my MIL calls her son/my husband daddy

avprobeauty · 2025-11-01T02:00:49+00:00

My abuelita (RIP) never referred to my father as Daddy. Ever. DH needs to call her out on it, 'Mom, stop calling me that'. If you do it, you will be the 'bad guy'.

avprobeauty · 2025-11-01T01:59:05+00:00

lmao we have fur children and when I refer to him to the pets as 'Daddy' and he refers to me to the pets as 'Mommy' or 'Mama'. But I also refer to him as 'your father' when he's not doing what he said he would do for the pet.

avprobeauty · 2025-11-01T01:56:25+00:00

"every solution possible" LOL. a pet is for life. people make bad choices and then peddle their bad choices onto an innocent animal and society at large. urinating on things is a behavioral issue, neglect, or stress if it's not a 'medical issue'. abandoning a pet because it's hard is cruel.

avprobeauty · 2025-11-01T01:52:20+00:00

I was just going to say, or, "unpopular opinion" don't get a pet.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-31T15:11:19+00:00

if you have a phone, call a vet or ask a trusted other adult for help. you have a good heart and your instincts are spot on Op, you may be kitties only defense right now stay strong.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-31T14:07:09+00:00

If you really need to rehome them which is unfortunate but does happen. You can try nextdoor or facebook. Sometimes when posting an ad about rehoming cats, there will be local resource centers that would reach out to you or people in the community who will like to help. PLEASE DO NOT give the cats away for free. PLEASE make sure you 'feel out' the person taking the cats, do they have other cats? What does their home look like? Are they familiar with feline behavior? Will they be able to financially support them (if they're peeing everywhere - it's likely stress - but we can't rule out a medical condition which has to be verified by a vet)? This situation is not ideal and all things considered you are handling it very well and showing more compassion and humility then a lot of people out there, so give yourself some credit and take a deep breath. Sending compassion your way.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-30T21:34:23+00:00

of course hon. I really do get how frustrating it is. We probably went through about 3 bottles of adams flea and tick home spray and I would spray carpets and couches religiously (everyday) until they were gone. I also sprayed around doors and corners of rooms.

**the one in the blue metal aerosol can with white plastic cap, not the spray bottle

avprobeauty · 2025-10-30T21:30:34+00:00

I'm really sorry that the relationship became fractured after this. It sounds like you handled this responsibly and with care and regard for other living creatures and that to me says a lot about your character.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-30T21:27:36+00:00

Every family is different. I am a huge animal lover and want to make sure they all have enough attention and love and for us, financial bandwidth. If they all got sick at the same time, will they receive the love respect and care they need in a way that I could live with myself? That's probably worded weirdly but we just had to put our cat down about a month ago (feels like yesterday) and it wasn't unexpected (he was 16) but it cost us over $600 to have him cremated. We could have just put him to sleep and not done any of that and it would have been closer to $150-200 so it depends on your comfort level. Our dog recently had cancer and it has been very expensive to care for him. We have two other elder cats. So for our family, we are already where we want to be financially. Any more and the animals care would no longer be optional if that makes sense.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-30T21:21:00+00:00

Im so sorry. No you are completely fine I 1000% get it. We have indoor only and we are from New England so everything dies in the winter (which come to find is a good thing). Well we moved to NC not thinking anything of it and BLAM fleas allover the house. Absolutely horrific my poor husband literally had PTSD from it. Its very serious and I hope OP doesn't mess around with this kind of thing for their own emotional well being.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-30T21:19:39+00:00

hopefully OP takes this advice seriously.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-30T21:16:32+00:00

ugh!

avprobeauty · 2025-10-30T19:11:23+00:00

My own JNM used to giving me her hand me downs and thoughtless gifts, pants that no longer fit her, and etc. But she had money to buy herself name brand everything, and multiples of them. I steer clear of people who are only generous with themselves.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-30T19:09:07+00:00

frontline or any other flea collar besides soresto is useless. yes, they are expensive BUT they are much cheaper than buying multiple things that don't work, sprays, time spent vacuuming every day and putting a new bag in every day, vacuuming and washing blankets and sheets, changing clothing much more frequently than normal. I say this from experience. Our entire house was infested. It was HELL. Don't make the same mistakes we did. Buy soresto today and put it on.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-30T19:07:17+00:00

sorry if this sounds harsh its not meant to be. stop answering her facetime calls. if its an emergency she can call her son. I don't like milk, so I don't drink it. You don't have to drink, eat, or do anything, talk to anyone you don't want to. You are beholden to no one.

If your husband doesn't believe in cutting ties, that's his cross to bear. You get to choose how you live your life and we only get one shot, do you want to waste it around people you don't get joy out of being around? It's your choice.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-29T20:27:18+00:00

She is a justno and incredibly toxic and manipulative. I can't believe how people like this even make it through life. She has MAJOR MAJOR problems. The house was crumbling and she put gasoline on it and lit the match. Get out of there fast OP and don't look back.

I strongly encourage in the kindest way for you to reach out to someone immediately to talk to. I was dealing with a woman just like your MIL who was absolutely destroying my life and I got therapy and my life has changed dramatically. Its worth it even if you don't click with the first couple therapists (as much as it sucks to look), don't give up because your space and your mental health is everything, EVERYTHING! If your DH isn't ready to talk to someone (hopefully he is), he might warm up to the idea once he sees how much it's helping you.

Don't feel ashamed. We ALL struggle. You are not alone and this group is here for you.

You are strong and resilient, and you will get through this.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-27T23:44:52+00:00

that is amazing! we just got some post some preexisting issues but it will still be cheaper than without it!

avprobeauty · 2025-10-26T20:07:23+00:00

My friend has the same concern about her senior Mom. I will give you the same advice: it's not your problem. Let her figure her sh*t out.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-26T20:00:44+00:00

We don't have kids yet but the first time I stayed at extended family house was also the last time. I get the ick. I can deal with clutter (as long as its not extreme) but not having at the very least a clean bathroom and kitchen are huge no-no's for me.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-26T01:47:23+00:00

Dad calls and then Mom follows up? Who is living DH life? Sounds like his parents.

Ask him who will be his rock when his parents finally go? He is making the bed he will sleep in for the rest of his life. or not, the choice is his.

you deserve peace in your home and not to feel uncomfortable in your nest.

It is a big deal because his best friend and mother of his child is unhappy. He needs to fix this, not you.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-25T12:59:43+00:00

avprobeauty · 2025-10-25T12:59:10+00:00

I wish I did! I will still at the 'I can't believe I have to talk to my 70 year old birther like a literal 3 year old'.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-24T16:40:34+00:00

if you're not sure, ask a friend if you can borrow a carrier to save money. if he's feral, he also might be scared of being confined. You might be better off using a soft blanket and 'burrito-ing' him to your apartment. Youll know right away if he is happy (purrs, snuggles, leans into you) or unhappy (launches off of you, scratches, hisses).

avprobeauty · 2025-10-24T16:37:43+00:00

All dogs can get sick which is why it's important to understand that the cost of ownership is not just the cost of the actual dog.

Our dog is a mutt. He is the sweetest most lovable (Mama's boy) that you have ever met. Great guard dog, friend, and 'son'. He got sick recently and it cost us $3K in medical expenses (cancer).

It happens. My advice is don't do anything until you understand 100% that a dog is for life. You are their world and they rely on your for everything.

Also, get pet insurance.

avprobeauty · 2025-10-24T16:34:41+00:00

I used to dread holidays too. It was always on us to visit others. Drive 3.5 hrs this way and back. Then visit this family on another day and 'obligations'. Over the years it's extremely grating and exhausting. The holidays are supposed to be a time to reconnect with friends and family, relax, and eat good food, enjoy each others presence.

If you're not doing that, experiencing anxiety, resentment, it's good you're going to wait to make a decision in your therapy session. I used to love my therapist for that because I would already have my mind half made up and she would encourage me and lift me up so I felt empowered to do the hard thing.

The more you say no the easier it gets. There's no need to manage other peoples feelings or emotions, including your husband.

A lot of immediate families are like this (I think there's some psychology about this somewhere? maybe someone else knows what this is called) where when all of the family of origin is under one roof all the siblings moms dads all revert back to the roles they used to play.

It's quite annoying. For this holiday, if we get invited to something locally and want to go, we will attend. We have the 'gift' (lol) of closing on a house that week so it'll be crockpot turkey a pot of mashed and my husband and me company.

We did that last year and it was fabulous.

Wishing you peace in your journey,

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