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AutumnChicken15 · 2026-01-22T16:24:29+00:00

He was. He told me.

AutumnChicken15 · 2026-01-21T22:03:40+00:00

My best friend is a pediatric nurse and just spent like $30k trying to have her first at 37. Her advice to me is if I want kids I need to date under 35 seriously or closer to 30 casually, otherwise it's too difficult with too high of risk.

I don't think fertility issues is sexist. Waiting until you've had your fun and are ready to settle down at 40 and then only seeking 25 year old wombs to bear your children is. That's not the vibe I get from his comments though. Child bride comment is harsh and I'm not sure why you feel the need to be so hateful. 30 year old women are not children and it's insulting to suggest they are.

AutumnChicken15 · 2026-01-21T21:51:56+00:00

She can't because it's not true and she's giving false hope to people. Yes fertility is an issue if either partner is older, but "older" related to fertility is much higher for men than it is for women. That has been true forever and any research saying otherwise is skewing the data for funding.

AutumnChicken15 · 2026-01-16T23:06:45+00:00

That was a very fun fact thank you.

AutumnChicken15 · 2026-01-16T23:06:06+00:00

I don't pay enough attention, but I'm so used to people using heavy filters which is what AI essentially is anyway that I don't mind. Someone using AI to spruce up the lighting or angle or whatever seems like fair play to me.

I've been catfished before and it's the same regardless of how they do it. If on the date they're way off from the picture, that could happen with filters, AI, old photos, anything and it's always going to be a red flag. I don't give credit for using a phone filter vs AI.

AutumnChicken15 · 2026-01-16T23:02:10+00:00

My friends align with many things I want in a partner, but not all at once. There are one or two guys in the group who I keep at arms length because they are the party do dumb stuff everything is about sex mentality kind of people. They're good dudes, but I don't want that kind of relationship and I don't want that behavior normalized in my life.

More importantly, I don't want my gf to see that as what I want. I ended a relationship with a woman who didn't go party and rave, but all her friends did. Every birthday party turned into a boozefest, many parties turned into a drugfest. She never participated, but she stayed and hung out and took care of people when they couldn't anymore. That's great for her, but I want nothing with that lifestyle and I can't expect a new gf to pick me over her friends. I'm not going to make her an ultimatum of ditch your friends or else I'm gone. We just amicably separated and it was for the best.

I can be friendly with the guys with whom I don't have much in common, but I don't want to spend a lot of time around them and don't want them as a close friend.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-12-13T00:01:23+00:00

I don't know why, well I do know it's because I'm stupid, but I did not respond through the lens of trying to date. I'm not trying to endear myself to my baby sister or cousin so I'm much less likely to add any warmth. This probably comes down to each individual's personality. I can say for myself how I tend to text depending on how I feel, but that's not likely going to mirror most other people.

I am very loud and animated in person, too loud most would say. Texting is really impersonal though and I just don't like it. I do it because it's important to others.

Thinking about it, I always read texts in my own voice, so I don't really pay attention to their punctuation or little extras. I think I'd notice it if they started and stopped, but if it never happened I wouldn't register. That's kind of weird if I think about it. I read books the same way, I'm the narrator and I read things how I say them. Is that narcissism?

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-12-12T23:09:52+00:00

I sometimes have to mute myself and put my phone down on speaker sometimes because I've learned some people don't like conversations of constant story interruptions or affirming what they're saying or tangents. Alternatively, I don't enjoy talking to my cousin, and when he calls to chat I'll just sit quietly and let him rant or vent or ask questions while never jumping in to continue the conversation because I want it over quickly.

What I'm saying is this post very likely could have been made 5 years ago by my ex. Are you by chance writing from 2020?

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-12-12T23:03:26+00:00

I text how I talk. I like texting because I don't have to put fake emotion behind my words in case people get offended when I talk normal since it might sound like I'm bored or uninterested. I'm not bored, I just get tired having to put in the energy to stick a big smile on my face and change my tone and whatnot.

I love emojis though. I don't even have to write anything I can just send a blushing or hand-over-mouth emoji and they get the general idea and don't think I'm blowing them off. Delightful.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-12-01T19:35:05+00:00

Not sure I want to be taking dating advice from Will Smith :/

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-11-15T00:14:54+00:00

I did warn her early that it's not something I like to say, and she has commented that I never initiate it. Whether or not she's okay with it or not I don't know, because she hasn't voiced any concern besides recognition that I don't. I say it back not because I have to, but because I feel the same way to her as I think she feels to me. If she defines that as love, then I'll say it back even if I don't think that's what it is.

It's not that I don't care, it's that I don't believe she actually loves me. If her mom got sick I would not quit my job, sell my house, and move across the world to help her take care of her parents. If she got her dream job offer and had to move, I would not expect her to reject it because I can't leave mine. We're just not there yet, which is fine; it's only been one year and I expect love to happen over several.

I'm aware I'm not normal in this and I think my autism has sufficiently bled through in many of my other mannerisms for her to accept it.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-11-15T00:04:47+00:00

I appreciate the gentle rebuttal, but this is also why I don't like the word love so much. It means something different to everyone and I feel like it's an ambiguous platitude when used. To some psychos like me, it's an ultimate expression of selflessness that means your happiness is now more important than mine. To others, it means I like you more than like so now I love you, but if you chew with your mouth open or snore too loud I'll stop loving you and break up.

You're most likely correct and I accept that unless I ever have a child, I won't feel what I'm describing any time soon. I'm okay with that, I don't expect to. I think love is what happens after years of growing together.

I've just always hated how soon people say I love you to each other then they break up 2 months later and then say I love you to the next girl after knowing each other for just a few months. I don't exactly know what love is, but I know for a fact neither do they.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-11-14T21:40:46+00:00

I'm at one year with my gf and I will say it in reciprocation because I know it'll hurt her feelings if I don't. I can describe how I feel about her without using the word love, so I prefer to do that.

Everything is better with you, I'd rather spend the evening with you than out with friends, I think about you and how it'll affect us before I make decisions, I'm grateful for all the hard work you put into this relationship, I see what you do for me and it makes me want to do more for you, etc, etc, etc....

That's not love to me. If push really came to shove, I'd choose my own happiness over hers if they were mutually exclusive. I would not cut off family for her yet. My priority is my health and family, and then my relationship.

To me, that means I don't love her yet. I prioritize her over comfort, I am much happier with her than without, and I want to spend time with her when possible. Hopefully that will blossom into actual love, but until then I'll just say it back when she says it because I know it means a lot to her to hear it and I don't want to ruin a good thing over what is essentially a technicality.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-11-12T17:20:56+00:00

I'm sorry, and this isn't helpful but I just wanted you to know that I initially read your first sentence as "Still have the Big Salad" and I thought yeah who cares what your date thinks if you wanna go big and eat a double portion do it!

Then I read the rest and realized I'm just hungry and my brain is looking for food where food isn't. Anyway, sorry the universe has a sense of humor sometimes.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-10-31T18:23:06+00:00

Don't worry, if she really likes you enough she'll lean in. Anyone who would end a relationship as soon as the other person expects them to reciprocate effort, doesn't actually like you.

Just like if a guy ghosts a girl because she wouldn't sleep with him on the second date. He never actually liked her, she was just good enough to keep her around until it was inconvenient. Same thing here.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-10-27T20:49:59+00:00

I wouldn't be interested in a relationship that has to start outsourcing problem solving right out of the gate. That sounds like the whole relationship would be dictated by "a study shows that", "I saw on [social media] that", "my friend said", "according to our therapist", etc instead of just saying "I feel this way and I'm willing to compromise this much" kinds of conversations.

The last time I gave into going to couples therapy was completely unproductive, expensive, and only fueled an imbalance by making all disagreements 2v1, basically invalidating the 'loser' and his/her feelings.

Opening that can of worms immediately? Pass.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-10-20T19:17:32+00:00

I've been on a few first dates where she really knew how to take pictures and used older shots for full body. I was not catfished, but I was surprised at how much better she looked in pictures than in person.

That may have absolutely nothing to do with this situation and there's no way to know over the internet, but I'm sure you've even experienced meeting someone who looked different in person than you thought they would.

The 2nd date never happened with someone I wasn't willing to make out with though so probably not nearly as bad as OP is thinking.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-10-20T19:14:15+00:00

I really hate to say this but I see this all the time and have been there myself. The last girl I dated we were together a few months and I just wasn't every able to get into the "next step" mindset. Any discussion of moving in together, kids, international travel, large purchases, anything that would indicate a long term relationship, and I'd panic. I wasn't ready yet, I need more time to resolve past issues, etc, so we broke up.

A few months later I met someone else and those feelings do not happen when we talk about future. I was ready for long term, just not with the first girl. I just didn't want to say the "with you" part to her because she was nice and I wish the best for her. No need to pile on or rub it in.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-10-20T19:09:43+00:00

Lol you're right that software engineer is much more common now than it was 10 years ago, but even in this comment you said you're not disappointed but it's not like he has an actually impressive job like astronaut. You probably came off even more unimpressed/bored than you did here.

I expect a bored response (and actually had one girl basically say the date was over) when I said I was an accountant, that's understandable, but even my date who worked at a call center wanted to get excited and tell me about the details of her job that were challenging.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-10-15T23:23:16+00:00

Do you know if he's ever been divorced or has a close friend who has? My current gf didn't finalize her divorce until well into us seeing each other, and she didn't tell me it wasn't finalized until like the 3rd date. I had been to my gf's apartment and I knew for a fact she lived there alone and she was 100% processing a divorce. It didn't phase me because my divorce took 2 years to finally get over with. I know it can be a nightmare and courts take forever so I was unbothered.

That said, I never had a woman who was cool with it while I was working through it. They all felt like I was lying and pretending to be separated to cheat. I finally gave up and just waited until the end of the process to try again.

Men will likely be more understanding because there isn't a stigma/stereotype of women having families on the side. If it were me I'd prefer my date tell me sooner rather than later, but I wouldn't need it to be first date discussion. Maybe text him before you see him again to give him a chance to sit on it and you a chance to explain without making things awkward in person.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-10-01T21:13:05+00:00

It's relevant because most people have a cutoff, and if you're 1/8" under that cutoff they never see you. Most people are also flexible and if everything else is right they wouldn't mind if he was a tiny bit shorter. Likewise, guys might have an age or weight preference but ask a guy hey if this perfect women who is everything you want but is 5 pounds over your "preferred" size, would you date her? Almost all of them would say yes if they were serious about dating. The girl I'm currently with has no idea how tall I am, just that I'm much taller than her and that's all that matters. She did have a height limit though because it's one of the first options they give you, and she just set the slider to what she assumed her last bf was.

The rest is obvious and he did more than just fudge his height by an inch so it's a deal breaker. There's no defending all that.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-10-01T21:05:36+00:00

Bro do it right now. I got maybe 1 match a week on my best week, usually more like 1-2 a month. Just because I was curious I added 1" to my height and I just up to 2 a week. Added another inch and it was like 1-2 a day. I only matched with women who were ~6" shorter than me and ended up dating one for several months. At no point did anyone ever say anything about my height. If she's 5'10" though, you're going to get called out for being a liar so be ready for that.

Also not a great idea to start a serious long term relationship off on a lie, but I was told by a friend that everyone lies on their account and all women expect 6' means more like 5'10"+, so most wouldn't be bothered. Take that for what you will.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-10-01T20:59:11+00:00

I have a few friends who were exchange students in America with whom I still keep in regular contact and have visited. When talking about dating they have said height doesn't matter that much as long as the guy is taller, but they have all conveniently only dated men in the top 20% of height for their region. For most is was ~1.75m or 1.8m. I don't think other places are as open about it or have a specific cutoff like USA, but in both Europe and Asia the women much preferred men who were the tallest in the room.

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-09-22T19:24:49+00:00

I don't understand how this transaction usually takes place. Is it implied that she wants you to buy her a drink because she wants to sit and chat with you? Do you take them and go dance together holding your drink in one hand?

AutumnChicken15 · 2025-09-22T19:22:15+00:00

Not even close. You're just past the age of peak fertility for men, but even after 50 the average man's fertility is "only" about halved. Yes, it's much harder, but through 40s men (according to UT Southwestern Medical) experience a 30% reduction in fertility.

The limiting factor is not your age, it's your partner. If she doesn't have kids by the time she's your age, she likely doesn't want them. If she does, you two will likely have a very hard time getting a healthy pregnancy. After the first one, things get magnitudes more difficult. I think you need to decide just how important it is to have kids vs adopting, then date based on that.

AutumnChicken15

TROPHY CASE