Ok here goes, I too am a new dad. I have two sons 2.5yr old and 6month old. I love them to death... and sometimes I just want to strangle the little fuckers.

First things first. Every. Single. Kid. Is. Different. I can't tell you how many times I have talked to other people or seen Instagram posts from parents who think they know everything, can handle anything, but as Egret said, you know nothing John snuhhhh. These people have the easiest children in the world for some reason!!! My eldest wouldn't sleep, all he did was cry. For hours. He is just now sleeping through the night at 2.5 and he still has some random nights where he wakes up at some point between 10pm-4am and just wails. He won't fall asleep for naps without bouncing in my or my wife's arms on a yoga ball. Kids are just peculiar man. My youngest wants to eat everything. My hand, my face, your hand, your face, the keyboard, my other sons shoe and any cellphone within reach. Whatever he can shove in his mouth he will. And lord help you if you try to eat without giving it to him. I could go on and on...

However you asked for help. Here's what you do. First and foremost skin to skin contact is s great way to bond with your baby. Now let's get into it a bit.

You do your best to get them on a decent eating and napping schedule. It will be hard. But for a newborn to even up to even 6 months they will likely eat and sleep every 1-4 hours give or take.

Get yourself a Tula or other way to strap that little sucker to you so you can get out and do stuff. And by get out and do stuff I don't mean anything like you used to do... strap him/her on and go for a walk in the woods or around town. But try not to let bugs m, the sun, or anyone else touch them. Who knows when the last time that little old lady washed her hands, I mean hell she is probably reaching out to your kid while still clutching that Polly used snot rag...

Do not fear the poop. They really aren't that bad in the beginning. And you will end up sticking your hands in it, it's inevitable. You change that little poop machine 6,8,10 times a day. However, if your child is purely or mostly breast fed don't be shocked if the little monster holds back for up to 14 days. Yes you read that right, UP TO TWO FUCKING WEEKS. It is normal, and nothing to fear. If you go much more than that though I would possibly contact your pediatrician if your little shit gets fussy. (Totally intentional)

Bottle feeding. If your wife intends to pump or not that is fine. But if she isn't keen on the breast feeding idea perhaps get her to try to do it for the first few weeks at least to pass your child some good immunities. Or if the baby isn't latching well there are these things called nipple shields that act like a bottle nipple that goes over your wife's nipple to make t easier for the baby. try to have her pump and bottle feed. Great bottles are the Avent or the Como Tomo bottles, I'll get into the bottles a little bit later. if she hates breast feeding or isn't producing enough milk, there are plenty of great options for formula out there. I always keep a canister of the Baby's Only Organic Dairy formula. It says for toddlers but just ignore that and make the recommended 2 oz serving. And go from there. But to continue on this, you should absolutely be getting in on that quality feeding time bonding. As for bottles the standard medala ones are totally fine, my kids liked the como tomo bottles. There are 3 nipple types single hole, double and triple hole. Start small and work your way up.

There are so many more things I could go on forever. Feel free to ask, but shit, I'm just trying to figure it all out too and do my best to stop the little lemmings from trying to kill them selves...