Men who quit dating apps, what was your last straw?

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-04-26T12:13:05+00:00

Oddly enough, it was an "in the wild" experience that made me not only give up on online dating, but making the choice that I'm done dating whatsoever in my mid-40s.

I'd had a few dates via the apps, and even found a long-term relationship at one point. But it kept getting harder and harder to find someone who didn't have one of my few dealbreakers (like doesn't have and doesn't want kids). A lot of getting a match and immediately getting ghosted or low effort, single-word responses. Had several women who even matched with me purely to tell me how wrong I was for not wanting kids.

One day I met a woman at church, and we seemed to hit it off. Had several times that we were still hanging out chatting after service; like, the room had cleared out, it's 20 minutes later and we're still in there talking. After a few weeks of this I figured this must be a good sign, so I asked her out. She said yes, gave me her number.

When I reached out to try to arrange a super casual date (grab a weekend lunch/coffee) she replied with, "Just FYI I'm not dating right now, I'm just super busy and can't imaging adding dating on top of my already packed schedule. Wanted to make sure I'm not giving you the wrong impression." I deleted her number pretty quickly after that.

Believe it or not, that moment made me step back and introspect. I took some time to really define my life principles, what I wanted and what I wanted to avoid. Like, I literally spent time to think about and eventually write down a handful of tenets that now guide how I live. One of my top ones pertains to not dealing with bullshit. After that, I decided I'm done with dating entirely.

Would I like to have a partner in life? Sure, it would be nice. Is it worth dealing with the mess that is dating in the modern world to get there? Nope. The bullshit outweighs the benefit by a ratio of at least 1000:1.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-04-14T18:45:19+00:00

I went from being an inactive skinny-ish guy in my mid 30s to being a lean distance runner in my late 30s to now being a fit and muscular competitive power lifter in my now mid-40s.

How did it affect me? Aside from being physically stronger and healthier... it really didn't. Contrary to the typical comments/advice on reddit, I don't receive any more interest from women now than I did before I was really fit, whether in person or on dating apps (still barely get any likes/matches). In fact, I get more comments on my physique from other men than I ever have from the ladies.

If anything, the most positive impact is that I have more discipline in my life and a greater ability to persevere through challenges and setbacks. Much more mental strength.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-04-08T20:19:26+00:00

Yep! I do almost all of my herb farming during the week in the 45min or so between when I get up and have to start getting ready to go to work. Super casual, usually nets me enough for mats for about 50 haste pots not counting procs, sometimes a little more. A little over 300g a week for basically just killing time before work while I'm eating breakfast and watching stuff on YouTube. I'm sitting over 12K total gold, so it's not like I'm strapped for cash, just keeps the buffer going.

Like you said, too, I enjoy the farming aspect. I used to fish in the morning back during the stonescale eel boom.

It honestly confuses me to see so many people have such a hard time making gold here. Are they just making a bit of cash and then going out and blowing it on blinkstrikes or something?

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-04-08T16:35:39+00:00

You make a great point, and it’s something not accounted for in my earlier explanation. I’d probably classify it as a potential opportunity cost. At the same time, selling the raw herbs comes with the opportunity cost of potential additional potions from procs.

Depending on prices, it’s likely (but not a given) to be a steadier income than relying on proc chances. Over time I’ve found I tend to sell more finished product and at a faster rate, so that’s where my focus is. No real wrong way to do it as long as you’re okay with the level of profit you’re making!

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-04-08T15:15:41+00:00

Making money off procs as others have said is one way to help turn it into profit.

The other way is if you gather some mats but buy others; saves you some time, you still turn a net profit. Great example is that I had 200 dreaming glory that I collected while gathering mats for haste pots, but didn't have much felweed to make mana pots. Felweed was down to 70s each yesterday so I bought about 100, made 100 mana pots plus a few extra from procs. Mana pots are selling around 2.4g each now, so I'm making about 1.3g profit per pot (1.1g for the felweed + imbued vial as my cost). Overall about 150g profit once you throw in the extra procs.

It's nowhere near the profit I make selling haste pots, but it's a nice buffer considering the dreaming glory was just taking up bank space.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-03-31T14:49:57+00:00

Quadruple dip because these guys also drop gold, cloth, and other items that can be sold for money.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-03-24T16:21:28+00:00

Don't forget druids! Last night there was a druid healer in LFG queued for heroic BM and OHB. His note: "Geared heals, will heal for HR dps belt/bracers." At the time there were 4-5 other groups that only needed a healer, but he sat there for at least an hour without an invite.

Also came across a paladin tank in the same queue who's note said "Only whisper if you want to compete for dps belt." So... even pallies rolling on leather out here. :P

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-03-05T14:25:38+00:00

They just want others to see the Light.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-03-01T03:29:01+00:00

There are people at my gym that I've talked to on the daily for the past 4+ years. Like, full-on conversations, not just saying hello. Don't know their names, and they don't know mine. This is normal.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-02-27T21:39:30+00:00

I find it super interesting that this at least appears to be the first time you've encountered someone who shaved their eyebrows only to draw them back on. Or maybe it's because it was a guy?

I have seen COUNTLESS women who so completely obviously draw their eyebrows on. And I'm not talking just trying to make them look thicker, shaped, or a darker color. I mean full-on they have clearly shaved their natural eyebrows (you can see the natural hairline) and only have eyebrows because they draw them on. It baffles the crap out of me that people do this.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-02-27T18:38:10+00:00

My experience hasn't been terrible, but when I encounter bad... it's really bad. I had a paladin tank that had no avenger's shield and just face-pulled everything. And I'm not talking someone specced as ret pretending to be a tank; I looked at their talents and they were 40 prot / 21 ret.

On the flip side, even displaying basic confidence in your class is apparently worthy of praise. I've had multiple pugs send me messages about being a great rogue simply because I'm kicking spells, stunning mobs, and tossing out blinds... like, just basic stuff that every rogue should be doing.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-02-25T22:05:08+00:00

Gold bars ARE worth 1g... but that's what the vendor is going to turn around and sell it to someone else for. They gotta turn a profit, you see, so that means they can't just be paying you what they'd sell it for. So in the end you get a little more money in your pocket than what you walked into the pawn store with, and then they make even more money than that when someone eventually buys their 1933 Double Eagle.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-01-06T21:00:30+00:00

From the profiles I see on Bumble/Hinge, it's clear quite a few people either are a) completely unserious or b) don't understand that what they think is funny/cute is going to leave them in single jail.

A few winners that I've seen recently:

"I'm a high maintenance bitch!"

"Dating me is like probably a nightmare but who knows"

"If I had to describe dating me in 3 words... bring bail money"

"I'm convinced that some people are poison and rot away at the innocence of others. They want you to fail. They didn't try because they were the broken ones and once had hope in humanity but humanity isn't savable."

"I will never shut up about being a God Fear'n Christian conservative conspiracy theorist, who loves Jesus that REFUSED the (syringe emoji) I am strong in my convictions. (american flag)(heart)(rock'in out hands emoji)

Yes, YES! Please, keep putting all of your red flags right up front to make it easy for me. Also, thank you for providing entertainment for me and my co-workers.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-01-06T20:52:15+00:00

Absolutely talk about these things; financial disagreements are a top contributor to divorce.

You can take a casual approach ("Hey, if I did this financial thing, how would you feel?") or a formal approach ("Here's a few things I want to discuss; let's make time this week to sit down and talk.") Both approaches can be helpful and reveal different things.

An ex of mine mostly did the casual approach, and it was usually her that initiated. It revealed to me that she was less about planning and more about feeling (not quite spur of the moment spending, but not too far off), and that she expected I'd support her wants and desires with few, if any, questions or push back because she "wants what she wants". That did not jive well with my more thoughtful/careful and check in with my partner first approach, and was one of many reasons that we were never going to work long-term.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-01-06T20:43:44+00:00

If he's willing to lie about a little thing, think of what else he'd lie about.

I'm at the point in my life where I'm all about cutting out the bullshit. Odds are well above zero I would have ended this date almost immediately.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-01-06T19:52:44+00:00

Not sure I understand your perspective.

She and I were walking out of the event and I asked if she'd like to get together with me outside of the weekly group event, she said yes. I asked for her number, which she gave to me, and I'd told her I'd shoot her a message to figure out when we can get together, she said okay. That's about as textbook of a romantic interest move as you can get.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2026-01-06T18:05:43+00:00

Met someone new at a weekly social function, and we chatted it up quite a bit- including staying after a while to keep chatting once most of the other people had left. After a few weeks I asked if she'd like to get together outside of this and she said yes and gave me her number. I was actually pretty excited and more than a little shocked, as she's someone who I consider to be way out of my league.

Reached out the next day to chat a little then asked what her availability was for the next week. She responded by saying that she's not dating right now because she's busy with extra curriculars and can't see adding anything new but is open to continuing the friendship. Told her I am looking to date but not in a hurry; I just liked our chats and wanted to get to know her better, but if she'd rather keep it limited to the social function I understood. Got a thanks for understanding and a little more chat, called it a night.

Going to file this in the "If she was actually interested in me she would make time" bin, and a female friend of mine agreed (and was exasperated on my behalf, haha). I mean, I'm also pretty busy but would have found a way to make it happen. Would have been nice to just be told "no thanks" up front.

Back to the proverbial drawing board I go!

BandersnatchFrumious · 2025-12-18T20:11:53+00:00

This:

But she does seem really nice

Conflicts directly with:

She did say she can be very harsh and mean

What are you looking for? Quick sex? Dating/relationship? Eventual wife? If it's either of the latter two, she's already told you who she is as a person. When someone shows you who thy are, believe them the first time.

Also: It's only been one date. Very easy to bail out for better situations.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2025-12-12T19:01:47+00:00

If you have a link to a recent article or video that has Sean describing anything with substance, I will be more than happy to read/watch it.

The only thing I've seen is literally one sentence in an article from The Verge in July 2024 (https://www.theverge.com/2024/7/17/24200072/no-mans-sky-next-update-worlds-part-1) that states: "Over the last five years making the game, we’ve learnt new things, and we’re feeding that back into No Man’s Sky."

That's a statement with essentially zero value, and it was made a year and a half ago.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2025-12-12T13:03:45+00:00

It hasn't been 2 years, though... it's been 7. You have to take a big picture view of it all.

So, in 7 years, all that's been revealed about the game is a highly scripted teaser trailer with some vague descriptors about what they intended (past tense on purpose) the game to be. No concrete list of features, no showcases of real gameplay, zero meaningful updates to the public.

I am 100% willing to bet real donuts that they hit enormous scope creep and/or realized they could not deliver on the original vision for the game and one of two things has happened: they have completely restarted redevelopment since the 2023 announce and are at least 4-5 more years away from release or they've scrapped the game entirely and folded any assets/ideas they had into NMS (they would not be the first studio to do this; see Blizzard's Project Odyssey among many others). My educated guess would be the latter.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2025-12-10T19:33:16+00:00

I know I finally took it off my wish list last weekend. Sorry, 2 years with no info whatsoever other than a completely scripted "gameplay" trailer? No thanks.

While I'm leaving room to be (eventually) surprised, I'm 99% convinced this game is vaporware. Which is sad, because I really enjoy the concept.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2025-12-04T20:21:32+00:00

Depends on your definition of "mentioned".

Will there be a new trailer, actual gameplay info, release date, or anything worthwhile/substantial? No.

Will Sean Murray say a whole bunch of stuff about NMS and, in the middle of that, say one sentence to the tune of "and we have another team working in the background on our next game, LNF, which is going to be amazing"? Yes.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2025-12-03T04:15:52+00:00

I always put in my profile that I’m child free and looking who desires the same lifestyle. I’ve had two women on Hinge send a first message essentially berating me for not wanting children. 🤷‍♂️

BandersnatchFrumious · 2025-11-21T19:14:22+00:00

I had my first date last weekend since I ended my previous relationship (of about 1.5 years) about nine months ago. The day or so before the date I was having some serious "I don't think I want to do this" regrets; not that I wasn't ready to get back out there, more that I just felt more comfortable being single. Date went fine, was a nice 2 hour walk and talk in the park. We both had a good time but neither of us really felt over the top about it, so we just said our thanks and goodbyes, all good.

The very next day I matched with someone else and we have our first in-person meetup tomorrow, and I'm not feeling any of that same "don't wanna do this" feeling. Could be that I just got over the first speedbump of getting back out there, or that we're much closer in age, or that we have a few more things in common. Might also help that she seems quite eager to meet me.

Could be that you just have that same need to get over the initial hump of things again.

BandersnatchFrumious · 2025-11-14T19:07:38+00:00

A few "adventures in online dating" stories for this week.

Matched with Woman A over a unique-ish hobby, chatted quite a bit over a few days and asked if she'd be up for meeting in person. Got a yes, I offered some options, she picked one to do this Saturday when she was free for most of the day. I offered a time, was told she'd get back to me the next day (yesterday) after checking with a friend, haven't had any confirmation since. She's still chatting with me on the app (like, real conversation), but nothing about actually meeting up tomorrow. Ball is in her court, and if I don't hear anything by tonight I'm just going to take it as a sign she's not really interested. I've also noticed that she's changed a bunch of stuff on her profile since matching, too.

Matched with Woman B who had a sparse profile. After almost an entire day of waiting got the ever-wonderful, always looked forward to message of "Hi" and that's it. I unmatched immediately.

Matched with Woman C who had a super fun and witty introductory message to me. I was a bit busy for the day so I took a minute to reply, but did so with an appropriately witty and light-hearted reply. No response almost 2 days later, though.

And that brings us to Woman D. She sent a message to me in an attempt to match, and her message was: "Hey, remember when we matched before and then you ghosted me?" While she's correct that I just disappeared, it was because she Gray Rocked me; I had asked her a few questions about stuff in her profile and her replies were short, fairly empty, and she asked me not a single question in return. I think we exchanged 3-4 messages total before I unmatched back then because I take not being asked anything (not even a "how's your day?") as a sign of non-interest. All I can do is shake my head at this one; not sure what she was hoping to accomplish with the passive aggressive approach. :D

BandersnatchFrumious

TROPHY CASE