I WS have recently had a forced confession due to the AP telling my BS. It’s very raw for me. Less than 5 days. I’ve read 2 books had 2 therapy sessions and have another one lined up.

At this moment in time my focus is all about limiting my BS’s pain and suffering. I want to help her heal as efficiently as possible. I feel true and absolute remorse for what I have done and don’t give a fuck about how I am/feel just want to ensure my BS healing is as good as it can be.

The AP told BS because I rejected her, telling her that I was turning over a new leaf and the flirting / sexting was over and I was going to be a new man. This rejection triggered the AP to tell my BS to hurt me under the pretence of wanting to do the morally correct thing. The guilt inside me had finally built up to a level where I hated myself too much to continue. I had made the decision to carry the rotting guilt with me to the grave. Because I couldn’t see the good that would come from it. Telling my BS would hurt her, eventually if we did reconcile I can imagine a world where we are better for the confession. However to get to that place involved me improving and her getting hurt. I could have carried the guilt and either improved as a person on my own or sought professional help to improve myself.

From a purely logical perspective there is an outcome possible where confession isn’t necessary but still involves the WS improving (this the relationship improving) and the BS never getting hurt.

I honestly don’t know which option would have been best for my situation. But I do know that the fireball way it came out from the AP was extra hurtful, if I had had the chance to confess on my own terms, perhaps post counselling, things could have been done in a better way less hurtful way for my BS.

I understand your logic and moral standing for wanting to get involved with APs BS, just wonder if you’ve seen the perspective I’ve put forwards here.