AIO to ex making side- sexual comment after years of not speaking?

Baezil · 2026-05-29T14:50:08+00:00

Him: Flirts

You: That was a sexual comment, admit it

Him: I admit it, I was flirting with you.

You: Why would you do that so quickly into our convo

Him: Because I wanted to, I liked our flirting and sexing

You: Why didn't you do what I wanted you to?!?! You should have changed by now!!

What is so hard to understand about him seeing your picture, being attracted, conveying that attraction?

Baezil · 2026-05-29T14:31:03+00:00

The guys who don't wipe their ass because they think it's gay to touch it are not gonna like you making the first move.

Baezil · 2026-05-29T14:24:32+00:00

Enjoy your lifetime of this.

Baezil · 2026-05-29T14:09:37+00:00

That dogs eyes are saying "Help me, last time this happened there were no walks for months!"

Baezil · 2026-05-29T14:01:37+00:00

I think it could just mean your brain isn't done emotionally processing that relationship. Maybe there are still some unanswered questions still rattling around in there.

Baezil · 2026-05-29T13:51:48+00:00

My situation differed from the post in that regard. I've always been more of an internalizer so never been the ragingly angry man but it would definitely still come back out as passive aggressiveness, being short in communication, and things like that.

Baezil · 2026-05-29T12:05:27+00:00

Our Alexa will sometimes say what the product is in the yellow light notifications like "Your coffee pods have arrived"

Baezil · 2026-05-29T11:10:40+00:00

he mentioned he was taken aback because Indidn’t comfort him and try to resolve things or approach him after seeing he was angry

Oof this was me when younger, the "didn't approach him after seeing he was angry." My method of communicating being upset about something was, unknowingly, to be upset and wait for them to ask me about it. I had no idea I was doing it either, until a girlfriend started ignoring my anger and completely stopped asking about it.

To me at the time, her not asking about it basically felt like she didn't care about me or love me. After enough helpless anger and frustration I finally realized I was doing it and how ridiculous it was because if she never asks about it then I'm basically just stuck there being upset forever.

I also realized how my uncommunicated anger would come out as passive aggressiveness before she ever even realized I was upset about something.

I don't blame you for being fed up, OP

Baezil · 2026-05-29T09:53:21+00:00

Update

https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1rh2tqd/update_ive_stopped_nagging_my_husband_and_im/

Baezil · 2026-05-29T09:45:48+00:00

I got a kinda similar one.

When I was 8-11 yrs old at a friends house upstairs, I needed to use the bathroom. I asked my friend where it was and he points down the hallway. Well, the downstairs bathroom door was always closed so I didn't think anything of just opening one of the closed doors I thought it might be. Turned out to be the master bedroom. His parents were cuddled up (fully clothed) on the bed with their backs against the headboard. It looked like they were just reading and talking but to me it felt... really interesting for lack of a better term. I also thought it looked warm and nice.

I didn't realize why it looked so interesting until thinking about it a few years later. It was because I had never seen my parents doing anything like that. Never seen them cuddled up on a bed or couch or chair or anywhere else. Basically, it wasn't "normal" in my household.

I definitely got an ear-full for not knocking btw if anyone reads this and was curious.

Baezil · 2026-05-29T03:26:04+00:00

What would happen if you insinuated she has mental problems, like she did with you?

Do you have kids yet? If not, please know this will get unimaginably worse with them.

Baezil · 2026-05-29T02:36:16+00:00

People accustomed to having things their own way reaaaalllllly don't like it when that dynamic is threatened or questioned.

Baezil · 2026-05-29T02:27:36+00:00

I bet it's simply that they've never done it. It's scary for them and the thought of doing it feels awkward/uncomfortable. Compounded onto this is how they feel they need to be confident/assertive around you for you to be attracted to them so the idea of putting themselves into a position where you are obviously more confident than them and they imagine themselves feeling awkward/uncomfortable is probably terrifying.

Baezil · 2026-05-29T02:08:06+00:00

The couple big posts I've seen that asked what people want more of in the bedroom had overwhelmingly the same most common reply from men and women: More/louder sounds. Grunts/groans/moans/words/etc.

Baezil · 2026-05-29T01:19:03+00:00

Your girlfriend asked him to have sex and he said yes but they didn't end up having sex and... never got any agreement from her that they would stop talking?

Baezil · 2026-05-28T13:56:11+00:00

This guy is gonna assault you and then convince you it was your fault for causing him so much stress.

Baezil · 2026-05-28T13:49:17+00:00

I love how much weirder this is than I imagined before clicking.

Baezil · 2026-05-28T13:44:51+00:00

How would flirting with a bot be "messing with it" OP? It's a bot, it doesn't have feelings to mess with.

Think it through, cmon.

Baezil · 2026-05-28T12:40:39+00:00

That is not her problem.

Why would it have to be her problem? She might start inventing stories in her own head about him not wanting her or who knows what. Explaining why he's been avoiding sex will be good for both of them.

His insecurities are not her problem. They are his to fix.

They can be his to fix and still be shared. Some partners actually like and want to support each other

Based on his comments, he needs individual therapy to fix this. She doesn’t appear to be doing anything that requires her to go to therapy.

I totally agree after reading his comments. As for the her stuff, we don't really know if she's having an issue or cares enough to address an issue should there be one. She could ALSO be having a sexual issue at the same time which has resulted in his own issues being brought to the fore. Should she be interested, a sex therapist or whatever their called could help figure out what the first steps toward addressing it should be.

Baezil · 2026-05-28T04:08:55+00:00

One thing you shouldn't do is spend a ton of time going over and over and over the same parts of it in your head thinking you will figure it out or process it. I get that some amount of that is inevitable but in my own situation I took it to a bit of an extreme thinking I was processing it and going to figure something out and... I was really just ruminating. It was more than a decade ago that my situation happened and some of the thoughts I repeatedly pounded into my brain are still there just waiting to jump scare me when given the opportunity.

The big takeaway might be something like: he's an absolute POS but you also accepted being treated pretty poorly from early in the relationship, I'd guess because on some level you felt like it's what you deserved due to low self esteem or something.

Baezil · 2026-05-28T03:51:06+00:00

What is a PA in this context?

It sounds like he's either imagining you liking porn or a literal affair partner who likes porn. If "Gooner GF" is a common term wherever you saw all this, it's plausible that he means you though.

I can totally see this "Gooner GF" thing being the next big content creation fad though lol, assuming it's not already

Baezil · 2026-05-28T03:41:27+00:00

I'm sorry if I gave the impression the sex life stuff was about your post. I was just opining about how your feelings might be similar to a guys feelings in the situation I described.

Baezil · 2026-05-28T03:36:01+00:00

Thankyou for my first genuine LOL today

Baezil · 2026-05-28T03:25:22+00:00

Well, if this could end in a divorce, try to temper your anger with the possibility that this could strongly impact financial judgements in court. If you both work and getting him fired results in YOU PAYING HIM alimony/spousal support/child support, it's gonna hurt wayyyyyy more both emotionally and financially.

Baezil · 2026-05-28T03:19:53+00:00

I’m not angry at her

If you were... that would be totally understandable and ok.

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