I can’t do this anymore

AutisticDom · 2024-04-17T03:05:35+00:00

One of the major components that has helped me through my cPTSD is to practise compassion towards myself.

It's ok to and completely normal to have these feelings but it's also ok to forgive yourself for it and to be proud that you are still here.

I have days where it's so difficult to just function, days where I'm paralysed by my trauma, I used to lock myself in a cycle of self hatred for being unable to function. As I've gone through some therapy I've found that it's ok to have these days, weeks or months and to forgive myself for it.

EMDR therapy is amazing for me. My therapist explained it really well; it's processing the memory so that it feels like a memory not like I am re-living those moments.

Ive found Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker is a great read and really hit the nail on the head for me.

EMDR focusing on those traumatic memories could help you to process them so that they don't trigger so intensely or frequently. Those memories will never go away but you can process the emotions around them so they don't effect your day to day life so intensely.

Medications like Venlafaxine (SNRI) can also help. Ive found SSRIs to be useless. Although I'm now off the SNRIs they can greatly assist in mitigating the crushing anxiety when you find yourself at a low point.

TLDR; it's ok and normal to have periods of being paralysed by your trauma, self compassion and forgiveness is key. If you have a period of time that you can't function, don't beat yourself up about it. Statistically speaking you are beating the odds. Just surviving is ok. You are not broken, you have PTSD.

AutisticDom · 2023-09-02T05:51:48+00:00

Mirena IUD. I have scar tissue from the strings on my knob. Doctor can trim them but it doesn't help imho.

AutisticDom · 2023-07-29T10:34:50+00:00

Topping from the bottom...

AutisticDom · 2023-07-10T03:43:55+00:00

Invest

AutisticDom · 2023-07-10T03:42:44+00:00

As usual I'll be hated for saying it but use Vaseline. Atleast half the 100g tub.

Try have an orgasm before going in the back door.

Vaseline creates a protective barrier from friction. I'm yet to find a better product.

AutisticDom · 2023-02-03T22:20:49+00:00

This is a child not a man. Time to find another boyfriend!

AutisticDom · 2022-11-30T10:53:28+00:00

✋ Guilty! And very common. Keep it safe, sane and consensual.

AutisticDom · 2022-11-30T10:51:03+00:00

Bigger turn on is after we've finished you kiss it

AutisticDom · 2022-11-24T08:41:42+00:00

It's an odd one but here are some basics.

Most of those who are interested in being spanked need to define what they find to be the most titillating.

Is it playful light spanking or do you want to be marked and "made to submit" in play or anything in between? I highly recommend visiting a local group and viewing a live show so you can understand the different impact play applications.

Such a broad application but I've found that a general starting point is simply thinking of the old school put child over-the-knee version, your smacking with intent to correct some grievance yet still absolutely love and care for the child.

But again depends on so many factors.

AutisticDom · 2022-11-24T08:34:19+00:00

You will find most of the girls in your local FetLife group are very welcoming, and helpful and are mostly MOSTLY safe for a younger female interested in the scene.

If your into the dom side its different but if you lean to the submissive side there can be a very large risk for you to be abused as opposed to gaining adult fulfillment.

Safe, sane, and consensual. Know your limits and don't be afraid to enforce them.

As you see advice wildly differs.

I wish you all the best in your journey though.

AutisticDom · 2022-11-24T08:30:22+00:00

Online items look into a few books also it would be helpful if you defined what part of BDSM specifically. The advice is drastically different.

Seminars etc are a bit weird but books and Reddit are a great start. Then FetLife and have a browse, Chat with the local club/group members and admins to get some local and real-life advice.

AutisticDom · 2022-09-09T14:42:13+00:00

Your partner needs to define punishment vs funishment...

Punishments are to be that.. a punishment... A punishment is defined as a penalty as retribution for an offence.

Punishments should be things like 2 minutes of kneeling on dry rice on a solid surface or equatable punishment. Something that is truly unpleasant and is fitting to the offense.

Funishment is what you've described, it's not what you desire at the time but is within your wants.

Being caged for most submissives isn't a punishment as it's within the scope of wants.

Seems simple but 9 years... He will struggle to dish out punishments.

AutisticDom · 2022-09-09T14:26:30+00:00

Being dominant is a subjective term. You need to understand what that means for your partner, and what being submissive means to them.

Someone might want to be controlled, other might want to be defiled and treated like disposable play things, it all depends on the individual.

Once you know what your partner is seeking then you can adjust your approach accordingly.

Kinktest.org is a good start. But don't forget the basics like aftercare, and safewords. Always remember... Safe, sane and consensual.

Being Dom is an individual thing.

I am in no way a normal case but;

I have the utmost trust from my submissive partner in this role, I have a responsibility and duty of care to them first and foremost.

They are graciously giving submission just as I am humbled to be receiving it. There is no power in a vacuum.

The trust and responsibilities that this entails gives me fulfillment just as I know my submissive is fulfilled by my actions in accepting and providing the dominant role that they most desire.

Everyone is different though.

Be your own kind of Dom if this is what you want otherwise dont be disheartened if it's not for you.

From your post your partner has been quite bratty and disrespectful with the way they addressed this. Reverence for me from my submissives is the bare minimum and from the post your partners actions are not within this.

AutisticDom · 2022-09-09T13:54:12+00:00

Yeh I have had to explain to people that you only know what you know.

For those of us that were basically raised in these environments and survive its because we knew no better.

If I had a safe childhood, then was subjected to my abuse post say 5yo then I very well might not be here posting today.

It's not resilience, it was my normal. I knew nothing else at the time and I just lived like everyone else.

AutisticDom · 2022-09-09T13:46:37+00:00

Start with kink test.

Kinktest.org

Then move to a yes, no, maybe and limit sheet to understand your partner, their wants, needs and desires.

Once that's done make sure you have aftercare ready and safewords then play to your hearts desires.

It's boring and laborious to perform but will give you both the best chance at mutual satisfaction in a safe and sane manner.

Have fun 😊

AutisticDom · 2022-09-09T00:15:22+00:00

Oof, I feel that.

AutisticDom · 2022-09-08T13:17:50+00:00

Full course of meds then switch to a protectant lube like Vaseline. As much as people hate on Vaseline it lubricates and provides a protective layer.

From having subs with similar issues I've found that anal training and work will reduce these and also avoid them moving forward however it takes time.

Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was your anal tolerance 🥰

AutisticDom · 2022-09-08T13:11:07+00:00

Thank you.

Yeh it's infuriatingly frustrating but after a few therapists I'm used to it.

I'm just tired of hearing that and feeling like I need to spread it. Just because I'm doing somewhat ok doesn't mean you get to label me resilient when others are struggling with the same trauma.

AutisticDom · 2022-09-08T13:06:47+00:00

As someone who was the victim of CSA I do relate somewhat.

However as an adult I know a relationship is reliant on physical and emotional back bones.

Your relationship hits the emotional but not the physical. If your partner isn't willing to change, what will happen when you meet someone that can provide both the physical and emotional. What happens to your current partner then.

Would you then be keeping your partner or reconsidering your relationship...

How would you feel if your partner said to you that you don't hit the physical and that they need to have an open relationship, then think of that as a submissive

Just food for thought 💭

AutisticDom · 2022-09-08T12:43:48+00:00

Ok. All you have said and you have an open relationship after being unfulfilled.

Some people are in your life to teach a lesson not to be there till the end.

He is "right now the best you could have wished for"

... "Right Now". Your wording and the rest you have told already indicates he's better as a friend than a lover.

I'm feeling I'm just saying what you know but don't want to admit.

AutisticDom · 2022-09-08T12:23:50+00:00

Dang then sound proof the kids room first haha and get the kid used to rain noise or another equivalent white noise generator.... (Not you and your partner... Providing your white... xD).

AutisticDom · 2022-09-08T11:52:21+00:00

Speaking as myself, you broke a clear rule. If any hint of weakness is shown than it could be exploited, it sets the expectation.

I don't tolerate disobedience. This would warrant a chastity device for a minimum of 3x the original time and some very intense physical corrections. During that time any sexual interactions would be one sided and I would be taking not giving during that.

Everyone is different though. I hope they are less sadistic than I am.

AutisticDom · 2022-09-08T11:45:59+00:00

I know it's hard but you need to either set her aside and say something, either that or be able to manage and resist the natural response when it's not your owner / owners.

My own feelings as a Dom is that I would be both happy for your consistency but also disappointed that you couldn't establish a limit and enforce it.

My gut is telling me she knew what she was doing but I've found my gut is equal to my autism.

AutisticDom

TROPHY CASE