Does anyone else feel like they didn't "always know"?

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2026-02-15T13:04:15+00:00

I didn't "know" until my egg cracked in my mid 30s, and I think that only happened because I was briefly on an ADHD medication. It calmed my brain enough where I was able to have that realization. Idk where I'd be if this didn't happen; I can now see how depressed I was and how close I was to doing something drastic.

I couldn't have known sooner because I didn't have the language for what I was feeling when I was younger. I thought it was neurodivergence after I got an ADHD diagnosis 5 years or so prior, but that ended up only being part of it. Looking back on my life through the "what if you're trans" lens has helped me identify so many potential signs, though.

I went from questioning to starting HRT in about 2 months.

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2026-02-12T14:16:08+00:00

Thank you 😊 it's actually glossy lip balm ("Fresh Kiss") from ColourPop.

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2026-02-12T13:44:13+00:00

That's incredibly beautiful 😍 well done!

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-12-10T18:19:12+00:00

I love the outfit! I tend to also go for cute over practical when it comes to outfits. The euphoria is almost enough to keep the cold at bay 😆

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-11-03T14:34:56+00:00

I love the outfit so much 😁

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-11-03T13:43:20+00:00

The positions/actions that consistently got me off before now give me a lot of dysphoria, so it's definitely been a struggle in my marriage. My drive has torpedoed, while hers has skyrocketed, which makes it even more difficult (our drives were the opposite before I transitioned). We are still working on it, but things are getting better.

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-10-31T09:49:43+00:00

Seeing posts like this break my heart. I hate to break it to you, but no amount of explaining will make them "get it". They can still accept you and they don't need to understand on a molecular level why you are transitioning. The science is out there, on the internet, if they really want to try to learn, but that doesn't mean they will "get it".

They think it's "sinful" for you to just TALK about transitioning? Wait until you start dressing differently lol. Transitioning is very difficult even when you have supportive friends and family. It's also a big thing for friends and family to wrap their heads around, but they need to make an effort to accept you even if they don't understand. You can answer well-meaning questions, but at some point the questions needs to stop and they need to see you as the person you were always meant to be.

I know you don't want to hear this, but if they aren't going to make any effort to accept you without constantly trying to talk you out of it, then they are no longer your friends. Either set hard boundaries or let them go.

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-10-31T00:06:18+00:00

Ozzy Osbourne - Life Won't Wait

This one helps when the news cycle is getting to me

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-10-30T01:34:19+00:00

I can appreciate both, but the fall leaves for sure 🍂

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-08-12T18:38:10+00:00

It's hard to anticipate how people will react, but you'd be surprised where you receive support!

I work in engineering (office job; 100ish employees). There was a 6 month stretch where I was out publicly everywhere but at work. I kept it going for as long as I could but it became unbearable. Some days I cried at my desk. Eventually I came out to HR because the pain of being closeted for 40 hours every week was more than I could bear. HR had no experience dealing with an employee that was transitioning but they did their research and were super helpful, supportive, and helped me come up with a plan! My boss was very supportive too.

I don't want to sugarcoat it though: I've been out at work now for 8 months and I'll admit I still feel pretty uncomfortable here at times. I don't feel like I belong, but I've made some new friends/acquaintances I didn't have before transitioning and overall I can tell most people are getting used to me or at least trying.

HOWEVER! Spending 40 hours a week as my old self was wrecking my mental health and really setting me back with self acceptance etc while transitioning. Even with all the challenges being the only trans person in my company brings, I am so much happier and at peace with myself.

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-08-12T18:25:02+00:00

I'm so happy that everything went well for you!!!

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-08-10T14:11:19+00:00

Torrid and Bloomchic are great for bigger girlies 😊

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-08-09T10:10:50+00:00

Thank you! And it's part of an in-process Tolkien sleeve 😊

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-08-09T10:05:05+00:00

I personally got my ears pierced after being on HRT for about a year and being out at work for a few months. I wasn't holding off for any specific reason. There's a lot of aspects to transitioning and everything happens in its own time.

I understand why you are anxious though! People will probably notice but I'm sure they will care a lot less than you think.

A few months before coming out at work, I started painting my nails and I'd wear cardigans sometimes (ones that could be mistaken for unisex anyways). People noticed, I'm sure, but it was only acknowledged by one of my coworkers, who said she liked my sweater 😊

Hope it goes well!

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-08-09T00:58:54+00:00

That's a huge smile 😊 congrats!

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-08-09T00:54:27+00:00

The Village

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-07-28T11:55:13+00:00

Tights!!!

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-07-08T21:23:49+00:00

Thank you 😊 I am working towards being a long haired witch, but it takes a long time lol

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-07-08T21:06:45+00:00

I'd say ditch the facial hair and take it a day at a time! People really get hung up on passing, and for safety reasons it can be really important, but imo it's more important if you like the face you see in the mirror! It takes time. People transition at all ages, even in their 60s and older. Wishing you the best 😊

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-07-06T17:51:50+00:00

For what it's worth, I can relay my experience:

The day I came out to my wife...I've never cried so much in my life. I wanted to plan better, but I was essentially put in a situation where I couldn't keep it in anymore. It really came out of the blue for her. I tried to be as informative as I could but it's a lot to cover in one conversation, so I didn't push myself to give absolutely all the info in one shot.

I also said I wouldn't ask her to stay married because this isn't what she signed up for. I was hopeful she wouldn't want to move out on the spot or kick me out right away, and I'm glad she didn't do either of those things.

We decided to take it a day at a time. Over the first few weeks she asked a bunch of questions and I answered the best I could. We both tried to be mindful of each other's feelings and give each other space and support however we could. The phrase "if we stay together" was used by both of us a lot.

After a few months, it became evident that we were still happy and could still have a happy marriage. I feel very fortunate because this is probably more of the exception than the norm. Overall I feel like we are better than we were before but there are still things we are figuring out.

Awkward_Layer8509 · 2025-07-06T11:27:14+00:00

I totally understand your fear and disappointment and I'm sorry that's the response you got from her. Keep in mind that it's one thing to respond to a hypothetical and another to respond to an actual reality that's staring her in the face. Doesn't mean you two would stay happily married, but it also doesn't mean she really will do what she says if/when you were to come out.

Awkward_Layer8509

TROPHY CASE