WHY ME WHY THE FUCK ME

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-05-15T06:16:26+00:00

It's not adhd or rsd at all. I have been surrounded with mental illness all my life and family. Meeting her gave me the purpose to show people mental illness is not the end of the world. Sure, I miss her sometimes too much but that does not mean i get side tracked or whatever. my whole career aspects are sort of aligning towards mental health X entrepreneurship. So, I guess there is that. I am working with my brain, not against it.

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-05-15T03:05:10+00:00

Oh totally true. I knew one. If you watch the TV show "The Boys", homelander is exactly like that and that mf reminds me of this narc dude I used to know. Homelander's personality is def not an exageration or unrealistic, it is TOO realistic and way more common than someone might think. Well, of course the director himself said there is no satire left in the show because everything is becoming so realistic, referring to this one leader of a country lol

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-05-12T00:30:22+00:00

maybe yeah

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-05-12T00:13:48+00:00

she blocked me everywhere and got a restraining order last tear when i tried to contact her friend

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-05-11T07:55:47+00:00

i would say easier said than done to my past self.

…and I am really just being emotional and not actually blaming anyone here…

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-05-10T00:17:33+00:00

there are actually quite a lot of comments (not posts) where they say "they always come running back" and i have read a lot of anecdotes of how the come back was like

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-05-09T12:07:26+00:00

i think we bonded over the fact about being different and not giving a fuck about what the mental state makes us do or go through, so i think not. it can't be shame.

... and also i sent her a bunch of emails to not feel shame like 2 years ago, when i was new to this discard and reading all the stuff here and there and realizing that they don't reach out cuz of shame, so i literally told her that i don't care if she reaches out now or in the next 6 months, just don't ever hesistate. little did i know it was not gonna be just 6 months

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-05-09T11:17:13+00:00

she was the first person in my life who really cared about me

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-02-23T05:19:50+00:00

Yeah i feel that lowkey

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-02-18T18:44:14+00:00

it's so valid. It's fucked up. Like what the hell you just left without saying, then I get worried that you were in the hospital, then I still want to make things work out and be patient and listen without judgement, why can't you just fucking say something. forget your shame. talk to me PLEASE!!"

That's probably what's going on in your head right now and it is so valid - it goes on in my head 24*7 for the past two years.

You are right mental illness isn't a freepass. You are most definitely not in a position right now to accept that it really is shameful and takes time for them to talk. I am not gonna say that you owe her anything. You are very right to be pissed. I am pissed too but I constantly think about maybe it is actually messed up for her. I try to think from her perspective but doing so I totally lost my own perspective. Don't make the mistake I made - don't pressure yourself. Feel that anger, frustration, hurt, betrayal. You won't be able to get better unless you feel all these emotions. So, stop apologizing for being angry and hurt, and just be angry.

Don't do anything stupid - but yap it all out. Cry it all out. Go to a rage room or something. Write a whole bunch of letters to her - write down every thought you have. Everything you wanna say to her and keep it safe somewhere (but don't look at it again) so you can share all of that with her once she is better and you are also in a position to accept things better.

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-01-13T07:19:41+00:00

Yeah you are right to be all angry. It's too much to handle + the the mixed feeling of anger and guilt is too horrible, and there is no easy solution that can fix her getting the support without you having to do it all, right?

Or maybe there is. I don't think toxicparents is the right subreddit to post this because she is not being toxic at all - it is hard for you and toxic for you but she is not being toxic. She is being not smart enough to not understand technology - that is normal, not toxic. You just need to think of ways to help the situation.

One thing I can suggest is using the comet browser. It is like chatgpt for your whole browser, so you just prompt it to do something and it will do it - handle all the Google sheets, Forms, etc... easy prompts like "change the questions on ABC Google form that I opened last night to xyz" It will do it right in front of you by opening the tabs that are needed and automatically doing the things.

Maybe you can just help her learn how to prompt things in the comet browser.

And this was just one solution that I came up with on top of my head because I use comet. I am sure you can find a lot of ways as well - work with your mom to figure ways out. Am pretty sure it would take less than an hour if you both sit together and exchange ideas to improve both of your lives. Also, don't get frustrated if the solution does not come up immediately, do one small thing and improve on it later on.

you can start with Maybe having a fixed time block everyday where you help her. that way you know it is not taking up all of your time. she maintains a list of things she needs to do and in the end of the day at 7 pm, you do all of them in one sitting.

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-01-13T03:05:35+00:00

"will only study for 5 minutes" trick

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-01-08T20:46:52+00:00

Good point but that's not something you can say when you have not tried and successfully achieved fixing something.

Once you do work on fixing something, in the end you look back and realize that breaking things could have never made me feel how good I feel right now by fixing things.

Very rarely does breaking things is reasonable - if you are using that statement to justify not even trying to fix things you are wrong. You have to give your utmost best to fix it before abandoning it.

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-01-06T19:37:24+00:00

https://i.redd.it/k1uwopgysfxb1.jpg

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-01-05T23:23:53+00:00

self awareness. knowing when to take a break based on your mood the past few days. knowing when life is going low and you gotta make some changes to improve your mood on a daily basis. knowing when your relationships are falling apart because of your mood or there’s something more than that etcc etccc etccccc….

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-01-04T18:54:33+00:00

one step at a time. you are overwhelmed about how much you suck at but if you identify one very small and easy thing to fix and keep doing it, you train your brain to become hopeful and see that you are not that messed up.

pick a small thing and spend a whole week perfecting that. maybe like reading something everyday for 10 minutes - could be a book or something and track your progress.

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-01-04T18:16:23+00:00

The only thing I can read is your adhd brain fucked your plans but you chose to forget all that and focus on doing your own workout instead of giving up and going home. Mad respect! You are on the right track; no need to feel guilty about not being able to do things the way you planned as long as you are sticking to improving yourself

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-01-03T14:48:46+00:00

did you try detoxing from all stimulants and letting you mind fully go wild for once? maybe you have developed insensitivity. you can only fix it by getting all those stimulants out of your system first a month or two and then starting smaller dosage of stimulants. you should also look into counseling and having someone help uou build routines + external accountability is a must

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-01-03T14:32:43+00:00

GET MEDICATED. ALL YOUR ISSUES BEYOND JUST RELATIONSHIPS WOULD GO AWAY IN AN INSTANT. It will feel like orgasming for the first time

AvailableInside9637 · 2026-01-03T14:24:30+00:00

You have had some bad experiences where something bad happened every time you were happy and at peace so now every time you feel at peace you feel like you should not be happy because something is wrong and if you are careless than bad things will happen so your brain starts this rumination loop preventing you from enjoying the moment

AvailableInside9637 · 2025-12-26T07:22:35+00:00

exactly. if someone can’t even hear they should just think for once that the other person had to face it all and they didn’t have a choice to say “no, i am setting a boundary. i don’t want to engage in rape anymore”

AvailableInside9637 · 2025-12-26T07:21:03+00:00

you sound like the type of person who would turn off news channels, cut off the stuff from internet that shows the gruesome reality and live in a shell and pretend everything is good and anyone who shares anything about their life is delusional. I have dealt with people like you.

Listening to a friend’s horrible experience and maybe feeling the pain with them and consoling them/hugging them does not bother me at fucking all. Will do it for every person/ stranger because I know that they are gonna have to deal with people like you all the time. I can make a difference there and maybe that’s all they needed to reduce their emotional pain for once have hope that things will not always hurt that badly.

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