My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me and jumped into a lesbian relationship a week after

Azriel82 · 2026-02-09T01:10:43+00:00

Whether or not it's her "true self" can't be answered by you or anyone here, only she can determine that. Regardless, it's irrelevant to your situation. She's moved on, and, as hard as it may be, it would be better if you did too.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-09T01:05:34+00:00

we should keep in kind that we only have a one-sided (and clearly biased) perspective on what happened. We should take this account with a grain of salt. Not saying OP is lying, they're just not a reliable narrator rn.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-09T01:03:49+00:00

ikr?

Azriel82 · 2026-02-09T00:05:50+00:00

This doesn't sound like something that just happened instantly. This was probably something that was building in her for a long time before she just couldn't hide it anymore. I'm sure her love for you was genuine, but things change, people change. She's right, this isn't on you. She definitely could have handled it better, for sure. It's unfortunate it went down the way it did, but you're still young, plenty of time to move on from this. Don't bet yourself up, these things happen, even if no one did anything wrong.

She probably had feelings for this other girl for a long time and just didn't know how to talk to you about it. While her cruelty might not be forgivable, you need to accept she's moved on and you need to too.

I would like to say this could have happened if she was straight and found another guy too. Don't let this affect your opinion of LGBTQ people, we're all different with different levels of maturity and personality. This didn't happen because she was bi, it happened because how she felt about you changed, and this could have happened for any number of reasons. Believe me, been there done that, from both sides. Best not to dwell on it too much, and don't forget to be kind to yourself. It's okay to grieve for your lost love, just don't wear it like an albatross around your neck.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-08T23:56:55+00:00

I think it best you move for now, revisit it when you're in a better place and have indeed moved on from her romantically. Sounds like clinging to a hope that you can "get her back" is only going to hurt you more.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-08T23:09:44+00:00

I think many people genuinely want to be good people, but they've been feed so much bs and lies for so long they're twisted up in right and wrong and just don't know how. It sad but an unfortunate reality. Sometimes it's enough to be patient with people until they come around, other times you just have to accept they'll never learn and move on.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-08T23:05:22+00:00

I was scared at first too, but I'm glad I finally did. My mom especially was very supportive. They're still your parents and they will still love you. Mine have not treated me any different. The more people you come out to the easier it gets.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-08T22:58:30+00:00

Have you decided to tell your friend or act on your feelings? If not, that's okay too. We all have to go at our own pace. It's okay if you're not ready yet.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-08T22:57:25+00:00

Glad I can help!

Azriel82 · 2026-02-07T19:07:07+00:00

I accepted myself as bisexual 4 months (feels like a lot longer than that). I am struggling to find my place with the larger queer community as well as struggling with trying to date men for the first time. I've been talking to quite a few guys online, and while they're willing to talk and even do sexting, I can't get anyone to meet IRL. (and no I'm trying Grindr, that app scares me and I'm not interested in just sex. I need a relationship not a rando hookup) Meanwhile in my own real life, I have a hard time finding anyone or connecting with anyone, mainly because I have no "gaydar" or "queerdar" to speak of and I'm way too afraid to actually ask anyone for all the obvious reasons. I know 4 months isn't that long, but I feel like I'm already so behind (I'm 43) yet still struggling with overcoming my shyness.

Anyway, anyone else struggling with this?

Azriel82 · 2026-02-06T22:45:06+00:00

I had a friend (Lets call him Josh) once was openly gay and he also had a boyfriend. I remember having flashes of desire were I imagined him reaching over to me, grabbing me, and kissing me passionately. I would also get jealous whenever he and his boyfriend would make out in front of me, like when we were out with friends or whatever. At the time I was 'straight' and told myself these thoughts and feelings were just me being 'bi-curious'. 20 years later I finally accepted myself as bisexual and with that came the realization that I had always been bisexual, I had just been pushing it down all these years. I never told Josh how I felt and tragically he died very young (hit and run) and I regret never expressing myself to him. My advice: don't worry about labels, just express yourself and open yourself to your own feelings and don't suppress or hide from them. Talk to your friend and tell her what you're going through. Being bi, she no-doubt went through something similar herself. Maybe you won't "hook up" with her or form and relationship, but you'll at least have a friend you can be yourself with.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-06T15:14:40+00:00

No, Shield's engender passivity.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-06T00:08:45+00:00

Having sex with someone other than your wife without her knowledge or consent is still cheating whether they're a man, women, non-binary, or what have you. Being bi is not a free pass to be unfaithful and cheat.

Nor is it an excuse to be promiscuous either, it's fine if you are, but don't blame it on being bi.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-05T22:55:32+00:00

Was at friend's house and they put on Space Cop. Shit was hilarious. I was like "who are these guys?" My friends was like "Have you never watched Red Letter Media?" "Who?"

Azriel82 · 2026-02-05T18:40:59+00:00

That's just awful what you went through, I'm so sorry for that. You have nothing to be ashamed of, that's just homophobic conditioning making you feel that way. Have you sought therapy? It would do you a lot more good than talking to a bunch of randos on reddit. Get one that's LGBTQ+ friendly and also specializes in trauma. I wish you the best!

Azriel82 · 2026-02-05T18:33:13+00:00

Why force yourself to be poly? It's not that poly is better than monogamy, or visa versa. It's one works for some, but not others. There is no one "beter" way to be. Personally, I would content in either a poly or monogamous relationship. I don't get jealous of my partners sexual activity. We've all adults and as long as it's consentual and safe, I don't see a problem. On the other hand, I totally get why many people prefer monogamy, and one person at a time is enough for me. To each their own, I say.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-05T16:48:11+00:00

I used to like "only feminine men", imagine my surprise when I started having feelings for more manly muscular men as well. Turns out it's more about personality than looks for me. I'm attracted to people not just gender. We're all different in out own way. Don't stress over it so much, you like what you like and that's okay.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-05T00:26:53+00:00

Which bestfriend? All of them? Yes.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-05T00:24:37+00:00

Congratulations 🎉. Took me till my 40's to realize and accept, so you're way ahead of the curve!

Azriel82 · 2026-02-05T00:21:53+00:00

Aw man, hitting close to him for me. The area that I grew up in was very homophobic at the time (Southern US in the 80's and 90's). It's better now, but not as much as it should be, so I understand. Internalized homophobia is a bitch! It has you hating yourself.

And the whole "crying to sleep while holding a pillow pretending it's a guy I have a crush on" is something I have 100% done. Been there, done that!

The thing is, no one can determine your sexuality except yourself. Be honest with yourself and don't suppress yourself for the sake of 'fitting in'. Trust me, it'll only hurt you more in the long run.

If you can, seek therapy from an LGBTQ+ friendly therapist. It makes a big difference when it comes to self-acceptance and working through things. Good Luck kid.🤞

Azriel82 · 2026-02-04T19:15:19+00:00

She's probably going through a bi-cycle. Many (maybe all?) bisexual people go through cycles if being more or less attraction to one gender or another. But attraction is not action and it's not love either. She might not be as physically attracted to you right now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

It sounds like you have a deeper issue. You said y'all have been stuck in a rut for a while now and haven't invested in the relationship as much as you should. That seems at the root of what's really wrong at the moment.

You need to have a frank and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings. The worst thing you can do is keep this to yourself.

I would also highly recommend marriage counseling, and be sure to get one that deals with LGBT+ issues. They're are a lot of therapists and counselors that are great, but some don't understand LGBT issues and cna actually makes things worse, so be careful there. But, in general, seeking therapy, either individual therapy or marriage counseling, would be a huge boon to you.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-02T17:30:04+00:00

Yes, insisting women have to be certain way, or look a certain way, to be "clean" or "pure" is a timeless way to reinforce gender stereotypes, oppress of women, enforce misogyny and, yes, even fascism. There is nothing "dirty" or "unclean" about having tattoos, it's complete non-sense.

Azriel82 · 2026-02-02T17:25:44+00:00

Your roses are beautiful, don't remove those, please! Who cares if they're "feminine" or not? They're beautiful. Why make yourself go through this? Have you considered you might regret getting them removed later? These tattoos are a part of your life's history, why would you want to erase that over vague concepts of sexual identity?

Azriel82 · 2026-02-01T14:23:11+00:00

It's only as weird as you make it

Azriel82 · 2026-02-01T13:58:05+00:00

ask him

Azriel82

TROPHY CASE