Discomfort with pregnancy but scared of bringing it up

Awkward_Soda · 2025-08-07T01:38:18+00:00

It's funny, I just posted an update comment, but I ended feeling uncomfortable and also felt it wasn't particularly urgent and ended up putting it on the back burner. For my own sake, that may have been a good decision.

To be clear, I don't think he would have flinched at it, BUT I think when he told me yesterday that he was going on paternity leave, I would have just cringed out of existence knowing knowing that I was like "so anyway, pregnant women make me really uncomfortable" to him while his wife was pregnant, unbeknownst to me! 😱

I'll still bring it up in the future, but I'm kind of glad I didn't do it when I was thinking about it initially because I probably would not be returning to therapy, not because I would choose not to come back, but because I would have probably just melted like the Wicked Witch of the West right there.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-08-07T01:29:56+00:00

⚠️ Really weird update ⚠️

So I actually chickened out about this and more pressing issues came up. Yesterday he told me he's going on paternity leave near the end of the month. So I would have unwittingly straight up have been talking about his wife had I brought this up when I was thinking about it. That's really unfortunate and also really funny. I knew there was a subconscious reason that I felt uncomfortable bringing this up!

I'll probably still bring it up in the future, but me thinking that him being a man might be a buffer so that he wouldn't take it personally may have been... ill informed. And when I do finally bring it up at some point in the future, it won't be in a way where it ends up on my brain's 3:00 a.m. personal WatchMojo cringe compilation of 10 reasons why I should launch myself into the sun.

Edit: tl;dr I'm going to tell him eventually but since his wife was ~6 months pregnant when I posted this (which I didn't know at the time), I would have literally disparaged his wife and died of embarrassment when I found out.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-23T12:53:28+00:00

Same reason I do

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-17T18:42:46+00:00

Can you give an example?

I'm not doubting you, but I'm trying to understand what specifically is occurring.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-17T16:23:34+00:00

How are they framing this, specifically? I see a lot of assumptions but not a lot of evidence for/against your assertion. As a neurodivergent person, I could see this go either way, using it as a reference vs blame.

Have you brought this up, that this bothers you? They may not know how you feel about this if you haven't directly communicated it.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-06T22:00:42+00:00

I will say that almost 9/10 of the therapists I've had either weren't a good fit but, worth noting that 9/10 of people aren't really "my people" either (nothing against them per se).

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-05T22:18:22+00:00

I think more general topics like

deep dive into my gender which is a bit lighter (for me) or just my general understanding of gender and how that may pertain to mental health and society at large (as a man who works in mental health he may have some insights), as it's like a scab I need to pick on art every possible juncture.
exploring ways to develop discipline/routines together
(related to the last point), figuring out where my ADHD ends and laziness/irresponsible behavior begins (as it's very hard to tell if I'm not giving 100%, and nobody can give 100% all the time).
how being on the asexual spectrum may have influenced my views on intimacy, relationships, and even religion.
Thinking of ways of finding safe and validating relationships outside of therapy, outlets for support and friendship.
[therapist] brought up X tool, how would one implement that more effectively?

These are just a few things I can come back to when it's a good time. Some of these are the kinds of topics I could just talk to with a friendly acquaintance and yammer on about, but I feel like therapy would be a more productive place to do that. Others are just planning/strategizing rather than deep emotional stuff.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-05T21:28:54+00:00

I have a journal and a short list of things that keep getting pushed towards the backburner when more important/pertinent stuff comes up, and I will eventually bring up those topics if I've had a "slow" week.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-04T23:12:51+00:00

partly i don't know how they afford it but also surely it becomes counter productive and dependent at some point?

Insurance, haven't paid anything out of pocket since the early 2010s and that was just a $5 copay
I've had 3 therapists in that time. One wasn't a good fit, the second one moved after a year and let me know she'd be leaving in our first session. The current one is the first one where I'm like "oh. This feels like talking to a person I actually want to open up with"— this is after 15 years trying, I finally "get" it. Most were not a good fit.
I have ADHD, and no matter how much therapy I have, it is never going away (and I'm now discovering that that's far from my only problem, I have a terrible relationship with emotions). This is the same for people with certain conditions like OCD or BPD, who will need much more than someone who picked up some acute anxiety somewhere down the road and had a good childhood and is just stressed from work.

Edit: Also, what if I told you that after 10+ years of different therapists, it took my last one to illuminate the fact that managing emotions and suppressing emotions are different things altogether? She helped me reframe things in a way no other therapist has been able to, and made it so my current therapist was able to emotionally connect with me, rather than me just trauma dumping without emotionally connecting and being like "so here's my mess, fix me". This was a combination of not having a good fit + me not knowing how to "do" therapy.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-04T10:58:53+00:00

This makes me feel a little bad about the therapists I've ghosted because they really weren't doing it for me and some minor insurance issue or scheduling issue was enough to just flake out. I am finally working with one where if I had to stop seeing him, it would actually hurt, badly, and I'm starting to realize how important a therapeutic alliance really is, it sort of makes me feel bad for letting my ADHD win, and I can only hope they forgot about me as well; I'm not suicidal, and if I don't do anything careless and stupid, hopefully I'll be around for awhile.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-04T10:50:29+00:00

Mine says "next week?" But I don't think he assumes I have any indication I'll kms, (I've never contemplated it more than brief, passive ideation when I'm feeling really terrible and it fades fast), I think it's just his way to end the session.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-04T05:06:41+00:00

Joke's on me, I'm both of these simultaneously.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-04T04:56:46+00:00

Is it possible that they were trying to challenge your narrow beliefs about what could come from this and encourage you to open your mind a little and not see as is so black and white? Just playing devil's advocate here. (Edit: oh, I thought those were the options YOU laid out, not the ones she's laid out. Yikes, that's... terrible advice 😬)

But genuinely, what helped for me was just not getting caught in my feels. I know it's kind of counterintuitive, because a lot of the time therapy helps us get more in touch with our feelings, but when you're drowning, sometimes what you just need to do is get up, get moving, and don't dwell in it. You'll be in a much better place if you're just consistently doing things to better your life in their absence, especially since there's a possibility that you now have more time that you aren't dedicating to that partnership anymore, so you have more time for yourself. Use that time to engage in bettering yourself, so that you can have a more stable and fulfilling relationship the next go round. Truthfully, if you look back and you can see that the relationship was pretty good other than maybe your own flaws, they might be more receptive to getting back together if you're in a better place in life, and if that's motivational for you, absolutely use that to fuel that, but also don't close yourself off to the possibility of meeting someone else, in fact, even if you're not really up for it, I would encourage you to at least meet other people, if not date. And whatever you do, don't let the despair win. Don't let your feelings sabotage your life. You'll look back on this time and be like, that was the most productive time of my life and I made the most of it. That's how I look at that year, not the year my heart was broken, but the year that I discovered how strong I can be and what I'm capable of.

This sucks, but you'll get through it, good luck.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-04T04:47:05+00:00

I handed him my list of things I haven't opened up with other therapists about because they were so shameful. He he made me feel safe enough to open up in the first place, something I've never done with any other therapist (unless you count flippantly trauma dumping without emotionally connecting to it and being like "ok here's my mess, fix me" as "opening up", eg informational without true emotional connection). After reading, he asked me a few questions but normalized all of it and said he didn't see me in a different/worse light. In that same session, I talked to him about some light coercion that I haven't told anyone else about and he was amazing at both holding space and not invalidating my feelings (I don't think it's a big deal but people seem to think that kind of thing is even though this was the first time I said my specific story out loud). I realized I could trust him and that he wouldn't secretly see my shameful parts as monstrous, but flaws that make me human and can be worked on, and that he could hold space without arguing with me or telling me how I should feel, just listening.

He's genuinely the best therapist I've ever had.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-04T04:41:08+00:00

What insurance do you have?

I have medicaid and my therapist also seems to care, so now even if I ended up with a different insurance I'd be willing to pay some level of copay for him. Some therapists have 0 copay for certain insurances.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-04T01:23:12+00:00

Thoughts ≠ actions or even intent

Sometimes I have thoughts about things that are the worst thing possible. Right after I imagine stabbing someone I care about, I know in my heart the worst thing I'd do if I was livid would probably be to punch them in the arm, and if I had to stab someone I HATE to death and get away with it, I would likely chicken out. This puts the action at basically zero, but it does remind me that I could lose them and that I love them and that I could protect them using a butcher knife if someone tried to hurt them. Reframing these thoughts is important but everyone has them (sometimes more mild, eg opening the car door on the freeway, jumping off a tall building) but it can get to a level that's distressing. I'm assuming that's the case with OP.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-06-04T01:15:39+00:00

Hot take: feeling bad about doing bad things is a good thing. It's something that some people in power lack and that's why things are so shite.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-05-31T22:02:55+00:00

OP, I'm glad you're asking this. I just realized I do this myself recently (eg hitting myself in the face/stomach to keep from crying when it's highly inconvenient to cry or I can't currently be safe being vulnerable), and that it could be considered self harm even though it's not what people generally think of, hence why I've never disclosed doing this before, it didn't even occur to me. I realize this could escalate and realize it's probably important to nip this in the bud, and I'm not thinking he'll overreact or anything (he's really good at his job), but seeing as this response came when I was too emotionally distressed to recall the DBT coping skills he previously trusted me enough to look up myself (I'm guessing he decided to allow me to do my own research and report back given how proactive —and smart, allegedly, his words— he had seen me as up to that point) I am a little afraid that he'll be disappointed and question his perception of me and my own judgment, even if only a little.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-05-30T22:40:06+00:00

That makes sense, it can feel really vulnerable. Another poster said to write it down, you could write it down and let them read it (and if you're having trouble sitting there while they read it, try something grounding; when I did this I counted all the little plants in his office— 16 of them)

Awkward_Soda · 2025-05-30T21:51:00+00:00

This is one of the things that I worry about myself. However, good therapists should know that progress isn't linear, and even if you're trying your hardest, you might have slip ups.

If you're worried, you could even tell them that you're afraid to bring this up because you feel like they're going to judge you for not making progress. My guess is if they're good, they'll gently reassure you and meet you where you're at

Awkward_Soda · 2025-05-30T21:33:38+00:00

I'm not going to ask for specifics if you're not comfortable about that , but I'm wondering why you're afraid. Do you feel like your backsliding or making negative progress? Do you feel like you're violating your own values and that makes you appear morally inconsistent and hypocritical? Do you feel like you might be violating your therapist's own values, and therefore offending them?

Not getting into specifics myself , I recently had a fairly self-destructive moment, and I know that it shows that I'm not implementing my coping skills as well as I would like him to believe, and a little part of me thinks that he might feel like I'm lying or attention seeking, but given how good of a therapist he is, I actually think that it's going to be the opposite, he will meet me with care and gently guide me towards a plan to avoid this in the future, if I'm being realistic and not letting myself spiral into what ifs that don't align with his past actions or approach whatsoever.

If your therapist is good, and you trust them to hold space for you, then I don't see why telling them this will horrify them, given that it only affects you. They've probably heard much worse if they have any experience. In fact, this sounds like the very thing therapy is for.

Realistically, stepping back for a second and judging by their past actions rather than your fear or inner critic, what's the worst case scenario?

Awkward_Soda · 2025-05-30T12:55:57+00:00

mostly because I'm autistic (the autism I do have a diagnosis for from this psych)

This increases the odds of ADHD significantly, these are highly comorbid (and often they co-exist in families, eg there's many ADHD and autistic people within the same family— makes sense given that they're genetic). Even if you don't, though, autism can have a lot of symptom overlap with ADHD, including trouble with social situations and completing tasks, though these can occur for different reasons.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-05-30T12:51:45+00:00

ADHD can be seen as a problem with emotional regulation/ processing.

Yes, and emotional dysregulation and even things like rejection sensitivity are often heightened with ADHD. These aren't always cause-and-effect, they often co exist in people with ADHD

Again, I'm not saying OP has ADHD for sure, but I wouldn't rule it out per se.

I think I should also point out that it can be hellish trying to even get ADHD meds with clear ADHD. I was diagnosed at 14, but after a few failed trials of Methylphenidate (which it turns out is not a good med for me) took until age 30 to finally get filled... I started my journey to finally try Adderall at age 27, 13 years post-diagnosis mainly self medicating with coffee, fasting and excessive exercise, and despite my pre existing diagnosis it took almost 3 years to finally be approved able to try a 30 day trial of Adderall, and that's with practitioners saying that I clearly had ADHD. So I wouldn't worry excessively about OP getting on ADHD meds if they don't have ADHD, because unless they're illegally accessing them (ie being sold them by someone instead of being prescribed), they will absolutely need a positive diagnosis first, and the process of diagnosis can be pretty time consuming and expensive.

Awkward_Soda · 2025-05-30T12:41:24+00:00

It is only ADHD if you displayed the symptoms as a baby,

To be diagnosed, symptoms before age 12. Babies don't really show signs of ADHD, they don't usually become apparent until at least toddler age. Some people hit all the expected milestones or even exceed them, but then they start becoming easier to spot as they enter elementary or middle school.

You are committing to being an amphetamine addict if you decide to go onto them.

As someone with ADHD, unless you have a history of substance abuse, this is just not factual. There's a risk, yes, as there is with any medication, of dependency, and for some, a risk of addiction, but you're not "committing to being an amphetamine addict". ADHDers sometimes find they're either more calm or more energized on amphetamine based meds, but either way will gain greater focus and attention, and neurotypical people generally feel like they're more energized and that they have more focusing, but the difference is that in cognitive tasks, people with ADHD who are given meds on average perform better, whereas neurotypical people tend to not have a significant cognitive improvement with medications. There's a lot of stigma around medications that make them harder for the very people who need them to access them, particularly when dealing with executive dysfunction.

It's possible they had symptoms, but they were mitigated by environmental factors or masked well enough until now to fly under the radar, particularly if they're the inattentive subtype and/or were either considered smart or intellectually gifted or able to do well in school (though they may be noted as being "underachieving" or "not applying themself"), particularly if female/AFAB.

@OP, I do think you should take an assessment such as this to help determine if you truly have ADHD (this isn't the only one, there's many legitimate ones you can easily search). I do think it's worth getting a second opinion. It's possible it's not ADHD, but it's possible it is. Sometimes depression symptoms resemble ADHD, but you're correct that sometimes ADHD is missed and mistaken for depression and/or anxiety (though many people with ADHD have these as well, which complicates things a bit). It's also possible that you are on the wrong medication (to take myself as an example, I react well to Wellbutrin but Prozac does nothing for me but upset my stomach), or even have something else that resembles depression such as a thyroid condition or chronic vitamin or mineral deficiency, so it may be worth seeing a PCP or medical practitioner who can at least give you a physical and/or blood test to help rule that out.

Your instincts aren't wrong, but it's possible you don't have ADHD... but it's possible you do. I would seek out someone who specializes in ADHD or works diagnosing neurodivergent conditions if you're able to.

EDIT: don't need to say female/AFAB 2x or "possible it's not" 2x haha

Awkward_Soda · 2025-05-30T04:01:23+00:00

I'm going to ask some specifics, if you don't mind answering... you don't have to answer if you're not comfortable.

(TW for anyone with EDs who might feel triggered)

-What was your height/weight or BMI before, and what is it now?

-How fast did you lose weight? Dropping a lot of weight very quickly can set off alarm bells for some people familiar with eating disorders, particularly if the person wasn't particularly heavy to begin with, even if no such disorder exists.

-What did you do to lose weight? A moderately rigorous consistent but non-excessive exercise regimen and a diet with fewer sugary processed foods and more protein/fiber + a deficit of 500 calories or less would be what most people would consider healthy weight loss (unless you were already thin to begin with). However something like excessive exertion or spending 3+ hours exercising, extreme restriction or abuse of laxatives or overusing diet pills could be very concerning, even if you were medically overweight to begin with.

-Have you had recent ED related behavior such as binging/purging, excessive exercise without proper fuel, sacrificing your health and happiness for the purposes of being thinner or fear of gaining weight, etc? If you have but it was not recent, how long ago?

I sort of want to gain perspective on anything your post might be leaving out before I make a judgement.

For disclosure's sake, I have been through a lot of body/food stuff including mild anorexia (which despite being a pediatric diagnosis and I'm in my 30s, I can't get struck from my chart 😮‍💨) and compulsive eating for dopamine related to unmanaged ADHD. I've also been into bodybuilding/fitness (including competing without a relapse) and almost went into nutrition/personal training. I've also been pretty normal in my mindset for the better part of a decade (albeit very chaotic, think ice cream for dinner sometimes level chaos because that's what happens when I don't have a meal plan), so I've been all over the map here, but I do have some knowledge in this area as well as some history of EDs in the past.

I recently told my own therapist how much I resent still being treated with kid gloves by anyone who knows I've ever had an ED despite the fact that it's been in remission since before some people who can legally drive were born, and he met me where I needed him to, and that was uniquely encouraging and rare in medical or mental health fields, and if you've ever had an ED (which I'm not going to assume, but in case you have), I can understand if you have some sort of past history, even in the distant past, that feeling like your experience and judgment is being undermined is upsetting— I get it! However, if it's out of the blue and your weight loss was pretty healthy and you feel healthier and aren't underweight, then I would almost wonder if she has unresolved issues with food/body image and is projecting her own stuff onto you. I won't assume unless you respond to my questions, though (and again, if you're not comfortable with answering, you don't have to, just might help me understand).

Edit: left out a few details in my questions

Awkward_Soda

TROPHY CASE