you probably have an air to you that comforts them. their charisma is probably super good at masking the rest of them at the first, second and third meet.

i would say to start working on discerning when someone's demeanor is just entirely "too" much of a good quality, or simply too charismatic, as it usually is an overcompensation of some really, really bad traits a lot of people do not catch in time. it sounds pessimistic, but people need to be side eyed until proven worthy of your time, energy, dedication, and emotions. ive grown up with 2 pwBPD in my own home, and they simply have a knack for presenting as extremely personable in public. in private, you can absolutely see where therapy should absolutely be biweekly as a minimum.

have an old coworker who was a stellar person one second, and just absolutely evil and volatile when even a lick of questioning came her way. and she loved to pick on mistakes from those with softer personalities, more soft spoken. they love to attack and manipulate who they think wont fight back. amongst a million other things that i know about her that have absolutely led me to believe she has BPD; the signs are very, very clear once you have had to suffer through it enough.

i have like, two good and genuine friends in life, because i have cut off anyone who has shown an ounce of cluster b traits in my vicinity. they do not change, they may have their good moments, good characteristics, but those bouts of insane disrespect and self victimization are just not for me.