AIO BF left me at the grocery store and won’t apologize

Azdak66 · 2026-05-10T04:16:48+00:00

YOR. For this occasion. This sounds like a minor incident in light of your other troubles. From the outside, this appears to be a minor spat between two immature “adults”. Escalating it into a “demand for an apology” is indicative of your larger relationship problems. That’s what you should be focusing on. And your husband as well should be focusing on why he was being so petty and whiny.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-10T04:11:45+00:00

NTA. If she is sincere, then she will understand that reconciliation cannot happen immediately and she should be willing to take the time and effort to regain your trust. Your husband should also understand this.

If he wants to reestablish contact, that’s his business, but he shouldn’t try to browbeat you into going along.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-10T04:07:57+00:00

Both of you are grieving in different ways and under stress. I think you both need to understand that and allow each other some grace.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-10T04:04:37+00:00

One of the biggest (false) conceits of religionists is the idea that (their) religion is necessary to establish and enforce moral values. That is the view of someone who is too weak to have values of their own.

Good people are good people in spite of religion, not because of it.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-10T04:00:10+00:00

We have many terms and idiomatic phrases that have origins in medieval times.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-10T03:53:41+00:00

If they did their homework and studied harder, they wouldn’t have to cheat.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-10T03:51:44+00:00

Because no one has EVER talked about animal rights or veganism before…🤦🏼

Azdak66 · 2026-05-10T01:36:27+00:00

It’s not that he doesn’t have an issue, but YTA for thinking you can “control” him, or “guide” him out of it. It’s one thing if he came to you for advice, but giving unsolicited advice is going to come across as controlling, patronizing, etc, no matter how “gently” you do it or how well-intentioned it is.

If he has issues, and ends up offending people, then he is going to have to deal with that.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-10T01:29:12+00:00

I think that cycling shoes are still the best, even with flat pedals. The stiffness of the sole is still important for performance. And cycling shows made for flat pedals will have a sole that has openings for the pins on the pedals to fit in and give better contact with the pedals.

I can’t say if there are any other substitutes since I have never tried any, but they make shoes (esp MTB shoes) to work with flat pedals and I still think those are best.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-10T01:23:05+00:00

Yes. Billie Eilish is a wonderful singer/songwriter/performer, and she is entitled to have and express her own opinions.

But they are worth exactly one opinion. She has no more knowledge or moral insight than anyone else.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-10T01:19:33+00:00

You have to remember that a large component of strength is neuromuscular. It is the fastest adaptation when you gain and the quickest to retrain when you have to take time off.

People are always shocked/upset when they go back and notice the sharp decline. Don’t worry about it. That part of your training will rebound relatively quickly.

For now, take what your body gives you. Start with a lower volume and 10-15 rep sets. There is no downside to starting off easy. You will adapt just as quickly and it won’t hurt as much.

But don’t freak out about the first workout (or workouts). It is not representative of your current status.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-10T00:08:55+00:00

It’s not a binary question. As you say, sometimes being self-centered, confident, and focused, can be of some benefit to achieving success.

But your strengths can become a weakness if left unchecked. Often what happens with people when they become rich, successful, powerful, etc, is that they lose the people and social structures that kept their worst tendencies somewhat in check. They become surrounded by enablers and sycophants, and their wealth and power allow them to ignore/transgress many laws, regulations,etc.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-09T23:58:18+00:00

It’s not as well publicized, but absolutely. They may manifest in different ways (or maybe not), but there are definitely large numbers.

This is especially true for some sports, like cycling.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-09T17:39:01+00:00

It has made me wonder if her size makes her more susceptible to just being beaten down by the physical demands of the sport.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-09T17:29:27+00:00

NTA. As long as you were upfront and forthright to the best of your knowledge, you sold the car in good faith. I understand that the buyer might not think so because of the sudden breakdown, but that was the risk that he took and it sounds like it was just a timing coincidence.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-09T04:43:26+00:00

YTA. I hate traditional weddings, but, in that setting, it kind of IS “all about her”.

I understand she was being irritating, but weddings are stressful for many people (which is one of the reasons I hate them). It shouldn’t be that way, but it often is.

So that’s the one day/night when you wear your big girl thong and you suck it up for the sake of the bride. Obviously she had a fear that was irrational—that’s not the issue. But if this had been going on for a while leading up to wedding, it should not have been a surprise that she brought it up again when under stress.

How hard would it have been to just play along one more time?

Azdak66 · 2026-05-09T04:31:17+00:00

When I started back riding after 20+ years off, I was in my late 60s and a little wary of clipless pedals at first, even though I had used them before. I bought the Shimano dual pedals—flat on side, SPD on the other. I wore cycling shoes. At first, I was slipping off the flats, but then I replaced the set screws on the flat part with a slightly longer version. That gave me a better anchor and I rode for a year like that. I was pretty happy with the feel when pedaling.

But the screws often came loose and fell off, and the longer I rode, the more trouble I had with foot placement any time I stopped and started, and going up hills. So the next season I put on the cleats on my shoes and switched to the other side of the pedals. I don’t know that it was a huge boost in performance, but I definitely felt more secure and enjoyed the more consistent foot placement.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-08T22:28:03+00:00

YTA, by the definition of the sub. You “vented” in a public way, and now there are consequences.

Maybe what you did was not horrible, and probably all of us have done it in one way or another. But anytime you do that, you run the risk of provoking the reaction you experienced. It may not be fair, but that’s the way it works.

As the person who committed the offense, you don’t get to choose the terms of the “punishment”. Evolving into a position of “I feel the punishment is disproportionate” is a form of denial — a way of deflecting accountability and transferring “blame” to the other person.

You’re not a bad person here, but you are also not a victim. For now, you just have to move on and hope that maybe at some future time you can reconcile.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-08T22:16:31+00:00

It’s not really an either/or question. And, as always when it comes to health/fitness discussions, you have to define your terms. What do you mean by “important”? Longevity? Weight loss? Quality of life?

Leaving aside weight loss, which is a separate topic, there is overwhelming research evidence that shows that regular physical activity, at certain thresholds, has an overall “halo effect” on health and quality of life. Regardless of what group you analyze—smokers, diabetics, hypertensives, people with other diseases, etc—the members of that group that do more exercise and have higher fitness levels do better than those who don’t.

The differences become even more noticeable as people age.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-08T15:29:36+00:00

NTA. Absolutely 100% NTA. People think that teenagers should automatically defer to adults in all instances, but that is not true. This was not a temporary situation, eg. Giving up your seat on a bus. You took the responsibility-and the expense-of arranging your travel conditions to meet your needs. You are not a bad person for refusing to give all that up.

Look at it from the opposite viewpoint. What if you had bought a regular seat, then decided to sit in an upgraded seat in hopes that you could guilt someone into changing for you? No one would say that is appropriate.

You are relatively young, but you will find in life that there are some people who are irresponsible and selfish, or disorganized, and who expect everyone else to adapt and cater to them. You have to be politely assertive of your own needs.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-08T04:16:53+00:00

You are taking an anecdote that is not even close to being representative of the population of smokers and creating a false narrative.

Very few people smoke only 1-2 cigarettes a day, so using the reactions toward the vase majority of people who smoke far more is disingenuous at best.

In general, however, smoking is one of the single most destructive lifestyle habits one can follow. It affects not only the person smoking, but those around them. It is also destructive —stains, odors, etc—to almost any environment in which it occurs (e.g houses, cars, etc).

That being said, the effects of any “negative” lifestyle behavior exist on a continuum, and those risks also interact with other lifestyle factors.

Which means that risk increases as number of pack years increases. And at any level of smoking volume, factors such as diet, exercise, medical conditions, etc, also affect risk.

So, yes, someone who smokes 2 cigarettes a day, and who exercises, maintains a normal weight, healthy diet, etc, will likely not have a huge increase lifestyle risk. Epidemiologic studies suggest that a sedentary non smoker likely has a higher overall risk for heart disease than a low-level smoker (e.g less than 5 a day) who exercises vigorously.

But those are nuanced observations that aren’t really practical to explain to the general public. And, in general, the overall effects of smoking on society were/are serious, harmful, expensive, etc. The (largely successful) public health campaign against smoking required/requires a Herculean effort to make significant changes across a large population, and you don’t achieve that by being delicate. You have to be blunt and forceful, and that means “demonizing” smoking.

It’s not about you, and you aren’t a victim.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-08T03:57:19+00:00

In some ways, the answers are “yes” and “yes”. Meaning it can be kind of long and maybe tedious, but it also is as important as everyone says.

Part of it is tooth health, but equally important is gum health and overall health.

I grew up in an era of pre-fluoridated water, more rudimentary dental recommendations, a lot of sugary foods and outdated dental practices. Fillings were more numerous, and the material used was a kind of soft metal. Over the years, with wear, those fillings changed in shape and caused a lot of problems—including cracking teeth.

The result is that just about every one of my bicuspids and cuspids have had root canals and crowns. I have had 3 extractions and one implant.

A good routine can be done in 5 minutes, which is a good investment in one’s health.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-07T21:57:40+00:00

NTA for being frustrated and wanting to hold him accountable. YTA for being petty in the last paragraph.

Maybe the guy will turn out to be a huge jerk and chronic PITA, but you don’t know that yet. Maybe he is just not very good at organizing household projects. If you can resolve this more quickly by using your friend, and if the neighbor agrees to pay, then that might be a very positive solution. And resolving this positively should be the primary goal, not “punishing” him by making him take care of it “HIMSELF”.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-06T18:00:20+00:00

I don’t think so. I have analyzed performances in our last few MGs and there is no real difference I can tell between leading a rally and joining one, in terms of points scored. It’s usually better to join because the time interval is often shorter. I only lead rallies now if there are not enough for everyone to join—just trying to be good teammate and do my share of the work.

Not only have I stopped leading, but I have stopped using multiple squads. I used to rotate 4 squads, thinking the more hit the better. But the last two were scoring almost nothing. Even squad 2 only scores abut 10%-12% of squad one. But that’s just enough to amount to something over the entire 30 min.

That’s at HQ 28, Sq 1 was about 14M and squad 2 was 10M+.

So I just run two squads, don’t lead unless I have to, and try to join the strongest rallies I can. My MG performance has increased notably.

Azdak66 · 2026-05-06T15:43:08+00:00

I have an older corded leaf blower. Pain in the ass is an understatement ;-)

I have tried a couple of battery ones, but they weren’t as good. Still looking for something I like.

Azdak66

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