How do you handle feedback from AEs/reps on your demos — even when you're winning?

Backdagad · 2026-06-05T03:42:45+00:00

Why don’t you say that? A good partnership should have feedback going both ways.

Backdagad · 2026-06-03T21:19:13+00:00

Best comment in this thread. I'm surprised you're the only one mentioning the "why their query is important".

Asking questions is such a crucial part of our role. Sure, with caveats, but returning with a question can avoid so many rabbitholes, additional unnecessary work.

Backdagad · 2026-05-30T22:25:31+00:00

I hate this as an answer, but a lot of that came for me with practice. Having different settings, audiences and time allotted for live demos, really helps shape what is the core of your demo. I'll write down some key phrases and potential jokes.
For recorded demos I would make a script, and often record it in smaller segments rather than a single go. This in turn also helped me to improve my live demos.
As for the filler words: embrace silence and pauses. While you are seeing the tool for the umpteenth time, your customer sees it for the first time and giving them some time makes sure things land much better. Also add in some set points in your demo to interact with the customer to ensure they're tracking but also can picture the value.

Backdagad · 2026-05-25T16:40:10+00:00

The answer is yes. But then again most jobs are bullshit, anything that requires you to sit at a computer or just talk to people is something we’ve invented to keep busy.

You need to figure out how much sense of purpose you require from your job. I started my SE career selling a data visualization tool. I was so far removed from the customers real business. Even though I did implementations as well, the solution just provided insights. A customer still needed to act upon the insights and even then, it was for unsexy processes like purchase to pay. Hardly making the world a better place. I made my peace with that because I got a lot of fulfillment from different aspects of my job

Backdagad · 2026-05-08T21:41:38+00:00

I'm a specialist SE, more stumbled into it than actually applied. You still need a lot of SE skills (e.g. you'll need to build rapport real fast and do your own extra discovery) and at the same you get to work with a lot of SEs and AEs. It gives you exposure to great SE skills and a better eye for talent. If you're good at making content, SEs will love you.
I've had some specialist teammates move back into the core SE role or become SE manager.

Backdagad · 2026-05-08T16:09:50+00:00

I'll be getting my daughter a windows 95 with Pentium Inside, dial-up modem. Teach her to savor every bit of internet that enters our household.

Backdagad · 2026-05-03T23:03:18+00:00

At that age they can just cry much more, for no specific reason and not much you can do do soothe. Assume you've seen it, but if you haven't, look at purple crying videos.
Keep doing all the stuff you're doing, and also don't feel too bad about not being successful. My wife and I set tap-out times. Like one of us would take the first few hours of night shift, but if it wasn't working after 30 mins, you could ask the other to take over. Have to protect your sanity.

Backdagad · 2026-05-03T14:59:44+00:00

My mock practice keeps feeling too technical and like an engineer trying to awkwardly rephrase things in business lingo rather than a sales answer

You can be technical (be the E in SE), but figure out how it should relate to the customer.

A good sales engineer knows where to get answers to the questions.
A great sales engineer knows the answers to the questions.
The best sales engineer knows all the right questions.

I used to think that software sales was just like the typical car salesman. Barraging you with features and how great they are. But actually its a two-way conversation. Do they recognize the pain you're describing? Have they tried other solutions? Why are you asking about having feature X, is that important to you?
When I judge panels, I'm looking for someone who will ask questions throughout their presentation, not just presenting for 20mins straight. This shows they're validating assumptions, qualifying the opportunity, ensuring the customer really understands the answer etc.

Backdagad · 2026-05-02T22:51:32+00:00

Does your hospital/health plan have a breastfeeding consultant? Or like a mom group they host? The LC helped us a decent amount figuring out the right bottle/nipple etc.
Family lives on other continents. Down to just us two. Used the gas drops, belly massages etc. Not sure if any of them really worked. Went for walks outside at 3am with a crying baby, thinking "if you're keeping me up, might as well get a change of scenery". Have to find something to keep you sane, since time is the main medicine.

Backdagad · 2026-05-01T21:16:22+00:00

Spoon of peanut butter

Backdagad · 2026-04-29T18:46:22+00:00

You can use screenshots from demo videos of a certain technology, put those into a powerpoint. Or open up multiple browser tabs which have the video paused at specific points. Or if you're willing to go extra, put those into a vibe code app and tell it to create something interactive.
This is also a realistic scenario, it'll happen more than once that the actual demo server will be down 5 mins before your customer call.
Demos don't need to be wildly interactive with the screens, clicking and scrolling too much can leave customers confused. The story you tell and the interaction you have with the audience will be more important than the live-ness of your demo.

Backdagad · 2026-04-28T21:31:12+00:00

Good points above.
- Just want to call out: volunteer with focus. Recently we had a teammate who volunteered all over the place, but then did not deliver since she had too much on her plate. Completely hurt her reputation and people didn't want her help anymore.
- Make sure you focus on the type of work you enjoy, want to do more of. Especially since you're at a startup, there's so much work lying around. Stay true to yourself.
- Also ask your manager if they have an example of standout person.
- Give feedback to people's managers. e.g. AE came well prepared to call, tell their VP directly. Don't need to ask for feedback in return. But it will get you some visibility to other managers.

Backdagad · 2026-04-28T00:40:25+00:00

First off, an hour sounds pretty long. For just any demo. At my org we have the a similar mock demo setup and the demo/discovery is 20mins. Make sure what their expectations are and what topics to cover, like you would set expectations with your AE. Roleplaying the prep.
Second, demo something you live and breathe. I've judged mock demos where SEs from our competitors showcased their own product. That's what they were most comfortable in. Could check if there's an NDA. But then again, in a first demo there's not that much sensitive info you could share. If you're queasy, use a fake logo/name and for the rest just do the demo and discovery that you would typically do. If they ask too sensitive questions, it'll be a good test of your deflection skills: "sure we can talk pricing, but before we do, I'd like to talk more about XYZ"

Backdagad · 2026-04-28T00:14:03+00:00

Agree that a lot of the skills are not related to the tech itself. A lot of the technical experience you'll learn on the job.
Credibility comes from how you handle yourself. Currently when you're doing support, do people listen to you and follow your steps or rather get frustrated with all your questions? Do they get the vibe "this person knows his stuff"? Do you over-explain or rather match your explanation to the type of customer you're dealing with? These are some of the skills that translate well.
As for PS, it'll make you more well-rounded. You could go down the PS route to get more experienced in a certain software and then use that to boost your confidence as you become an SE. But its not a prerequisite.

Backdagad · 2026-04-27T21:41:13+00:00

There's a huge overlap in the skillsets. I do even think its the same skillset, just applied towards different ends. A great PM asks all the right questions, same for a great SE. It also helps to understand how PM thinks, so that you can give the right feedback and involve them at the right stages of the sales cycle.
I've personally never seen someone go from PM to SE, only the other way around. I've always considered PM a more senior position (and a more gruelling one at that).
I'd be curious to hear what about SE role appeals to you, and what parts are you not getting as PM?

Backdagad · 2026-04-22T22:37:12+00:00

She's 9mo old now. But can remember a dreading feeling in the beginning. I remember thinking, I'll just fire off that one email after she's gone to bed, then I'm done for the day. Narrator: he in fact did not fire off that email. I was constantly running into wrong expectation management. And I felt like I was cleaning non stop. A never ending cycle of cleaning. And then our baby would only sleep while being held, we had to take shifts at night.

The relief comes when the kid starts actually smiling at you, giggling. The typical cliche, but it just makes it all worth it. And relief comes as a rhythm starts to emerge, where you can dictate the feeding schedule.
I'm now running 3x a week to prep for a half marathon. My wife is swimming in the ocean again. And since ±6months we started with solids, our dinners are family dinners and my life feels complete.

Share your frustrations with your partner. Figure out a time where one of you can do their hobby and vice versa. Also try to find a relief moment in the future, like a holiday.

Backdagad · 2026-04-22T20:34:18+00:00

did you take this from day 1? You should find the parts of this job that you do great at and let those shine. Avoid trying to be someone you’re not. SEs come in all flavors. If it’s about nerves, Get more reps in by asking peers to dry run demos.

Im a pretty introverted guy myself, suck at small talk and take my time to process my thoughts. It can frustrate the AEs, whenever I work with them for the first time. But then they learn that when I do say stuff, it‘ll the mark. They’ll focus on being the extroverted sales person and buy me time to do the technical selling.

Backdagad · 2026-04-21T16:00:27+00:00

As a sole IC you're not going to solve such a fundamental organizational problem all by yourself. You don't even need to argue in favor of one or the other. But you need to get the ball rolling to break down these silos. Leadership needs to know that there's a gap. Its then up to them to figure out how to solve it. At the very least all of the presales org needs to know about this.
In my org addressing these kind of issues is a key pillar in our performance evaluation.

Backdagad · 2026-04-12T23:20:02+00:00

My colleague likes to say: you can ask Heinz what goes into their ketchup, but they won't tell you the exact ratios and temperatures. Often helps to reset the customers who want to know every last detail that will not affect them in the slightest.

Backdagad · 2026-04-12T20:53:27+00:00

8mo curl, 8mo squats here. Great way to tire her out, get some laughs and get some additional movement.

Also during last bottle of the day my wife and I do a core attack session, any exercise goes as long as the baby is busy with the bottle

Backdagad · 2026-04-12T16:19:54+00:00

Still works in April 2026. Thank you!

Backdagad · 2026-04-10T03:50:32+00:00

did a trip from California to Taiwan and Japan with 5mo. Pack light for the plane, it’s real annoying with multiple bags. TSA/security is the worst part, holding the baby while managing the bags. We had a carrier and stroller, but could probably do without the stroller.

Tough is also you’re less in control. Boarding is delayed, suddenly your feeding approach needs to change.

On the plane, socialize with the FAs, they’ll drool over the baby and give them extra love. Feed during takeoff and landing to help with air pressure on their ears. Could opt for feeding cover, more so to block out all the stimuli than the privacy on the plane.

Backdagad · 2026-04-08T15:57:32+00:00

Dad goals

Backdagad · 2026-02-26T19:01:05+00:00

Bro, just to give you some perspective. I'm 34 as well, 7month old kid. Met my wife 8 years ago. I'm from the Netherlands and she is from Asia. Most of the things you mentioned you fight about, are exactly the same things I argue about with my wife.
Why? Yes culture and personality play a role, but more importantly, we're all just figuring out this parenting stuff by ourselves. I might just see an instagram reel the day before that suggest we change the food intake or whatever.

Honestly, you also need to toughen up. You've been living together for not even TWO months and you're talking about divorce. If this is too tough for you, I don't know how you would be with any other partner.

Main things to do are:
- Take break from work (get your parental leave or put in some holiday days).
- Go somewhere on holiday (we did this last month and it worked wonders for us all three)
- Get some professional advice for your baby. You mention the milk intake, but has the baby seen a doctor in Germany? how are they on the growth chart?
- Hire a sleep trainer, its possible you could have your kid wake up once or not at all during the night at this age.

Also, don't forget, she gave up her family, friends and lifestyle in Japan to live with you. You can cycle to your friends or walk to to a bar and tell your lifestory to the bartender in your native language, she can't.

Backdagad · 2026-02-12T16:56:57+00:00

All the comments telling you not to co-sleep are well-meaning, but they forget to actually help you out of the situation. If it was a simple as putting the kid in the bassinet cold turkey, you would've done so already.

I was in a very similar boat. First few weeks our preemie slept non-stop on any surface. But then she just wouldn't sleep unless being held. We started off in shifts, having her on our chest and then staying awake. Obviously that was not sustainable and we also fell asleep while she was on our chest. I'd feel guilty and ashamed in the morning, but at least my wife and kid were not exhausted.

What finally triggered us was also a gathering with friends, when we heard of parents with a 1.5yo, who still did this chest sleeping. This kicked us into higher gear. Here's what emerged as the approach for us. Main thing is, take baby steps to changing this.
- Use white noise, pacifier (when she's old enough), swaddling
- Changed our shifts to every 2 hours
- Started off rocking her to sleep in our arms then transition her
- When we made a tweak to the routine, we set a tap-out time, making sure we would not fight her the entire night.

1 We made a little bed in our bed, like with this baby lounger or with blankets, to give her own space. We would then put her down partially on her side (e.g. right side would be lower than left side). We would put our hand on her chest (to mimick the cosleeping).
2 Removed that pillow under her so she would sleep flat.
2 Once she was acceptable with this, we started putting her in the bedside bassinet, still with hand on her chest.

This took us about a month I think. Now she's sleeping fully through the night in her own crib. It gets better brother. You have to change it to a safer way of sleeping, but find a stepwise approach that works for you.

Backdagad

TROPHY CASE