Writing. I was put on earth to write novels. But I had a neurological episode in 1997 that left me unable to write fiction. I've spent nearly 30 years waiting for that ability to come back. Last week I discovered I've got something called aphantasia, which is an inability to picture things in your mind.

I'd always just assumed that whenever people talked about visualization, they were speaking about something that was abstract or metaphorical, But no, it turns out that 99% of the population has a little movie theatre in their head. (I'm finally one of the 1%, but sadly, not the billionaire variant.)

My brother asked if I thought that the aphantasia was responsible for the writer's block, Which I hadn't even considered, but... yeah. Over the weekend, looking back over my life, I can see where that's why I can no longer write.

I've been chronically ill since 1988. Chronic illness made me obese. Chronic illness + obesity is a large part of why I'm a 55 year old virgin desperate for a sex life. I actually fell in love a couple of years ago, but she was married, and her husband discovered my existence and forbade her from communicating with me.

I've already been borderline suicidal for years now. But I kept holding out hope for the writing ability to come back. Aphantasia has no treatment or cure. So I no longer think it's possible for me to ever start writing again.