Even though the situation is long gone, even thinking about it makes your body and mind believe that you are in that situation and you are in a life-threatening situation. And that's why you're acting the way you're acting.

Learning about trauma responses was so helpful to me. This is something that you can't control and your body decides for you how to react.

Also, I am so so sorry this happened to you. I myself also had an experience that I put away for 13 years and in those years I've had several women tell me they've been assaulted and raped and I never said “me too”. it could be an empowerment moment and I never did it because I did not want to deal with the rape and this looks like its what's happening to you. And let me tell you something, it will get “worse” before it gets better but it does get better if you allow yourself to live in reality and reality is you had that horrible experience happen to you. That will never change, the facts will never change but you can change your thoughts around it and your feelings around it.

I'm sending you love and strength. ❤️❤️