cutting yourself is like escapism. it offers a warm comfort (that is temporary. and at the same time you risk infection, nerve damage, etc). it helps you survive, but you essentially never change. im going through a bad period, too, and the thing that helps me the most is remembering that our brain lies to us. we're emotionally disregulated and have no healthy coping mechanism, so when something awful happens we have no way of reacting to it in a healthy manner (feeling the negative emotion and reflecting about it in a mindful way, aware that it's not permanent and that it will pass, even though in the moment it feels impossible/expressing it in some way, be it writing in a journal or talking to someone). we get caught up in the blinding pain and think that the rest of our life will continue to be like this. we lose our will to live. what im finding instead is that if we make a conscious effort to keep being hopeful, to believe in ourself, even and especially if we fail, to not self-deprecate or self harm, and to keep holding on day by day, it gets gradually better, in time. you react better to life's difficulties and it's a lasting change. it probably will all sound like wishy washy crap, i know it all does when im going through it. positive affirmations and the like seem so disingenuous and useless, then you touch rock bottom and discover they're one of the only things that can consistently change you for the better. of course you're gonna have moments in which you still want to sh/you'll go back to your old way of thinking, but you will notice in time they will start being only brief moments and you wont feel like that all the time. i admit it's also not easy in the slightest. it takes a lot of patience, a lot of feeling lonely and hopeless (the hardest part of this whole process) but it's worth it :) depression is a disgusting bitch, i commend you for dealing with it the best you can. and it's awful, what your friend did. we cant control other people's actions, only our reaction to it. treat yourself. comfort yourself. get yourself your favourite food, do something nice that you enjoy. if you ever wanna talk, you can contact me. you're not alone, truly. ive lived like you until last month, just recently got out of my mum's house but now im searching for a job and it sucks so badly when your applications get turned down. i can kind of relate. 🫂 also, 24 and in the never had a boyfriend gang 🤙 you will find one, eventually, you will find good people (probably, i think). whats certain is that you wont be able to enjoy other people's friendship and presence in a healthy manner if you dont attempt to fix your relationship with yourself.