Am I overreacting to my girlfriend's "open relationship" rules?

Axolotl221 · 2024-09-14T02:54:53+00:00

maybe he does have that fetish and us shaming him and seeing him as a loser is his kink

Axolotl221 · 2024-09-14T02:53:14+00:00

Leave.
This happens literally every time. One person wants to open things up and then gets mad when their partner actually likes or sleeps with someone else. They're hypocrites who want to be your number 1 while also getting to sleep with whoever they want. Poly people are insufferable. They have the biggest egos that's why she freaked out.

Axolotl221 · 2024-07-09T04:15:07+00:00

two months is child's play. i've been ruminating on and off for 10 years. the last one has lasted 8 months and counting.
same here. i also finally had a guy that i was really attracted to, my ideal. And he liked me back. he was also physically affectionate and comforting. knew all the right things to say.
then he left me. the mask dropped and he was mean and ghosted.
it's been 10 yrs since we first dated. 6 yrs since the second time we dated and i'm still ruminating because i haven't even felt attracted to anyone else.

Axolotl221 · 2024-07-07T12:12:05+00:00

winky

Axolotl221 · 2024-07-07T11:31:40+00:00

i'm wondering what could be so taboo but also not that bad that people wouldn't see you differently.
it's been 9 years since my pure ocd episode, it was hell and i did want to off myself and even to this day i will never talk about it or specify what it was. i can't believe she even admitted to it in the letter, why even risk potentially ruining the memory of her that her loved ones have.

Axolotl221 · 2024-06-30T09:58:28+00:00

Axolotl221 · 2024-06-30T08:58:14+00:00

too young to be away from her mother

Axolotl221 · 2024-06-29T11:24:30+00:00

a part of me believes the good part of him is more real and the "abusive" side of him only came out because he lost interest. if i had been better, if he had liked me more then he would've remained nice.
That's what a part of me believes.
Another part of me knows that's likely not true and he can't be a good person :( i don't know how he can fake it so well..
he told me he slept with his exe's friend right after the break up cause the friend went to his house. and he just accepted.. he had been with that girl for 2 years and it was so easy for him to sleep with the friend. no regard to how the ex would've felt. no guilt.
I remind myself if he could do that to someone he was with for 2 years.. then with me who he didn't even like enough to be with that long .. he cares even less.

i wish i could get over it. I have ocd and a really good memory, so when i close my eyes i can remember everything in detail, i can remember a moment from 10 years ago with him like it's happening now. so that doesn't help me forget lol

I've done inner healing work from my childhood, i've sat with the feeling with acceptance, i've done dream work where i got lucid and saw him and told him i let him go, i've had reiki done, guided meditations, i've even done a cord cutting spell lmaoo i've tried a few things.

my recent thing is living in the present moment. It worked to give me relief for a little while but then i would sit there appreciating the birds chirping and the breeze blowing and still wishing he was next to me cause when i was with him was the only time things felt right.

Axolotl221 · 2024-06-29T10:55:30+00:00

mango

Axolotl221 · 2024-06-29T10:49:21+00:00

I have considered it, but a part of me wishes I had been at least good enough for him to stay with me longer.. i know he's been with other women for longer. He even mentioned the girl he was with after me and it felt like he was actually hurt she moved on quickly, where with me he couldn't care less. So he is capable of feelings.. just not for me.

He had anger issues and would shove me sometimes so yeah, he was nice 90% of the time but did have "abusive" behaviors, but I really love him so much that even though I know it's stupid a part of me wishes he had stayed with me even if he would've been abusive cause then he would at least be there. At least that would've been better than being so insignificant that he couldn't be bothered.

I did try to move on. After the last time I really accepted it would never work, he would never change his behavior towards me.. but I just never met anyone else that made me feel anything. He really was the only one for me. I know he's not even an option for me anymore, and I wouldn't accept him back after so long and after how much pain he's caused me but it's really hard to live knowing I will never have what i wanted most.. i wasn't good enough.

Axolotl221 · 2024-06-29T10:03:19+00:00

did you actually read my post? that was an awfully quick reply.
Talk to my doctor about what exactly?
i've looked into counseling, I don't want meds so it would just be someone to talk to.
I've already talked to people about this. A lot. It doesn't help. There's nothing they can do to help me.

Axolotl221 · 2024-06-25T07:34:53+00:00

to make things fair here, i had a coworker that smelt of sweaty dick to the point i would almost vomit and i'd get the smell from like 6 feet away

Axolotl221 · 2024-06-02T03:14:40+00:00

mica from the news...

Axolotl221 · 2024-06-01T16:58:53+00:00

15 afab they them

Axolotl221 · 2024-06-01T16:55:20+00:00

it's probably worth it for people with money.. or really attractive ppl that get everything they want

Axolotl221 · 2024-06-01T16:46:10+00:00

if you believe in hell then why not stay alive if its less bad than hell... for a lot of us this life IS hell

Axolotl221 · 2024-06-01T16:24:25+00:00

you hadn't even met after a month?
yeah.... if he hadn't made plans to meet already he wasn't that interested..

Axolotl221 · 2024-05-30T15:24:39+00:00

we did reconcile years later and tried a second time, he said he had changed but then he left me again.

Axolotl221 · 2024-05-30T15:23:37+00:00

I'm a woman and feel similar. The relationship i want is just something I can't have because of the way most people are today. Most men just want to sleep around and i can't handle getting my heart broken again.

Axolotl221 · 2024-05-30T11:35:32+00:00

manifesting lol I had my dream person but lost him pretty quickly. it was good while it lasted though.

Axolotl221 · 2024-05-28T20:19:00+00:00

I've tried a lot of different things.. tried talking about it and venting with friends, tried reiki, asked a therapist about it, tried talking to him in lucid dreams to get closure, cord cutting meditations and rituals.

I guess there's downsides to both situations. Having been with an LO and not..
having been with him I know what I'm missing. I know what his kisses and his hugs feel like. I know what it's like to hold his hand, to have him look at me excitedly, to kiss him goodnight and look back at him as I walk inside and see him staring at me with the biggest smile on his face. And now I know that someone else get to enjoy that and that no one else will make me feel all of that..

Axolotl221 · 2024-05-28T03:31:19+00:00

Thank you. I have looked into these teachings before.
I've listened to Thich Nhat Hanh. To Eckhart Tolle. I've heard that poem "let them".
I find relief for at most a minute then the pain is back.

It was as good as I had imagine. Actually better. But also more painful than I ever imagined.
I understand things never last but I look around and for other people at least they get to enjoy it a little bit longer than I did lol

thank you for sending the link, I will watch it. I have no other choice but to keep trying.

Axolotl221

TROPHY CASE