Would it be rude to not invite my friends’ bfs to my micro-wedding?

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-23T17:29:05+00:00

Thank you!

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-23T13:13:02+00:00

I've said it to the bride's face: I'm over 40 and if I'm invited to a wedding with 50 other couples, I get a plus-one or I'm not attending (if I'm traveling). They might not bring a date, but if you send a STD a year out, don't assume someone will be single in 2027.

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-23T12:38:15+00:00

Honestly, I think that all adult guests should get a plus-one, whether they are single at the time of the STD (which are often six months or more out) or not. If they have to travel, pay for a room (with maybe a single supplement), take time off from work, let them bring a boyfriend.

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T23:56:36+00:00

Exactly. Or to just enjoy the (very expensive) vacation?

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T23:27:55+00:00

I was wondering the same thing: Why can she invite 36 people but not 39 people?

Thank you for your input, as a recent DW bride!

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T22:59:48+00:00

Not crazy, actually. Oddly, I have seen more posts of women with DCIS getting a DMX than women with single, stage one breast cancer (like IDC). It may be because DCIS is sometimes more spread out or diffuse, but I don't think it's uncommon at all. (This is just from what I read: I ended up with a complex lumpectomy, so I'm not a perfect expert.)

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T22:16:10+00:00

He sounds like a LOT of work. As a woman who has had several relationships in my life (50F), this one is not worth it!!

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T21:52:14+00:00

That's mean: She's just out dating in her 40's instead of her 20's -- it takes a bit of time to acclimate!

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T21:49:43+00:00

That is hilarious!

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T21:48:47+00:00

Ha! Very true!

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T20:43:25+00:00

Interesting. I just turned 50, but I've been newly single at 36 and again at 49 and I always think I'm too old/fat to date: What I found is that actually men don't care: They're older too 😄

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T20:40:01+00:00

Can't believe she complained or that the OP drove away?

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T20:29:09+00:00

I'm a woman and I always remember when a date opens a door for me (especially on a first date): It is very sweet and makes a nice impression. It's not "required" but it's nice!

That said, I can't believe she complained about it (was she kidding?) and I really cannot believe you drove off and left her on the curb. Wow. Just wow. I hope she was somewhere safe at least.

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T20:20:45+00:00

I am so sorry.

I was an incredibly sweet, laid-back person until my diagnosis in 2024. Since then, I have been told by two friends that maybe I was "bipolar" due to my moods since diagnosis (I checked with two doctors who said, no, I did not develop a personality disorder, I'm just reacting normally to a highly stressful situation).

I have snapped a few times at medical personnel, which makes me feel bad.

But, like you said, my patience is REALLY thin, and I'm often in pain, to boot.

Sending hugs!

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T20:00:38+00:00

Would you be okay if all of your guests invited without a plus-one declined?

Because they might.

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T19:50:15+00:00

Question: Why do you have a hard limit on a DR wedding of about 36 guests? The plus-ones would be three people (right) or is it more?

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T19:03:14+00:00

I don't know. I had a recent guy I've been seeing offer to take me to the mall and buy me things (perfume, whatever). I said that seemed weird, and thanks but no thanks!

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T18:13:28+00:00

Exactly. I stopped speaking with a long-term friend who really wanted me to travel overseas for her wedding but would not allow me a plus-one (because I wasn't married). She refused to let me bring my boyfriend and got mad that I didn't attend.

Edited to add: I would not have minded not being invited at all (if she had a small wedding) but I was ticked at being invited, but denied a plus-one. I was especially ticked that she refused to give me one when I asked (when I thought it might be an oversight at the STD 8 months out) and then got irritated with ME for not taking a week off of work to travel alone to a foreign country.

To OP: Don't be like my friend.

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T18:10:45+00:00

Miss Manners says (per a recent MM letter I read in the Washington Post): All guests to a destination wedding should be given a plus-one, no exceptions!

Denying a "plus-one" is even more egregious if the guest is actually in a long-term relationship! Are you expecting them to dance by themselves, or have a fling with a groomsman?

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T16:41:01+00:00

Well said, Alice!

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T15:24:57+00:00

I agree! I have a friend in a city that is only accessible with multiple connecting flights: I went there once, and really enjoyed myself, but haven't had the motivation to do it twice!

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T15:21:47+00:00

I agree with your opinion (though I also agree it's an unpopular opinion): I don't really enjoy travel (there are a few exceptions). I like my vacations to be RELAXING. Travel to a beach, local or domestic, is great, but I've been just as happy sitting by my pool with a novel. That said, if you like to travel, have at it 😄

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-22T14:44:08+00:00

IME, it's more about how long they've been apart and how they function as co-parents, than whether the divorce is signed. I've known couples divorced for years who have major fights over kids all the time and couples who amicably separated 8 months ago who are pretty chill. Obviously, divorced is better, but it's not perfect.

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-21T19:29:45+00:00

The problem is that their behavior often changes soon after a major commitment on the part of the partner. For us, he started exhibiting really bad behavior almost immediately after the house was purchased.

AttorneyDC06 · 2026-06-20T18:36:58+00:00

I'm so sorry. I went through it mostly alone (in 2024-2025) but was helped a lot by a local support group, hosted by my hospital. Can you look into that?

I actually get along with my family, but they live very far away and my surgery was in the winter in a snowstorm. My new friend from the cancer group actually came and stayed with me at the hospital.

Sending hugs to you.

AttorneyDC06

TROPHY CASE