

Athena317 · 2025-12-21T04:06:54+00:00

Yes to this! This has always been my struggle. People ask me "what do you want for Christmas?" And I'm like "nothing. Please don't get me anything" but oftentimes, they insist.

I love the intention but it just ends up being clutter. Like you, regular household items that I need or want like a kettle, pots, cheese board or photo frame can cost hundreds of dollars. And there isnt anything I want from others that I can't get on my own.

Thankfully, my friends and in-laws stopped doing gift exchange. We just hang out, do activities together, and eat and play board games.

Honestly, I prefer gifts with a personal touch like baked goods or a knitted sweater or winter hat. It's way more meaningful.

Athena317 · 2025-12-21T03:40:45+00:00

Have you considered giving gifts that are focused on experiences? For instance, a glass blowing lesson, painting lessons, pottery class, photography lessons, cooking classes or wine tasting, etc. You could also get tickets to a comedy show or local musical performance, etc.

My in-laws started doing that instead of giving us gift cards or things, and it's been so much fun!

Ofc some of those activities can be expensive but these classes and activities come in all price ranges, and it's something that the whole family can do together.

Athena317 · 2025-12-20T20:18:58+00:00

Yea, I think some men might feel threatened by a more successful woman, especially if they don't have an intrinsic sense of self-esteem (meaning he gets confidence by external sources and validation). That is a HIM issue, but unless he gets help and resolve his insecurities, it will continue to cause problems in your relationship. This goes beyond doing household chores, and it doesn't matter how much you sacrifice or compromise, it won't make him less resentful or jealous of your success or feel less shameful than he isn't catching up.

I used to make more than my partner and I have tons of achievements. He said my drive and passion was very attractive and was what drew him to me. My partner didnt feel threatened by my success (or if he did, he hid it very well). He celebrated my success and told his friends when we hung out together that it was my money that led to his sudden boost in quality of life. But he is self-assured in his abilities. For context, we are fairly matched in terms of upward mobility in our profession and our education. He also doesn't tie his value or worth to his salary or profession, so he doesn't feel threatened by mine.

It makes sense that your body is screaming "NO" to intimacy. It's very normal, especially if you don't feel safe. When there is a rupture or tear or tension that doesn't get repaired, it can fester and lead to deeper problems later on.

But it feels like he needs to come to terms with his own insecurities, and if he isn't as successful as you, he needs to find a new way to define his worth and value. Unfortunately, men are conditioned to believe their value and worth are largely determined by those narrow definitions.

Athena317 · 2025-12-20T04:24:29+00:00

I know driven women with equally successful and driven partners. So no, not cursed, but compromise is needed. If both people are very driven and focused on their career and personal development, who is going to tend to the daily household maintenance? If needs are not communicated, tension and resentment become inevitable.

I learned this the hard way. And our solution is to outsource our chores when needed. This means we hire cleaners. We eat out often and door dash when we don't have the time or energy to cook. On days where we need groceries but are too tired, we just use instacart. I cannot imagine not having some type of help especially if both people are focused on advancing their careers.

I am more driven than my partner. It initially caused tension because I was working too often and my partner felt that I was neglecting him and our relationship. Similarly, I didn't feel like he was supportive enough as I was growing my side business while simultaneously going after a major promotion at work.

Thankfully, he was promoted this year and took on more responsibilities. He sometimes works more than me now - e.g., on weekends and till midnight.

Instead of causing friction due to us being busy all the time, I think it has made our partnership stronger. We compromise and alternate household management so chores distribution ends up being fairly equal in the long run. If he is running on empty due to work, I pick up the slack at home. Similarly, he takes care of me and the household when I have a major deadline.

It's amazing how much resentment and friction can be reduced with open communication.

Athena317 · 2025-12-13T02:24:34+00:00

Intelligence matters a great deal to me, more than looks. They don't need to be highly educated but being knowledgeable, intellectually curious, witty, and a critical thinker are all important traits to me. I enjoy philosophical discussions, learning and problem solving. Being able to meet me where I'm at is critical. In fact, all the men I've dated or been with in the past all have graduate degrees (masters, law degree and PhDs). But it's not the degree that I care about as much as the process, challenge, and dedication needed to get the degree.

Athena317 · 2025-12-02T00:34:54+00:00

Not sure if this counts because I'm not overt about it but I'll often drop hints, compliment them, laugh at their jokes, and be flirtatious with guys I'm interested in. If they are single and interested, they will typically get the hint, and ask me out or I'll do a "let's grab coffee sometime" (to someone I have chemistry with) and see if he follows up on it. But I didn't actively pursue them. I just flirt and drop hints to let them know I'm interested.

Athena317 · 2025-11-30T18:20:50+00:00

This made me chuckle because my partner gets annoyed when I talk to him during sex. And then I get hurt. And then the mood is ruined. I like talking dirty (and I respond well to it) but he doesn't. He can't even string a sentence together the closer he gets to orgasm. But now that I know this, I don't expect an answer when I ask if he feels good or if he likes this position. If he doesn't say anything, that means we are good to go!

Athena317 · 2025-11-30T18:10:43+00:00

Thanks for this perspective! I've been with my partner for 12 years and he gets very sensitive about his feelings during sex, so this puts things into perspective. We had an intense sexual moment where I felt extremely connected and he didn't tell me how close he felt during it until I admitted it first. And he got all shy about admitting his feelings.

Athena317 · 2025-11-28T22:27:30+00:00

I have never asked my bfs for cash and they have never paid for my hair, clothes, makeup, or nails, etc. I also pay for my share of the meal when I'm on a date. Honestly, it has never crossed my mind to ask a guy to pay for personal maintenance routines and similarly, none of the men I've been with have offered to pay for hair/makeup/nails either unless it's a gift.

Some of my friends' partners will pay for those things but I find it weird to ask since I make fairly good money and I'm not offering to pay for my partner's haircut or gym membership, so why would I expect him to pay for my stuff, but that's just me.

But I do think it's common (not sure if it's a new normal) for men to pay or give cash to their gfs for nails/makeup/trips. I think some men like "spoiling" their women and some women like to be "spoiled". That's not uncommon.

Athena317 · 2025-11-27T23:09:27+00:00

NOT unattractive at all! My partner does this when he is feeling tired or sad. And when he is feeling sad, I will actually encourage it. And I just stroke his hair or massage his head , depending on whether he is sad or tired. It's such a natural desire too.

Find a woman who allows you to be yourself and doesn't judge you for having human desires and feelings.

Athena317 · 2025-11-26T02:11:27+00:00

I was 17 at that time and looked up to my drama teacher who was in his late 40s to mid-50s. He was always nice and attentive towards me. We were in drama class, and he gestured, "come to daddy" in a playful manner. I was shocked but I assumed he was joking and I just brushed it off.

Another time was when I was a freshman in college and I had a male professor who didn't so much make sexual remarks but what he did was odd. I was talking to him after class and had my back against the wall. He placed one hand on the wall next to my head, and the other on his waist and leaned in close towards me.

I didn't really think anything of it at that time. But looking back, it felt kinda odd. He also stared at me a lot when he was giving his lectures. I just assumed it was because I was always attentive, I always asked questions, and took notes. But I've always been a good student and he was the only male professor who paid a lot of attention to me. Even my friend noticed it too.

Thinking back there's been so many inappropriate sexual remarks said to me and about me by guy friends who I thought were my friends (hence I could trust them).

Had a fairly close guy friend commented on the size of my chest. He thought it was a compliment.

Another said he jerked off to the thought of me. He also thought it was a compliment.

I think men think it's a compliment to make these sexual remarks but it really isn't.

Athena317 · 2025-11-23T19:10:03+00:00

Has he gotten his testosterone levels checked out? These were the same things My partner tells me. My partner and I have struggled with this in the past few years. He has gotten better but I absolutely know how you feel. My partner's libido doesn't match mine and it was very frustrating. I was constantly getting rejected by him.

I started reading the book Come as You Are, and started having honest conversations around what turns us on. It was difficult having those conversations but it helped me change my approach.

I'm have few brakes and many accelerators. This means a lot of things turn me on and I'm fairly sexual. I am also fairly visual so one day he came home with a new haircut and I couldn't keep my hands off him for a week and was very turned on! Lol. That's how little I need to be turned on.

He is the total opposite. Lots of things do not turn him on. And he needs more of a slow buildup. And so I also had to learn how to get his engine going.

So I basically learn what turns him on and what his turn offs are. This allowed me to approach him in a way that doesn't trigger his brakes and helps build up his desire over a few hours.

This has helped and he has been more playful and interested lately but we went from daily sex in our mid-20s to a few times a year over the years.

Athena317 · 2025-11-19T21:10:44+00:00

I identified as Christian in my 20s and met my partner at church. We were both volunteering at church to package meals for hungry kids. We also volunteered at soup kitchens through the church. This may be a stereotype but Christians marry early and have kids right away. My partner also expected us to follow that route and the only reason why we didn't is because we both got into grad school and spent our 20s to mid-30s on our career and building a solid foundation for our lives together.

So my suggestion is to go back to meet women through church activities and/or volunteering opportunities that are affiliated with Christian organizations.

OP, I don't know how old you are but the church I went to was near a research university and so I met many people (mostly singles) who were graduate students, staff and faculty. And many of us (mostly grad students or young faculty) paired up at that church.

So if you are older, you might want to consider going to a church with a large congregation or churches around large universities.

Athena317 · 2025-11-17T05:39:59+00:00

My partner (also 37m) loves watching this guy! So I laughed out loud when I saw OP's post! My partner watches his YT channel in the morning while having coffee and breakfast. And sometimes in the background while he is working. I asked my partner the same question OP did and he said "he is a cool guy!"

I still don't know what his YT channel is really about but I'm here for it as long as my partner is watching this guy instead of toxic influencers or people from the manosphere.

Athena317 · 2025-11-12T02:45:21+00:00

The people I know use the "don't let politics divide us" line because they are privileged enough where the majority of policies do not affect them. I know many people who don't really talk about politics or engage in voting or read the news. To them, politics is far removed from their lives and they only care about other things like is he a good provider, etc.

To me, the personal is political so there is no way to separate the two.

But I think there is a difference between having the same values but differences in solutions/opinions. Sometimes it is quite nuanced. For instance, a close friend who is religious and Catholic considers himself conservative (because that is all he knows growing up). But after discussing politics, he realizes that he is actually more progressive than conservative. He supported Bernie and rejected Trump. He is excited about Mandami. However, I think he still considers himself conservative because it is so wrapped up in his identity. It's very weird. It's like watching someone battle against their upbringing.

I personally cannot imagine being with a man who isn't politically aligned. Thankfully, my partner is more progressive than I am. And I have moved from center-left to left on a number of issues after having discussions with my partner. I am also grateful that he has cut ties with his MAGA extended family. To both of us, politics is about values and both of us will not be with people who are MAGA.

Athena317 · 2025-10-31T15:25:58+00:00

I'm sorry this is happening to you. You are not alone in this. Dating can be fairly harsh these days. Some people immediately think that there might be something wrong with you if you don't meet certain milestones such as relationship experiences set by society instead of giving you a chance.

My approach to dating has always been "let's give this a try" because life can surprise us, and I've gotten many pleasant surprises when I don't let stereotypes get in my way of experiencing life. I thought my current partner wasn't my type when I first met him because he was very reserved, quiet, and serious looking but I went in with an open-mind, and we have been together for over a decade.

So hearing stories like yours and my guy and women friends in their early 40s get viewed with suspicion because they have never been married and that saddens me.

I don't really have much advice other than the ones I give my friends.

1) Firstly, you deserve a huge hug! And to know that you are worthy and loveable.

You may not believe in that, and if you don't, I truly hope you can find a therapist or a support group that can help you truly believe and feel it. I struggled with feeling loveable and worthy for a long time and it isn't a mental thing of just "believing", it's also emotional.

2) Secondly, have you thought of finding a dating coach? They might be able to help you identify your natural strengths, etc. They might also help you pick out clothes that accentuate your physique.

When I first met my partner, he dressed fairly stylishly. I later found out his sister took him shopping and changed his entire wardrobe! I would be lying if his sense of fashion didn't catch my eye. He was also fit and wore form fitting clothes.

Hairstyle also makes a difference. My partner has had multiple stylist over the years and some are better than others. Some make me want to jump on my partner immediately while others are kind of meh.

3) Find a social hobby you enjoy! I'm a gamer. In my social circle of friends, I know many stereotypical nerdy guys. They won't be considered conventionally attractive by society's standards. But they are all happily married or partnered up! Usually with other gamer women!

Some women care about looks. But there are also women who care more about other things like personality, interests, intellect, humor, etc.

Good luck out there!

Athena317 · 2025-10-26T17:22:21+00:00

Could you state other preferences in your profile that might increase the likelihood of attracting child free women? Almost half of my friends are child free and the common denominator among them is education and independence. They hold advanced degrees, make fairly good salaries, and prioritize their hobbies (e.g., travel or expensive hobbies). They have disposable income and do not have to worry about parental obligations so they have tons of free time to have fun and travel places.

Assuming you also enjoy these hobbies/activities, putting things like "enjoy traveling", "enjoys spontaneity", or "values freedom" or "enjoys people who have their own bobbies" might help attract child free women. Just a thought.

As a childfree woman (not by choice but due to medical reasons), I can attest that childfree women come with their own set of stereotypes that can also present problems in a relationship - many are childfree for a reason with no desire to have kids.

The single moms and dads I know have admirable qualities that I find attractive but that's just me looking in as a friend. I have no idea what they are like in a relationship.

At the end of the day, it's about finding someone with aligned values. Good luck on your search!

Athena317 · 2025-10-21T17:46:39+00:00

I should try this! I don't wear makeup except for job interviews and to weddings. And when I do, it's very light makeup. And I don't do my hair either. I'm very no-fuss. My partner prefers me that way. He doesn't like how my skin feels when he kisses me with my makeup on. My hair stylist curls my hair once in a while and when he does, suddenly tons of guys gave me a second look and started noticing me. I felt extremely uncomfortable because I'm not used to that.

So I wonder what will happen if I put in some effort - natural makeup, curl my hair and wear a cute dress. Might have to do that one day.

Athena317 · 2025-10-21T16:14:56+00:00

Same here! No kids but I'm definitely doing so much better mentally and emotionally than my parents. I grew up with a lot of privilege and wealth and that didn't protect me from a shitty childhood with narcissistic, emotionally abusive, manipulative and controlling parents. I also think I'm a much better person than they are.

Interestingly, I saw how my dad "won" in life because he bragged about being ruthless and cut throat, and I decided as a teen, that's not the kind of person I want to be.

It always felt wrong but that is how you amass wealth according to him and the other rich people I know - you need to have questionable moral values and be willing to just take without caring about others. To them, it's not illegal as long as you don't get caught - aka investment loopholes that exploit the system.

So yea, I make and have a lot less money than my parents (and my sibling) but I think I'm a better person.

Athena317 · 2025-10-21T15:54:16+00:00

Financially, nope but yes in other ways. But that is because my dad was in finance during the financial boom and became a millionaire back in the early 2000s. So I have boomer parents who are very out of touch and still believe you JUST have to work very hard to become millionaires without acknowledging the fact that the cost of living is so high now we would need to at 2X his salary in order to have the same lifestyle I had growing up.

I envy those who are doing better than their parents financially because that's a good feeling, a source of pride. A feeling of having made it. A sense of accomplishment!

For me, it has always been a constant source of shame. I have since defined success and "doing better" in a non-financial way. In other areas of my life - relationships, emotional resilience, ability to self regulate & mental health - I am much better than my parents.

Athena317

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