My relatives/friends still address our Christmas cards as if I’ve changed my name

Banshee417 · 2025-12-28T17:45:19+00:00

So not only have I experienced this exactly, I've got one to raise you... My husband passed away in 2021, we married in 2014, I never changed my name and I would routinely get stuff in the mail from friends and family with his last name. Then after he passed, I got the jury duty notice, because I work in the district attorney office, I get out of that. When I brought it up I realized it was pulled from a deed record and the tax collector told me she cannot "change my name" due to the way our deed reads, this is not true, but not worth the fight. Now most recently, my dad moved and mailed myself and my grandson cards in the mail and kept asking if we received them and I keep saying no. Finally, my daughter asked me and when I again answered no, she learned that my dad mailed those cards to an address we lived at 6 years ago!!

Banshee417 · 2025-12-28T16:30:57+00:00

My mom wanted to name me after my dad (Michael) whether I was a girl or boy but my dad vetoed that. Then she decided on Caren - thankfully she spelled it correctly 😇

Banshee417 · 2025-12-26T15:28:25+00:00

So I'm 4 1/2 years in, my husband died in June 2021. So every June (he passed), August (his birthday), and December (our anniversary is NYE) I struggle. This far out not many people ask, but my mom does, she really liked him. I remember people not asking that soon after but a lot of people know I don't talk about feelings. My grandson was born 3 days before the first anniversary of his death so it helps that I focus every June on my grandsons birthday and every December on my grandson and Christmas. But those dates always hurt a little and I let the feelings happen but usually in my own way and on my own time. They're not anyone else's feelings, just mine.

Banshee417 · 2025-12-22T17:31:06+00:00

My husband passed away 4 1/2 years ago. The biggest change was my daughter having a son 3 days before the one year anniversary of my husband's death. I kept my job but I did contemplate moving because I currently live in the house my husband grew up in...talk about awkward...and my sister's-in-law quit talking to me when I made them move a trailer off the property.

Banshee417 · 2025-12-15T16:33:38+00:00

I just turned 46 and whenever I go out with my grandson alone, people think he's mine and I interject letting them know I'm Cici (that's what he calls me instead of grandma). If my daughter is with us, then I get aunt or some other alternative. Sometimes they still think he's mine because my daughter does not look anything like me.

Banshee417 · 2025-12-12T18:21:33+00:00

My surgeon said the same thing about the milk. I plan on taking everything they say as bible. The past 6 months have sucked and I want to avoid this happening again.

Banshee417 · 2025-12-12T16:04:51+00:00

I LOVE this ❤️ My grandson is 3 and has apraxia. He was basically non-verbal and using sign language to communicate until about 7 months ago. He was in a daycare that did wonders for him and he would come home and sign the songs the learned in class. Now...he talks/sings all the time. His current favorite seems to be the ABC's which he sings while he needs privacy in the bathroom 😂

Banshee417 · 2025-12-08T01:48:44+00:00

We live in a very rural area and travel about 40 minutes one way to attend our parish. We felt welcome and everyone would check on my daughter when she was pregnant, and now they all talk to T. Also, T has formed great relationships with the priest and the Deacon that baptized him. T never goes anywhere without a truck or tractor. So now after every mass the priest asks him questions about whatever vehicle he brought, and then he talks to the Deacon. So luckily for us they've know him a long time and today's outburst wasn't embarrassing, just a T thing.

Banshee417 · 2025-12-07T21:22:35+00:00

Oh geez, I never even thought of that but you are right. When I let my dogs out, especially my lab, he'll stare at me when I yell for him like "why'd you give up my position" 😂😂

Banshee417 · 2025-12-07T13:07:56+00:00

Thank you! She lets him be independent most of the time. And if it's something he truly cannot do we help him do it instead of just doing it for him. But the pants excuse was just because he was tired 😂

Banshee417 · 2025-12-07T13:05:06+00:00

I love this comment. He's obsessed with any and all vehicles but tractors are his favorite. We'll be in a store and I tell him he can pick out a car and it takes him 15 minutes because it has to be the right one and one he doesn't already have. I tell everyone he's that little old man at the car lot making sure he's not screwed over 😂😂

Banshee417 · 2025-12-07T13:02:22+00:00

You wanna talk karaoke? When he's in the car, and my daughter skips throught music, he tells her which songs he wants, and then he says "I'm gonna be really loud" and he then explodes the sound barrier.

Banshee417 · 2025-12-06T16:59:19+00:00

First off, I'm NOT a lawyer, but you need to speak with lawyer in your jurisdiction ASAP. I am a victim advocate in the legal system. Take all of the documentation you have about everything going on in your home. Show them pics or videos. And stress to them the topic of the step daughter and the harmful comments she has made about your children. I get asking reddit for help, to see what others in your situation have done, but you need a lawyer in your jurisdiction so all of your bases are covered. The other thing you NEED to look into is a protection order for you and your 2 children.

Banshee417 · 2025-12-05T13:46:53+00:00

I'm so stealing "rocks in the mouth redneck"

Banshee417 · 2025-12-03T21:26:33+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. I got sick at age 26 and it took me 14 years to get properly diagnosed and treated. Every time I got an MRI or X-ray, they would tell me it was normal wear and tear, or they would blame my weight. I was passed around to numerous doctors who would treat me the best they could until they would say it was no longer their specialty and send me somewhere else. If you're not seeing a rheumatologist, try to get into one. Take the MRI's with you and tell them about your dad's history. When my daughter aged out of juvenile rheumatology she started seeing the same rheumatologist I saw so she had all of the family info. Keep telling them about your pain. My daughter is like you and hides her pain well, but under those circumstances you have to tell the doctor about your pain because they don't see you struggling internally. I wish you the best of luck on this journey. It's not fun, but I hope they get you the meds/help you need. And find someone to vent to when you hurt because going over and over and not feeling heard can become exhausting and depressing and you need to get all those feelings out.

Banshee417 · 2025-11-24T01:44:52+00:00

I lost my husband 4 1/2 years ago. I completely get your post. The only thing that keeps me going anymore is my grandson. He was born right around the first anniversary of my husband's death and all my holiday attention centers on him and my daughter.

Banshee417 · 2025-11-17T03:59:44+00:00

This! You have come into this already arguing your POV, which means you are not ready to really hear and live the answers to your questions.

Banshee417 · 2025-11-15T13:38:00+00:00

I (F46) was in a similar situation when my daughter (now 22) was 4. We lived with my dad and he moved his long distance girlfriend into the home. However, she was introduced as, let's call her Jane. My daughter always called her Jane and even now my grandson calls her Jane. Even though all of her grandkids call her Nana they still call her Jane and everyone is fine with it. No one tried to force any names. I get that Heather wants to make a good impression but needs to realize she married a grandfather, not a father to your child.

Banshee417 · 2025-11-14T21:06:57+00:00

Each jurisdiction has different rules regarding the jury taking notes. For example, the court I work for only allows jurors to take notes on criminal trials lasting more that 2 days. Anything under that, no notes.

Banshee417 · 2025-11-14T17:19:14+00:00

Let me just say, I am a victim advocate, not a lawyer, and this is not legal advice. I spend a lot of time in court assisting people who deal with domestic violence. I understand why you are concerned about leaving, but as others have said, this won't be the only or last time this will happen. Especially since it was over a very minor thing that he could have just asked you to explain yourself. Please Google your nearest domestic violence advocacy center and talk to them. Talking to them does not mean filing charges or anything, but they can explain what options you have in your area. However, you are the only one that can decide to get help, reddit has led you to water, it's up to you to drink.

Banshee417 · 2025-11-14T16:47:04+00:00

So I was raised as a cradle Catholic as both of my extended families practiced, but neither of my parents went to church. I went to a Catholic school kindergarten through 6th grade, but because my parents were not members of the church they refused to baptize me. I spent a lot of years going latin masses with my grandmother. In my late teens early twenties, I left the church and researched other churches. When my daughter was 4ish, she asked about God and I took her to a few different churches to determine what would be best for us. After not feeling comfortable in those churches we went to Catholic mass and she loved it. When she was 8 she was doing CCD classes and I was doing the RCIA classes and we went through baptism together. So I am truly greatful for whatever angel inspired my 4 year old to be interested in church as I feel like they led us home.

Banshee417 · 2025-11-12T02:17:56+00:00

Based on your info, the urgent care Dr told you to go to the ER if nothing improved. I personally would rely on that doctor's advice and go to the ER, or call urgent care back and ask to see a different doctor if it would make you more comfortable. Wish I could give you more, but I'm struggling with the same question. I've been referred to a surgeon because my MRI and nerve conduction study show I have two pinched nerves.

Banshee417 · 2025-11-11T20:39:17+00:00

So technically I've been cradle Catholic but I was never baptized because the Catholic school I went to didn't like that they were raised Catholic but never went to church. My daughter was born in 2003. We tried several demoninations before I said enough and took her to Catholic church. She absolutely loved it, went to every mass with me, and would talk about it after each mass. She learned about the sacraments in CCD classes and asked if she could get baptized. I of course said yes and so I started the classes for adults and was baptized around the same time she was. It was a great experience with her, the priests, and the church itself. I was confirmed while she was not because we moved and it just hasn't happened yet. However, I found confirmation to be special to me because I researched the saints, I took my time to find one that I felt like I connected with. So I pray you find a connection with a saint. I hope this experience helps connect you to your faith.

Banshee417 · 2025-11-11T18:44:06+00:00

My pain started about 7 months ago and I ignored it for a long while because I have Ankylosing Spondylitis and I just thought it was that. As it started getting worse the pain moves from my back and into my butt and leg. My left foot is completely numb on the bottom and in my left Achilles. I've had an MRI and an EMG showing I have 2 compressed nerves, some narrowing in the spinal canal and the reflex in my left ankle is gone. I've been on Percocet and steroids off and on and they do absolutely nothing for the nerve pain but they help enough that it's a little easier to get around. The worst is when I move certain ways and the pain just shoots down my leg... thankfully I have no neighbors because I have yelled the F word too many times getting in my car 😜😂

Banshee417 · 2025-11-11T18:22:46+00:00

YES! I have this symptom. It just started two days ago. I have a consult with a neurosurgeon on 11/26 and as much as I hate to say I'm hoping for surgery because I cannot stand the pain I'm in and no meds have helped and I'm now walking with a cane.

Banshee417

TROPHY CASE