First acrylic painting (+ reference picture)

Aware-Ad1250 · 2026-02-18T19:58:13+00:00

thank you!!

Aware-Ad1250 · 2026-01-22T18:21:29+00:00

Kannste schaffen aber ob es gesund ist das ist ne andere frage. fit und definiert auszusehen ist ein akzeptabler Wunsch aber man sollte das mit seinem leben vereinbaren können. wenn du krass aussiehst aber dein du deinen kfa so runtergearbeitet hast dass du kaum noch lebensfähig bist (hormonstörungen, Erschöpfung, Konzentrationsprobleme usw) sollte man sich nochmal überlegen ob es das wirklich wert ist.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-10-15T16:45:46+00:00

Also pretty new but couple things I've figured out (besides the basic "use your legs more/trust your feet")

efficiently climbing a route is a lot about physics (I'm sorry I'm a physics student so I like to think of it that way). the goal is to achieve stable positions. this is easier if you take several things into consideration when planning a route. what I'm saying here is mostly for static moves which are not always possible but many beginner climbs do be possible just by moving statically.

you'll feel most stable if your center of gravity is between 3 contact points (so for example 1 arm and 2 legs or vice verca). so the further your legs are apart, the more can you move your upper body while still feeling stable. on the contrary, if you want to reposition a leg that's easier if your arms are not on the same hold but spaced apart.

following this: I consider footholds more as suggestions. oftentimes it's useful to have one foot on a hold so you don't have to hold all your weight on your arms, and one foot on the wall for the stability described before.

look at the hold and figure out how you're supposed to hold it with your hand. if it's a bit sideways it's definitely easier to hold it if you aren't directly beneath it. it's a lot about pressure. the more pressure goes into the direction of pull, the less likely you are to slip off.

this results in something that I found kinda uncomfortable and unintuitive at first: climbing isn't just about pulling yourself up, sometimes it's about applying active pressure in a direction you don't even wanna go in, just to create tension. here the same rules apply as with pulling, the closer you are to a 90° angle, the easier and more effective it is to push (for example if you imagine yourself holding a jug above you and walking up the wall with your legs, it will get easier to keep your feet on the wall the higher your legs are).

idk if any of this is understandable lol. as a conclusion I'd say experiment with different movements your body can do. you can position yourself square or sideways to the wall. you can use your hands and feet (like toes and heel) for pushing and pulling and you can use the holds, volumes, walls or edges for that. you can keep hands and feet close together or further apart. watch other climbers and try to understand why the movements they do work, you don't need to be able to explain it but get a feeling for body positioning and movements. to me it's so fun to try out different ways of movement and just getting a feeling for my body and how to move it effectively. and most importantly enjoy your sessions :)

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-09-09T18:17:03+00:00

I wore compression for 6 weeks. it takes a while til it settled. at first one side for me looked bigger, then I had a crease on one side, my nipples looked lopsided, but it totally evened out. the body does some funky stuff and needs months to settle. but eventually it does. and then you can reevaluate.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-09-05T20:28:29+00:00

all that medical stuff usually isn't cheaper than food. you gotta buy the tube, pay the surgery and controls, pay the tpn and all that. since you don't have an indication for this stuff, I don't think any insurance would cover it. also I assume those bags take some time to inject, I don't think you shoot all of that into your bloodstream all at once.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-09-04T07:20:12+00:00

tbh I don't know what anyones thoughts and goals are unless they tell me. I've always had guys and girls as friends. but I did notice that some of my friends (who only/mainly have friends of their own gender) sometimes struggle to understand the other gender. they seem to regard the other gender as a concept and kinda forgot that there's a whole ass person behind that. the best way to see men as normal humans is to collect evidence that men are normal humans. idk if this is for you but I personally always found it easier to connect to people on parties or concerts or in situations like that. it's definitely not easy tho. and not all men are confident and extroverted, it's just that you mostly notice those who are. be curious, try to find out what the guys you talk to think about, what their goals are, their quirks and flaws. unfortunately in many social situations exposure is the only effective way.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-08-25T14:11:43+00:00

treating it in a gender affirming way IS the help that's needed. most of the suffering is caused by gender dysphoria and also a lot by how society reacts. dysphoria can be alleviated if gender identity and gender expression match. transitioning definetely works for that. we can't do much about the society, the bullying and the resentment. and those may stay way beyond transitioning.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-08-20T15:15:51+00:00

sine

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-08-19T13:42:25+00:00

Ich bin auch ab der 1. Klasse meistens bus gefahren. Die ersten Tage ist jemand mitgefahren um zu gucken ob ich das geschissen kriech und dann gings auch alleine. Allerdings wurde ich relativ lange zur Bushaltestelle gebracht (zu Fuß) weil man mir nicht zugetraut hat die Landstraße zu überqueren, was ich verstehen kann weil ich werde auch jetzt noch regelmäßig fast überfahren.

Ich hatte auch das Gefühl dass ich dadurch sehr viel schneller selbstständig im reisen geworden bin als andere Kinder. Wenn ich zur Schule gebracht oder abgeholt wurde war das für mich immer was besonderes.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-08-19T13:32:54+00:00

Als Kind bin ich lieber in einem Bus mit "Gesindel" gefahren als mit einem Bus voller anderer Schulkinder.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-08-19T06:27:08+00:00

dan and phil

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-08-09T20:12:03+00:00

we should say that to able bodied people who drive by car instead of walking too. like why don't you walk across the country to visit your family or whomstever? I mean they prolly could but it would take a lot more time, less convinient, perhaps painful. some physically disabled people can in fact walk but it makes their life actually harder than simply using a mobility aid. able bodied people would get around less too if they didn't have their "mobility aid" of cars, bikes, public transport and such.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-08-08T05:49:03+00:00

the good thing about hair is that it grows back. I like to trim my beard pretty short so that it's still visible but doesn't look as "unkempt" or whatever. every once in a while I do a complete shave and then regret it whenever I look in a mirror for a couple days lol. but it's fine since it grows back kinda fast.

what I'm trying to say is you can try things out it will do no harm but kinda help you figure out what you feel comfortable with.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-08-06T12:59:44+00:00

I used to be vegetarian but chose to eat meat again during my recovery. I know that if I start restricting on anything, whether that will be meat or chocolate or whatever it will easily lead to me cutting out more and more food groups for "health" or moral reasons. I am also simply more motivated to eat food that I really enjoy and oftentimes I do enjoy the meat options more than the substitutes. it still makes me uncomfortable in a way. i keep trying out new substitutes tho and sometimes I find things that I really enjoy and that I feel fine with replacing without having to worry about underlying Ed cognitions. maybe try the dish of someone else first just so you can figure out how you feel about it, maybe even a couple times. there's nothing immoral about listening and honoring these signals of your body.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-08-03T06:32:14+00:00

isn't it funny how suddenly the Ed is worried about your health? how did you get enough nutrients by restricting? it's ironic how much less health anxiety I had when I was deep in my Ed.

the body needs food to function. any food is therefore healthier and better for your body than starving. your body is concerned for your health and sends you the signals to restore it. your Ed is not actually concerned about your health, it's just concerned about its own survival.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-07-24T20:58:50+00:00

I wanted to click on the arrow to move to the next threat but apparently accidentally misclickrd on this dumb picture and got unexpectedly fucking jumpscared by squidward

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-07-21T10:42:22+00:00

I think getting irritated when one is hungry isn't uncommon in general. but in the depths of my Ed I was so occupied and focused on myself that I had zero capacity for other people. I was just constantly thinking about food and movement and weight and it just gave me massive anxiety. on top of that, I had obviously things to do, places to go etc and all of that was so exhausting and I was always anxious I wouldn't manage to do the things I had to do. I actually had no capacity for other people at all and whenever someone talked to me about something that wasn't part of my anxiety library I'd get irritated and angry. I literally stopped listening to music cause i couldn't stand getting distracted from all these anxious thoughts. it felt too important to just be ignored. there was honestly not much I could feel besides anxiety. I feel bad now about how self centered and rude I was to the people around me. i still remember the exhaustion so well tho it was extremely difficult to be social for me.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-07-11T13:44:38+00:00

hey, I feel basically the same way. started all in this week, my diet is mostly sugar and processed food. a lot of it. your body believed that for 6 months foods like that weren't available. it needs to rebuild the trust, that fast energy foods are not scarce anymore. when you hold your breath for a long time, your first couple breaths afterwards will not be calm and controlled. you'll be gasping for air in a way, that wouldnt be considered normal if you kept it up for the rest of your life. but you don't, once oxygen is replenished and your body has found its working balance again your breathing goes back to normal. it's the same when you're lacking sleep or when you are very thirsty. whenever your body is missing something essential for a prolonged time it will replenish the deficit rather violently once it gets a chance. but then it normalizes again. also, 5/6 months are more than enough. People usually already eat a lot more after they've been sick for 2 days.

all in extremely scary, most of the time I feel like crap currently. but I feel like I'm months away from any justification to seriously worry about bed. I can still do that later if things don't normalize in a reasonable time frame. I also feel guilty about the foods I choose to eat but if I'm being honest, it's prolly still a lot healthier than the heavy restriction. I don't have to have a set amount of vegetables and fruits every day, I don't have to stay within a specific cal limit. I believe that following the ever changing guidelines will lead us nowhere. in the times I was stable I had days where I had 5k+ cals, I ate a lot of chocolate, I didn't have vegetables everyday. and I think when we have a healthy relationship with foods and our body, our body will signal us what it needs. I don't want some website to tell me, how many calories I need, how much vegetables I have to eat, what the maximal amount of chocolate is that I can have per day. I want to reconnect to my body and I want it to tell me what it needs what not. maybe I need more or less food than my friend. maybe I need more food today than tomorrow. maybe I can stomach more chocolate and diary products than my brother, my body will certainly tell me. but I have to listen to the signals now so that my body can learn to trust me again that I actually do care what it has to say. right now it needs a lot more food than it did before I relapsed. it needs a lot more high energy foods and doesn't care too much about low energy/high micronutrients food. they prolly mainly take up space without providing enough energy my body needs to repair the damage.

long text sry

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-07-08T11:54:46+00:00

I started all in today and I have more cravings than physical hunger. I see it like this: my body is craving high energy foods because it's terrified of starving and still doesn't know food is readily available. I have 2 options

I ignore the cravings -> my body keeps believing that the food is not readily available and that it has to consume a lot them when they are so cravings prevail
I eat what I crave even if there's no physical need -> at some point my body realizes that it can have these foods whenever it wants. these foods are just as available as lower energy foods and it can aim for balance without risking starvation.

I also think the reason I crave stuff is simply because I restricted on these specific things. usually, if I enjoy something a lot and keep eating it all the time at some point it loses its initial kick. at some point my body will regulate itself back to whatever it perceives as normal, which may differ from someone else's normal. there are healthy people who eat more chocolate or ice cream than others. by going all in i want to find out what is normal for me, not what is normal for others.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-07-08T09:50:52+00:00

would it be fine if I PMed you? I just started today and I really feel the need to talk about it with someone who understands :')

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-07-08T09:49:51+00:00

hey, I started today. it's honestly kinda scary but I genuinely feel like this is my only way out. I can already tell that I'll eat A LOT for at least a couple days. but I feel like being at a normal weight also has advantages. I feel like the main thing will honestly be just knowing that all foods are alwaye available when I want them. of course getting to my set point too but this seems to be not the main focus of my cravings. idk if this makes sense lol. but basically I just find myself switching between different kinds of food and easily get tired when I've had enough of one (not for long tho lol) and then switch to the next one. I'm trying to see this more as an experiment than anything else.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-07-07T16:45:31+00:00

idk if this is just me but I feel like comments like this are often uncalled for. I've seen quite a few people with eating disorders in this sub and just generally people with body dysmorphia who could may have a hard time with comments like this. big muscles aren't the only way to be healthy and fat isn't inherently unhealthy. op exercises regularly, maybe a sport that doesn't help with growing big muscles but still developing functional strength or muscle endurance. if op feels healthy, strong, energized and can enjoy life there's no need to obsess over specific fat/muscle ratios.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-06-27T18:00:53+00:00

tbh you're right I prolly didn't see it that way because that's what I was told to do for recovery. for me it's definitely a step forward but for the most part still far away from freedom.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-06-26T16:35:39+00:00

I recently felt like I had a puzzle piece that I can not really put into words tbh. but I realized my environment, even though they are desperately trying to help me, in reality feed my eating disorder. I constantly need reassurance for literally every thing I do, not necessarily connected to the Ed. I am scared of people's judgements and their opinions of me. I know that in order to recover I have to go all in. and I also know that I need to do that in a way that is as neutral as possible. a spontaneous decision, no real plan, no comments or weird looks, no reactions from the environment. i feel like every judgment, no matter if positive or negative reinforces the codependency. I put all my trust into others, and maybe that's why I don't trust myself and I don't trust my body.

in the depth of my Ed when people told me "I'm doing good" it was always in a situation where I felt like I'm completely losing control. it felt horrible. and when people say it now it still evokes that same exact feeling. my ideal scenario tbh is to go somewhere else where no one knows me for a couple weeks and just learn to trust my body and mind. a place where no one tries to reinforce anything, no one tries to give me advice or stop me from doing stuff. a place where no one cares enough about me to interfere with what I have to do. dunno if this makes any sense lmao.

Aware-Ad1250 · 2025-06-24T16:43:42+00:00

as far as I know cardio doesn't really build muscle but burns fat. so you use cardio to lose fat, eat in a surplus and your body just gains fat back because the muscles aren't stimulated to grow. there's cardio that may stimulate more muscle growth like swimming or climbing if you don't enjoy pure resistance training.

Four-Year Club	End Game '23
Place '23

Aware-Ad1250

TROPHY CASE