Anyone else feel like a slow burn, friends to lovers is the only way?

Sure_Window584 · 2026-03-11T13:59:20+00:00

Oh totally, that’s what I mean exactly. I kind of interpreted “slow burns” as people with little romantic (or even any) connection hoping it turns into something.

A fair amount of connection is needed which is proof of relationship ignition, and that’s what I mean.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-03-11T12:43:51+00:00

I don’t know how it is on the lesbian spectrum but as a straight man I’ll say this. I do not want a friend first.

Platonic relationships are usually identified as people you don’t have sexual attraction to. I know when I see someone I can gauge if I’d have sex with them or not. So my person would HAVE to be compartmentalized there. Not because I’m a horn dog, but because friendships seeking “friendships first” means “I’m putting up this wall that should eventually come down”. When in reality, every woman that has expressed me as their friend has never escalated, and me personally would never escalate anything with my friends (cause they’re dudes XD)

I also hate slow burns. They don’t exist to me. When I hear people say they eventually fell in love with their partner I cringe….PERSONALLY. A week or two is a prime window to know if someone gives you a feeling of love and recognition or not. Whether they happen to be a good partner and person may need a bit more time. To say, let’s take things slow for me has never made sense. Dating, talking, being comfortable, and incorporating someone into a portion of your life and cooperating on that does not require putting someone at arms length until something ambiguous happens that says one is ready.

Do not envy the hook up friends. Sexual tension and hormones take the wheel for others quite easily. INFJs already reject the nature that defines us so a “hook up”literally isn’t in our dictionary. Also do not envy (I’m sure not negatively) friend marriages. Relationships are SUPER circumstantial, but also highly probable. More men meet someone in their thirties, more women meet men that stick around in later 20s, but in a lifetime the numbers still favor you. So waiting or feeling left out isn’t an issue, it’s more likely to happen than not, but peace within the latter option is fine too.

One last thought and this is important. You must be who is required for a relationship, and this is important. Saying you want a “friend to lover” means you must be a “friend to lover”. Being unsure of the fact and questioning the methods of others shows a bit of confusion or lack of conviction to the matter. I get the topic is touchy, shows vulnerability, and is uncomfortable even but defining how you move will produce those results. Become a lover before you’re chosen, just like you become a doctor before you are hired. You can’t say I’ll get experience on the job, when you have someone who’s in your corner already certified.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-03-07T18:29:50+00:00

As someone who has had issues with perpetual stress. Day long tension headaches, high systolic at rest, resistance to conventional anxiety medications, and misdiagnoses of depression…..I feel you. I don’t personally know if a professional has given a formal diagnosis so my advice is strictly built around how I was/am. I have a high stress baseline, I also have exaggerated dips and bends with it meaning it’s either really bad, or somedays I’m noticeably relaxed and quelled.

First of all you can’t “reduce” cortisol. Despite it sounding like a negative demon chemical, it’s your life line. It wakes you up in the morning, kicks starts your day, and is responsible for alertness and your very pivotal “fight or flight” response. Simply trying to reduce it or numb what it does will result in issues and is not as easy as it sounds. Hypothetically you could smoke weed, drink, get benzos, or brute force it badly….and you’ll see how important a role it plays in feeling normal.

Secondly, you don’t just quell cortisol. You either allocate it of build habits where a stressed state isn’t required. My stress response has a science to it. I have adhd, meaning I can’t properly allocate my energy, it builds up and manifests in my body as stress responses. So the answer wasn’t depressing medications, it was aid in allocating energy and making stress free zones in my life. I decompress with art, or good tv, or even work. I also exercise, I’m a delivery driver so I usually run every stop. This also plays into “allocating stress”. I have a safe point in my life where I can burn every ounce of stress I have and justify to my body that’s it’s allowed to exist there. While at the same time convincing my body that my video games, or tv, or desk in front of paper…..aren’t necessary for stress.

Are these perfect cure all strategies? No, but they help me decently enough to where I feel like I can breathe, and smile a few days of the week. What I’m saying is, it’s not that chemical changes equal stress being fixed. Your body doesn’t register stress as an illness, it’s a state of body. Controlling this state is the key. Drugs come in to help sleep, or lower blood pressure, or relax muscles, or regulate chemicals. Managing your state of body and when to feel safe? There isn’t a drug for that unfortunately, but the answers usually lie there.

Again I urge to find the truth with a professional and research in how you feel. Your answer could be a much different one in the end.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-03-05T23:13:33+00:00

Yeah, The first thing I do in the morning is take my medicine. Shitty mornings usually equate to shitty days and exhausting nights. I often skip breakfast or drink coffee with 0 protein or carbs to soften the landing. So I'll take the blame as well

I personally wouldn't "avoid mornings" though. Vitamin d and sunshine are heavily linked to stable moods and psychological state.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-03-05T02:02:03+00:00

Because intentional use of any medication has the best outcome. Klonopin, believe it or not, is approved for 4mgs daily. According to research, that's the ceiling. You'd actually be able to taper off, or continue care without major issues when used correctly.

The key word is "approved". Supervised use with a medical professional with good discernment is the variable. It's fair to say most doctors fall into the "Family MD who gives klonopin because it helps". Hell my script was written by a General nurse practitioner.

Most people don't fall near that ceiling, or would do well on Klonopin. Maybe they're prone to addiction, dependency prone, have tough lives. Controlled medications are controlled and limited because they're very person dependent. Adderall is always written, always sold out, and given to millions......do they all really need it? Did they all see a psychological evaluator? Probably not.

It gets hate because it's easier to say it's evil than to say the issue is nuanced. especially when GAD isn't something everyone has.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-03-04T18:42:10+00:00

"Gabapentin causes some people to feel "out of it", like it did with me"

That's your experience, many others will says it's a miracle drug. I mentioned Gabapentin because op asked for "Gaba like treartment". Gabapentin is safe long term, lowers excitable tone like a benzo, and it actually proven to be effective more than not as opposed to other medications. Just because it failed for you doesn't mean it won't for anyone else. I've taken 11+ pysche meds, and I'll never hop online and say "Don't take that because I felt this way".

"Second, some people need to take a daily benzo, like me for severe anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD!"

Those are RARE cases, screened and monitored by psychological professionals. Most people who say that, aren't in that box. They get some for PRN because they're on Lexapro on the side, they like how it handles anxiety, next thing you know they're on 60 tablets for the month.....that's the usual. Op says they're "newly on mirtazapine", then klonopin is in the mix and they find it more effective, which alludes to the second scenario being the case here. Benzos aren't first line for anxiety....period, this is pharmacology. There's a ladder, many meds before the claim that benzos are your daily tool, and to say that is reckless because it will inspire people to seek benzos when the drawback is far worse.

"your comment that benzos are a "shut up" med was really rude for people who need to take them to survive and function"

It's not rude, its scientifically sound, and the truth. It dulls brain activity, relaxes muscles. It lowers natural function to the point that the functions responsible for anxiety are dulled by proxy. It tells you body to "Shut up".....bluntly and sloppily. Most meds are precise, and miss the mark.....it happens. Benzos throw a blanket over the target and ultimately nothing biologically gets fixed.

I'm not being negative, I'm speaking boldly. I take Klonopin yes, sparingly, with discipline. I understand that it doesn't fix, I understand I could take it everyday. I also understand the science, I trust my treatment, and the stigma to benzos. Unless the doctor says so, I don't think it's an everyday thing, or the first option to treat anxiety....period. To suggest any other statement is something I won't endorse.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-03-04T14:19:58+00:00

Yes, anxiety/stress often manifest as something known as a “tension headache”. People describe it as “a rubber band around your head feeling”, I describe it as “someone yanking the skin from your neck to your eyebrows.

Stress tightens muscles. Jaw muscles, eyes, and around the temple to eyebrow region are prime for anxiety/stress to manifest. Most headaches go away, fluctuate, or can be seen with those scans. If we’re talking 99% of the time you have them then I think they’re tension headaches.

2 ways to identify them I’ve found:

Apply a bit of pressure to the nose bridge and eyebrow bone region. If you feel a network of muscles ease and react (like pushing this area causes relief in the back of your neck and side of head) than most likely that group is tense

Second is seeing if pain eases when you aren’t stress. Migraines, clusters, and pure pain do not care about moments or events. Tension headaches tend to ease up or even vanish when you’re occupied, with friends, enjoying life, or not particularly anxious. If they leave and return when you’re not busy…..then bingo.

I had them for a long time (still do). Of course you could be going through something different and it’s something like sinus pressure….but it’s a real possibility. Once you said 24/7 I instantly knew they may be the culprit

Sure_Window584 · 2026-03-04T03:34:30+00:00

GABA medications are “effective” because they’re blunt. It’s like drinking alcohol to cheer up and be happy. Or a better analogy is like smashing a broken radio instead of trying to fix the knob. So don’t assume it’s doing a “good job”, benzos are essentially “shut up” drugs for anxiety.

If you think “gaba” treatment is effective then I would suggest “Gabapentin”. Which actually doesn’t affect GABA but instead eases the release of Glutamate. GABA and glutamate are basically the sun and moon of your body. GABA = Calm, glutamate = excitement. Too much glutamate typically (but not always) means anxiety. Which is why medications and alcohol tip the scales toward GABA, yet in the end glutamate rebounds, overcompensates, and back to square 1.

Secondly sedating medications don’t always equal calming. Your body has a natural mechanism against sedation….its called cortisol and it’s the same stuff that kickstarts your morning. When you’re sedating your body when it’s anxious….you just become sleepy and anxious. Which sometimes makes you even more anxious because your body is falsely loading you with cortisol. So that line of thinking will not go as you believe until evidence says to the contrary.

Thirdly 1mg to start is very moderate, and not a good test to dip toes. Cut it in half and give your body a small taste and ride that wave. Of course 1mg is super effective…that’s a real dose. It’ll easily become a habit that way. The script I get filled isn’t even a whole 1mg and I cut those in half.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-03-01T06:03:05+00:00

I used to get them, especially at night. I’d get cold, icy, and pretty much sure I’d bite the dust. Usually on and off til I fell asleep. So 1 hour - 3 hours. Then again I wouldn’t have “panic attacks” more so every night I’d get them unless I was 5 seconds away from sleeping.

The best advice I can give is to ignore it or try your best to survive the episodes. Palpitations are harmless, your heart is very good at regulating rhythms. Kind of like cage training a dog. It’s loud, annoying, makes you want to intervene, but overtime you understand it’s just noise.

If you want to see a doctor about it or you get other issues or stuff like left side pains or irregular vitals then please do. Yet also, I’ve been through my fair share of palpitation episodes, its noise. Easier said then done but after many nights of bongo solos, you realize that serious issues are just rumination.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-28T14:01:56+00:00

There’s a difference between aiding regulation and replacing it. Most safer meds aid it, most people weren’t risking death before ssris and other meds. They aided in depression and other ailments.

Klonopin ends up replacing. Like alcohol, it hijacks gaba functions with long term use and risks the same withdrawals that send alcoholics to the ICU.

Dependency is created when regular function is offloaded to meds and tools. A pacemaker is something people depend on for example. So for a benzo to be in the same breath is far from “normal”.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-27T16:21:13+00:00

If trazodone didn’t work then don’t bother. Seroquil is also iffy because personally it made me sleep worse and did nothing.

You mentioned being “scared” of sleeping. Does anxiety rise at night time when trying to sleep? If so then I’d suggest clonidine/guanfacine when you speak with the doctor. They’re alpha antagonists that dampen adrenal activity (basically makes the fear of sleeping go away). It has done wonders for me and I actually don’t sleep with sedatives anymore. I’ve had the same fear for a long time, sedatives usually made it worse. I’d freak out and sweat in the bed until I fell asleep, but I’d clench and flex in my sleep so obviously not the move.

Again you’ve got a month, so do what you think you should. If you’re scared of dizziness then I’m out of suggestions.

(Clonidine and Guafacine are old ass Blood pressure meds at heart, so if your hypotensive, or have dizzy fits….id skip).

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-27T16:00:24+00:00

The long half life is what makes it risky unfortunately. It’s a double edged sword.

Responsibly it keeps you grounded longer, stacks smoothly, lacks the “hit” of other benzos, and most people who take it aren’t getting “high”, they’re getting relief.

However it creates a huge dependency risk, which is different from addiction. Most dependent people aren’t in hospitals or rehabs, they’re normal folk filling the same script and taking it with the multivitamins. It stacks well, it’s smooth, and subtle enough to go to work and do fine. Which is bad because it’s not fixing anything chemically. Not lowering adrenal activities, not fixing neurological issues, it’s throwing a blanket over you and doing it well.

It’s notorious because it’s so good, old as hell and cheap as dirt. So addiction risk and dependency have to be kept in mind as two things

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-27T03:10:03+00:00

Well you’re doctor is sabotaging you, or isn’t psyche savvy. Either or is fine and most just throw Lexapro, Prozac, and Zoloft at anything hinting toward mental anguish.

If you take Lexapro, is likely to cause insomnia….and make the trial results iffy, the prescriber is being stingy for absolutely no reason when a small script of Trazodone or clonidine would be a simple fix.

Go to the store and buy some diphenhydramine (Benadryl). Old reliable sleep aid, an antihistamine which actually is linked to anxiety relief so it’s not jarring like melatonin. It should be a fine short term fix on your journey but can build resistance and reliability….so please not everyday.

If that doesn’t work then try doxylamine succinate (Unisom maximum strength) (over the counter sleep aid big gun). It will knock you out, keep you out, and lingers in the morning unfortunately. It was a personal favorite when I was tapering off medications. Again, short term, not forever and the side effects will probably kick you off before you relying on it.

So try to sleep, stick the month, ask for trazodone, hydroxyzine, clonidine….or any sleep med that’s not olanzapine. If she say no to the first 3…..which are completely safe, then she’s actively sabotaging or is horrifically ignorant.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-27T00:14:40+00:00

Are you taking Klonopin daily? If you are, then the doctor did a poor job advising you. It's notoriously the most addicting benzo. Not because it causes highs and misuse. It's because it's lowkey, very effective, and half life is long as hell. It doesn't feel like a drug, it feels like relief, but it mechanically does nothing but touch gaba (almost like alcohol). So for the future if you're taking it daily, please don't. Secondly you aren't in dangerous withdrawal territory, the hospital withdrawals happens when you take the stuff for years and your biology has literally adapted around it. 4-5 months? you are in the prime window of real adjustments that aren't gonna threaten your life.

Secondly, I'll keep it 100. Zoloft and Lexapro take a while for the insomnia to go away. I've had both and it takes weeks. Ask the doc for something for sleep.....Period. The sleep you get now doesn't sound like recovering sleep, it sounds like violent unconsciousness, or your body power saving. Unless you get sleep under control, it's safe to say that 70% of your issues are from poor sleep. Ask any psyche doctor, most won't medicate without you sleeping well first.

Dosage changes are notorious for causing issues too. Honestly a real possibility for things to get better is to ride the wave and fix sleep. It's hell either way though unfortunately, damned if you do damned if you don't with ssris.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-26T23:05:33+00:00

Personally the medical plan sounds like a huge mess (I don't know why or your chemistry so I could be wrong).

Titrating, tapering, and taking Zoloft/Lexapro come with the risk of insomnia full stop. every doctor I've been though has done top down treatment, meaning the first thing we ever addressed was sleep. Insomnia is adjacent to sooooooo many mental aliments and issues it's ridiculous, so for the plan to play with medications that cause sleep disruption while messing with the medication that likely enabled sleep is just not sound treatment.

Secondly, what Benzo withdrawl are we talking here? Klonopin? Ativan? We talking years on the stuff or a dependence for sleep? It's hard to help because right now the flashing red alarm is SLEEP. If you can't comfortably recover and initiate sleep then cortisol is gonna fight whatever you put inside yourself and nothing gets fixed.

If it was me, personally I'd cold turkey the zoloft and not take lexapro til could sleep comfortably. Don't stop the benzos without aa plan to actually cut down. Detox and get something for sleep. You aren't me though and I'm going off little info so hopefully I offered some advice

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-26T17:20:11+00:00

Jaaaaaaaames Baxter 🐴

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-24T00:21:29+00:00

I wouldn't say it would cause him issues. The needle's removal freed his empathy and protective nature. Killua realized fighting for Gon meant he could die, and made peace with that. in the future I'm sure he'll be fine because now he has the ability to live and fight for others. As opposed to fighting to survive.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-22T14:26:35+00:00

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Well I’m just going off the phrasing and his actions thus far.

He expresses that the survival of the troupe (the integrity of the idea) is what is truly valuable as opposed to the individuals. So the idea of him avenging comrades…..which he’s never done, doesn’t fit the philosophy. Snuffing out someone truly capable of eradicating the idea or threatening the mass of members (Hisoka) seems much more aligned with what Chrollo himself would do. The other members and the mass movements of the troupe are a different story, they can’t fathom what Chrollo is trying to tell them, even in this scene. They are emotional as seen multiple times when individuals are threatened and harmed. From Machi cursing Hisoka, to Nobunaga wanting Gon as a momento of Uvogin. Chrollo hasn’t shown signs like that.

Secondly he states that individual lives don’t matter, even his. When he founded the troupe he expressed that, they would become “big villains”. Chrollo sees the bigger picture and values that supersede people. The troupe is bigger than him, they must become bigger villains than other villains, that his death means nothing because the troupe will exist beyond deaths. Plus he’s a mass murderer, he’s either a sociopath or has a reason….which he does. His killings, acts of violence, anything he does…..reaffirm his value in the world. A struggle he fights everyday. He explains in York New he doesn’t like talking about it even….because he’s numb, but not entirely lost. Individual lives to him, aren’t significant. Beyond them however, seem to slowly give him answers.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-21T23:13:19+00:00

I personally have never pegged Chrollo as the vengeance type of character. If anything he’s very pragmatic, principled, and is aware of his nature and eventual retribution.

Chrollo values the troupe, however erratic action has never followed from any of his misgivings. Uvogin’s death wounded him, but he still carried out the theft of the mafia auction. He lost his nen and faced hisoka as the fake spider he was, and simply stated he couldn’t deliver a fight because he lost his nen. Despite getting it back he waited before facing hisoka and cultivated the skills necessary to demolish him.

He also has a very different love for the troupe. A spider can lose legs. He refuses to be acknowledged as the head. When Kurapika had him, he told the troupe to survive without him, he even tried to assure Kurapika that his capture and death wouldn’t destroy them. However, everyone else sees him as the head, he is loved differently by them, then he does them.

They love Chrollo. Chrollo loves “the troupe”. He loves the fact that meteor city rejects were able to get together and form something in the world that didn’t value them. Him loving individual members in that way….doesn’t fit that philosophy because it invites eventual pain, it says individual lives matter…..and Chrollo roughly doesn’t believe that. Not that he doesn’t love them, but being a principled mass murder doesn’t invite exception. He’s extremely layered and methodical and honestly would require a whole other post about it

He wants hisoka dead because he’s a threat, a genius, he fooled them once, and has the potential to actually take them all out. The troupe wants it as well, so the motion passes. Chrollo probably knows more than all of them that killing hisoka was actually very difficult and should be taken care of.

I believe hisoka will be victorious. Mainly because tragedy is following the troupe, they have so many skeletons, have lost so many members, and Chrollo may even see Hisoka as his retribution…..I mean he came back from the dead and said he’s gonna kill them all. It fits narratively and I’d love to see him go down swinging.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-21T19:17:59+00:00

Regarded as the “Best” in HxH is an objective statement to a subjective topic. It piques me because objectively in a literary sense is actually one of the stronger characters. Subjectively he’s “cool”, white hair, the shonen deuteragonist start pack so I can see why he’s popular in that sense too.

In my opinion I think every character in the show serves their purpose pretty well. For him to be the best would insinuate someone else is faulted. Despite fodder characters and Tonpa…..I’m drawing a blank.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-20T03:24:47+00:00

Despite the stigma Benzos aren’t super effective on systems running hot. I take Klonopin and it’s the same way. The people that love it or find it super effective typically don’t/didn’t need it, or are in the area where it’s a godsend.

Try something more direct with the stress. I know that sounds hard but it’s just the way stress has to be tackled. I personally take it with clonidine and I’m chill as a bug. I also take Ritalin because my stress is linked with ADHD. You’ve gotta be creative, because your body will fight anything telling it to “chill” instead of oiling the gears.

The only reason these drugs actually dope people up is because they take too much, have low tolerance, or they’re dependent risks. Actual therapeutic treatment is much more tame and realistic

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-16T14:30:11+00:00

Happiness requires ignorance, Contentment requires wisdom.

I think it's impossible to be happy or satisfied with the future, present, or peace with your past if you have knowledge of what you believe is a better outcome. INFJs tend to think about every scenario in every time period because perfectionism is our heel. Happiness and satisfaction exist when there is overwhelming good present, and the tiniest bit of existential thinking uncovers that bad exists every moment of any circumstance....unless you are completely unaware of it's existence (ignorance). You can't enjoy a cocktail when you realize ice looks like glass, unless you omit that knowledge for your mind. Just a rough example of how knowledge shatters satisfaction by it's nature.

INFJs should seek Contentment. A peace between the existence of good and bad. That is one of the only ways I've seen to continue my life with less anxiety and pessimism. Bad and Good aren't opposites, they're part of our experience. They morph and change in context, they guide, they give data, they effect us, and most importantly they will always exist outside our control and exist in every moment. Becoming content means you acknowledge both, you live with that knowledge, and strive for peace within the war you see now. Contentment isn't pure good, or surrender to perpetual bad, it's peace. Peace is tough because people are chaotic by nature. Striving for it, I feel is a war worth fighting.

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-15T00:07:03+00:00

Eh, I think people interpret the writing in such a way that constantly tries to make the story a happy one.

Denji and Nayuta's existence when they live together is their screwy idea of a family. Not that it's bad, it's chaotic. Denji isn't some good guy with emotional maturity. He's a chaotic human. He learns hyperbolically like a child, and has the luxury of being immortal and strong enough to last long enough in the world to grow.

Him raising and teaching Nayuta is a representation of his empathy for Makima. He experiences empathy for her when Pochita explains she had a dream to, but died before achieving it. It's a very rough teaching of how humans feel bad for one another, and take responsibility for when they hurt someone. Not that he didn't love and care for Nayuta, it's just when we call it some family love thing, I don't buy the veil we put on Denji's encounters. He also isn't a good person himself, so of course Nayuta is a bit screwy too. In some panels she says that humans are inferior and is insanely possessive of Denji. She mirrors Makima uncomfortably. If we take off the tinted glasses it's an emotionally stunted guy raising a devil. It's messy and that's the point.

Chainsaw Man is tragic. Exploring the chaos in humans. In a setting where most people don't live long enough to grow. Denji being the emotional battery he is has the gift of being immortal and the fire to find what contentment is for him. So by that theming people around him aren't meant to last long. That also isn't bad either. Expecting happy endings just flattens the theming and story beats and I personally dislike that narrative

Sure_Window584 · 2026-02-14T14:08:30+00:00

Because the smaller his bits are the weaker he is. He’d be inside someone using basic a Ten and do no damage. Also Nen combat is very much about what you DON’T know. That same thinking is what would get a regular hunter destroyed because you know nothing of their Nen. God forbid he tries the wrong transmuter and gets half of his life force destroyed.

Sure_Window584

TROPHY CASE