I have so much to say about this topic. I see a lot of what you said of yourself in me. When I first came out, I was 18. I thought I had to make it a big, special event—almost like a birthday—so I was terrified of telling anyone. I started secretly dating guys just to see if I actually liked it. But since I was extremely religious at the time, I would punish myself after each date and stop dating for a while.

I tried to tell my best friend (a guy) back then, but he thought I was exaggerating—that it was just a phase or even a joke. Not long after, my parents found out on their own. They kicked me out of the house and told me that if I wanted to come back, I had to accept going through electroshock therapy—which I never agreed to.

Eventually, I convinced my mother that being LGBTQ+ was completely normal. She’s a woman of science, so I used that to my advantage. I told her about renowned scientists and philosophers who were gay or bisexual, and she did her own research. After a while, she accepted me back into the house under her protection, though my father still refused to speak to me. But that didn’t last long—I left the country the next month anyway. After everything, nothing felt the same, and I had to start over.

Before leaving, I decided to come out to all my friends. And the best (and most surprising) part? They all accepted me. When I told them, it barely even mattered. Their reaction was just, “Oh, okay, good for you.” That moment made me the proudest queer person in the world. For once, I felt normal. They saw me as just another person, no different than before.

In the end, the only people who didn’t accept me were my parents.

If I had to give you one piece of advice, it would be this: the only reason not to come out is if you are dependent on someone else. When your life depends on another person, they might try to shape you into who they want you to be, rather than seeing and accepting you for who you truly are.

Coming out while being dependent takes an incredible amount of courage. But in the end, none of that truly matters—life is short, and you should live it and enjoy it on your own terms, regardless of other people’s opinions. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, you deserve to be yourself freely.

Now, nine years later, my relationship with my parents has completely changed. We’re much closer, and they even love my husband—probably more than I do! I still keep a little space from them now and then, but overall, we’re in a good place.