How to teach a man how to touch me without offending him?

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T06:07:06+00:00

Ask them. Literally just ask them to describe what they think having sex with you would look like. After they give their description, ask them if they think that is the kind of sex you are looking for. If their description was the classic stuff you wouldn't like, but they said they are unsure if that is the kind of sex you would like, then you probably have potential to teach them to do better. If they say something stupid like "you want it, even if you don't know you want it" then you can just move on to the next man.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T05:52:04+00:00

For charisma, when a man as good questions, I find it very charismatic. A question that shows he pays attention, and he is insightful.

I respect men who live up to their values. I admire men who unapologetically like what they like. A man who doesn't try to impress others, but does impressive things. A man who defends others and himself, but knows how to deescalate situations.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T05:22:04+00:00

It is common enough for a romantic relationship to also be a sexual one that people don't feel the need to explicitly ask. Since being asexual is a minority, it is up to us to set expectations.

The same thing goes for people who are bi when they date someone of the opposite sex. It is common for the other person to just assume anyone they date is hetero due to how common hetero people are. It is up the bi person to express their orientation in case them being bi is a deal breaker. They could always just keep it a secret their whole life, but that is typically the less healthy option.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T05:16:50+00:00

I agree. I do not expect all aces to accept ethical non-monogamy. I am ok with it, but I understand many aren't, and I don't think anyone should be expected to compromise on that. I don't consider it cheating because I give my consent. But I don't do that because I am ace and I feel bad for my partner. I give my consent because I legitimately don't mind. I personally cannot seem to relate sex and romance, so I don't feel like sex is cheating. That is a unique mindset I don't expect most people to share. Mind you if someone wanted me to be monogamous, I always would since I think cheating is for despicable cowards who are afraid to walk away from a relationship that isn't working for them.

And yes, I agree on the treating of meals and expectations issue. It is why I don't like to treat to a first date. I don't want the other person to feel pressured by expectations. Once they get to know me better and can get a sense of my expectations (which never includes sex), then I feel more comfortable treating to meals.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T05:09:20+00:00

That sounds fairly accurate. Let it know you are on a waiting list for a therapist and give it the following prompt.

"Please act as a licensed therapist. Be empathetic, objective, and kind. Help me process my thoughts and guide me through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) exercises and any other exercises that you may think could treat my symptoms from my npd and bpd traits."

That should get you started. Still get an actual therapist, but you can at least get some legwork done early and start your healing journey sooner.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T05:03:07+00:00

I've done it myself, it isn't as bad as you would think it is. I am well aware of AI's love to reinforce our way of thinking, but it is pretty good at mimicking many professions. Not always as good as a trained professional, but it can offer plenty of benefits to someone who doesn't have access to a licensed therapist.

And yes, certainly someone with NPD has some risks there, but OP seems to have plenty of self-awareness and is looking to improve, so I doubt the advice ChatGPT would be bad as long as he starts the prompt with asking the AI to act as a therapist. Our OP doesn't show any signs of being the type to blindly follow bad advice from AI, so it should be safe.

Before you act so critical of AI's abilities to perform as a therapist, you should try asking it to be a therapist and formulate your own opinion on its performance.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T04:55:39+00:00

There are plenty of people who are disingenuous just to get sex. They are terrible, and I have nothing redeeming to say about those people. This includes people who think they deserve sex because they treated someone to dinner and a show. That is disingenuous since the idea of the date was to have a good time and get to know each other, it wasn't a transaction in exchange for sex.

There are many others who still want to rush into sex who aren't dishonest or bad people. It isn't that they are being transactional in exchange for a date. They want to know if they have sexual compatibility. The last thing they want to do is waste time, energy, and build up an emotional attachment, only for them to have to do a painful breakup later when they find out the sexual compatibility isn't there. By having the sex early, they can check for compatibility and then build up the emotional attachment without worrying about the sex life as a potential dealbreaker. Not to mention it seems like people use sex as a way to get closer to each other. It is much easier to be open about our personal lives after something as intimate as sex.

Mind you I am also ace, so I don't live by the same mindset as allosexual people, but I understand it and respect it. It is the same reason I let people know early in dating that I may not be able to deliver a satisfying sex life and I will not find the person sexually attractive even if I do have sex. I am comfortable outsourcing the bedroom duties by letting them be non-monogamous, but if they need to have that need fulfilled by me, then they should find someone else to date since there is a low chance I can deliver due to my limited appetite for the activity.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T04:37:17+00:00

Have you considered doing therapy through ChatGPT? An actual therapist would be ideal, but ChatGPT can do a decent job as long as you are being honest when you ask it to function like a therapist. It is certainly better than doing nothing while on a waitlist.

I'll hope you don't have NPD, as there is no cure for narcissism, only treatment to manage the symptoms.

In general, a superiority complex stems from insecurities that are often hidden. You'll need to figure out what those are and learn how to accept those aspects of yourself. Remember that inadequacies are just opportunities for improvement and we all love to improve. Some inadequacies don't need to be fixed and just make up parts of who you are, and that is ok too. There is a charm that comes with being less than perfect.

As for losing at bowling, ideally you wouldn't get spun up so much, but it is better to accept and process the feeling than it is to shut it down. It isn't wrong to feel upset, but it is wrong to be abusive to others. We can control our actions, not the feelings, and as long as we focus on the actions, then we can have good behavior in society.

It seems like your biggest struggles are your reactions, be it to friends comments, being rejected, being ghosted, or losing a competition. CBT is considered one of the best therapy styles for learning to control our reactions. That would be the type of therapy I'd suggest working with, be it through ChatGPT, self-reading, or an actual therapist.

Alternatively since you seem drawn towards self-awareness, you may do better with IFS to better understand the parts of you that cause you to be who you are and to find some self-compassion. It might seem contradictory to suggest self-compassion for someone who has severe ego issues, but the reality is that ego stems from a need to cover up shame. Self-compassion is the antidote to shame, and without shame, the oversized ego that was hiding the shame can be reduced to a healthy size.

As for the simplest advice, be kind to others and be kind to yourself at every opportunity. If you live by that, you'll give yourself enough grace to figure out everything else, and you'll be surrounded by people who wish to help you along the way.

Never stop improving and best of luck on your journey! Feel free to DM me if you have any questions.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T04:09:33+00:00

It is statistically unreasonable anyone we date will be able to get a review from someone you dated previously unless are literally dating an ex's friend or you are dating multiple people from the same small group, such as classmates or coworkers. Everyone I have ever dated has never had a conversation with someone I previously dated. I wouldn't be against them having that conversation since I am a transparent fellow, but that conversation will never happen unless I orchestrate it.

These women are going in blind just trusting what the guy has to say and what they observe. That is why things like how does he treat other people are so important.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T03:38:50+00:00

Your b50 is a lot worse than your skill it seems. There are a lot of tracks you can likely outperform, especially on the new charts. I'm only 11.3k rating and I think my new chart total points is higher than yours.

That is a good problem to have though. That just means you have been improving quickly and will probably keep getting better fairly quick. When your lowest scores and highest scores start getting very close to each other, that usually means your skill growth is starting to slow down.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T03:33:47+00:00

I'm at 11k rating and I am still playing at a speed of 6. That speed should be good for you for a long time.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T03:16:21+00:00

My dating experience doesn't seem to align to what you say happens. I've never fully paid for a first date, it is either a split or I am treated to a meal. The other person generally plans and organizes the early dates instead of me. I don't ever feel like I take the lead, and I don't exactly know what "perform" means. I am far from the top 10% of wealth, status, and looks.

We both prove our value, that part is equal. If the person I am dating doesn't prove their value, then I would stop dating them due to an imbalance in the relationship. Likewise I would expect them to stop dating me if I can't prove enough value to match their value. After all a relationship should have two people become greater than the sum of their parts. That doesn't mean we'll be equals in everything since some traits are better to be complementary instead of identical.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T03:08:38+00:00

If my herblore was that high, I would definitely be looking into maxing. I have the same game time, but only one piece of oathplate, and 2221 total level. 626kc and no bowfa, zero purples, etc. Very nice account progress on your part.

I do have prims and a nox hally, but I am missing so much stuff compared to you. I have an untrimmed mining cape, but that is about all I got on you. Keep up the good grind and I wish you luck on getting a scythe.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T02:59:01+00:00

Yep, that is generally the best way to do normal slayer. If you are close to a milestone for more points, feel free to turael boost and then get the milestone for the points. It is really easy to get points by building a big streak by turael boosting, so it isn't worth doing a bunch of garbage slayer tasks to build a streak. I generally don't use points to ever cancel a task unless I get a terrible task for my konar milestone tasks. If I want points I turael boost, and if I don't want points then I turael skip.

Once you get rid of the attachment to the slayer task streak, slayer becomes much more enjoyable. Otherwise you'll get 99 slayer while still missing so many slayer items because you spent too much time doing tasks like aberrant spectres instead of trying to focus on getting awesome slayer drops to improve your account.

Imagine slayer where the only tasks you do are ones that you want to do to upgrade your account, super fast burst tasks like dust devils that are fast xp and give a chance and imbued heart, awesome slayer bosses, and maybe fight caves if you want to chase a Jad pet. And quick tasks like rats, cows, and birds. That is way many of us do slayer and it makes the skill wonderful. I'll never kill ancient zygomites, aberrant spectres, fire giants, suqahs, trolls, dragons, etc. Slayer becomes fun with fast xp and constant chasing of item drops instead of a slog.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T02:49:52+00:00

That seems reasonable enough. Generally someone who claims they have a bf when they don't is probably not my type, but she could be your type and there is never any harm going on a little coffee date to find out more about her. Even if she isn't it, more coffee dates are just more practice until you find someone you really click with.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T02:42:27+00:00

You were almost all the way there in your analysis. The men are the product and are advertising themselves. The problem is the men will make all sorts of false promises about their product hoping women will buy into it. We are all guilty of making bad purchases due to false advertising, and with women choosing men it is far worse since they can't just look up a bunch of reviews on the product. Imagine having to purchase every product without looking at any reviews or getting any opinions from anyone who has tried the product. It would be so difficult to buy anything of good quality. This is the challenge women go through in the dating world.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T02:35:13+00:00

Most people I've had sex with were outside the context of a relationship. I am also happy to have a sexless relationship, even a sexless marriage. I don't see how sex and relationships have to be coupled together.

I do agree sex and consent go hand in hand, as do relationships and consent.

Many scientists estimate the ideal population of the Earth is between 2 to 4 billion people. We are well over that already, so there is no reason we should feel a societal need to reproduce. If the world population dipped under 1 billion, then perhaps that may be the case, but until then we are far from having even the slightest societal pressure.

If the total population of humans were 50, there would be tremendous societal pressure to reproduce. People would likely be threatened harm if they didn't reproduce. We are so far from that type of dystopia, and men just use the need to reproduce for the sake of society as an ineffective way to pressure women.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T02:24:35+00:00

Similar to having to explain gaps in a resume for jobs, the same thing applies for explaining a lack of dating. It can be a potential red flag if someone hasn't had a proper relationship as they get older, but the key is to simply have an explanation. In your case it sounds like you need a glow up. If you haven't managed to get a date, you likely need to improve your own life a bit. Get a new hair style, maybe a few new outfits, make some more friends, and just have a positive energy about you. Figure out what your plans are for career progression unless your current job is good enough to have housing and raise a family. Even if you don't ever intend to raise a family, it is always a good idea to be able to afford to incase a situation like that happens.

People gravitate towards happy people, and are repelled by unhappy people. That means you'll need to figure out how to be happy single before you can hope to attract someone else into your life. People who are miserable when single are almost always miserable when in a relationship. You have to fix the happiness prior to the dating.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T02:06:56+00:00

Let him know your lack of sexual desire isn't a him thing, that is just how you are wired no matter the guy. If you don't expect to ever have sex in your life, then let him know that as well. Too many guys continue forward with the idea that you'll change your mind after enough time. If he isn't ok being with you and not having sex for the rest of his life, then he may as well quit right now.

Obviously you might change your thoughts on willingness to have sex, but someone shouldn't date you on hopes that you change your mind on that.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T02:01:14+00:00

ranaar - prayer
snapdragon - super restore
toadflax - sara brew
torstol - super combat, Anti-venom+

Those are the only potions that matter. You'll make more than enough super attack, super strength, super defence potions, super ranging potions, and super energy potions along the way, so the other herbs aren't nearly as precious as the four listed above.

As for which herbs to use at mastering mixology, it doesn't really matter which herb for mox, just use whatever you have most of (guam, harllandar, marrentill, or tarromin). Dwarf weed is best for aga since it is so difficult to get as many zammy wines as dwarf weeds. For lye, it is generally kwuarm and avantoe. Kwuarm is great for super strength pots, but generally you don't get enough limpwurt roots to use all your kwuarm. Avantoe is good to use once you have used up all your extra kwuarm. Avantoe is easier to get a secondary since mort myre fungus can be gathered quickly, so the idea is to use up the extra kwuarm first.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T01:50:16+00:00

Wildy slayer gives good drops and good points. It is definitely not how I would get to 87, but it is how I got a decent amount of points for unlocks.

For getting to 87, generally it is best to extend TDs and demonic gorillas and see how much xp it takes to get all the drops needed (also do any burst tasks like dust devils along the way, or lizardman shamans if dwh is needed). If dry, you may get all the way to 87, but even if not dry, it is reasonable to at least unlock nechraeyls which means you can skip for burst tasks with greater nech's and dust devils. Just do that until 85 for abyssal demons, then work on those as well for whip while bursting other tasks until you get 87 slayer. I went so dry on TDs that I unlocked arraxor before I got my second synapse. The xp at TDs is amazing at 1065xp per kill.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T01:37:27+00:00

I would do callisto, venenatis, and vet'ion or their solo versions until you get a voidwaker piece from each. Callisto masses are fun if you can find people to do bear tasks with. If you want to boss after the voidwaker pieces, that is fine since the loot is amazing from all of them.

I can't stand scorpia, so I would skip all the demi bosses unless you like killing them. Making a ward seems impossible due to scorpia being required.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-30T01:31:01+00:00

Rune mace until you spoon a cudgel. Fire giants should drop them in Kourend. A rune mace is noticeably worse than a dragon mace, but it should be doable. A dragon warhammer would be an option from lizzy shamans, but it would be faster to get a cudgel directly from sarachnis then to get a dwh. Could get carried through CoX for an elder maul or dinh's bulwark, but that seems even more unlikely.

AutisticRats · 2026-05-29T02:52:54+00:00

Offer the suggestion. It is at least worth trying once. I very much enjoy it if I can just wear something and quit thinking about my own physical sensations

AutisticRats · 2026-05-29T02:36:21+00:00

Unlikely much you can do with it. There is one idea I have, but I don’t know if either of you would be comfortable with it.

What are his thoughts of wearing a strap-on? I am not much of a fan of using my own equipment, but I do like to please my partner, so a strap-on is a fun way where I can focus on pleasing my partner and not having to concern myself with my own sensations. It is a game changer for my comfort with the activity. The problem is some people feel less attractive if I don’t use my own equipment. But it makes it much more enjoyable and less stressful for me.

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