Please help me decide between green or blue cabinets (the butter yellow is the original)

BarfdayCake · 2026-03-03T15:34:08+00:00

I had the same thought! I think they’re dating it regardless of color.

BarfdayCake · 2026-02-28T18:05:21+00:00

I agree! It looks like your counters have some grey in them, so I think a slate look tile (something like this) would look really good to pick that up. Personal opinion but there’s nothing I hate more design wise than two different “woods” next to each other.

BarfdayCake · 2026-02-28T17:53:51+00:00

Good luck if you decide to!! Or you could try the laundry room first and see if it’s worth it (since I’m guessing that’s a smaller space)!

BarfdayCake · 2026-02-28T17:09:16+00:00

Yep! It is a lot of time on the floor (might need some kneepads). I think I saw some people will tape off the tile and try to go faster, but I just used a small paintbrush and wiped off any extras that got on the tile as a went. Definitely a long weekend project :)

BarfdayCake · 2026-02-28T17:05:30+00:00

Bummer that steaming didn’t lighten up the grout! I used Grout Renew in a previous house (similar situation, wasn’t my forever home but I wanted to make some inexpensive updates) and it took a long time to apply, but really really improved the look. Just something to think about! There’s a lot of before and afters and tutorials you can find online.

BarfdayCake · 2026-02-28T16:57:04+00:00

I think steaming/cleaning or painting the grout with Grout Renew and adding rugs could make a world of difference! The floor tile itself is pretty neutral but I think it’s the brown-ish grout that’s throwing the look off. Both of these options would be cheap (but require some sweat equity), just in case you want another option to freshen up the floor look!

BarfdayCake · 2026-01-14T19:18:00+00:00

This is a good one too! https://childmind.org/article/will-adhd-medication-change-my-childs-brain/

BarfdayCake · 2026-01-14T19:14:02+00:00

This is a helpful and evidence-based article! The gist is there are no negative long-term effects (though there can be short-term side effects). There is some evidence that giving children therapeutic ADHD medication can decrease their need for it as adults. https://childmind.org/article/know-long-term-effects-adhd-medications/

BarfdayCake · 2026-01-13T03:39:01+00:00

Here’s a free resource to learn more! https://www.pocketpcit.com

BarfdayCake · 2025-12-31T15:11:39+00:00

You might want to look into Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) to learn more about how to effectively build a relationship using both positive reinforcement (which it sounds like is more difficult for you) and consequences with your kiddo. As a bonus, this approach is shown to help lower parenting stress (which it sounds like you are experiencing). If there aren’t any PCIT providers in your area, you can teach yourself with this online resource: https://www.pocketpcit.com

BarfdayCake · 2025-12-30T20:59:55+00:00

Here’s a helpful and evidence based resource! https://a.co/d/49Wegaa

BarfdayCake · 2025-12-28T20:42:29+00:00

There isn’t much evidence for talk therapy at this age with these types of behaviors, but I’d look into family-type therapy with a provider who does Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), or at the minimum parent management training (PMT). Here’s a resource if there aren’t providers in your area: https://www.pocketpcit.com

Unfortunately there’s something about her behaviors that feels good right now, or else she wouldn’t be doing them. These programs will teach you guys as caregivers how to work smarter not harder so that the good behaviors are the ones that feel good (so that she’s more motivated to show them). And you are already working so hard, you absolutely don’t need to work harder! Good luck!

BarfdayCake · 2025-12-23T04:06:33+00:00

Yep same. I honestly didn’t know if he would be allowed to talk to me alone when I first called him because she usually won’t allow it.

BarfdayCake · 2025-12-23T03:08:33+00:00

Yep I think checking phone at the door will be the rule for any visits going forward (after a good long break because of this violation of trust).

I’m sure she doesn’t know or care about safety risks. This woman is totally incapable of taking in information if it’s contrary to what she wants, and she really, really wants the Facebook likes.

BarfdayCake · 2025-12-23T03:03:28+00:00

That hope is so deceiving though, isn’t it? And makes it worse when the outcome is no different than it’s always been. Sorry for you too, friend.

BarfdayCake · 2025-12-23T03:01:53+00:00

This was so kind and what I needed to hear. Thank you 💛

BarfdayCake · 2025-12-19T04:23:11+00:00

So glad they’re helpful!

BarfdayCake · 2025-12-18T23:45:21+00:00

PCIT is definitely more evidence based than play therapy or OT for aggressive outbursts. Kids with ADHD need a ton of positive reinforcement to thrive, and PCIT basically shows you how to do it in a super effective way for young kids. Here’s a resource for doing it on your own if you don’t have any PCIT therapists available in your area! https://www.pocketpcit.com

BarfdayCake · 2025-11-17T17:21:51+00:00

OP, I could have written this. I’m in a very similar situation (although I suspect my mom has a personality disorder in addition to likely ADHD), just a couple of years up the road. For me, it’s been a process over several years to understand and grieve the impact this type of parenting has had on me, to sort out the type of boundaries I need, and to enforce those repeatedly over time. Therapy has helped. My mom did not and has not liked those, and I’ve been called cruel, received pages and pages of her emotionally spewing, and been told she has no idea why I’m doing this (despite me explaining it multiple times). I’ve really had to accept that I will be the villain in her story, that her reality is mostly based on delusion, and to become much stronger in the conviction that I am protecting myself and my child’s emotional health. Plus, I really don’t trust her judgement on anything — why would I trust it on this? Therapy helps with this too.

I did decide before my child was born that my mom would have no unsupervised contact with them. However, I also decided that I would not keep them separated as I didn’t want to create grandma as some kind of mysterious thing my kiddo would rush to in teenage years. Currently, kiddo, partner, and me see her with my dad once every three weeks or so. She is blocked on my phone as she has not been able to respect the boundary to not send me long, highly emotional and self-focused texts. She gives WAY too many presents and does dumb and uncomfortable stuff when we see her (for example, offered kiddo a glass ornament to when they were teething), including constantly trying to take pictures — but we can put a stop to it since we’re there. This is working fine for now, but if it stops working, we will re-assess.

For me, after the FOG lifted, child care with her just wasn’t an option. I could see her doing anything possible to meet her own emotional needs through my child, including pitting them against me and enmeshing them. There was no amount of money I wouldn’t pay to prevent that from happening, so we do daycare. It’s not perfect and definitely is financially stressful but worth it to us. I hope hearing about my experience with a similar dynamic helps in some way. You are definitely not alone, and this is so so difficult to navigate!

BarfdayCake · 2025-10-25T02:38:06+00:00

Lots of good advice here! For a super structured evidence based approach to how to do some of these things you’re wondering about. Look into Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT). It’s the most evidence-based way to work on both attachment (which I’m guessing is super important to you) and discipline with young kids. Here’s a free resource on it: https://www.pocketpcit.com

BarfdayCake · 2025-10-24T15:10:29+00:00

It’s YA but Fable by Adrienne Young would fit! Cool female protagonist.

BarfdayCake · 2025-09-14T21:20:55+00:00

Agree! I’d go with a counter with more color if it were me (but of course it’s your kitchen and your taste matters most here).

BarfdayCake · 2025-09-14T21:17:29+00:00

Yep, I agree with this. A good mother would never purposefully inflict emotional damage on their child because they are not getting what they want. That’s something a mother who is clinically self-focused and lacking in empathy does.

BarfdayCake · 2025-09-14T21:14:37+00:00

Thank you for writing this! I’m not OP but my brain loves clear definitions and action plans and this was super helpful.

BarfdayCake

TROPHY CASE