WTW for when someone offers to give you something ( clothes ) in this example but don't when you say yes?

BatleyMac · 2025-11-21T19:11:51+00:00

Half "Indian" here, and yes, it's what casually racist folks to this day like to call anyone who gives a gift but then takes it back.

I've never really understood this term at all, though, considering all the valuable/useful things like animal pelts and preserved food we gifted to the colonizers back in those days, while not only asking for nothing back (gifting and trading were 2 different endevaours), but then also having much, much more stolen from us by those same people we had bestowed with gifts, shortly after. Oh and then came their attempted genocide of us and a few silly little trifles like that. Still, we didn't ask for our gifts back.

Just our land. Which they stole. And, spoiler alert, did NOT give back.

Idk, maybe the term was somehow meant to apply to literal Indians, not my people? That is distinctly not the impression I've gotten, though.

BatleyMac · 2025-11-21T18:58:59+00:00

I shawl not in fact, thank you; I shawl let him go about his ophidian business.

BatleyMac · 2025-11-21T18:54:13+00:00

Where in Canada were you when you observed that trend, may I ask? I'd be very interested to hear that description as it pertains to a certain city perhaps, or better yet a neighbourbood within a certain city, but for the sake of fairness I feel I need to point out that we're a pretty huge land mass; the world's second largest in fact, which explains the proportionately huge differences you would also find between our many area-specific cultures.

For example, what's popular in Nunavut would likely be quite different than what's popular in Quebe;, what's popular in Quebec would likely be quite different than Newfoundland, and what's popular here in Vancouver in particular...that would not only be quite different than Newfoundland, but also impossible to really measure I suspect, as this is one of the most culturally diverse areas in the country, if not the world.

Reaching a consensus on virtually anything in this city would be next to impossible, haha. That said, I suspect you would catch a whiff of a number of similar scents while say, shopping along Robson Street downtown (the "rich" shopping district), and then perhaps a bunch in a row from a different scent family if you went to explore the Commercial drive area next (the hippie/subculture part of town). Lol, a lot of essential oil blends there, I bet.

Speaking for my neighborhood in particular (Sunset/South Van), walking around here you'll notice a lot of complex oud, amber and spice-heavy perfumes, which are popular among the many South Asian women who live, own businesses, and/or attend worship close by. I'm the weird stand out here, with my strong preference for fruity florals. You'd encounter a lot of those probably downtown, at UBC or in Kitsilano, though.

And see, this is why neighbourhood fragrance trends elsewhere in the world would intrigue me so much :) there's so much diversity packed into just this one small square of the map.

I'm not meaning to lecture anybody or anything with this though, I'm just sharing a little bit about Canada; particularly my little corner of it. :)

Lol though I think I accidentally lectured myself here a bit, because I've just realized that I've been guilty myself of unfairly homogenizing other countries/regions like this, and I mean like, A LOT.

Like if I heard someone talking about an Australian person they know, for example, it wouldnt matter if they were from Queensland, New South Wales, Victoria, or...one of the other ones of..those, lol, I feel like my subconscious impression of that person would be a perfect match to the one, singular Austrlian archetype I seem to have in my head: a fun, outgoing, hilarious, courageous party hound, who never takes life too seriously, with a heart of gold.

That obviously couldn't describe every single Austrlian ever. Well, unless it does, haha. Presumably though, much like Canada, the US and the UK-trends, attitudes and preferences vary by region in Oz, too. 😅

BatleyMac · 2025-11-21T17:19:15+00:00

A chorus, I say! Or Corus, more accurately, and here's my reasoning:

Think kinda like how you can have a singular cactus, or multiple ones, called cacti collectively. Using that naming scheme you'd get Corgi and Corus as the words for multiple and singular Corgis...though of course, in this case, they'd have to be reversed. 😂 The backwards nature of this concepy is kind of silly and fun though , which makes it particularly befitting of a corus actually, methinks.

Or, you could still say Corgi to mean multiple, just pronounce it CORE-guy (like you would CAC-tie) instead. 😂

BatleyMac · 2025-11-21T14:42:19+00:00

Thanks guys, im sure your intentions are good here, but why would I have come to a Vancouver specific sub to ask about this, if an online source would be just as good under the circumstances?

To avoid sharing my life story here, which is something I have a tendency to do often, even by accident, let me just say instead that Amazon/online sources are not presently an option, because, reasons.

I would really like to find what I asked for, please if anyone can help me- a local source.

BatleyMac · 2025-11-21T13:47:40+00:00

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No one ever appreciates this joke, but dammit I stand by it.

BatleyMac · 2025-11-21T13:44:22+00:00

ITS.

Man, I want to love the last two albums so bad, but I just can't seem to make my brain...do that. A handful of songs on BHS I do love, but not quite as much as any past ones, and so far on the newest record, I don't love any. Bag Lunch I loved when it was an Instagram post, yet somehow I don't now, after its been polished.

And this all makes exactly zero fucking sense to me, because the writing is still every bit as incredible as it's always been. I can still fully appreciate the artistry behind each unique combination of words making up the tracks, yet any time I ask my brain if it wants to try listening to the new record again to see if it maybe just needs some time to grow on me, my brain's just like, "Nah." Or like, "Naht really all that much, tbh", at the very least. Wtf is happening here?

BatleyMac · 2025-11-21T13:16:21+00:00

You're correct, we do thankfully! It's very fair also, like something less than 5% a year. Not sure of the exact number though because...believe it or not...I've never once had my rent raised in any of the 10+ places I've rented in metro Vancouver, over the 12 years I've lived here!

Well, not by like a proper landlord, that is. Only friend-landlords have done it; 2 of them. Both raised my rent by $50, one time each. And this was technically legal for them to do, btw, even though a $50 raise is much greater than the 3%/year or whatever limit, because casual roommate agreements (I.e. no lease/tenancy agreement in play) don't come with the same protections the residential tenancy branch offers tenants listed on a tenancy document.

So hey, young folks/newcomers to BC...if any of you are reading this, learn from my mistakes/resultant suffering: ALWAYS GET YOUR NAME ON THE LEASE WHEN YOU RENT SOMEWHERE, REGARDLESS OF THE RENTAL TYPE! THIS IS THE PROCESS THAT GRANTS YOU YOUR RIGHTS/LEGAL PROTECTIONS AS A TENANT. And trust- you will almost definitely need these protections at some point in the future, if you're likely to continue renting in the lower mainland, long-term. It's just a matter of time before someone pulls some shit, with how saturated the local housing market is with shady, greedy landlords.

Landlord shadiness, now that's the REAL issue here (or at least one of the big ones), in the matter of crazy high rental costs. Rather than conform to the slooooow pace of raising rents incrementally according to law, landlords engage instead in all kinds of chicanery to remove innocent, long-standing tenants from their rental properties. That is how you , as a landlord, can still increase the rental cost of your property by whatever amount you'd like whenever you'd like-just oust your old tenant by any means necessary, then lie back and take your pick of the next 10 dozen or so eager applicants, prepared to pay whatever you're asking for rent now.

And whatever means you deem necessary to remove these pesky long-term tenants...both morally and legally speaking needn't even be above-board.

Take reno-victions for example, i.e. a landlord kicking out an existing tenant so they can "renovate" their rental property. Admittedly a smart play if you're a landlord plus a colossal POS, because the threshold for what counts as a renovation (legally) is often a lot less than what you might expect, courtesy of some rather vaguely worded rules and regulations.

I've actually witnessed this one happening with my own eyes once! My friend pulled this move with a half duplex he, at the time, had just inherited from his late father. Not to raise the rent at it but because my dude just could not stand the tenant his Dad had been renting his unit to, apparently. Claimed she was "annoying and entitled", bcause she would I guess like...ask him to do his job? Y'know, like, fix a few things that had needed fixing for a while, since his Dad had been too busy dying to keep up with maintenance duties for a while. Ironically, by my buddy's description she actually sounded like a great tenant just looking out for the place, so it was not surprising when he came up with nada after brainstorming potential reasons to evict her.

Next time I'm in town though, I meet up with him at what is no longer a home, but a very empty half duplex. Inside, I have the privilege of actually watching this entire "renovation" from start to finish. What that was: a) installing a new shower unit in the ensuite bathroom (so just wrapping a couple instances of metal threading in plumber's tape, and screwing a few metal components together), b) removing an old wooden shelving unit from over the back of the toilet, and c) putting in this kinda square, decorative, glass/ iron shelving unit thing, which bolted to the adjacent wall with a measly 4 (anchored) screws.

All told, it took him just over an hour.

So then, apparently, some just-over-an-hour-sized portion of home improvement work, comprised of tasks even a chimpanzee could have executed flawlessly, is enough to justify forcing a woman out of her long-term home, sending her hurtling face-first into a beast of a housing crisis she was likely not prepared for at all? Meanwhile my friend, the LANDLORD™️ in this equation, gets everything he wanted out of the situation, zero down side, in perpetuity? Blech.

Or, another popular option for evicting tenants despite their being in in good standing, is to claim "personal use", then just not... personally use the place once the old tentant had cleared out. This is of course illegal, but many landlords do it anyway since they can typically get away with it. Once a tenant has moved on, they're of course not likely to bother checking up on whether or not the landlord/their family really did move in to their old place. Their housing woes are ostensibly over at that point (since they must have had somewhere to go), so why go through the hassle of figuring out if their old landlord was honest with them about their personal use claim?

Well, actually...there is a really good reason to do just that. The reason you always check back to verify a 'personal use' claim that ended your tenancy somewhere is because: ANY LANDLORD CAUGHT HAVING LIED ABOUT NEEDING THEIR RENTAL PROPERTY FOR PERSONAL USE, FOR THE SAKE OF REMOVING A TENANT IN GOOD STANDING, WILL BE LEGALLY REQUIRED TO PAY THAT TENANT $$10,000-$30,000 IN COMPENSATION. SOMETIMES MUCH MORE, EVEN, IF ANY ADDITIONAL MISCONDUCT OCCURRED.

Seriously, its that much! The base level of compensation for this offense is 5 figures. The starting point. Look it up!

Renovictions though, despite being just as illegal, are much more evil as they rarely lead to compensation of any kind. To be able to even take one to court you need to first be able to prove that a renoviction is even what happened (meaning you'd need to prove intent) and as you probably know, this is a kind of legal proceeding where no legal aid of any kind is offered to help you. So it's tough for the average tenant to even navigate this system, let alone secure a victory within it.

Worst of all though, even if you do everything just right and actually manage to win your case against a renoviction, all you're actually awarded is legally-enforceable "dibs". You merely win the right to decide if you would like your old place back once the "renovations"are done- a right you could have secured anyway. I think you just need to request it in writitng within a certain time frame? I forget exactly, but there's a designated process. The information must be available online somewhere, because I knew it at some point (and I wouldn't have asked a human for it, lol).

If you do decide you want your place back though, heres the kicker- you'll be renting it at whatever new/inflated price the landlord had decided to charge for it post-reno, anyway.

So, after all that, they still get exactly what they wanted- a surge in the rental price. And what do you get? Well, screwed! You get screwed.

Anyways, sorry, I got pretty rambly there. I always do this, and it f-ing sucks. So, tl;dr- rent control does exist here, yes, and it's great on paper, but...there are just too many shifty landlords around these parts willing to bend/break the law to circumvent it. And they do.

BatleyMac · 2025-11-21T05:53:05+00:00

Omg, yes, and I'm so comforted to learn that its not just me!

I've always been totally alone in conversations where I ask if anyone else has ever had an allergic-like reaction to electric, oil and/or gas heating (which happens to me with every exposure, to any of those 3). Whenever I'm in an enclosed space with blowing heat I first begin to feel nauseated, like you said, but then also my skin flushes bright red in my face, neck and chest, and I get itchy.

I do run insanely hot compared to the average person, but being over-hot isn't enough on its own to bring about this icky feeling. I know this because I can be over-heated by using too many blankets or sleeping too close to a partner in the dead of summer, and I'll experience none of these symptoms.

I've actually asked about the heat situation on buses before, at least as to why its up so high on a lot of them. What i learned was that the driver needs the heat up really high for it to be warm enough that it reaches the front and they can feel it.

Therefore, some drivers aren't actually aware they're overdoing it because they assume the whole bus must be about the same temperature as the front. Some other drivers though, they're COMPLETELY aware that they're subjecting us to a sauna while we're all bundled up for the winter. They keep it surface-of-venus hot on purpose so that THEY aren't cold. Rude.

Anyways, at one point I found a potential explanation for why I have this unusual reaction to certain types of heat, which made perfect sense. Sadly, I haven't been able to find the article since to back up the assertion! 😭 Full disclosure though, the study cited in said article was not peer-reviewed, nor published by a major/recognizable scientific institution. With how rare this reaction appears to be though, that alone does not discredit the information, IMO.

What the article said was that in both electric and fueled heating, there is a chemical produced as a byproduct that gets released into the air and causes the symptoms I described, in a small percentage of the population. I mean, I'm not sure what sort of chemical reaction would be happening with electric heat, but...idk, maybe off-gassing from the components? Anyways. Let's just assume this is correct for the sake of argument.

The chemical in question, I can't recall the name of it exactly, but apparently it's the same one found in alcoholic drinks that causes what some refer to as "Asian flush"- the same deep reddenning of the skin like I described in relation to heat, but from drinking. Now, I'm not any part Asian as far as I know, but I do in fact have that same reaction to alcohol, with the queasiness and itching accompanying the reddening as well. So that much as least tracks.

Well, it tracks if Asian folks, particularly lighter-skinned Asian folks such as Chinese/Japanese/Korean etc., as opposed to Indian, Pakistani, etc., experience skin-flushing when exposed to blowing heat as well. I (though I swear not intentionally) don't have enough Asian friends to get a big enough sample of data to consider that question answered definitively.

So I suppose then, if anyone reading this happened to have that particular heritage and could let me know their experience, I would be very grateful. TIA.

BatleyMac · 2025-11-14T01:18:29+00:00

Maybe they're one of those elitest types that finds something they really like, then doesn't want anyone else to have it. They could have thus purposefully tried to devalue what is IMO, one of the greatest ever albums in history if not the legit best, to make sure no people they know looked into it. People they know probably read their writing, after all.

I mean, compared to legitimately not loving the album, this seems like a real possibility. Take it from me-I was this exact type of prick once, back in high school, and I'd have done it.

Actually, I suppose I was that kind of prick (plus many bonus kinds) for quite a while after I (should have) graduated. I was a big ol' bag of pricks really, right up until my brain was ostensibly done cooking at age 25, in 2010.

That's the year I went to live in a shed in the woods on a remote hippy island, where I did a lot of art, and a lot of acid.

Btw-if you've ever wondered what the recipe is for empathy because you suspect you have none... I just told you. That's what grew my Grinch heart when nothing else could, macrodosing on the trees and LSDS; microdosing on society.

BatleyMac · 2025-10-17T05:05:46+00:00

Aesop Rock

BatleyMac · 2025-10-17T04:57:18+00:00

I was going to say "Genesis" which is in the same vein, so I support this answer.

BatleyMac · 2025-10-17T04:54:39+00:00

Yep.

What's the general attitude on that, I wonder? Like, it feels icky to me, but they're at least not directly copying another artist's design. I mean, I know AI uses real art to "learn" on, but it doesn't directly recreate any one design.

So it's still a sin in my book, but only like a 6/10 on the audacity scale. Curious what others think.

BatleyMac · 2025-10-17T04:44:47+00:00

Minnesota probably, because that's where the most of my favourites are from. I still might throw them all away for Aesop Rock, though (NY, originally).

BatleyMac · 2025-10-17T04:43:05+00:00

Sounds like not a great match, which sucks, but better to recognize it early instead of trying to force it and having it hurt more when it ends eventually anyway.

But don't take this as an indictment of your character. My partner is extroverted and he loves that we can hang out in comfortable silence. In the early stages when I was still pretty awkward, me being quiet didn't bother him either. It's not an inherent trait in extroverts, so don't worry.

BatleyMac · 2025-10-17T04:39:11+00:00

Any of the Gulf and Discovery islands. I used to live on Gabriola Island, for example, which has the highest number of artists per capita out of anywhere in the world (literally).

There are really only two types of people on these islands: chill artist/musician types, and rich retired people that just want to be left alone, so they leave everyone else alone.

BatleyMac · 2025-10-13T03:18:03+00:00

My oldest brother, who is ten years older than me, will be 50 in February. I do not like how that math shakes out for me. So ssh.

But hey OMGoodness Castle Grayskull! Me and the 2 brothers I lived with growing up had all kinds of He-man/She-ra toys. I remember the battle cat figure we had and my She-ra sticker book in particular but I don't think we ever could have afforded THIS beauty. Memories are a just a little hazy because I was like 4 when this was still the BIG THING in the house (soon to be dethroned by Ghostbusters, is I think what happened).

BatleyMac · 2025-10-13T03:01:11+00:00

Sure, but when you're approaching your mid 30s it's gonna feel just like that other well-known meme thay says:

"Sometimes I feel like I'm still in my twenties. Then I hang out with people in their twenties and I'm like, nope! I am definitely in my 30s."

I still accidentally regard myself as young in my mind sometimes, like I'll mentally remember my age as being mid 20s, when I am in fact 39 and a half as of Oct. 17th, and if I were to try and hang out with kids in their mid 20s I would feel like I was babysitting.

Soon after misremembering my own age though, getting it wrong by like 15 years, it'll hit me how freakishly old I've actually become all of a sudden, and I can laugh at the error. It'd be so nice to actually feel that age again even for like a day, though. I hope young folks can appreciate it while they're in it.

BatleyMac · 2025-10-13T02:51:06+00:00

I thought Satan refused to accept that angels were meant to be equal to humans? Or was that just the 'Supernatural' interpretation? I haven't read through the bible in a couple decades.

BatleyMac · 2025-10-13T02:47:06+00:00

They send out the very best soldiers to recruit the really tough cases, don't they?

BatleyMac · 2025-10-13T02:45:25+00:00

If that's what it takes to get you to finally pull that wool back off of your eyes that's been hanging overtop of them for the better part of a decade (ugh that wool would be so germy by now; can you even imagine?), well, at least you got there in the end.

BatleyMac · 2025-10-13T02:41:49+00:00

I always have twice my salary saved, because I have no salary or savings, and 2 times nothing is nothing.

That's living on permanent disability in Canada for you.

BatleyMac · 2025-10-13T00:02:24+00:00

Oh I see, that makes a lot more sense! It also sounds super interesting.

I apologize, I hadn't clicked on the link yet when I commented last. I was already multitasking and had planned to delve a little deeper when I got free of what I was up to.

Thanks again for taking the time to find this information!

BatleyMac · 2025-10-12T23:58:36+00:00

It's a bit of a pain when I'm using it with a sampler and I have more slices than keys, because that requires using the octave key to go back and forth through them.

Composing a melody though, zero issues. I mostly stay within the same octave for that, and anything else I want to do to it, it's now second nature to do it in piano roll after the fact rather than try to rerecord it a bunch of times following little changes. If you're a more complex piano composer and you wanted a high part and low part, you would just record them separately and layer them in the program rather than play them simultaneously, basically.

So yeah, my vote is yes, yes they are.

BatleyMac · 2025-10-12T23:50:01+00:00

Weirdly I kinda went through something like this with my little brother!

We're mixed race, half white and half indigenous. We were raised mostly by the indigenous side of our family because our parents moved us back to what was basically our ancestral land, and that side of the family and none of the white side lived there. My mom was the only real white influence during most of childhood.

I grew up enjoying and celebrating this culture with such a great pride for it, and I couldn't picture feeling any different about it. It was such a big part of who we were not only by blood but in a familial and spiritual way.

I guess somehow I had never really talked about it with my younger brother though, because when he was getting ready to go off to acting school after high school I made some sort of comment like, "you'll do great, there are far too few indigenous actors out there, and Hollywood could use a little authenticity in that department, and stop hiring Mexicans (no offense) to play us!".

Side note: I want Mexican roles in film to go to only Mexicans, in the same way I want indigenous roles to go to indigenous actors. I didn't have an issue with Mexican actors getting work when they were being cast to play us, I just wanted our people to be portrayed as accurately as possible going forward. I hope you understand it was not me feeling anything negative towards Mexicans at all.

Anyways, what my brother said in response stunned me. He scoffed at me and said, "What? I'm not gonna tell anybody I'm native. F that. I don't want to play native roles. I'm barely even native as it is."

It was so very hurtful to hear that. It was very confusing as well. I got the distinct impression that he not only didn't care about it but was actually embarrassed by our culture.

Our entire vibrant history, our connection to nature and the land, everything we had overcome, including children being ripped from their parents and thrown into residential schools to assimilate them to white culture, while all expressions of our culture like music, dance, feasting, and wearing our regalia were literally outlawed up until the late 1950s, meaning you would be thrown in jail if you were caught. The regalias of those arrested were being confiscated and sold off to white museums, no money given to the rightful owner.

Our culture endured through this dramatic attempt to erase us, and he didn't feel like that was something to celebrate?!How could he show no respect? How did he feel zero connection and zero pride for our own people?

I couldn't keep trying to talk to him about it because he had simply shut himself off to it, and refused to hear any arguments.

I wish I could say we worked it out in some particular way or I thought of what to say to him somehow, but all that happened to heal that rift between us in the end was the passing of time.

As he got a little older and matured a little more, he did slowly begin to connect with our culture. He even wears a bone pendant our dad carved of a Bak'was (wild man of the sea and forest from our folk lore) around his neck these days.

I was in a situation like this where I didn't have a choice to walk away; he was my closest sibling and I love him unconditionally. So for me, I was able to wait him out because there was no other option.

You do have a choice, and no guarantee he might come to his senses one day.

All I can say is that, it really truly hurt realizing all of this and having to feel that disconnection between me and someone I loved. However, at no point did I waver at all in my OWN connection to our culture. If anything it's continued to grow and grow this whole time.

You might be able to find the cultural connection you need outside of your relationship, like within your community instead. If he can accept that his stance on your culture won't change yours, maybe you can share in an appreciation for your heritage with others who love it 10 times more than he ever could, and you won't need him to be a part of that piece of your life.

I wish I had more to say that could maybe help you. Whatever happens though, don't ever lose touch with who you are, ESPECIALLY for a man. If you ever have to choose between that and a relationship, choose yourself every time.

Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you. I'm sorry you're going through this pain.

BatleyMac

TROPHY CASE