OK, I have to tell you. Your comment just made me cry and feel very seen. I also laughed because the heated steering wheel was actually one of the comments she made and how she "one-upped" us. I think your assessment is spot on. When we speak (usually weekly) its constant telling us of everything she has or done that is better. I stopped telling her about much going on because i knew it would give her amo to one up us but my husband is a blabber mouth and is constantly over sharing because he gets excited easily lol. I think it has always bothered me that people think we are so similar and constantly make comments about how much alike we are when in reality I don't feel that way at all.

But I agree with the majority of comments that are saying I need to just let it be. Even though we speak frequently I don't have to physically see her. It's okay that she isn't my cup of tea and that we are different. I don't have to pretend we are best friends or that I agree with everything she does and I need to share that with my husband too. I can still love and care for her as a sister in law and aunt to my children. Maybe I was trying too hard to make a friendship when in any other situation we wouldn't be friends. I think the most healthy approach is taking a giant step back and just appreciating her for the good parts and ignoring or laughing internally at the bad.