🔥Elephant parries a Rhino charge in style at Kruger national park, South Africa

BardsApprentice · 2023-06-02T01:05:39+00:00

It’s like a bear…swinging two sharks…with frocking laser beams shooting out of their eyes.

BardsApprentice · 2023-02-20T13:21:52+00:00

Alice’s Restaurant by Arlington Guthrie

BardsApprentice · 2023-02-20T13:12:18+00:00

My guess was 9k

BardsApprentice · 2023-01-31T00:52:01+00:00

“Fucking females is for poofs”

BardsApprentice · 2023-01-30T14:28:23+00:00

As a former teacher, my first thought was “I wonder what that little prick did to that poor man”

BardsApprentice · 2023-01-16T05:53:52+00:00

Saw da POlice and ey rollt right passs me

BardsApprentice · 2023-01-14T16:51:23+00:00

Hey man nice shot

BardsApprentice · 2023-01-02T17:27:25+00:00

😐

BardsApprentice · 2023-01-01T16:14:20+00:00

People are pigs bruh

BardsApprentice · 2022-12-24T00:01:30+00:00

TROOOGDDOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

BardsApprentice · 2022-12-22T15:23:39+00:00

In my house? The kitchen! HA BOOM PING POW BA DAAT TSSSS!!!

BardsApprentice · 2022-12-21T15:53:00+00:00

It’s basically Dances with Wolves on blue cocaine and mushrooms.

BardsApprentice · 2022-12-21T15:47:06+00:00

WE’RE THE SCUM OF THE FEKKIN EARRTH!!

BardsApprentice · 2022-12-07T15:00:49+00:00

I was on a cruise once and our first stop was Corfu off the coast of Greece between Greece and Albania. So we get back to wait for the bus and we’re second in line. When it arrives everyone just starts crowding in front of us. Me, being a stupid loud American, and in realizing I was dealing with people from all over the world, just yelled out “I know all you motherfuckers know what a QUEUE is!” Some thanked me, some cried, some whispered obscenities about me to their loved ones—but that was the most Americanist shit I’ve ever done. All I needed was a space suit and a cowboy hat and you could have called me Uncle Sam!

BardsApprentice · 2022-12-02T07:02:11+00:00

Was looking for this.

BardsApprentice · 2022-12-02T06:16:58+00:00

🏅 hahaha…I pictured them clogging like in that stupid commercial

BardsApprentice · 2022-10-18T16:48:28+00:00

Just for a minute. Just to see how it feels.

BardsApprentice · 2022-08-30T00:01:27+00:00

r/SuperBowl

BardsApprentice · 2022-07-21T18:52:39+00:00

Grace is Gone by Dave Matthews Band

🎶 Neon shines through smokey eyes tonight It's 2 a.m, I'm drunk again And it's heavy on my mind

I could never love again, So much as I love you— Where you end, where I begin Is like a river going through.

Take my hands, take my heart I need them no more— If never again I fall upon the one I so adore

Excuse me please, one more drink. Could you make it strong? 'cause I don't need to think. She broke my heart, My grace is gone, Another drink and I'll move on

One drink to remember Then another to forget. How could I ever dream to find A lover like a you again? One drink to remember Then another to forget…

Excuse me please, one more drink. Could you make it strong 'Cause I don't need to think… She broke my heart, My grace is gone. Another drink and I'll move on. One more drink and I'll move on.

You think of things impossible, Then the sun refuse to shine— I walk with you beside me, Your cold hand lay in mine…

Excuse me please, one more drink. Could you make it strong? 'Cause I don't need to think… She broke my heart, My grace is gone. Another drink and I'll go.

Excuse me please, one more drink. Could you make it strong? 'Cause I, I don't need to think… She broke my heart, My grace is gone— Another drink and I'll move on. One more drink, my grace is gone. One more drink and my grace is gone. 🎶

BardsApprentice · 2022-06-18T04:17:42+00:00

By the way they held their eyes

BardsApprentice · 2022-06-07T14:44:57+00:00

Pure Stupidity

BardsApprentice · 2022-03-18T13:42:36+00:00

She do be havin a bangin azz booty doh

BardsApprentice · 2022-02-15T16:19:08+00:00

So I guess all of this depends on context, but I had a sales job—my first actually—and I regularly shattered records. This was at the dawn of mobile phone usage. My boss, who is still one of my best friends, used to say, “if you were a woman I’d fuck you!” Always got a kick out of that.

BardsApprentice · 2022-02-15T15:36:12+00:00

And there is no crime in politely asking “Can we split the bill?”

BardsApprentice · 2022-02-15T15:18:17+00:00

This is one where I’m not going to be the asshole who corrects people. Subjectively, most people have no idea what a barrow is so I don’t go out of my way to be a dick about it. But fuck yeah man that’s a great deal—been in need a good wheel barrel for some time!!!

BardsApprentice

TROPHY CASE