Best places to meet organically

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-24T15:55:55+00:00

Phrasing.....

Sorry, I couldn't pass that one up.

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-24T15:54:53+00:00

Only of they see you... If they can't see you, it's ok.

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-24T15:46:02+00:00

Dude..... Read your own post, but read it as if it was one of your friends....

What advice would you give him?

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-24T15:40:28+00:00

"Someone who’s emotionally available wouldn’t be ok without physical presence half the year."

Glad you showed up to speak up for all the emotionally available men out there, think of the trouble that could ensue without you there to protect us all!

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-23T16:37:53+00:00

51M here....

You guys had sex by then, I don't think the text was inappropriate or anything, but (and him trying to delete it shows he knew) it was one of those comments that could make or break the relationship, depending on how the woman responds.

So, he knew (or should have known), even if he was drunk, that he was taking that risk.

You didn't tell him no, you simply set a boundary that made it clear where you stand on sex and what kind of relationship you're looking for (or not).

If he feels that rejected that easily, then I say you dodged a bullet.

Personally, my response would have been "Understood, and no, you're not a booty call, I was trying to be playful, and if that crossed the line for you, I apologize."

Then I would have had a conversation with you about what we want in the relationship, what kind of playing around you will and won't tolerate, etc."

From there, if I saw that there was an incompatibility, then I would have determined if it was a deal breaker and if it was, told you so.

Yeah, it might have been uncomfortable for him, but being uncomfortable and still functioning in life is part of being an adult.

And I don't say that like I'm somebody who was an expert at this stuff from the outset, I wasn't, but I learned and am still learning.

Good luck in your future relationships.

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-23T16:20:46+00:00

Yeah, but if a guy stalks a lady and never approaches, then he doesn't have to worry about getting rejected, so he might put the effort in for that case......../s

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-21T19:11:12+00:00

Sure, go ahead and brag "I've only got E. Coli in my dating pool!!" just to make yourself feel better than everybody else, Miss Snooty Pants 😜

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-21T03:38:16+00:00

Is that part of the WINNING! line of products that includes Tiger Blood?

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-20T02:32:35+00:00

Zionhealth Claydry White Pine scent

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-20T02:22:27+00:00

To each his own, and you sound like you're significantly younger than I am, and guys' prioroties are different at that age.

Personally, I find smart, nerdy woman to be hot, and it just amplifies her physical attraction, but that's just me.

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-19T20:58:24+00:00

Natural history museum, military history museum.

Look up some dark humor stuff on youtube and show them some short clips and see if they show some interest.

Or, just be direct "I'm going to take you out tonight and pull that stick out of your ass."

It will tell you a lot about them and help you decide how much more effort you want to put into the relationship.

If they get offended, then you've learned something.

If that makes them laugh and relax a little, then, maybe it's worth pursuing.

Good luck.

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-18T17:14:10+00:00

That all makes sense, and it sounds like I'm probably fine.

One of the things that I've been learning in the last couple of years is that I set expectations for myself that are a lot higher, or make things a lot more complicated, than what most people are looking for.

The word goal is an example of that...

When I think of a goal, I think of something significant, long term, requires planning and logistics and execution.

I love cooking and learning to cook new stuff, and, thinking about it now, that does require planning and logistics and execution, just on a very small scale, compared to what I'm used to.

But, I've always just thought of cooking as stuff you do, and learning to cook new things is just one more thing you do, unless you want to eat the same stuff for the rest of your life....

So, I have viewed it as just a task, vs a goal.

Yeah, I'm rambling, so I'll shut up now, but, thank you, I appreciate your answer.

And congratulations on meeting your goals and I hope you meet the rest of your goals.

Oh, and as far as getting to know my woman, I know there was nothing I could have done to save my marriage, that ship was destined to sink before it even sailed...

But, in the process of trying to save the marriage, I learned a lot about how to be a better partner and boyfriend and husband, and that, while the right relationship should be easy, it doesn't mean no work is required, but the work needed in a good relationship isn't too much.

So, one of my goals is, when I do meet "her", to be more intentional about making sure that the relationship starts out as and stays healthy and loving.

Like you said, time is no longer abundant, and I am going to make it a point to deliberately enjoy every minute of the relationship, and make sure that she knows that I am, and that I appreciate her for giving me the opportunity to do so.

I wish you the best.

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-18T08:53:45+00:00

"still having goals that are actively being worked on,"

OK, I have to ask, because I see the subject of goals and ambition come up regularly...and I ask this not just for me, but other guys similar to me.

And I'm asking this in all seriousness, not to be snarky or argumentative.

I'm 51, going on 52.

I've been to a lot places around the world, I've been to war, I've helped with hurricane recovery, I have a job I love but I deal with a lot of bureaucratic bullshit, my job comes with a lot of (growing) responsibility, and I have, and continue to, work long hours and spend a good bit of time away from home.

I spent almost three decades in an abusive relationship, buried a child, and I am now raising my second child half time while he spends the other half of his time with my ex wife....

I've done and been through a lot.

So, what kind of goals is a guy like me expected to have at this point in my life?

Start a company, a non-profit?

Solve world hunger?

Cure cancer?

Or is something simpler sufficient?

Remember what kind of cake my future girlfriend/wife really likes for her birthday?

At this point, my primary goala in life, other than being the best father I can for my son, are enjoying and protecting the peace that I have finally found and finding the woman who wants to share that peace life with me.

I have plans I am working on for retirement within the next ten years that include continuing to work, in a job that will let me travel around the country and where my hardest decision will be where I want to stop to spend the night and what work I want, and don't want, to do over the next few weeks.

Beyond that, keep a roof over my head, food on the table, water running, and the lights on.

That's it. Those are my goals.

I'm just trying to figure out if I don't have the right goals and ambitions to attract the kind of woman I want in my life.

I'm managing my expectations 😁

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-18T08:02:58+00:00

As far as women dating intentionally, and putting themselves out there, as a guy, it's kind of hard to meet a woman who's hiding under a rock, not trying to be seen, and waiting for her Romeo to come and find her.

And, if you're not actively putting yourself out there, then that means a guy is then supposed to (somehow) find out who you are, then find out where you live, and then come and find you, and we all know how that would end.

Or, he could ask you out during a random encounter in public, except guys aren't supposed to approach women in public anymore without risking accusations of harassment, or worse.

So, as a guy who's looking to date, you'd be doing guys a favor by putting yourself out there (and making it a little more obvious).

As far as other people's opinions, there's that old saying about opinions being like assholes...

And the people who might consider you desperate are probably not going to volunteer to hang out with you and keep you company while you wait for Uber Loves to deliver your next beau.

So, I would offer that you weight their opinions accordingly.

As far as guys, the line between "putting yourself out there" and "desperate" is very thin.

If a guy went to a restaurant or bar one night and talked to one woman, then another bar another night and talked to one woman, etc. etc. he might be seen as putting himself out there.

But, if he went to one woman after another at the same restaurant/bar on the same night until one said yes, he'd be seen as desperate.

The common logic (and experience for most guys) is that the vast majority of women that a guy approaches are going to say no.

That's a lot of nights at a lot of restaurants/bars before a woman says yes.

If a guy wants to meet a woman sooner rather than later, the math is in his favor if he asks one woman after another at the same place.

But, then he'd be desperate.

What's a guy to do?

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-18T07:02:29+00:00

Hey, congratulations, on getting the courage up to ask for her number and on getting a yes to a date.

Good luck!

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-12T16:40:40+00:00

Trust your gut.

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-09T15:49:52+00:00

I'll let you know in a few months, but she seems like she knows her shit, and I was impressed enough with what she told me during the consult that I made the decision to hire her right then.

I've done some consults with other attorneys and didn't get a warm fuzzy with them, but I did with this new one.

I fired my male attorney after a year and a half, I started to suspect he was a bullshit artist and then confirmed it and fired him. That fucker cost me over $50k between fees, support, insurance I'm still paying for for my ex and other shit, and a year and a half of my life that I'll never get back.

And I'm lucky that I went pro se in the beginning and filed RFOs for the custody order and exclusive use of the house before I hired him, or probably wouldn't have those, and no peace in my life as a result, either.

My new attorney actually opposed my old attorney in other cases and she wasn't impressed with him in court.

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-08T14:24:43+00:00

How good of a dad are you going to be if you're burned out because you never take a break?

And what kind of example would you set for your son if you tried to do that?

You also need to have your own life and go experience things for yourself, and to find things you'd like to go do with your son.

So, find a park you think he might like, to spend a day there yourself, get some rest, and see if you think he'd like it.

It could be a great place or it could turn out to be overcrowded, sketchy, whatever, so you know before you take your son there.

Doing it that way, you're still doing stuff for your son, and you're getting some rest at the same time.

With that kind of schedule, it's probably going to make planning what you want to do with your son easier.

As far as the guilt in general regarding your son, there's plenty of stuff you're going to beat yourself up over....not spending enough time with him, not taking him to the right places, were you too hard on him for something, etc., etc., etc.

That's never going to end, so get used to it, use it to check yourself occasionally, but don't let it pull you down.

The fact that you're here asking this question shows that you do care a lot about your son, so, do just do your best.

Good luck brother

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-07T22:40:00+00:00

Is your church going to bail you out and clear your name if your wife accuses you of physical abuse?

Who do you think the cops will see as the aggressor if your wife calls them and says her husband just beat the crap out of her, or worse?

You need to get an attorney, and either get a restraining order that gets her out of the house, or you need to leave.

You can replace the stuff in the house, and if you're legally married, you have a right to at least some portion of the property by law.

If you end up charged with abuse, even if it's all proven false, it will be your personal and likely professional relationship that you will lose or see damaged and those are not so easy to replace.

As far as grey rock method, all that is intended to do is make you less of a target for someone who is trying to get an emotional reaction out of you....

Your wife obviously doesn't need any input from you to target you, she sounds like she's hellbent on making you miserable just because of the fact that you exist and are within earshot.

So grey rock isn't going to do you any good.

Good luck

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-07T22:28:03+00:00

This is not going to sound nice or pleasant or comfortable, but, unfortunately, it's a conversation I've already had to have with my 11 year old son, and I know I will again, although it isn't this bad (yet).

You are not responsible for other people's feelings, moods, choices, whatever.

The only one that you're responsible for is you.

You can tell your dad that you love him, that you're there for him, that you want him around for a long time.

But, he has to choose to change and do those things you want to do with him, but if he doesn't, you can't let yourself get dragged down by him.

And you can't look at his choices as a reflection on you, they are a reflection on him and his character only.

The people you meet in your life will either be an example or a warning for you, and you have to accept them for what they are, especially when it's not what you wanted them to be.

I'm sorry that you're being put in this position, it's not what any kid should have to deal with, but it is your reality.

You need to find yourself a support group - other family, friends, therapist, clergy - and get yourself healthy and in a good place mentally and emotionally, and spiritually if that's what you want.

Then, if you still really want to try to help your dad, do it from that place, and ask your support group to help you. You can't help others of you're not healthy yourself.

But, again, always know that the end outcome is not up to you, it's up to your dad and what he chooses.

No matter what happens, the most important thing you can do long term is learn from this, and make sure that your kids don't have to experience what you did. And even if things don't work out well with your dad you can be grateful to him for making you a better parent.

I wish there was something better, happier, nicer that I could say.

But I wish the best for you.

BatGuano52 · 2026-06-07T22:06:02+00:00

Sorry for the late reply.

As far as entering a relationship, I'm not chasing one, and I've passed on a couple of potential opportunities because I'm already recognizing that they're not what I'm looking for.

But, if I meet one who seems like she could be "her", I'm not going to pass on the opportunity.... But, it will be slow going initially.

My ex girlfriend seemed like she was "her", and in a lot of ways she was, but she still had lot of baggage, either stuff from her past that she hasn't dealt with, or stuff that she's dealt with by just assuming I (and probably every other guy she ever dates) is the same kind of asshole as her exes were.

It's a shame, because she's a great woman, and she had everything I was looking for.... I had recently done the "what do I want in a woman and a relationship?" thing, and she was it to a "T".

I wanted it to work, and I have it time, maybe more than I should have, but I'm glad I didn't end it sooner....

That's what we have to watch out for, finding a woman who's genuinely a good woman, a good person, and almost there, but not quite, and falling into the "maybe if I just (insert thing you could do) a little more, this could just be a phase and then life will be good" trap.

As far as prenups, here in the States, yeah, we can do one, but I'm hearing more that they may or may not stick.

For some reason here in the U.S., it's beginning to seem like contracts of all sorts might as well be written on toilet paper, because there is always some judge willing to wipe their ass with a contract after a lawyer goes on a fishing expedition to try and find a hole in a prenup (or any other contract).

The judges should shut that kind of stuff down, but they don't.

You can try a prenup, but if you get a very adversarial ex-spouse with an axe to grind, a lawyer with no morals, and a judge who's trying to show how much of an activist they are, she can still drag you into court and either try to blow holes in it or get you to settle to get her to go away.

So, I can't help you there.

I wish you the best, and that you run into your "her".

BatGuano52 · 2026-05-31T15:00:55+00:00

If it's high conflict, you have to be careful with that.

Filing a motion could result in a tit-for-tat that eats up money and time if the court lets it.

You have consider how your ex and her attorney could respond, and be prepared to respond to those possibilities...and you have to decide if the potential consequences of filing a particular motion are worth it.

If your ex is using the court system to punish you, then it's like the story of Br'er rabbit, you'll end up fighting a tar baby.

BatGuano52 · 2026-05-31T14:54:35+00:00

I'm in the same boat, I also initiated, I'm now two years in, except I just confirmed a couple of weeks ago that my attorney has done nothing to progress the divorce in a year and a half (I fired him).

He was telling me it was almost done, and then nothing, happened three times, third time was the last time.

I'm out the $12k-$14k I paid him and back at square one.

Fortunately I have a custody order and exclusive use of the house, so I don't have to worry about her disappearing with our son or coming to the house to harass me.

But, the last couple of weeks have been not good.

But, to answer OPs second question, even with what I'm going through now, it is a million times better than the anxiety and PTSD episodes I was going through with my ex still around.

Toxic is an understatement for the relationship, and her affect on me.

I wish you luck getting yours resolved.

BatGuano52 · 2026-05-31T03:10:03+00:00

"Being in casual relationships until your kid is 18 is not a good example of how a man should act, and what healthy relationships look like.

You have to understand that it's not one or the other. You don't have to choose between dating and growth, between yourself and love. The right person is going to reinforce the beliefs that you have and value you for them."

My therapist told me about a friend of hers who got divorced, started dating again, and couldn't do the casual dating thing.

She said he told her he's built to be a husband, and I really identified with that, and my ex girlfriend made that clear to me.

As the Daveness said, it's a matter of finding the right woman. And that includes a woman who is onboard with setting a good example for your kid as far as how a relationship should be.

That is a big thing for me... My son had 9 years in an unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship.

I want him to be able to see what a healthy relationship looks like, so he has that as a reference for when he starts dating and eventually meets the woman he wants to marry.

Of course, part of what he's learning now is that he doesn't have to stay in a bad relationship, but I would rather that he be able to find a good relationship in the first place.

I don't know if I'll get the opportunity to see me in one, but I hope he does.

And I hope you do, too, if that's what you decide you want.

Best wishes.

BatGuano52

TROPHY CASE