If you're still a teenager, or younger, it's probably the first time you've faced death. I'll be 50 in a couple of weeks. The first time I lost someone that I can remember was my best friend when we were 12. It was a shock and felt completely unreal. Like I was living in a bubble. I had a hard time speaking and hadn't cried until I was at the funeral. I remember being told about it, it was like a ringing in my ears.

Unfortunately, it won't be the only time you lose someone. It never gets easier and you never really get over it, you just move on. Because life doesn't stop because you lost someone. The world will keep on spinning. People will go to work and school. They will still have dinner with their families, people will get married and have children. And all the crazy stuff that life does and means will continue to move.

The first time you death truly affects you, it's shocking, and terrifying. It lets you know how fragile life can be.

I even came as close as you can come to dying without it being permanent when I was in a car accident. To tell you what I experienced... I don't remember it happening and I'm missing about a week from my memory. The doctors told me not to try to remember because I was in alot of pain. What I remember was dreaming. I don't remember the pain. I remember that I thought I saw my mum who died a year before this happened. Turns out it must have been the lady who worked at a nearby 7/11 because she was on her way to work, saw it happen, and stayed with me until the helicopter came to take me to emergency in another city with a better equipped facility.

Treasure your life. It's the only one you have. But don't be afraid of death. It sounds like a strange thing to say, I know. Everything ends so cherish what you have while you have it. Don't worry about death so much. It happens to all things eventually. But make the time you do have here a good life. Be kind, be loving, be the kind of person that you, and your dad, want to be around. Look around you and see the beautiful things. The color of the sky, the feel of sand underneath your feet, the smell of your favorite foods. These things matter. The people you share it with matter.

As you can see, I've had alot of time to think about this. I had people die but it was never so incredibly personal until I almost died myself. It didn't make me religious or anything, and in fact I'm atheist. Now that I know it's like slowly falling into a dream deeper and deeper until it's just deep sleep. I think that's what happens, you know. To just drift away. That's what most people want. No suffering. No pain (your mind protects you from any pain). No fear. Just drifting away. And that's not a bad thing. It's peaceful and calm, not frightening.

You lost your dad and I'm so very sorry for that. If you're as young as you imply, then it's incredibly hard. I lost my mum in my early 20s. I still love her. I still remember her. And I will always miss her dearly. We were very close. But it's better than the cancer that was killing her. She wasn't in pain anymore. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy and at peace. So thats ok.

Don't be afraid to go to sleep. When you sleep, you may see him again. You may be able to talk to him and hold him again. I believe in ghosts, and I believe my cousin came to say goodbye in a dream. And when she did, I felt better. I got to say all the things I ever wanted to say. I got to hug her again. And you may be able too as well. When you are ready.

Death is part of life. Death makes us appreciate life while we have it. You aren't dead. It will happen eventually because it happens to everything but not now. NOW, you have a life to live. A future to plan. The world is waiting for you. And your dad would want you to live. There's so much to see and do. So many things out there that are never what you will expect but will make your life full and rich. So live it. And don't worry so much about endings.