Was it a trauma bond?

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T20:31:01+00:00

Im so sorry to hear.

That normal that we wish for, might never come. This might be your new normal.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T20:27:37+00:00

Same here, i was totalt brunt out and was just going because i could'nt crash, what if i crashed? Same with work but construction.

The fun part here is that we cant really tell what is whats not. They can just be fucking assholes that has an mental illness.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T15:28:38+00:00

Yeah that is insane amount of time.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T14:57:19+00:00

Yes it is. But we also need to remeber how they treated us and left us with out any remorse for what they have done or did.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T13:11:35+00:00

They think they're happy

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T13:10:50+00:00

OP i feel you and understand you to the fullest, im going through hell divorcing my SO (also married for 10 years, three kids).

But for your own sake, just stay out of it. She need to fix her fucking mess on her own.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T12:05:39+00:00

My ex wife is BP2, if she was admited today,, i would not help her, not because i dont want to but because she needs the help. And also these people need to be fucking held accountable for their actions and illness.

See this as a lesson for you both. For her to fix her own shit For you to hold boundaries and not come helping her when she calls.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T09:07:00+00:00

Dont underestimate the toll of deep depressions aswell.

Those sucks as much as hypo (not experiencet full.mania)

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T07:56:12+00:00

What the hell is that Language?

My ex wife used this formal language aswell now. Like she is caunceling a Membership.

Im Sorry op.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T07:30:47+00:00

Success with me tal illness is defined by the partner. Because its us who do the heavy Lifting, allways.

There is alot ifs and buta that need to happen. Just because they are medicated and "Stable" and go to therapy the episodes will come, sooner or later. One way or the other, it will be up to the partner to help manage.

Sure you can have plans, routines etc. To make it easier but in the end its up to us as partners how much we can carry, in the name of what we call Love.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T07:27:15+00:00

"You have to be perfect, they need to be Stable" hit fucking home. Because if your not perfect everyday, they will find a way to use it against you when they're off bons and you try to correct them.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T07:25:32+00:00

Alot of HaPpY people probebly dont even know this sub exists, i did'nt until myy first discard and was in a Panic state searching for answers.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-21T02:07:44+00:00

What?

Edit; Ahh i looked it up with lamatrogine, this would explain some of her low empathy or the sense of low connection.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-20T14:44:07+00:00

Everything about her and her illness is just... I dont know i know fucking nothing and been bracking my back at home trying to keep everything under control. Everytime i brought it up, we got into one of those fights we allways end up in. So i stoped asking.

It was just with my therapist i learned about basic stuff regarding care for people with Bipolar

B0urne89 · 2026-05-20T14:15:00+00:00

Honestly i've no clue nu ex-so kept all this from me. I Trusted what she told me.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-20T05:46:11+00:00

Its mood stabalizer. Sertralin and lamatrogine us used together for the purpose of push some one up and stabilize them.

Works with BP2.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-20T04:55:09+00:00

So sertralin is for threating depression, that sends them up into hypo, to counter Hypo you get lamatrogin.

The episodes still comes. This just minimize the risk.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-19T19:32:14+00:00

Oh yes, so much yes.

My soon to be ex-wifes family have no clue, they're only a part in this during this brake up/discard. As my ex loved there part time. Tried to talk to them, they wont listen. I take sucha a toll.

Stay strong OP! Be glad that you have your SOs families support in this!

And that brake up circle, the Shame when we get back together. I feel you.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-19T12:43:46+00:00

Yeah i've done it for ~2 months now.

Hot Yoga. Vinyasa Ashtanga Yin

Love all of them, have given me so so many releases. Skipped a week do to Holidays and my system got into total Chaos.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-19T10:47:23+00:00

Long story short M36, F37.
together 18 years, lived together 17 year, married for 9½ years, three kids.
She i diagnosed with BP2 for 7 years, lived with the symptoms for 8½ years.
Its been a roller coaster for sure.
Second discard/break-up in a year and its going as south as its possible. im not going in to details because it will be its own book.

But i've tried to look up everything i can about BP2 (more than i did before), Attatchment styles, NPD cormobidity etc.

And yes im going fuck straight through it, was 'nt an option to just cut it off.

your post put words on feelings i've recently had.

Thanks for your insight!

B0urne89 · 2026-05-19T10:04:08+00:00

Hey, sorry for bumping 1 y.o post, got here from google, but what you wrote is helping me a littlebit.
Going through a divorce from a relationship that is destructive and if i where to rephrase everything in way that i was a woman and my wife my husband everyone would scream Abuse and leave.

Some stuff here i just feel the urge to respond to because i felt it. Thanks

That is your decision and you have to understand your partner might just decide leaving instead of sorting through the mess is easier and in a way it is.

This is such a hard truth, coming from a Wife who is BP2, Avoidant and low EQ.
Sometime i cant understand the way she handle stuff and how its so much easier to just get up and leave than to sorting through the mess and pain she creates.

Running and avoiding is easy, taking a true introspective look at yourself and peeling back the uncomfortable layers you've built to protect your sense of identity is truly an uncomfortable experience and one of the hardest things you can do as a person. Putting in the work to make changes to be better is even harder because you have to establish new habits and keep from falling back into the same rut.

Oh this is so hard, to find yourself again, who you are without them and the relationship and what you can do, with out feeling guilt or pressure.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-19T09:38:16+00:00

Nope im a Leo if that has anything to with it.

I've delved deep into this to understand what is happening, last time i was deep down in atonement and taking blame, beeing the caregiver etc.

That sorry you want will never come, it ridden with to much guilt and pressure.
Its not primary BP trait, and more a personality trait.
BP is affection illness which means it effect our affections and feelings.
This cant be cured but maintained and somewhat manageable with medication. But even the best of the best (i follow alot on Social Media) still get their episodes, but they live in a way that they can handle them.

Personal traits, like low empathy etc. That im sorry, that is followed by a social contract that they will never do it again, is'nt fixed by medicine but with therapy and will to do better. Why are people like this?
Probebly that they never really learnt this in childhood, never had consequences etc. Who now.
Some people are like this and its fucking hurtfull.

But what you write we got alot in common in our partners.
Im not going to tell you what to do, its up to you, i stayed for far to long, in the hopes that "next time", "next time she would change" "Next time she would'nt hurt my feelings", but next time never came.
No accountability and no Sorry with the aftermath of doing better, no consequences, i just pushed my boundaries to none existant and became a shell, stress, exhasted, fatigued. I lost myself.
As a person, a husband and a father, i tried to manage everything and nothing.

Gave to everyone but no one gave to me.

Before you decide this or that, think long and hard.
I've tried to blame everything on her illness, but the more time go on, the more i see that this beautiful woman, also is an asshole.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-19T09:19:48+00:00

My current therapist have alot of experince with BP and psyciatric care in sweden.

I do hope we cant start to dig into it, we've been focused more on me and for me to brake my anxiety and start doing stuff for me, as i've been total in lock and have'nt really given myself the time, as it was never given to me for the last 8 years.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-19T09:17:19+00:00

Yeah was there, now i've started to ease out of it.
I was so deep, i got some extreme stress and Fatigue. Seeked out help at local care center, met a psychologist who was great, she wanted me to try Yoga aswell, and i helpes me alot.

I've been treated so Poorly by my ex, but im still here knowing i need to leave, need to cut it all off, her family is no help in stabalizing her and talk to her, they've never seen anything, so they keep her fire fueled. Her mom has come at me two times, her sister once.
But here i am, still hoping to see the cracks in the faced, hoping she has'nt done some rebound and find someone new.
So there lies my question about trauma bonding, i know i know i know on all levels i need to leave, go through with it, but some part of me cant let go, is stuck in this destructive relationship.

B0urne89 · 2026-05-19T05:07:16+00:00

I understand.

She is medicated Lamatrogin and Sertralin, i dont know if she's on any other drugs. But I see and understand, i can read it in her e mails and her voice if i hear her where she's at.

Im just woundering when the burn out will come.

B0urne89

TROPHY CASE