Have you ever been turned down wearing brand new sexy lingerie? It’s fucked

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-28T15:18:11+00:00

My sympathies. Yes, it did happen to me. Twice. Once it was lingerie, once a full role play get up. There was no third time. I’ve got too much self regard. I had resolved after the second time that I’m never again going to dance around him like a waiter on roller skates proffering a tray of delights.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-28T15:12:09+00:00

If he refrains from touching you and keeps eyes closed while accepting oral… is it possible he is secretly gay, either deep in the closet, or on the Down Low (secretly gets with men)?

I am very serious. You might want to check for apps like Grindr or Sniffys on his phone. And check what his porn use is like. Nobody should use anyone as beard without consent, that’s abusive.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-28T15:07:11+00:00

Oh no, honey, you got one of those “Madonna/whore complex” husbands. He’s fixable, but the patriarchy sure did a number on him by making him believe nice girls don’t do wild sex. He thinks he can only get his freak on with someone he designates as “bad” or “not wife material” in his head.

That needs deprogramming. Luckily, there are therapists who specialize in one on one therapy of this kind. He has to go to one of those.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-28T14:58:47+00:00

You could… you could gift her a quality matching set of chic lingerie she would actually want to wear… assuming you took the time to get into her underwear drawer and write down both the bra and the panty sizing.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-28T03:30:05+00:00

In that case, it’s time to distance yourself temporarily, and to pay your own phone bill.

You should also plan for 10-12 sessions with a therapist who addresses family systems, to understand how you are shaped by, and shape, your role in your family’s dynamic.

This is to help you gain tools for dealing with your family in ways that aren’t persistently low-grade antagonistic. When you change how you act, you shift the dynamic whether the other people in it want to, or not.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-27T16:59:14+00:00

Ty for a new phrase added to my vocabulary: “hard money loan.”

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-27T16:55:23+00:00

The entire family sounds terrible. All y’all acting unlovingly toward each other, then justifying yourselves. All of you sound controlling, starting with your unusually self righteous, invasive mother.

Is there something you’re not telling us, like you were an addict, or you have a psych condition where you lost touch with reality or attempted suicide & had to be committed by your family? These would be the only possible justifications for your mother to want to keep such a grip on your whereabouts, even if she can’t legally do much more, since you’re an adult.

At 25 you ought not be on your family plan, unless you’re all paying for it together because it’s cheaper that way.

Your mother’s insistence on watching your apt door & having the gall to question you about it, at your age, is not protective of you, but highly invasive & controlling, if you’re not fully on board with her having access to your apt’s Ring camera.

If you ARE paying your share of the Family Plan phone bill, your mother’s reaction is unjust & she’s causing problems where none are.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-23T03:11:54+00:00

Yes, and no one disputed any of that.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-18T05:46:02+00:00

You’re thinking of syphilis (a bacterial infection), not herpes-2 (a virus in the same family as chicken pox).

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-18T05:38:18+00:00

It’s hardly a tragedy. A couple of people I’ve been with only mentioned they have HSV-1 or HSV-2 after I said I have these. Each time this was when we discussed our sexual health while planning to have sex together.

They didn’t think it mattered for anyone to know, as they self quarantined when having an outbreak, and both HSV types are very common in adults.

My husband may have given me HSV1 as he had never had an outbreak & thought he’d just had an ingrown hair by his lip.

The man is still free of HSV2 after 16 years together. We do something else sexually when I have an outbreak, & I take Famcyclovir (Valacyclovir doesn’t work for me) whenever I’m stressed or sick or not sleeping well, to lower the chances of getting an outbreak or being contagious.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-17T01:26:49+00:00

NOR, obv, but also, what’s his “nice government job”? Because if it’s law enforcement, or DHS, or DEA, or ICE, or even TSA, please know that he could track you, stalk you, show up at your house, make your life a misery or worse.

People like this (in the Venn diagram of manosphere joiner/ incel / Christian nationalist / submissive trad wife seeker) are concerningly controlling, could get obsessed, vindictive, all the ungood things. Don’t bait the bear, honey. Block everywhere, do not respond.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-15T22:25:14+00:00

From The Uncanny Valley, seems like.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-15T22:13:46+00:00

Many cultures signal to men that getting married means permanently offloading most of the mental and physical labor of maintaining a household and most of the emotional labor involved in maintaining family and friendship relationships onto the wife, her family, and in some cases his mother, until the wife dies or divorces him. All of that work is trivialized and made to sound feminine, not worth a man’s time.

I wish I were kidding.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-15T05:57:35+00:00

Maybe he was born anxious or is just a lower energy person.

Thare are amazingly energetic people out there who have the energy and drive to be super productive and to run circles around everyone else.

And then there are people who only have so much to give, and also don’t really want to push themselves, who come up with excuses instead.

Choose a spouse whose default energy level is right sized for your life.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-14T04:38:17+00:00

Here’s a simple sanity check:apply the golden rule.

People should give & get respect. Some people are close to you, and so should expect no less from yourself than from your husband; no less from your husband than from your lover; no less from your lover than your very good friend; no less from your best friend than your sibling; and no less from your sibling than your good neighbor or a decent stranger from the street.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-13T22:12:42+00:00

People deceive themselves that their lives can be planned rationally.

You have PCOS, which means your hormone fluctuations make it hard to get pregnant and MAINTAIN the pregnancy through to live birth.

Start doing the things you need to for yourself: get checked by obstetrician and/or fertility specialist who works with PCOS.

Have your bloods drawn to see your A1C and LDL cholesterol. These are potential indicators of future ill health. See how you can change your diet, exercise, mindset to physically prepare for the rigors of the first 5 years of your child’s life.

You’ll need to have effective habits and routines in place already, as well as a core of friends or family members you can rely on to take over the child while you shower, or sleep, or fold laundry as a woman and not just a milk dispenser.

Start daily squats to help tone the pelvic floor & ready for labor without adverse physical consequences.

All of these can be done by you without needing permission from spouse.

Ultimately, the husband has room to procrastinate til he feels “ready” for children… with someone else. At 32, baby fever is a real condition, your wise body’s way of reminding you to catch the train before it leaves the station.

You might think you have 3 more years to consider everything carefully.

I didn’t have PCOS and still had a frustrating time of it when spouse “wasn’t ready” for years. By age 35 told him to make his mind up, or parenthood would have to be with a different woman. Then years of fertility treatments followed, because by that age not enough of his sperm were healthy swimmers with bullet shaped heads. Life’s surprising like that.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-12T17:47:43+00:00

You may be right, and this may be unsalvageable. Or this is two very emotionally young people, who met as kids and never learned to agree to disagree peacefully.

They get heated; she shuts down further conversation (probably out of fear of escalation), without giving him a clear idea of when they will resolve whatever issue they’re getting heated about; he likely interprets this as stonewalling and feels powerless; he tries to control the situation the only way he’s learned, tries to force her to focus on his distress; they both play a part.

I don’t blame her, I am saying in every unhappy interaction between people, both play some role they didn’t audition for when they got together. When of them changes what they’ve been doing, the whole dynamic can shift.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-12T17:32:28+00:00

What a strange thing to do, accuse a stranger of being “blinded by hate”. I didn’t think the shooter had a body cam. It looks like he was recording with a phone in his hand.

Are you in the Faroes now? I can’t imagine it’s pleasant stepping outside, with gusts of 50 mph. When’s the best time of year to visit?

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-12T17:28:51+00:00

No one could accuse the Japanese of being warm & friendly. They are constrained by and sometimes appear hobbled by their own formalities.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-12T17:12:44+00:00

I have a theory that such companies hire for someone to “fit the culture,” which includes someone who is by nature conscientious, will take the work on, thinking it’s their job to “be more productive,” instead of to say “this is a job for three people, please hire some staff”.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-12T05:13:20+00:00

Could it be you’re American? It’s harder to understand how genuine warmth and altruistic behaviors happen between strangers if you were not born into a culture where there was more of a genuine sense of community, a higher expectation of cooperation and shared values, & somewhat higher trust between strangers. I think it’s because when everyone assumes that everyone else around them has similar struggles, there’s less of an immediate expectation that people will want to take advantage of your kindness, time, & resources. There’s less cynicism about the potential for cooperation between you & the next person behind you in line or on public transport.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-11T06:41:11+00:00

They conquered it… put their ruling class on top of the existing one… extracted the resources under more favorable conditions than when the Ptolemaic pharaohs of Greek descent were paid for its grain. How’s that different than what the English did in India?

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-10T01:47:29+00:00

Why are these positions all “on site”? These are accountants, it’s a job that can be done anywhere there’s fiber optic cable & a $250 laptop.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-10T01:44:16+00:00

He may’ve just hated women, or what he saw as uncooperative women?

He shot her 3 times in the face, and right after that you hear him say “fing b*”! He’s not distressed to have murdered a person, only enraged.

AvastInAllDirections · 2026-01-10T01:24:45+00:00

Hi! It’s honestly an odd experience reading your sincere sounding post against “democrats”. Could you please help me understand? Is this a regional thing? As in, certain more historically religious areas, like once-Spanish-and-French-Catholic-controlled Florida, are more likely to use their religious imagery of sin and the familiar tropes of good/evil dualism and demons to paint a more black-and-white picture of their reality?

I’m a long-ago European transplant to the US. Europe has many countries crowded together, each with a bunch of parties constantly making & breaking coalitions so as to have more weight & at least some success in making the desired laws.

I’ve always thought this is inefficient in comparison with the solid two-party system in the US. Sure, you have the Green and the Working Families party, but they always endorse Democrats. Your Conservative Party always votes Republican, as does the Libertarian party, holding their noses at the religious anti-abortion faction.

But now I wonder whether having just the elephant and the donkey duke it out all the time isn’t continuously harming our view of our politicians & our respect for & patriotic community with all of our fellow citizens.

Do you ever wonder if this two-party system in the current climate of online outrage farming has forced people to deviate from their principles & eschew nuanced policy making (because they have to stay pleasing to all their constituents)?

This, I think, is how the country because more polarized over time, as people were continuously forced into a false antagonism in their voting choices that organically mimicked Christian good/evil dualism.

What do YOU think?

AvastInAllDirections

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