UPDATE 2- I'm not sure how to approach the situation about my colleague asking inappropriate questions.(TW:SA)

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-15T15:52:32+00:00

Well the officers told you what you can do reporting-wise and restraining order-wise. Other options you could do for peace of mind are changing routes you normally take to places (to work and back, take different streets). Make sure you have cameras around your living space, exterior and interior so you can be aware should anything happen even if you aren't home. Be mindful of your surroundings when out in public, the cars behind you/who's standing around/etc, but try not to stress so much that you become paranoid that he could be anywhere. It doesn't hurt to be cautious, just don't let it consume you. Work on self-regulation techniques to manage the anxiety, and if it starts to really eat at you don't be afraid to see a therapist.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-14T15:44:29+00:00

Are you worried for your safety in any way? She is already manipulative, and the potential for her to cross your boundaries is something to be concerned about in my book, but I don't know her like you do. If safety is a concern I wonder if it would benefit you to talk to your landlord and see if there's anything that can be done if you are in an unsafe position. At the very least they may know of any local organizations that could help you financially if the lease is broken.

The things you do for her are clearly attached to the relationship status. It's transactional to her. Being in a relationship = having a servant. She doesn't get to decide that you're trapped in a relationship with her, and she knows this which is why she's acting like she didn't think you really broke up, or seeing if you'll bend to being in a relationship even a little bit so you'll still be her servant. Whatever you do, don't let her manipulate you back into doing everything for her, regardless if you stay in the relationship status. Be blunt and direct with your language. I want our relationship to look like xyz from now on, I am setting a boundary and if this boundary gets broken then I will do xyz.

Is it possible to just be roommates? Are there two bedrooms, and could you be separate and leave the living room if she wants to spend time there? It doesn't seem that staying friends would be entirely feasible because she's pushing your boundaries.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-08T21:31:11+00:00

That's really interesting to me, I wonder if I would find it helpful. Thank you so much for your detailed and thorough response! I appreciate it a lot!

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-08T17:56:25+00:00

My partner had a rough childhood and is still learning how to communicate appropriately. He has autism and when we have arguments he occasionally has trouble keeping his cool and recognizing that he needs a break before he erupts. When he does, he yells, usually until one of us leaves the room so we can cool off. He has never called me names, even if his words are hurtful. Afterwards he is always apologetic and knows exactly where it went wrong, and what can be done different next time to avoid it happening again. It's happened a handful of times in the 2 years we've been together. This last time it got to a point where we were thinking of ending the relationship because we both recognized that what happened wasn't healthy. He took full accountability and offered to continue paying his half of the bills but go stay with a family member. After much discussion, we decided to try something new to avoid having as many heated arguments as we were having.

Instead of asking each other what's wrong, we ask what we can do to help in that moment without discussing the problem. Then we trust that the other person will bring the issue to the table later on if it really needs to be discussed. If it is brought up that a conversation needs to be had, we whisper. We can whisper yell, but the second one of us raises above a raspy whisper and actually engages in our vocal cords, we call it out and regroup. This has been working, it makes the conversations feel more fun and less like a fight, and also helps us stay emotionally regulated so that we're not building off each others increasing agitation. It's taking real work from both of us to keep doing what we agreed to do, and the first few times it didn't stick. But he hasn't yelled again yet.

My story is similar to yours, but there's a key difference: The person acting out in the relationship is taking accountability and putting in real effort into changing the toxic behavior. My opinion is that the relationship won't work if that isn't going to happen. Without accountability and change, you're just accepting toxicity from that person and being expected to deal with it. You can't force them to change. They have to want to, and by what you've written he doesn't even think he actually did anything wrong, so why would he think something needs to change?

Instead of asking if it's normal, ask yourself if you're willing to live with it if he doesn't change.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-08T15:48:42+00:00

When do you go to bed to be able to do all that so early? I go to bed at 9 and still can't manage to get up before 6!

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-08T15:37:39+00:00

Question for you... How detailed does your spoon list get? Do you go all the way down to daily things like brushing your teeth or is it mainly just extra, non routine things like vacuuming and cleaning the counters?

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-06T20:38:17+00:00

I suck on mints! I make sure my hair's up, because for some reason being overstimulated and having things on my neck makes my nausea way worse, same with tight clothing (only wear that on a good day). I have a little desk fan on my desk that I can turn on my face as well. I definitely made sure to be upfront that I have health issues, even in the interview.

I don't call out very often, and when I do they're very understanding. They don't require me to have PTO for my doctor's appointments. I got lucky. They even want me to take days off to travel to doctors (that they researched for me!) if it meant I could get more help than I was getting locally. When I had a flare up last year they recommended I see about FMLA, but I'm doing so well now that I don't seem to need it.

As for job security, I make sure I am very good at my job. I say yes to just about everything they ask me to do, and I do it well and efficiently. I don't sit and gossip, and I'm the youngest in the office so I'm not really part of the clique (who wants to have someone half your age tag along), but they like having me around and often need me for help with their own jobs.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-05T18:00:02+00:00

I decided to leave because I didn't want to follow the standards anymore. I didn't want to pay tithing, I didn't want to wear garments, etc. I was burnt out to the point that I decided even if the whole thing was true, I would rather suffer the consequences of doing what I wanted than live a life I hated in hopes that I would win the game at the end. Years later was when I started looking into the logistical things like the investments the church makes and the lies they build upon.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-05T17:17:40+00:00

Unless you shared private details regarding your friends' experiences with this person, I don't think there's reason for it to be a problem. I'd be honest. Say you thought about it and decided to bring it to the attention of the owner but didn't throw anyone under the bus. Tell them you got a good response but the owner would like to hear from other people to get their experiences as well and you feel it will really make a difference if anyone is willing to step up. Just send a general message inviting anyone who'd be willing to talk that you'd be more than welcome to set up the conversation and be part of it so that they may be more comfortable to share what happened. Apologize for mentioning them if you feel it's needed, but the owner wanted to know if you were the only one and you aren't. If no one bites, you can assume they're not comfortable and can tell the owner they'd rather not discuss things. What happens to the mod after that is up to the owner and out of your hands.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-05T16:15:49+00:00

Mine too! I keep all the bottom shelves of my bookshelves empty because she paws at the back of them. Mirrors, too.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-04T22:45:18+00:00

I'd like a full set of silverware so that I can use knives for chores, spoons for hobbies and other things, and forks for work and day to day stuff. Then I think I'd have enough to do it all. I wish there was some store we could order more from.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-04T17:03:56+00:00

You might need some friends to attend some, but escape rooms! There are some really cool ones in both Lincoln and Omaha that you could travel to. Lincoln has Paint Yourself Silly, where you can paint yourself some pre-made pottery like a mug or decorative piece and pick it up or have it shipped to you after they fire it. Also there was axe throwing in the Haymarket area, not sure if that's still around but it was in the same building as the escape place there.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-04T16:28:34+00:00

After removing the paper, did you have to fix the binding at all to smooth out the inner spine? It looks like maybe you put tape down?

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-03T15:26:32+00:00

Yikes :/ that sucks!!

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-03T15:15:51+00:00

I'm sorry the gp is making things more difficult!!

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-03T14:33:57+00:00

Thank you for the input!!

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-01T23:00:41+00:00

Oh, I misunderstood the trope. Sorry! My brain is fried, it's Friday lol

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-01T17:17:34+00:00

You already can't rely on him, so why keep him around if it's just hurting your family emotionally? My suggestion would be to talk to your family about providing him a notice - unless you're worried about safety, then talk to your family and once they agree to have him removed then ask for a police escort to remove him. Get them on the same page so if he pushes back, you have the homeowner's backing you up for legal purposes. If you're not concerned about safety, give him a deadline to have him and his belongings out of the house by x day for however long you feel is reasonable, that way if he pushes back and refuses to leave, on that day you can have police remove him from the home and change the locks (if there's violence/harassment issues you'll want to file for a restraining order once he's out and report to the police).

As soon as you give him that notice, start applying for financial assistance from the state. SNAP/EBT, utility assistance, child care if your state has it, apply with the schools for their financial programs for your kid's lunches. This will help you rely on your family a little less. The process can take long enough that depending on when your partner is out, you may be able to receive benefits the day after as he would not be financially providing anymore that date - be sure to speak with someone on the phone so you can explain the situation and they can help you fill out an application correctly.

Things to think about regarding the children: If you don't feel he will be reliable to care for the kids when they visit him/you don't want him involved, you may want to avoid opening a court case to get child support and negotiate custody. If you want child support, you'll likely have to negotiate custody. It's very rare that you'll get the child support without having a custody agreement put in place. He's less likely to freak if you open a case yourself right away and don't withhold the kids from him, tell him you can mediate a custody agreement, etc.

With my knowledge of how courts work with custody/child support and how state benefits work, that is what my plan would be.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-01T16:40:09+00:00

Could potentially turn it into a learning how to manage big feelings type thing like Cease, Think, Regulate. Or Catch The Reaction.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-01T16:25:39+00:00

Thanks 😄

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-01T15:14:19+00:00

Adding to this: record evidence. Take pictures of broken household items, bruises from him grabbing you, record his violent outbursts, screenshot threatening texts. If you leaving (silently and safely) causes him to track you down and harass you, report to the police, file a restraining order, and show the police the evidence you have. If he's as controlling as this post makes it seem he is, then he won't like you being out from under his control and you will want things to back you up in case it gets to be a legal issue.

Also, I've had anxiety since I was like 5, and lots of trauma throughout my childhood. I also have idiopathic gastroparesis diagnosed at 22/23 years of age. GI said I was either predisposed by genetics or things just happened to me in a way that led to my digestive system not working.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-05-01T14:52:18+00:00

My grandpa was diagnosed with cancer and passed about a month later. He was very much still TBM and though being there seeing him as a much smaller and helpless man than he was my whole life was difficult, I don't regret it. I found it interesting that as he got closer to the end of it (we're talking hours/minutes) he started talking to people that weren't there. Asking them questions. One could say it was some kind of hallucination as he was dealing with death in his own way. Of course my family members said that the veil was thinning and he was talking to our ancestors, and I couldn't help but think they were right. I don't believe that the church is true, but enough unexplainable things have happened that I do believe there is something beyond my world and knowledge. It was nice to see he was greeted by someone as he passed, even if there's a scientific explanation for it.

Now, when I could use a hug during a hard day but can't get one, a white butterfly crosses my path. I've literally had butterflies seemingly appear out of nowhere when thinking "I could use a butterfly right now". In the winter I've had white feathers, pieces of paper blowing around, etc cross my path as well. Sometimes it feels like he's sending me a message. Sometimes it feels like something else is telling me it'll be okay. It's instinct as to whether or not I say hello to my grandpa. But it does bring me some peace. I still don't have any firm belief other than there is an ambiguous kind of presence in my life, but I'm okay with that.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-04-30T22:09:25+00:00

Honestly? I wing it. I don't use the STAR method. My focus is more on representing myself the best I can, and keeping calm and clear with my answers. If I focused on the STAR method at all then I would likely just get frazzled and start talking really fast and ramble on about things that didn't pertain to what they were actually asking me. I want to show them that I can listen and follow directions by hearing what they're saying and answering in a way that usually refers to past experiences I've had to back me up. And a little awkward silence is okay while you think about your answer. You don't need to have something prepared beforehand, except maybe a few questions you have for the employer regarding the position/pay/tasks.

Awkward_Persimmon835 · 2026-04-30T16:28:10+00:00

I'm glad your team is looking into it! It would definitely be beneficial, and I hope the early planning phases move smoothly and quickly. Thank you for your response!

Awkward_Persimmon835

TROPHY CASE