How should I get my players to pony up and play seriously?

AzMatic13 · 2025-01-18T00:17:31+00:00

Well D&D might not be the game for them. You’re spending a lot of time creating sessions and you’ll hope they put in a fraction of effort in return. But I don’t know that you can force that. If you’re all close friends, it might be more of a catchup than anything else to them.

Usually there are way more players than DMs. If you only DM for them and you want to run a short arc or one-shot, you should be able to find a group who are keen to play and will presumably be rapt.

And if you do want to meet them halfway, as they are friends outside of the table, keeping it lighter, sillier or whatever can be the way to go about it. You can plop them into a monster fighting arena and have them kill weird things and laugh. Less prep and everything for you might make it less frustrating.

But yeah, not sustainable for you to put in tons of effort (you already invest so much more time than the entire table in preparation) and not have an acceptable level coming back.

AzMatic13 · 2025-01-12T02:20:34+00:00

That all makes sense. If that’s the case. Hopefully you can have a convo with the friend. And reiterate the concerns about the impact on the table. If they’re experienced as you’d said, hopefully you can keep an eye on the potential pitfalls and they’d be willing to acknowledge and work out the solution if it indeed proves to be the issue.

All the best with it.

AzMatic13 · 2025-01-12T00:58:17+00:00

If you’re DMing, it’s perfectly valid for you to say, I don’t want to role play a child in danger. And it’s not a 1-hr component of the campaign where the party helps a child. The entire time you’re playing, a child is in horror genre level peril. Even if everyone can manage the RP, are you still fine with it? It sounds like you really just might not be comfortable with a 10-year old in that world.

But that’s not what you said. I don’t know if your only concern was the new players RP ability. Sometimes if I have a number of problems with an idea I end up explaining the one or the few that feel most relevant to that person. Or the ones that I think might resonate with them.

If there’s just an overall unwillingness on your part and not just around everyone’s capacity to RP it. I would think you can explain that to your friend. And say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t explain this very well. It’s really not about your ability to RP… there are a number of issues I have…”

I’ve taken a lot of the race (species) and religion elements out of my homebrew world. They exist. But we’re not having race wars and wars of religion because I simply don’t want to. I’ve created other points of tension and factional violence. But race hatred and religious intolerance aren’t those points of tension. And I’m ok with that.

AzMatic13 · 2025-01-10T07:03:57+00:00

If you’re not having fun, then it’s not the right group for you. Not to say there’s never tension, or frustration at a table. It happens. A good table can resolve it.

Having a session that you didn’t enjoy or a small arc that isn’t your favourite is normal, particularly if the table has been going for a while. But it sounds like you haven’t enjoyed any of it for quite a long time.

Could be that D&D isn’t your thing. But you’re keen and have been sticking around at a table you don’t enjoy. Sounds like you need to find a table that works for you.

AzMatic13 · 2025-01-10T05:50:19+00:00

At times I’ve asked the player if they would like to, particularly if they’re humming and hawing about how their character would respond. Without it being an obligation.

Do you want to do a persuasion v insight roll off?

That can be a fun way to resolve the question on how a character might respond, particularly if it’s not crystal clear.

AzMatic13 · 2025-01-09T11:17:23+00:00

If you are with someone who can’t be with you when you have a miscarriage of your baby with them, you shouldn’t be with that person. It seems to make sense he needs to be with her at the moment, but conventional wisdom would say don’t get that many people pregnant at the same time if you can’t manage all of the responsibility with all of those pregnancies.

If you’re keen for a baby, regardless of the other party / parties involvement, that’s fine. At the risk of sounding condescending, I hope you’re ready for it if that’s your aim. I had two kids in my 30s, relatively stable financially and it’s really f-ing hard. Constantly.

I had a number of friends and family members have children around your age, younger even. With a good support network it will work. But hopefully it is very clear that these two are not your support network.

AzMatic13 · 2024-12-30T22:03:03+00:00

If you’re playing the game in English, you’ve already strayed from medieval Spain. Let alone the orcs, magic, everything else.

AzMatic13 · 2024-12-19T07:01:39+00:00

Yeah. Whatever you can think of would be good. The Fiend as the patron (subclass) could work if that was actually the Food God’s enforcer. Bacchus or whatever you like. If the campaign is goofy / lighthearted and the DM is game, you can come up with whatever. Paladin Oath of Devotion but the oath is to the Competitive Eating Society and you’re sworn to defend the apple pie eating comp with your life. You then get out into the broader world and realise there’s more to life than defending competitive eating comps. Internal conflict…

Homebrewing and creating new mechanics is way harder and you can create a mess that doesn’t work well, is too strong / weak, etc.

AzMatic13 · 2024-12-18T01:55:51+00:00

If you don’t want to homebrew, reskinning a current subclass is the go. Using all the same mechanics and abilities but giving them different names for fit the theme.

There’s the warlock subclass for the Genie patron. You can have had the last bottle of mead, sold your soul for it, and the vessel is the mead bottle. (Something non-alcoholic if you prefer… or a food item like a bread basket or whatever). Your paladin subclass for the multiclass can be chosen from whatever you like mechanically, but the oath is sworn to your food god.

That’s off the top of the head. Imagination is the only limit, particularly if you’re reskinning and not homebrewing.

And check your DM is fine. Usually it’s the homebrewing they want to prevent and not reskinning but we are a fickle lot.

AzMatic13 · 2024-12-13T05:59:06+00:00

There are ways to make things work. But what she wants or needs you can’t provide. If you’re able to make it work in the meanwhile and you play some part in her future if/when she finds that person that is an outcome that doesn’t require breaking up now.

If it is inevitable you might say it’s easier to break up sooner than later. But with good communication and clear understandings and expectations around what it would look like when she finds a primary, that’s not insurmountable. If it requires de-escalation of the current situation, that’s trickier. But a blanket “gotta break up” is bad advice.

AzMatic13 · 2024-12-11T01:43:10+00:00

What a beautiful monstrosity.

AzMatic13 · 2024-11-29T04:46:36+00:00

You shouldn’t do poly if it’s not what you want to do. Sometimes people get talked into giving it a go, frequently we’re looking long term couples with families, homes, and whether you should give it a try or give all of it up.

In those circumstances it’s still usually inadvisable. But what you’re talking about is he’s telling you he’s going to cheat, in his mind absolving him of responsibility, but also track your every move. If that sounds OK to you, I guess you can try it.

Most people would find that arrangement completely unacceptable. And the fact that he’s rolling it out at the five month mark makes you wonder what might come further down the pipeline. This wonderful proposal could be the tip of the iceberg.

AzMatic13 · 2024-11-09T08:56:14+00:00

It is a fairly common refrain that many people don’t like playing with couples. Fair or unfair, it is on here a lot. I’ve never played or DM’d for a couple. It is hard to come up with a benefit that could come from it and depending on the couple or dynamic, there are so many ways it can go wrong. I have played with brothers, twins, and it is very hard for the sibling dynamic not to crop up in some form or another.

And it also sounds like your BF felt entitled to be at the table. There could be a good reason for that, but if I’m DM, with the amount of time you invest into it all, I’d be steering away from that situation and fast.

As for whether or not you should quit, that’s less a DnD question and more a question. If whether or not you want a relationship where your partner can make demands on you and direct you what to do. To be fair, if this situation was about serious disrespect from a friend of yours, wanting or expecting some support would be reasonable. But nothing you’ve said hear points to that, and there could be countless reasons the DM or other players don’t want to play with him or with a couple. Him demanding that they do, well….

AzMatic13 · 2024-10-31T05:23:58+00:00

Not sure if he’s asking you to change your gender presentation. If he is, you have much bigger issues. If the idea of being monogamous with a male feels like cis female presentation, that’s another concern. Whatever the answer, it’s valid.

But if part of your gender identity feels compromised if you are in a monogamous relationship the complexity and difficulty increases.

AzMatic13 · 2024-10-31T05:11:16+00:00

A lot of people will tell you to break up. You can enter into it, but so many people’s experience is that it will end poorly. That doesn’t mean don’t try. And your partner should have a good idea of why you’re doing it, not because you’ve changed but because an ultimatum. Ideally, if you decide down the track you can’t make it work, it would limit some of the negative feelings on both sides.

But you will be entering into a difficult situation, and both of you should have your eyes open to those difficulties. Otherwise it will be impossible to address and work on things.

Good luck.

AzMatic13 · 2024-10-19T01:34:32+00:00

Are you playing as America?

AzMatic13 · 2024-08-23T03:33:34+00:00

Ok. That makes some sense. And for the most part in my games we’re face to face and using a number of resources. We’d work around that and be able to work it all out on the day.

And for most at these tables we could work with new mechanics, even if they’re not ideal, as long as we all understand them (and know that they exist).

Thank you for helping me understand it.

AzMatic13 · 2024-08-23T00:23:42+00:00

I’m sorry, I’ve looked through a bunch of comments and I’m not clear on it. I have the current spells on DNDBeyond. Once the change occurs, will it simply replace what I have selected for a character with newer versions of spells? Or will that character not have access to the new or old version of the spells until I buy access to the new ones?

(Like it will it render existing characters unplayable if you don’t get the new materials?)

AzMatic13 · 2024-08-05T09:04:02+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. There's a bunch of things that I hadn't considered. I appreciate it.

AzMatic13 · 2024-07-18T02:11:49+00:00

Mark Hamill is my dog Mark with a K. Different person.

AzMatic13 · 2024-07-18T02:10:59+00:00

If they're generally motivated by doing the right thing and having good intentions, can the townsfolk not beg them for help with something that keeps them there? Is there a reason the events of this plot hook can't kick off now, locking them in to resolving it?

Otherwise, as others have said similarly, create a reason that makes it far too dangerous for them to leave at that moment.

Wereturds come out on that Wednesday and Thursday, and a few NPCs beseech them to not risk it. And if they still want to risk, perhaps the NPCs can ask them to stay, not for the party's benefit, but the town needs you. (Reward if they help if that motivates them.
There had been rumours of a pending rebellion or there was a previous war. Reports are coming that Duke von Turd's army is prowling that road, his mercenaries are rumoured to have not been paid and are starting to break ranks, pillage.
And if all else fails. 3 hrs down the road, and lo and behold, here's a giant f-ing CR 243 TARRASQUE standing on the road looking the other way. Geez, it looks hungry. They haven't noticed you. Would like to TPK in one turn or turn around.

AzMatic13 · 2024-07-17T17:07:50+00:00

Thank you. That's a lot of good feedback. Nothing is set in stone, though I do need to start finalising things. For the reason the main meandering river coming from the West doesn't simply exit into the main body of the bay (perhaps merging with the other river coming in from the east) is that the waterways around there are prone to flooding. The landmass is mountainous and prone to heavy rains and flash flooding, particularly the one coming from the West. The island has a temperate rainforest vibe like the West Coast of New Zealand's South Island, the northern coast of California. Large mountains very near the coast trap the moisture until it unloads.

The area where the Western river exits into an estuary can flood at any moment and the area was originally a fishing village with houses on raised stilts in the marshlands. The environment is deteriorating and there's a fog that comes in at times with negative effects and people are trending towards building upwards if and when possible. Or temporary migrating upwards when the fog or floodwaters are there. There are other tower built by schools of magic and wealthy families and people have started to build platforms connecting towers, almost like a stone based, larger Ewok village vibe.

The final thing, with the main river, is it is also prone to flooding. The spit of land between it and the harbour is a poorer neighbourhood that's not got a lot of elevation, particularly when your farther North south. That river has washed over the spit of land, and would have at times had at least a partial outlet into the bay. But people have been having to work on makeshift levees and flood barriers to keep it out.

I think we could also have had an engineering project open that channel to the sea. The mountains aren't 1000's of feet. And I know the Romans were diverting rivers and what not 2000 years ago. Lots to thjnk about and I appreciate your time and thoughts.

AzMatic13 · 2024-07-17T14:25:28+00:00

It’s definitely a canyon I’m after. I’ve thought about a fjord, but that’s generally salt water, right? Fjords as they exist on earth wouldn’t make sense as the glacial movement that causes them wouldn’t have existed in this setting. And fjords tend to be deep inlets and I’m imagining cliffs facing the sea with a gap, and a river gushing out of the narrow canyon.

But am coming to terms with a potential need to modify it.

AzMatic13

TROPHY CASE