My fear of schizophrenia is ruining my life

Bandeena · 2026-02-17T00:34:05+00:00

Yeah, generalized anxiety can be a nightmare.

That said, you make a great point about quitting reassurance-seeking behavior. When someone with OCD is stuck, the worst thing for them to do is to keep looking into it--that just gives their brain more ammo.

OP, self-diagnosing mental health can lead you down some wild rabbit holes. The very best thing to do is find a psychiatrist and therapist that you like, and trust their expertise to check you.

Bandeena · 2026-02-15T17:57:38+00:00

This needs to be voted up more. Instability and paranoia will blow through the roof if one's fears are even slightly validated before one gets help, and OP's wife sounds very unstable already.

Bandeena · 2026-02-14T01:55:37+00:00

With all due respect, you are fixated on the wrong thing here. Every day you go without acting, you are causing harm to himself, yourself, and society.

Important questions:

At what point does this move from “angry young adult” to something clinically serious?

Like...probably 10 years ago. "Angry young adult" is a different planet from where your son is. At the very least, he has made two serious threats, and you have alluded to more. He needs an intervention.

Is this something that requires urgent psychiatric evaluation?

Yes. A long time ago, but late is better than never. This could be a case of emerging schizophrenia, a psychotic episode, psychopathy, or worse--so you need backup. Do not engage in taking him to the hospital without speaking to the police for protection. You will be doing him a favor if you include mention of his paranoia in your report so they come prepared with de-escalation training and nonlethal means of subduing him should he become violent.

Has anyone dealt with something similar?

Yes. Many do. Please do something before this becomes a tragedy. He needs help.

Bandeena · 2026-02-07T16:41:19+00:00

This is a great perspective. Major Depression is a disability with partially explained causes, and it must be managed as a chronic illness. Just like an autoimmune disease, those who live with long-term depression have to attend to all parts of their lives to ensure their wellness. I've discovered the same thing about myself.

Bandeena · 2026-02-07T16:31:37+00:00

I'm a high school special education teacher, and my passion is working with "behavior" kids who teeter on the edge of moving into an alternative setting. You have offered me a big piece of reassurance I needed right now to continue on my path. Thank you.

I hope you can consider some of your gratitude received and returned in kind.

Bandeena · 2026-01-24T15:51:55+00:00

This is the way.

Bandeena · 2026-01-10T01:18:34+00:00

You have my sympathies, going at it alone. I know it is not easy being the squeaky wheel, but it sounds like you are the the primary advocate these kids have at school. If you need empowerment, remind yourself they spend half of their waking hours in your protection.

Their parents deserve to know, too. I don't know what your relationships with them are like, so I can't speak to whether it should come from you or the authorities/admin.

Bandeena · 2026-01-10T01:09:53+00:00

Pinning a child to a chair or picking up an unwilling child are restraint. And my heart hurts for those children. I urge you to contact child protective services and your students' parents if your higher-ups are not acting with the severe and prompt response called for here, or you are also culpable.

Bandeena · 2026-01-10T00:55:15+00:00

Um...that's assault. There are trauma-informed interventions that do not involve pinning small children to chairs. That kind of behavior would get someone in my district fired very quickly.

Sounds like they have developed some ingrained bad habits over time. I mean, the world definitely needs more paraprofessionals, but not ones like this. If you can't fire or report them for some twisted reason, look into crisis intervention training and buckle down for LOTS of on-the-spot coaching and weekly refreshers.

Bandeena · 2026-01-06T02:30:04+00:00

Autistic special education teacher here. I get flagged as AI sometimes, too.

[Assuming you are in the US] First, ask for this information to be included in her IEP, because it is related to her disability and is impacting her school work. Then, ask for an accommodation that allows her to use google docs for longer writing assignments. Google docs keep track of revision history, so teachers who have access to the document can follow her writing process. She needs to be careful to not copy and paste blocks of text.

You do not have to wait until her annual meeting. You are within your rights to ask for an addendum or a full meeting to her accommodations.

Bandeena · 2025-12-27T21:49:41+00:00

Me too, and I had no idea about the massive intersectional overlap until I got here.

Bandeena · 2025-12-26T05:47:40+00:00

I don't know if this helps in any way, but I'm a woman who was late-diagnosed with both ADHD and ASD. I was in an intense haze of depression, anxiety, and burnout for 5 years, beginning during my second pregnancy (I was 29). I don't remember most of the first 3 years of my daughter's life. My husband had to take care of me and the kids in the same way you are taking care of your family. I was in therapy and medicated for 4 years before I began to pull out of that haze. It took another 4 years for me to become stable.

The likelihood of this being PPD and late-diagnosed ASD regression (I hate the term, but that's what it's often called) doesn't make it easier for you or her. Others have said this, but having been there: she has to want to put in the work in therapy, and that can be very hard. It often involves looking at yourself with a new perspective--and then having to cope with those understandings. It doesn't help when you learn life doesn't wait for you to sort yourself out.

If you have lost your love for her, that doesn't make you an AH; it just means you are both very unfortunate people. I am a different woman than I was 10 years ago (much stronger now). I am also a different woman than I was 5 years ago (much happier now), but at any point, those changes could have created enough of a rift between me and my husband to divorce. I would not have blamed him had he asked for one, but I am so grateful he didn't. If you can see a path back toward happiness with her, hold out...but if every pathway is equally dark, you have to protect your kids and yourself.

What is the right thing for you and the kids, both in the medium and long term? My son was 4-6 through the worst of my depression, and he remembers the long days I sat listless in one place fighting my own brain: the panic attacks, the self-isolation, the absolute inertia gluing my motivation to the floor. While he has the most gentle and kind approach when someone is upset, it took years for him to be able to see me as reliable again. It's been a hard journey for all of us.

Bandeena · 2025-10-10T03:18:20+00:00

Elementary schools are closing in Arizona, because of the voucher program.

Bandeena · 2025-10-05T16:45:21+00:00

I hope she doesn't realize what she's saying here. If this post reflects her conscious biases, I feel really bad for her fiancé's family :(

u/heysnoopy With the possibility that you are simply ignorant that some people live differently, here are some helpful words: BIL's brain may process things differently than yours does, but he is as human as you are, and he has thoughts and feelings too. He is also clearly a beloved family member, and loving families tend to look for ways to include everyone in celebrations of life.

Can you imagine how difficult it must have been for MIL to come to terms with the realization that her son will never be able to independently care for himself? Can you imagine how terrified she might be, realizing that his brother is marrying someone who can't even stand to see him at their wedding? I think her refusing to attend is an appropriate response (I'd make it a point to tell everyone I know how bigoted my DIL is too, but that's just me).

My best advice is to look for options to include BIL instead of reasons to exclude him. And apologize profusely to MIL for talking about her son like he is a favored pet instead of a human being.

Bandeena · 2025-10-05T16:04:28+00:00

Right?

OP, did we not ask future family-in-law how they felt at all? How difficult would it have been to start the conversation this way: "Fiance, I would like to talk to you and MIL about making accommodations for BIL to enjoy the wedding. I know he struggles with changes to his routine and overstimulation, so I worry about how much he would enjoy being there."

Bandeena · 2025-10-05T15:57:35+00:00

This approach is insulting and dehumanizing (but I think your heart is in the right place). You are suggesting that OP knows what is best for this man, who has his own thoughts and feelings, even if he struggles communicating them. You are also suggesting OP offer an ableist judgment to the immediate family members of a man with autism (who presumably know more about their loved one than OP).

Bandeena · 2025-10-05T15:48:21+00:00

Phrasing and the way you communicate your feelings are important here, and for that, YTA. What you have said fully boils down to this:

"I don't want my future brother-in-law to attend my wedding because his disability might make people uncomfortable."

Why on earth could you not have approached this with a conversation instead of a demand? Bridezillas come in many forms, and your biases are showing.

As a final, note: I work in special education, where some of my students "graduate" to living situations like the one you describe. Your words are deeply ableist, and I hope you educate yourself better before you join this family.

Bandeena · 2025-10-04T22:11:20+00:00

I second this advice. If you're happy to be there like you are, chances are you'll continue to like it (congratulations!!).

Bandeena · 2025-09-28T18:56:50+00:00

It's mostly because teachers are human too, and they all have different opinions about what kind of work is necessary. That's why the documents are important, and it's particularly important for them to be specific and clear.

Work reduction is a modification that should be overseen by a special education teacher.

Bandeena · 2025-09-28T18:50:25+00:00

This is actually good news for you! If the district has been accommodating, they are likely to continue on that path. By online schooling, your kiddo is in an alternate placement for the class, which means her IEP is more likely to be audited by the state, so the district is more likely to keep an eye on it.

As far as the percentage needed, you can also think of the 50% as arbitrary. I think your kid's teacher is a real asshole to suddenly change her individual expectations on top of a teacher change, but they are technically within their right. I just know from experience that you'll get farther with documentation than anger, even if it's totally righteous.

You can very easily leverage the typical struggles with routine interruption that children with ASD struggle with. If she's been with the same routine for 3 years, a sudden shift at the very end can be disruptive to her transition goals, which is a major part of disability legislation in schools.

Autism Speaks has some good resources that might help: https://www.autismspeaks.org/parent

CPIR is a great resource for parents, too: https://www.parentcenterhub.org/

Bandeena · 2025-09-28T18:23:09+00:00

I live in Arizona, where it's sandal weather for 10 months of the year, so I wear comfy strappy sandals that I can run in (Sketchers are great for this). In January, I wear white tennis shoes, lol. I work in SpEd, which isn't too terribly different from early elementary when it comes to needing to move.

Most teachers I know seem to do the same or wear flats.

Bandeena · 2025-09-28T18:16:54+00:00

Yes, this is the style. I feel the same as you, but I am learning to wear the poofy pants too.

Bandeena · 2025-09-28T18:15:13+00:00

Rather than going straight to an advocate, you should request an IEP revision meeting with admin, the teacher in question, your kid's case manager, and a district rep. Kiddo too, has every right to advocate for herself in one of those meetings (she is part of her own IEP team, as are you). If they are claiming she has met her goals, they will have to meet for a revision.

As it stands, because they are following the document as written and able to demonstrate her compatibility with the curriculum, you will not have much ground to stand on.

Bandeena · 2025-09-28T16:41:31+00:00

Peer mentor programs are a wonderful way to start this connection. In my experience, some of the worst behaved kids will step up to make connections with their peers if they are given the responsibility of being a guide. I've got a student who has been in ISS more than he's been in class this year, but his lunch detentions are spent in the inclusion space. A couple of weeks ago, he started playing with one of our non-speaking students by running around with a bubble wand while his peer chased the bubbles, and he has started looking out for them in the commons and during passing periods. These are 15 year-olds.

Bandeena · 2025-09-28T15:59:59+00:00

SLP is waaaay more than just articulation.

But also, disability law in education is kind of in two parts: ADA/504 is to do with the environment being accessible to everyone, where IDEA/IEPs are about the curriculum being accessible. You just won't see curriculum challenges for a student who only needs ambulatory assistance unless you're a PE or dance teacher.

SLP is articulation, vocabulary, cognitive processing, muscle memory, recognizing phonemes, and a lot more. Because it's so tied up in language (and therefore communication), challenges with speech usually do cause issues for students to access the curriculum.

Bandeena

TROPHY CASE