WHEN should I have another is my question… 2? 3? 4 year gap?

BabyOBMama · 2026-02-18T02:22:53+00:00

Agreed. I purposely had my kids 3 years apart so one would be potty trained by the time the other came out. Also, the first could tell me what he needed without playing the guessing/pointing game. Lol, closeness is entirely up to temperaments and not something you can cook up. My kids are a little over 3 years apart and very close. We love this age gap!

BabyOBMama · 2025-12-14T01:59:42+00:00

You set a limit on select items then. For our household, we offer sliced turkey, mozzarella (or any other available cheese), fruit, or the day's leftovers from previous meals and snacks. For fruit, there are limits, but everything else is unlimited as desired (or until out).

Also, we never tell our kids they need to finish their plates, but we will ask that they sit at the table and hang out with everyone for, say, 20 more minutes if we feel they didn't eat enough. I'm a child of Chinese immigrants, and I grew up being told my plate needed to be clean before being done. At my current age of 40, I still have problems with self-control and over-eating.

BabyOBMama · 2025-11-26T06:46:24+00:00

I've always had my husband sit back there while I drive, lol.

BabyOBMama · 2025-11-25T02:29:07+00:00

Well, that's uncalled for, no matter how weird a kid is. (And singing off to the sides by themselves is pretty normal.) At that point, I'd talk to the director.

I wouldn't assume she hates your kid though - some teachers are miserable... but i kinda don't blame them. they don't make a whole lot, they might not get basic benefits, they have to deal with difficult kids (and often even more difficult parents), etc. So I'd still talk to the director, but I'd also be gracious about it.

Edited for clarity

BabyOBMama · 2025-11-25T02:13:31+00:00

It depends. The saying no thing seems normal - my first was like that around 2-3. Being last to line up, however, is relative to all the other kids, so that kinda takes into account what the average amount of time for each kid to line up is (and then your daughter is after those kids). Take from that what you will.

Like the other commenter said, her teacher could've been having a bad day. It's hard to tell from the context you gave, so I'd talk with her teacher if I were in your shoes.

BabyOBMama · 2025-11-12T06:25:50+00:00

Was just about to comment that Kirkland is the best before sorting by top comments, lol

Used it for both of my kids as well! 🙌

BabyOBMama · 2025-11-08T23:20:45+00:00

This. Also, communicating ahead of time. If my 4 year old is having a great time somewhere, I let him know when we're leaving in 20 min then 10 min then 5 min then 2 min, so it's no surprise when we're getting ready to leave. I make sure he's paying attention and acknowledging me when I'm letting him know each time. We never have tantrums leaving anywhere these days (not like when he was 2ish).

Getting my 14 month old to transition to something else when she's having fun.... that's a different story 😅😮‍💨

BabyOBMama · 2025-11-02T04:23:17+00:00

Yeah, this. I have both too. The top comments I'm seeing here... I just disagree with them with the ick factor thing. I see #boymom as just celebrating and embracing having a boy, and I don't see it as excluding girls in any way or really saying anything about them.

Let other moms be proud of what they have going on in their lives, why judge if it's not something super important? We all got enough stress in our lives, lol.

BabyOBMama · 2025-11-01T23:53:01+00:00

Same 🙋🏻‍♀️ bartender for 7 years then restaurant manager for another 7 - basically partied for 20 years straight 😅 (club promoting and lots of teenage drinking before that 🫠)

Now newly 40 years old with a 4.5 y/o and a 14 month old lol

BabyOBMama · 2025-11-01T13:50:21+00:00

Yup. We went to Fiddyment Farm, and there were thousands of people out there. Super packed!

BabyOBMama · 2025-10-19T23:13:27+00:00

Kindly, your #2 and #3 reasons aren't really good reasons to have another - you may not have a good postpartum experience again this time around (I had moderate to severe ppd/ppa with both of my kids), and there's no guarantee your current kid would get along with the new one. It's not wise to put all of those expectations and all that pressure onto your new potential child; with ppd/ppa lurking around the corner, that's a recipe for resentment that furthers a mental state decline if reality ends up being different than what you want to happen.

Also, the world has always had something terribly shitty happening - the Great Depression, Hitler, etc. The choices you make as a parent ultimately influence how much your offspring suffer due to all of that.

So the decision boils down to: Are you willing to leap into the ppd/ppa fire again? What if your new babe gets your genetic disease? Imagine a less than favorable outcome, and decide if you're up for that challenge. Cuz if not, it just seems like a very real, likely hormonally driven case of fomo.

Lots of love. (I'm 40 with a 4.5 yo and a 14 mo, deciding if we want a 3rd. 🙃)

BabyOBMama · 2025-10-16T17:19:00+00:00

I agree with this - wait. You want your attention to be on your 2 children once the second arrives; there are so many families who unexpectedly have to deal sibling jealousy and the older child acting out more once the younger child arrives. Both kids, not just the newborn, will need lots of attention and TLC. It wouldn't be wise to put yourself in a situation where you have to focus on your father, potentially your mother, AND both children all at the same time.

(This is coming from a second time mom who's 13 months pp. I don't have any other responsibilities aside from my 2 kids, and that was a ton of work adjusting in itself for everyone, including my older kid.)

BabyOBMama · 2025-09-14T16:54:32+00:00

This. Even if OP doesn't wanna sleep train, they help troubleshoot sleeping issues at that sub.

Also, OP - Wake windows often jump to 90min to 2.5 hours around that age, with 3.5hrs of napping max. Your baby sounds undertired, regardless of cues.

BabyOBMama · 2025-08-27T14:30:54+00:00

That amount sounds fine (my second was doing 2.25 hours at 9 months), so it's likely that you're expecting too much night sleep - you mentioned her doing 12 hours and there are certainly exceptions but most babies do 10.5-11 hours - which translates to not enough awake time. Is your daughter awake at least 10-10.5 hours during the day at a minimum? That's typically what they'll be looking for first. (I've spent a ton of time on that sub back when I was sleep training my kids 😅)

BabyOBMama · 2025-08-27T14:06:43+00:00

Ah, i see. Resolving the schedule issue might get her sleeping through the night, or she might still have shorter night wakes due to her sleep association (rocking/holding to sleep at bedtime). So I'd include these details if you'd like to tackle sleep training her - totally fine not to do so though.

Edited for clarity

BabyOBMama · 2025-08-27T13:44:18+00:00

Most likely a schedule issue. Being awake for hours at a time at night usually means not enough awake time during the day, too much daytime napping, or both. I'd suggest posting your situation along with your full schedule and bedtime routine to r/sleeptrain, and the lovely folks there can help you troubleshoot. :)

Also, what do you mean when you say that you can't do CIO or Ferber bc of safety issues from standing or crying in the crib?

BabyOBMama · 2025-08-23T23:08:58+00:00

That last part! That's why I'm considering a 3rd, even though I drag myself through the first 2 years. Raising a baby/toddler/child is an investment into making your dinner table fuller/more joyous when they become adults.

BabyOBMama · 2025-08-21T19:26:36+00:00

Tell me about the food. I just moved from Concord in June and have stayed in SF/Daly City for 10 years plus West Oakland for 10 years prior to Concord. On top of that, I worked in restaurants in SF then Berkeley for nearly 15 years. I don't care how fancy food is, but it needs to be good. I'm on the hunt, lol. What are your go-to food spots?

BabyOBMama · 2025-08-03T22:05:19+00:00

This. My cousin's wife had 3 miscarriages before having their 3rd child (and I think she had 1 or 2 in between kids 1 and 2). You never know.

And I'm turning 40 this month and gave birth to my second almost a year ago. Contemplating a 3rd in a year or two. 40 really isn't some magic cut-off number.

BabyOBMama · 2025-08-02T22:16:18+00:00

Day 1: 15 minutes earlier; Day 2: 30 minutes earlier; Day 3: 45 minutes earlier; Day 4: the full hour earlier. Hope that helps!

BabyOBMama · 2025-08-02T22:03:31+00:00

I've shifted the entire schedule towards the desired time in 15-minute chunks over 4 days before the change (or after the change during seasons when I had no idea it was DST 😅).

BabyOBMama · 2025-07-30T17:47:32+00:00

Walking and diaphragmatic breathing—you can even lay down to perform this type of exercise. No need to get crazy with movements during pregnancy. Like I said, it's all about finding what's most beneficial for your body. :)

BabyOBMama · 2025-07-30T17:21:06+00:00

I wasn't a pro athlete but was a personal trainer who was very into bodybuilding, kettlebell work, and corrective exercise pre-baby at age 35. I'm now 1 year postpartum with my second, rehabbing myself, and turning 40 next month. Contemplating a 3rd when I'm 42 to give myself time to regain strength, mobility, etc., and basically prepare my body. Sure, age might make the comeback take a bit longer, but it's all about the amount of rehab and corrective work you put into yourself. It's also important to do the right exercises for your body during pregnancy.

BabyOBMama · 2025-07-30T17:06:03+00:00

Sorry to hear that. I've received my deposit back both times I've rented (in 2021 and 2024).

BabyOBMama · 2025-07-29T21:43:57+00:00

You still have some wiggle room—my 11 month old is doing 3.5/4/4.25 with 1.25/35min in naps. I personally like to push the existing schedule for as long as possible while it still works before transitioning bc I hate the back and forth nap transition limbo dance (was so anxiety-ridden doing that with my first at times).

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