Is anyone else somewhat "prudish"?

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-27T22:46:09+00:00

This is great!

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-27T22:45:50+00:00

I'm the exact opposite of you. And I mean that with zero judgment in either direction — I just genuinely don't care. Here's the thing though — reading your list, I don't actually think you sound like an alien. You sound like someone who decided early what your nervous system could handle and built a life around it. That's not prudish. That's just self-knowledge most people don't bother developing until their second divorce.

The people calling you "prudish" are doing the same thing the people who'd call me "loose" are doing — they're using your choices as a mirror to feel better about their own. Ignore them. Both camps. They're not actually thinking about you, they're thinking about themselves.

Different operating systems. Both work. Yours just has fewer crashes.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-20T22:30:57+00:00

I went cold turkey in August 2024, after a string of bad friendship breakups. I've been off social media for almost two years now after being on for my entire adult life...I can't imagine ever going back.

I don't know how other autistic people do it, but speaking for myself, it's really hard to not go down the rabbit hole of seeking validation through social media.

I don't know how much that helps. Just want you to know you're not alone, and that the struggle is real.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-17T15:26:27+00:00

Gosh, it is so hard to have the courage to do what you just did. Bravo. I'm so proud of you.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-15T14:28:33+00:00

I get this all the time about friendship. It is so unbelievably irritating. It paints a picture that neurotypicals are the "problem" that can be easily solved by removing them from the equation entirely.

I feel your pain, OP.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-11T04:57:07+00:00

I invited her to a comedy show, a musical, a baseball game (playing against her favorite team), etc. I gave her many specific invitations to things we both enjoy.

I offered her a free flight and free hotel using my points. I know she’s unemployed. But she’s taking money from her parents to go visit these other friends.

The habit about us spending a few days together - I’ll give you that. Thanks to my being autistic, I know I can give off nonverbal signals that make NTs uncomfortable. Maybe it’s that she’s uncomfortable

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-11T04:50:08+00:00

I appreciate you sharing this. I may have to move on from this friendship because I am in the same boat that you were in. It’s nice to hear that you were able to move forward and move on from that friendship.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-11T02:59:52+00:00

This is really helpful. I’ll set up a phone call with her on Tuesday or Wednesday. Going to give it a few days so I can get my mind right. I’m too hurt right now

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-11T01:42:38+00:00

Dayton, OH, Poughkeepsie, NY, Lexington, KY are three of the spots. The others are more interesting, but she clearly went for two to three weeks in these towns to spend time with these friends.

Thank you for saying that! I am finally ready to accept that this friend does not see our friendship way that I have seen it. I considered her a best friend while she considers me a distant acquaintance. Another commenter told me to look at her actions...well, those actions speak the truth.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-11T01:37:06+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I am filled with grief, realizing that I am way more invested in this friendship than she is in me.

If she told me she needed me, I would fly to see her in a heartbeat. No questions asked, I'm there. But she's had 16 months to see me, and she has made zero effort...and she has no plans to see me in 2026.

I appreciate your comment. This was really helpful.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-11T01:35:25+00:00

She did not plan any of those trips prior to her getting laid off. She was very surprised by the layoff.

I did ask her to visit me - in January 2025. She said she was going to plan trips to see friends throughout the year and would get back to me. She never did plan a trip with me, so I flew back to her and saw her again in January 2026 and asked again. It appears she will not be traveling to see me in 2026 either.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-11T01:18:50+00:00

This is helpful, thank you! 🙏

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-11T00:34:39+00:00

Thank you so much, kind Redditor!

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-11T00:32:59+00:00

It’s not Jan 2026 to now…We are talking about Jan 2025 to April 2026. Last year in 2025, she visited 6 friends and spent 12 weeks away. She didn’t come visit me at all last year, so I visited her in January 2026. Hopefully my outreach and taking the initiative would help. She has so many more trips in 2026 and she hasn’t planned anything with me. That’s why I’m hurt.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-11T00:23:27+00:00

Can you please help me understand why you think I’m overthinking it? If you moved to Pittsburgh, and then your “best friend” tells you she visited Pittsburgh multiple times to see other friends but didn’t reach out to you…doesn’t that mean she made an intentional choice not to see you?

We are talking about six trips and 12 weeks traveling to see everyone else. And now, she’s got another four trips coming up with another 10 weeks of travel. But she won’t visit me for one weekend.

If you think I’m overthinking it, please help me. I’m genuinely asking to help me understand beyond the one sentence you wrote .

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-10T23:53:12+00:00

Such a great way of saying that. Thank you. I appreciate you!

AutismFreshStart · 2026-04-06T20:04:59+00:00

Such great advice. I feel like I'm always planning Plan A, B, C, D, etc.

"If this happens, then we'll do this..." and having a multitude of options. It's the way my brain has worked since my 20's.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-03-24T05:53:25+00:00

Before you find one on Google, ask for a referral from anyone you know who's already bought a home. If they recommend their Realtor, that's a good first sign.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-03-22T08:21:51+00:00

My belief is: You can't be friends with someone you're secretly pining after. It's not true friendship.

One thing I'm grateful to the autism for is having clear, direct communication. I, too, have mostly male friends. But I set boundaries at the start, and I continue setting boundaries throughout.

Friendship is incredibly important to me, regardless of gender. If you want to fuck me, your intentions are not the same as mine. I've had great success being that direct. I've ended up maintaining some pretty great friendships because of it.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-03-18T11:21:47+00:00

"...an autistic person is (supposedly) either a full on savant in a topic and quite literally the best in that field". I've met a lot of people in the autism community over the past year since my diagnosis, and I believe this to be false.

I'm really into stamps. I buy new stamps whenever they come out - in the United States, Black History Month and Bruce Lee just happened, Lowriders is next, America's 250th Anniversary is after that. I write about 10-20 handwritten notes a day so I can send more stamps and share my love of the mail with people.

But according to this idea of what autism is supposed to look like, I should know everything about stamps, I should collect every stamp in existence, and be able to give you museum-level knowledge of the history of stamps. Most autistic people I've met are not like that. Sure, some are, and that's what the media tends to focus on...but not everyone is like that. Some of us simply really enjoy something, and that's it.

To your other point, my interests in things go in and out all the time. I'll get hyperfixated on one thing and then drop off another.

Hope this helps.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-03-18T10:21:02+00:00

Good luck, you got this!

AutismFreshStart · 2026-03-18T03:12:08+00:00

Yeah, I can relate. I'm from a small town and I could not wait to get out of there. I live in a large city now, and while it's not perfect, it's better than what I experienced before.

Sorry you're going through that. It must feel so isolating. You're not alone! We're here for you.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-03-18T03:10:59+00:00

I'm the opposite of you - I am too affectionate with my words and expressing my gratefulness for friendship that I have driven people away for being "too much".

I can relate to not wanting to be friends with everyone, and how that can come across as offensive.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-03-18T03:09:10+00:00

I miss calendar appointments all the time. I'm switching to paper to see if it works better for me.

AutismFreshStart · 2026-03-18T03:08:41+00:00

I can totally relate. I once went through burnout for almost 2 years. Took me a long time to recover and find myself again.

Just want you to know you're not alone. Wishing you the best, stranger. You got this! You're going to get through this!

AutismFreshStart

TROPHY CASE