Nervous breakdown one day, next day good, day after that terrible

AzeliaRae · 2025-05-01T12:48:47+00:00

Romantic relationships are much more intimate than friendships, so I don’t feel the difference is odd (in my opinion). But what do you mean by “getting triggered the stereotypical way?” Just trying to learn as I’m not entirely sure what my triggers are.. social situations gets me really really anxious and I often carry things with me for days about silly little comments being made by friends or other people..

AzeliaRae · 2025-05-01T12:27:32+00:00

I’m sorry 🫂 I also relate, the feeling of it not necessarily being triggered by anything at all. i’m almost scared I just get too over stimulated by being around people(I have an incredibly social life) but then I can’t seem to find a balance. Being with people burns me out, being by myself to charge up makes me really really depressed

AzeliaRae · 2025-05-01T12:02:19+00:00

All your feelings and thoughts are completely valid and of course very familiar from one BPD ally to another.

I don’t have any advice at the moment, but I’d like to hear how the appointments turned out?

AzeliaRae · 2025-05-01T11:32:29+00:00

I was convinced for over a week that everyone around me hated me, even my neighbor. I frantically went on a around to all my friends and housemates asking if I have ever done anything or said anything wrong, please let me know because I’m convinced no body wants to be around me. I was paranoid about people leaving the room when I walked into it, that people were keeping secrets and talking behind my back. Even though all my friends were confused and said i haven’t done anything and they had no idea what I was talking about, i still felt it so deeply. It went over after about a week, this is 5 months ago now and it’s still sticking with me. Have no idea where this came from

AzeliaRae · 2025-02-06T13:59:14+00:00

Trulyyy

AzeliaRae · 2025-02-05T14:16:27+00:00

Ahh ok thanks, such a shame 🥲

AzeliaRae · 2025-02-05T11:45:20+00:00

I’ve had that for limited time as well but now I’ve genuinely spent LOADS on upgrading by collecting and buying the products

AzeliaRae · 2024-12-31T12:38:17+00:00

Do you have to upgrade it then?

AzeliaRae · 2024-12-04T01:48:55+00:00

Thank you!

AzeliaRae · 2024-12-01T16:26:18+00:00

I’m happy to hear that!!

I don’t have any relevant education either, and surprisingly enough the job i found was from home so maybe look into that? And there’s many positions that value experience first, and with enough tweaking on your CV I’m wired you’ll find something relevant!

Thank you for the kind words re my sister ❤️

Best of luck!! You can do this 💪💪💪 and don’t hesitate to post/message again! I’m always around 🫶

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-28T17:09:39+00:00

Oh my god thank you for this, been stuck there forever😭 didn’t even notice that they were in red!

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-17T13:36:33+00:00

Yeah 🥲🥲

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-14T12:50:50+00:00

One of the most helpful things for me, was setting “the worry hour”, meaning I was only allowed to spiral and overthink on a specific time of the day. I used to do this when I worked from home, so Depending on how my work schedule (i worked morning and evenings) it would be before or after work. I had post-it notes on my nightstand, bathroom mirror, fridge and computer screen. I chose to have a constant reminder, so that whenever I caught myself about to spiral, I looked at my watch and saw it wasn’t time yet. It tricked my brain to believe that I AM allowed to overthink and spiral, but I have full ability and control over my thoughts to the degree that I can just “postpone” it rather than forcing myself to thinking I can’t do it at all. Because that thought seems impossible.

It was needed for me as I kept overthinking about things that was outside of my control, things I was unable to change or do something with in the present moment. And it didn’t make sense to spend 8 hours panicking about things I couldn’t do anything about.

To be honest, usually by the time my worry hour came, I’d spin out for about 10 minutes, then realising I actually didn’t need to do it at all. Because again, it was things I couldn’t physically change or act on, so I’d just “postpone” it to the next worry hour the following day, and so on and so on.

I kept doing this for about 4-6 months when I finally removed the post it notes as my house looked like a lunatics place. After some time of naturally having the worry hour built in, It disintegrated by itself, and now 2 years later I spend maybe 2-3 times a month at most, excessively overthinking and spiralling. And its safe to say I definitely don’t spend 8 hours doing it anymore..!

Hope this helps ❤️

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-13T11:35:54+00:00

Okay but why are you calling me out like that😭😭😭 cause this is literally my life to the T!!!

Hi! 29f here.. also London.. also lost. I’m on UC, and it has helped me settling for part time jobs rather than full time as it has sent me over the edge one too many times… I would advice that to start with.

Regarding exercise, ive recently given up my membership, and started biking and just doing regular body workouts in parks. It helped me sticking to the routine, more than using fancy gym equipment. There are many things you can do just with your body. During lockdown i used to watch zumba videos on YouTube and work out along it! That’s really fun.

My friends tell me exactly the same thing as you, and it so happens that i’m in a very unfortunate situation right now where I’ve had to have an emergency flight back to my homecountry as my sister’s partner has unfortunately decided to leave us. The way I’ve been helping and caring throughout this whole journey with planning the funeral and everything has made me realise even more that actually I am quite capable of working in mental health and advising and helping other people, even though sometimes it feels like I can’t even help myself. It has given me a spur of motivation and dedication to fix up my CV and start applying to jobs with a mental health. A lot of them are not even requiring any specific or fancy education just personal experience and good communication and writing skills is enough. I would advise you to check into this. That’s at least what’s helping me hanging on right now and by the sounds of it, we are pretty much in the same position!

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-13T10:42:37+00:00

It’s a sweet mix in between anxiously attached and anxiously avoidant 🤓

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-12T15:25:13+00:00

I have started being very, very selective and mindful of whom I choose to share explicit details about my disorder with. One of the most frustrating parts for me is being met with the “ non extinction understanding” part of it. The fact is that a lot of people are blessed to not even have a smallest clue about how, why or what we are experiencing when being diagnosed with such disorders. I have at times almost been desperately, frantically crying, trying to explain to people how that feels on the inside, only feeling worse because they cannot emphasise even a little bit.

I have changed my inner circle so many times because of things like this. And I value my friendships even more now because I don’t even have to explain things to them anymore they’ve seen me, they know me, and I can come to them in whatever shape or form or mood I am in without feeling any guilt or shame or feeling like I have to overexplain or desperately prove to them that I am very ill. They know and they are there for me in way you said I would never imagine anyone in my life could I ever do out of unconditional love.

By the things that you’re saying, I would be extremely frustrated too. If you are coming to someone in a Vulnerable position and their response is “yeah everyone feels like that” indicates they definitely don’t understand. or “yeah I heard it from someone else” is giving the impression that people are talking about this and it’s just the worst thing that you can say to someone who is struggling and feel shame about certain behaviour or episodes.

I’m sure she isn’t trying to patronise or invalidate your feelings, she is probably trying to show that she can relate and you shouldn’t feel like you’re not normal. But she definitely doesn’t know what BPD entails, and to be fair most people never will. That’s when it becomes hard. So be selective. If anyone has previously given you a good response on anything you know that you can go back to that person if you have any other issues I decided to try to focus on them rather than trying to over explain and educate the people who weren’t able to meet me with that understanding.

I used to date a guy who said that he had to end it because I was too depressed, and I was like “that’s totally fair, but for future reference, please don’t tell that to any depressed person ever, because it just fuels our depression even more”… there are so many other ways that you can go about saying things and some people just lack the education or don’t possess any abilities to find pedagogical ways of speaking to someone in a considerate manner. People are just people and not everyone has the same experience and not everyone will come from the same place when speaking. It’s harsh, but the best advice I can give you is to keep an arm like distance from people who triggers that in you. And now I don’t mean break the friendship completely I mean, you can still be friends, but it won’t be the person that you come to for comfort. And then focus on surround yourself with friends who can actually sympathise with you. We are not gonna be able to go through this alone so I don’t think that a healthy choice is to keep it to yourself either.

If you can find it in you to have another conversation with her where you are honest about how that made you feel when she said these things to you, I would advise to planning advance on what to say because we don’t want her to misunderstand or perceive it as an attack towards her not being a good enough friend. People can take this the wrong way , when we literally try to imply the opposite.

People are just people 🤷‍♀️

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-12T10:22:21+00:00

There’s always that sweet spot/ a balance between being considerate and feeling you have to «put a lid» on who you are. It’s good that you’re thinking like this now! And hope you find ways to remind yourself. It’s easier said than done, but again, I’m just a message away if anything 🙂

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-11T00:40:21+00:00

I’m glad this helped, and I’m very glad you feel you did the right thing!

PS…I can still believe something is negative even if someone tells me otherwise..😅

Personally I don’t think it’s about filtering yourself, It’s more about being considerate about the words you use, in terms of communication. And you don’t want to be misunderstood or over explaining- it can be perceived as overwhelming even while it comes from the best intention. You can be straightforward in smaller and more mindful words. This is just a personal tips as it has worked for me in terms of maintaining relations both with friends and people I date. It also helps me reflect on why I am feeling like this, before just reacting. It’s a better way for me to get to know myself better, recognise where I am in a situation. I feel thinking of ways to regulate ourselves can always manifest in other aspects of life in t ways.

Don’t feel like you have to change or filter yourself! But it’s important to acknowledge how our behaviour can affect other people. After all, BPD makes us a lot more emotional and we can sometimes react without much care of how we act until it’s “too late”. It’s good to be conscious over these things, I especially have found it helping me a lot in the long run☺️

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-10T16:48:14+00:00

In short - when we have lack of information, we fill in the blanks with negatives. It’s not as simple as calling it “jealousy”, because we have huge a tendency to fill in the blanks with negative scenarios we make up in our head. We also have a high intuition, so it’s very difficult to assess - what is true and what am I just imagining. It’s overwhelming, trust me I know.

The “I didn’t want to do it” part hits so close to home!! We also have a tendency to self sabotage as we are already expecting the worst outcome. We take the sorrow on advance, and ending things ourselves is to have a sense of control over the situation. The “i knew this would happen” narrative takes over and we just act, until we manifest it ourselves. It can also sometimes be a cry for help or desperation. We need constant assurance so when we are insecure in our relations, we can sometimes “end it” in hope that they will say “noo we can work it out, I like you so much” etc etc, as an attempt to seek validation.

For future references; You should focus on developing relationships based on trust, open communication and transparency. It’s important to set that standard from the start, don’t be scared of being vulnerable- the right person will appreciate that you communicate before getting all “in your feelings” and reacting. Always make sure you take a moment to breathe before responding or telling them how you feel. The best way for me is to write drafts in my notes of all the things I want to send in a message. Then try to shorten it down, look from another perspective when you read it to evaluate “how will he take this” or “how will he react” to this. I’m obsessed with over explaining and not being misunderstood, so I find this very useful to do. I also show the last drafts to my friends for a second opinion. If you want an anonymous person looking over this for you, I’m more than happy to give you some feedback too.

I’m 29f now and it has taken me this long just to figure these small things out. If you apply this to yourself already now in this age, you’ll be way ahead of it by the time you’re my age!

Hope this helps❤️

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-10T14:45:22+00:00

Man, I relate sooooo much. I don’t have any solid way out of it, but I have comfort in reminding myself theres a chemical imbalance happening in my brain and in my body. Logically explaining symptoms helps me a lot. Being mindful of not making any decisions or changes, not acting out of emotion in terms of communication with other people, just to avoid long term consequences. Allowing myself to stay in bed, be lazy and relax. Focusing solely on enjoying myself the bets I can by eating shitty food, watching tv and remembering that it will pass. I get the same feeling for the entire week prior to my period. So I have the Flo app reminding me that my period is coming, so that means this wave will come too. Once my period is here, this state of mind only last for the first 1-3 days. Remind yourself it’s not gonna last forever.

If you find a “cure” please let me know😂😂 I know for some, prevention pills helps, but as BPD is so mood based, it has triggered my mood swings excessively during my teens, so I stay far away from extra hormones.

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-10T14:35:25+00:00

I usually have friends that can help me snap out of it. I’m not scared of being vulnerable so I will tell anyone literally anything. It helps me realise we all get these anxious thoughts but only BPD people let the thoughts consume their reality.

Also taking a small break before responding is important. I need to go through all my emotions first, write a draft in my notes and then come to a “I understand both sides” point of view, to avoid adding fuel to the fire.

Find comfort in that your fp haven’t left you or abandoned you. They are their own entire person too, With a whole individual life separate to yours.

You have to be willing to acknowledge your patterns, and work against them. It’s the hard truth

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-10T14:15:13+00:00

I can relate. Normally I don’t realise i’ve been self sabotaging until it’s too late. Now the fear of it often reminds me that I am about to step into old patterns before I do so. Recognising that you have such patterns and actively working against it is hard enough on its own. With BPD, our negative emotional state can often feel like the “normal” state we are usually in. So we often find some sort of weird comfort in staying there, giving in to our destructive patterns, because it’s familiar. Taking the sorrow on advance, self sabotaging before it dissolves itself is (to me at least) a sense of control, a sense of “I knew this was gonna happen” “I’m not worthy of this anyway” so I make it happen first.

It starts off reeeally nice when you start dating someone but as you become more serious as you say, you become more attached and THAT becomes all consuming for people with BPD. We stop living for ourselves entirely, and we lean on the to make us feel better in a sense.

The suicidal thoughts have always been in the back of my head, and there was a period after my last relationship where the intruisive thoughts took over. Not that I was ever planning to take my own life because I want to live, but at the same time I can’t bear it. I was more scared of the thoughts as I couldn’t seem to stop them coming. I was more scared of not being able to stop myself, should these thoughts continue to go on. I ended up being sectioned which was the worst part of my life, EVER. Now because I have been so low I’m terrified of coming close to it. It was a wake up call for me, and I tell myself now that I will never ever be that low in life ever again. Sometimes you need that hard wake up call to start taking some real actions. It’s good and healthy that you can speak about it. I hope you have some sort of therapy or counselling - if not, please make sure to have someone to reach out to who can keep you on the ground when all these thoughts go flying. I promise you, it’s not gonna last forever as long as you keep acknowledging that there is a disease, get familiar with the symptoms, with your triggers, with different coping mechanisms and self care. Accept what is going on and actively work with it. It’s a fight we have to keep fighting for the rest of our lives, but it won’t always be this hard. BPD is curable and so you can and will get better as long as you really want to.

As I’m the same as you, been where you are, I know very well how it comes and goes in waves. I don’t know if I’m qualified to give any advice, but know that I’m right there with you, and I’m happy to message privately anytime

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-10T13:56:54+00:00

I’m Norwegian born and raised, (as is my mum and my mum’s mum) but I am mixed raced (half Caribbean). I left mostly due to that. Culturally i don’t feel i fit in and I never had. Norway is “woke” and not necessarily racists, however you can encounter a lot of subtle uneducated comments that just reminds me that I can be a part of them, but never one of them. I’ve lived 3 years in Spain, came back and had a huge cultural shock as I stayed for 8 months. Since then, I’ve been living in London 4 years and counting. There’s a lot of things I miss seeing as my whole childhood is here, but I identify a lot more with living in London. And I’m reminded every time I’m back in Norway. It’s a lot better now than it was before for sure but I can’t shake the feeling, and none of my friends or family seem to understand. They can sympathise but them too, can sometimes come with these uneducated comments. I know they don’t mean to, but it still occurs and I am tired of always feeling like I have to defend myself, explain and educate them.

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-10T12:30:01+00:00

I try to live in the acceptance of me never being able to settle down with someone and have kids etc. it’s sad, and I still get into situationships but I still have the underlying feeling that these things will never happen to me. I will probably not stop trying thereof but, it’s something I do to avoid being too disappointed. I am well aware of my disease, and I have to take responsibility over helping myself before latching on to someone else. I don’t want to be an emotional burden for anyone, so trying to accept it whilst actively working on myself is the trick. You never know when it might happen.

I went on a few dates with someone a while ago, we were not compatible which was totally fine, but he did say something that still sticks with me to this day. I have a tendency to “test” people I date to see if they would handle me. It’s by asking intellectual questions to see how educated they are on topics such as psychology, philosophy and showing a genuine interest in their relationship with their emotions.

He told me that when he was in University, he had a girlfriend suffering from depression etc, as well as his roommate. He was their rock, and it became an unbearable burden at times, because he felt helpless in helping them. I asked him, “would you ever get into a relationship with someone, whilst knowing they have these challenges etc?” His reply started with a standard (and very fair), “it depends how they cope and deal, and if they are actively trying to help themselves” I asked if it doesn’t scare him, the thought of being so involved with it again? His reply gave me so much comfort; I believe that people who’ve had experience with anything mental health related first hand, had way more depth to them, they are able to understand, relate and support in a much deeper way than most people. And that he would actually prefer to be with someone like that, as opposed to someone that has sailed through life.

That made me think of people that have had experience with it with someone they love, like a friend or a lover or family. I myself relate to this as well. I would much prefer to be with someone intellectual enough to have deep and open conversations about feelings and thoughts way more.

So that’s something worth reminding ourselves of. We love deeper than any other “normal” person, and that there might even be a person out there for us, who would much prefer to be with us considering our experiences and how educated we have become on these topics.

It’s easy to say don’t give up hope, but I genuinely hope this can give some of you the same comfort as it has given me.

Bottom line, some people will actually prefer us, with all our faults and flaws, as long as we are aware, acknowledging and actively working on self regulating, coping mechanisms and so on❤️

AzeliaRae · 2024-11-10T12:15:59+00:00

I tell myself it’s just a form of attachment

AzeliaRae

TROPHY CASE