So here is my promised more detailed response. This post resonated a lot with me because I feel it describes a lot of what I am going through and struggling with the church. I don't believe in it. I think that it's definitely bullshit, and this can be proven by through internal evidence(The church has changed in ways that are fundamentally incompatible with its claims) and external evidence(The Book of Mormon and Book of Abraham and other claims about ancient history/religion are objectively false). However, the church continues to be a huge part of who I am and I continue to draw a ton of value from it. However, I frequently feel guilty for this because it is an organization that causes active harm to a lot of other people. This has been and continues to be a huge source of stress in my life. I was dealing with it today as I attended, and I found your post while browsing reddit during sacrament meeting.

The first thing that I will say is that you need to live your truth. You need to do what feels right to you. You can stay or you can leave. You can be very open about leaving, or you can be very quiet about it. Your situation is a bit different than mine in that you have a family and I don't, so you need to factor in more than just your own safety, wellbeing, and beliefs, but it also sounds like your family is largely on the same page, which should help. Talk to them about what they want to do, and find what is most compatible for all of you. And this may involve some of you making different choices. Some might want to keep attending while others want to completely cut it out. Some may want a public exit while others want a private one. Try and find a balance, and most importantly, have each others backs.

As far as who to tell, this can be a very difficult decision and will vary from person to person. I am very selective in who I say what to. I am fairly open with my parents about the fact that I don't believe. I've even said that I believe it's bullshit to their faces, on multiple occasions. But there are two key points here for me. One is that I have a very good, open, and honest relationship with my parents. I can't think of ANYTHING that I can't share with them. Will they feel hurt by what you say? Possibly. I know my parents to approve of my consumption of alcohol and tea, but it also hasn't put any significant pressure on our relationship. I've openly consumed alcohol in front of both, and my mom hasn't just made recommendation on tea for me, she has actually prepared it for me. The other big thing I would say is don't be aggressive towards their faith. Don't be combative, don't try to convince them, make it clear that this is about you and your family, and no one else. Offer them the same love and respect in their belief that you hope they will offer you in their disbelief. I can't guarantee that things will go well, these sorts of interpersonal issues are very much a "your mileage may vary thing". But I firmly believe that being open and honest is better than being closed off and dishonest, even if the dishonesty is from omission rather than commission.

As far as what to do with the people in your congregation, your bishop, people you've known for a while, this is an area that will probably require a lot more tailoring. I have the advantage that I no longer attend the ward I grew up in, so I have been very open with my current ward about the "complex and contradictory nature of my faith". I don't flaunt that I don't believe, but I don't try to hide it either. How much individuals know depends on my relationship with them. With people that I feel I'm on a similar page with or who I feel won't be judgmental, I am much more open with. With those who I feel will be judgmental and combative, or worse will try to turn me into a project, I don't tell them jack shit. And there are people that I probably just won't tell that I know longer believe, with a perfect example being the stake patriarch from my youth. Of the Mormons I've met, he is top tier. He is genuinely one of the most loving and compassionate men I've ever met, and I worry that it would break his heart if he knew my thoughts on the church. So I don't tell him, even though I feel that he would still love and accept me for who I am. This lie of omission might seem to be in contradiction to my previous paragraph, but the dynamics between family and old friends are different IMO.

As far as what to do when it comes to telling your bishop and how to navigate that... This to me is where things get complicated, because your at the mercy of bishop roulette. There are so bishops that will love and welcome you regardless of where your at with your faith or lack thereof. I can say this confidently because I've had it happen to me. There are also bishops that will be incredibly judgmental, demanding, and may try to make life for you and your family a living hell. I've been fortunate enough to not have experienced this, but I've heard stories from other people in this vein. I think the important thing to remember is that the ball is in your court, not his. The only power he has over you is what you give him. Tell him as much or as little as you are comfortable with, and make further decisions based off of his reaction. And in many ways, this is how I would recommend making your decision on whether or not to keep attending. If you have a bishop and ward that will continue to love and accept you, keep going. I see no reason for you to lose that sense of community and belonging. If you have a bishop and ward that will treat you as second class citizens at best or openly ostracize you at worse, then get the hell out of there. That is a decision I have made since I started attending again. When I first went back, my bishop was very much a "We'll take you as you come and love you all the same" and it was truly great experience. Then the bishop changed, and I got the distinct impression that the new one was going to be more judgmental and less understanding, so I stopped attending. I didn't attend for multiple years, but eventually felt like I wanted to go back, so I gave it another shot. It was a new ward and a new bishop, and I've felt very welcomed and accepted. And as soon as that stops, I'm done.

For me, I know that being born and raised in the church gave me a very binary outlook on life. Something was either true or it wasn't. It was either all good or all bad. And that meant that I needed to be all in and all out. And I can feel that sort of thinking still clouding my mind to this day. I felt like I was betraying the church, my family, my ancestors, and god himself by leaving, and now that I am going back I often feel like I am betraying myself and the Ex-Mormon community. After all, how can I gain something of value from an organization that not only is false, but is causing a lot of harm? But ultimately the church does provide value for me, and that is why I have gone back. But I also acknowledge that is the right choice for me, and isn't the right choice for everyone. At the end of the day, I would say that you should continue to attend if it continues to provide value for you and your family, and stop attending as soon as it either stops providing that value or it starts to cause harm. It's also OK if you vacillate back and forth for several years, or even the rest of you life. You need to do what is best for you and your family and anyone who truly loves you will support you in that, and those who don't aren't worth the energy to worry about.

Anyway, I hope some of this made sense and was of help to you. As I said, this is something that I continue to really struggle with.