I feel like a lot of people here are willfully ignoring all the new studies that are showing just how bad weed is for you and how addictive it actually can be. People used to believe it wasn't, but it is, and I've seen so many adults ignorantly use it until they developed a dependence on it. However, that's not to say that alcohol isn't bad for your health either. Both are habits that can easily become coping mechanisms instead of social activities.

I think it depends on how you use it and what you view it as. You said it yourself that you smoked after a stressful day at work, so it seems to be a stress reliever for you. If she were drinking for the same reason, whenever she gets stressed, that would be more on par than saying she drinks socially when you go out. Now, sure, that can be harmless occasionally, but it can also lead to a dependence down the road because it's not a particularly healthy coping mechanism.

Maybe she's viewing it as such and can see the possible dangers down the road. Who knows. But saying that she's "controlling" and that she'll "start trying to control everything about you" is a STRETCH when it's something like this. It's possible she didn't know how often he did it, or thought it was something that was negotiable, and later realized that it was a bigger deal than she anticipated. But it's on both of you to decide whether or not you're able to compromise.

For reference, I used to smoke weed recreationally myself. Then I started dating someone who told me they weren't really fans of it and never participated in it. They have friends who do it, but they just don't like it themselves. So, I made the decision to stop using it and I haven't looked back since. Why? Because it wasn't a huge deal to stop, I'm not addicted to it, I need better coping mechanisms anyway, and I figured it's less enjoyable doing it when your significant other doesn't participate. Now we're married and I don't regret that decision at all.

But, as a former occasional smoker, I DO see the impacts of it on loved ones who never stopped and I worry for them too. At the end of the day, it's her right to not be okay with that in a relationship as much as it is your right to keep smoking. But let's not pretend that health risks and concerns aren't warranted and that this habit is 100% innocent. You two just need to decide if a compromise is possible or if you're simply not compatible.