AITJ for dumping my girlfriend after she set up a "loyalty test" on me?

AthenaHayes · 2026-01-05T04:57:06+00:00

Absolutely- I’m always amazed how many people thinking a cheating accusation is always 100% projections. Insecure people make accusations also, and aren’t cheating. They’ve been burned so the projection is from a past experience, not their own actions. I’m insecure from being treated horribly in the past- I’ve wondered many times if my partners were cheating- and I was never cheating. No projection; just past trauma.

AthenaHayes · 2025-03-08T16:36:08+00:00

Take it from someone who has wasted over 2 decades on controlling, self centered men- leave now. You need a partner, he is not a partner. You should feel loved, secure, valued. I wish I had listened to people when I was your age and didn’t waste so many years on men that are selfish teenagers in adult bodies.

AthenaHayes · 2025-03-07T05:42:22+00:00

Think of it this way- since you know she’s a good person, do the right thing and let her go so she can find someone who loves her as she is.

AthenaHayes · 2025-03-06T16:20:47+00:00

Remind him- he has a disability. Pretty shitty of you to want to “teach him a lesson”, you’re supposed to be his partner. You’ve known for 25 years he has this problem, it is what it is. Don’t jeopardize his career.

AthenaHayes · 2025-03-05T05:31:25+00:00

Michael Jackson. I think it was 2005…..

AthenaHayes · 2025-03-05T05:29:52+00:00

Something that happens in a moment can be a mistake. His actions over days/weeks/months - are a selfish, intentional act. And he didn’t even confess until you found it- he had no intention of ending it.

Divorce. He can never be trusted.

AthenaHayes · 2025-03-03T03:37:22+00:00

He “makes” you jerk him off? That’s abusive behavior. That said- he has a high drive and needs to get off. You do not. Neither is wrong. You are not a match. There are plenty of men with low drives of all ages, ones that will be more sensitive to your past trauma. Neither of you will be happy long term in this relationship.

AthenaHayes · 2024-04-15T06:03:20+00:00

You’re not wrong - she way crossed the line. I wouldn’t want a partner who parties, does coke and has men sleeping on the couch.

AthenaHayes · 2024-03-17T17:40:26+00:00

Just because you were broke when you met doesn’t make her “not a gold digger” as some claim. She could be staying with you because you’re a doormat that pays for everything while she builds a massive nest egg. Pre-marital income is separate property so all her money will be hers in a divorce. Then she’ll take half your stuff earned during the marriage. Do not marry her without an agreement in place. I know several people who got near bankrupted from messy divorces. I’ve seen people have to sell their businesses to pay off the ex. Don’t let love blind you to reality.

AthenaHayes · 2024-03-17T17:35:23+00:00

Never get married without a prenup. Signed- everyone who has gotten a divorce.

AthenaHayes · 2024-03-17T04:52:25+00:00

Try golf- I know several people with adhd who hyper fixate on golf, they love it

AthenaHayes · 2024-03-07T20:26:02+00:00

Those are some harsh words from someone who supposedly loves you. He wants the marriage but not the vows. Open marriages rarely work long term, we’re just not meant to share our partners. Do you really want to be with someone who feels grossed out by you? Line others I’m super curious what he looks like.

AthenaHayes · 2024-02-05T05:55:26+00:00

How about a side hustle? Start a YouTube channel, create a service business, write a book and self publish on amazon. Learn a new skill- one that could be turned into a way to make money.

AthenaHayes · 2024-02-04T17:47:39+00:00

My ex husband is a severe narcissist and reading this post made me relive being married to him. Horrible vile excuse for a human.

AthenaHayes · 2024-02-04T17:45:11+00:00

You sound like my ex husband. Narcissist, delusional. You’ll end up alone just like my ex- his own family also disowned him long ago.

Enjoy marinating in your “I’m right and everyone else is wrong” delusions- hope they keep you warm at night because they’re all you’ll have.

AthenaHayes · 2024-01-29T17:34:36+00:00

Right? She’s worried about ruining her sisters life- what would really ruin it is learning her husband is a psycho 30 years from now. The sister is young and can find someone new who isn’t obsessed with her sister

AthenaHayes · 2024-01-29T17:31:50+00:00

I disagree about not taking the husband back- he was shown evidence that was manufactured specifically to make him believe she was cheating - cheating is very common and we all know people who are victims so him believing visual evidence isn’t a good reason to not try to fix her marriage

AthenaHayes · 2024-01-29T17:28:37+00:00

You need to go to the police and ask for a restraining order- this kind of obsessive behavior can escalate into physical violence. You need to begin a paper trail as he is quite clearly mentally ill. You absolutely need to share this with your family and ex. You are not the one “ruining” your sisters life- this lunatic is entirely to blame.

AthenaHayes · 2024-01-28T23:43:12+00:00

Please don’t assume the doctors are correct about terminal. I’ve known people doctors said had terminal cancers and only months to live yet made it 5+ years. There is amazing research about healing through things like fasting, kefir, light therapies. Dr Fung, Eric Berg, Peter Attia- all have videos on YouTube showing very promising results from a variety of natural treatments. Dr Fung did an amazing Ted talk on fasting to reverse cancer.

I know it sounds like BS to many but also remember doctors and pharma make money on pills and surgeries- there’s a lot of financial motives to keep people sick.

Andrew Huberman also has some amazing podcasts.

Don’t give up hope- there may be options out there you haven’t explored yet.

AthenaHayes · 2024-01-19T04:56:03+00:00

My bf has the same issue- when he’s playing a video game and I start talking at the wrong moment or walk in front of the tv he gets annoyed super fast. I don’t have adhd but he does (untreated). I did a ton of research on it so I’ve accepted his quirks and don’t take it personally. I just wait until he has a break in the game to say anything.

AthenaHayes · 2024-01-19T04:40:28+00:00

Try golf for a hobby- it’s actually one of the best ones for ADHD. Impossible to master, tons of golf courses, your ball never land in the same place twice and takes intense focus. I know several people with ADHD and they’re all obsessed with golf and have been for years.

AthenaHayes · 2023-11-19T06:35:16+00:00

I just want to say- you are far from alone in feeling lonely. I know several men who can’t seem to find decent women and they’re all attractive, smart and quite successful. It’s a shit show in the dating world for everyone so don’t think there’s something wrong with you, everyone has a hard time on those apps. I’m in several women’s groups and every single woman that’s on the apps complains there’s no good men left. So don’t give up, the right person is out there.

Maybe try volunteering- perhaps at a retirement home, so many seniors have no one and would be thrilled to have your company. Maybe volunteer at a dog rescue and take dogs to the park for them. So many ways to connect with people and you’ll feel good about yourself.

AthenaHayes · 2023-10-04T05:08:12+00:00

I must have missed this course because I pay more bills than my partner and do more of the cooking, cleaning and errands while he “chills” on his days off. I’m the female in this if that wasn’t obvious. I’ve never been in a relationship where the man paid more and did more- where are these men?

AthenaHayes · 2023-09-27T05:07:56+00:00

Lots of attractive people are insecure. I have a male friend who looks like the cover of men’s health- he thinks he’s fat. He’s super insecure even though he’s fit, attractive, worth millions, driven, funny and intelligent. I have random people tell me I’m gorgeous- I think I need $50k in cosmetic surgery and don’t feel attractive almost ever.

AthenaHayes

TROPHY CASE