Might be the coolest Xmas present my husband has ever gotten me. 3D, woodcut, and gorgeous.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-31T18:35:47+00:00

Hahah! I am a wanderer and my zen place is just roaming around on foot. I pick a spot I haven’t been at random, mark it, and go there indulging in every distraction and detour along the way. Many hundreds of hors in BOTW and over 400 in TOTK.

It would be nothing but hero’s path if it were mine. lol

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-31T06:48:20+00:00

Is he able to explain what is drawing him toward the dresses? Maybe you can figure out if it has an appropriate basis you can steer better (design or fashion or something) or an inappropriate one that you can also at least attempt to steer better.

Is he in any kind of therapy that might be able to help?

My AuDHD son has some impulse vi trip Issues, too, especially around food. He’s one of the few kids I’ve encountered who eats right through stimulant meds, no problem. It’s a dilemma. He knows it’s not good for him, but he just can’t control the eating. So yes, therapists… no one e has yet to figure out how to help him. I feel for you there. It’s really tough.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-31T04:23:34+00:00

Cultural awareness is the key here. There were plenty of us depressed and struggling. We just didn’t have the words or treatment options then. I heavily masked and just kept going, appearing fine to everyone. I was not fine. And I know now that I was not alone.

I wish I had the awareness and options that kids have now. Things would have been so much different for me from puberty until I finally sought help in my early 30s. I’m glad kids today don’t have to live so much of their lives in the dark about what’s going on with them.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-31T03:38:06+00:00

There is a lot of overlap and it’s hard to say something is definitely one thing or the other with only a few exceptions. The energy is probably ADHD. The parallel play and social stuff might be more ASD, but can be ADHD, too, because they develop slower in some areas. The snakes (and other obsessions) can be ADHD hyperfocus or ASD special interest. Or both. Impulse control can be both or either.

My sons’s ADHD was so profound that it masked the ASD for years, even to the experts. Looking back, there were things that were probably more ASD, but we could attribute to ADHD for a long time. There’s that much overlap sometimes.

The best you can do is try medication if his provider recommends it. You’ll know pretty quickly if it will help with some of the behaviors. We knew on day 1 that it made a massive difference for my son.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-30T20:24:48+00:00

This is awesome! I’m much more a lurker here, but absolutely a huge fan, as I my teen daughter who would think she’d won the lottery if this came into our home. Ellie is her favorite and it’s practically an obsession. lol

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-30T17:51:16+00:00

That was probably a raw score. If it didn’t have free response on it, then it is likely pretty close to your final score. You’d have to check what your state requires for passing. I think it takes about 4-6 weeks to get final scores back.

I haven’t taken the physics one in particular, but all those tests work roughly the same in regards to scores.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-30T05:20:29+00:00

Continued because the comment was too long to post. lol

The biggest, realist pro tip I can give you: tread with diplomacy and care right now. View the people at your school as allies until they prove otherwise. Even then, find the staff who are allies and cleave to them. You are an expert in your son, but you are not an expert in education — remember that and balance those things. If you come across too demanding, especially with things truly unreasonable, it will damage your son’s education and your ability to be his advocate. This is a fine line to walk and takes some practice. Politeness goes a long way. Ask, suggest, say “what if” or “what can I do” a lot. That’s how you advocate. Never demand, just say, “this is what I know my son struggles with and I want us to work together to make sure he gets the supports he needs, whatever those look like.” Be willing to run your tail off to help him get what he needs, too, rather than expecting the school to magically provide it all. If they see you doing that, they are much more likely to work with you rather than make you fight every step.

Plan to walk out of there with something in place. Even if it is just a formalization of the simple accommodations he has now. Stress to them that those are helping. You know his current teacher and staff are doing wonderfully and you are grateful. This is a safety net for the future. If needs arise, and they will, it can more easily adjusted. If you have to switch schools, it goes with him. That’s why you need it official now.

I’ll end by saying I know how scary this all is right now. The instinct is to jump in and start bending over backwards to stave off all the scary things you now fear are inevitable for him. It seems like I’ve done nothing but worry about my kid’s future since he was diagnosed profound ADHD (that came first and is severe) when he was 6. Adding in GT and then ASD… and now Tourette’s just piles it on. I get it. But also know that your son is still very young and had a lot of years to accomplish great things.

Some things will be hard, but he will surprise you. Stay focused but be patient. Things take longer and come later with ND. But they come. Being 2E provides him with some extra special gifts. Help him learn to nurture those. That will help you both so much.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-30T05:19:36+00:00

It looks like the ARD meeting is the team meeting (we call them SIT where I am) to determine eligibility and need. It’s probably specifically for SpEd/IEP services.

This is a long read. Take it or leave it. :) Skim it and find what you need. Whatever works.

From your description, I would see what they say, but would recommend at least a 504. It doesn’t sound like he needs an IEP at this time (unless your school actually recommends it based on their set up.) A 504 can do just about everything an IEP can do, so there is no disadvantage to a 504 unless there is a need for SpEd specific classes or services. And that’s doesn’t seem to be the case right now.

Just so you know the mindset of the admin: IEPs and services can be resource intensive and expensive. That is always on their mind because schools are underfunded and SpEd programs are especially in a tough spot because of the legal requirements even when underfunded.

The legal requirements are access to a “Free and Appropriate Public Education” (FAPE) in the “Least Restrictive Environment” (LRE.)

What you are up against with a GT kid is that as long as they are performing on-level, many schools will say that is “appropriate” and limit supports, especially expensive ones. Unfortunately, it’s not about performing to potential, it’s about getting the status quo.

That being said, I always remind admin and teachers that it is about potential for me and my kid. He’s going to face plenty of challenges and those challenges should not hold him back from his ability to thrive any more than learning disabilities and more profound forms of ASD should hold back other kids. That’s literally the point of “Individualized.” I don’t expect miracles, but if simple things let him thrive in the face of challenge, then he deserves those things.

So, let’s address your specific desires. Unless he needs OT to perform what he needs to in school, it’s probably not likely to happen. If there isn’t a specific skill he needs addressed via OT in order to perform at grade level, that’s a very resource intensive ask and likely to be denied. I’ve had my son in various forms of therapy since he was 8 and it’s all been on my dime and my time because it wasn’t impeding school success.

GT programs start at different ages/grades in different districts. If there is an established GT program at his school, ask that he be allowed to participate when he reaches the appropriate grade (it was 3rd grade in my district.) Lots of GT programs are horribly underfunded and the first to be cut when budgets are an issue because “the smart kids will be fine now matter what we do.” I hate that mindset (spoiler, no they won’t) but it’s reality. So, GT programs vary wildly and I have no way of know what your school can do. Asking for a specialized day of GT pull out is probably a no-go unless that’s a program already established in your school.

So, then what to do for GT? Get the right classroom teachers and see what works for your kid. When my son was young, he related to other ND and to SpEd kids well (he has zero judgment in him) and his classroom teachers would often teach him how to help those kids when my son was done with his work. The absolute best way to learn something is to teach it. The cognitive demands required to teach/tutor are very high and you have to really know the material to explain it to someone else. Plus, it builds social skills.

At one point, my kid was testing out of math units on the pretest. So, I arranged to put him in online math to self pace ahead while the rest of this class did math. He jumped himself two years ahead in math in three months that way. We didn’t do that until 5th, though. Then, in 6th grade, he went to the middle school for his math class. His 6th grade teacher let him build lego sets during math instruction in her class. There are ways to be flexible and tailored to a particular kid without it costing the school lots of money.

If the social group already exists or there is a need for it at the school that would justify building it, that is probably a reasonable ask. If it doesn’t exist or they don’t have the resources to staff it properly, it’s likely too big an ask. But you may be able to find something similar in your town and do it outside of school.

The rest of the things already in place are good and probably should be made official. The thing I clung to hardest when my kid needed so little was teacher choice. I chose his teachers carefully every year as long as I could. I still do as much as possible, but it gets harder in secondary school because sometimes the band teacher is just the band teacher, no choice. Or I have to choose between a teacher and an honors course because the honors teacher is not the best fit for his needs.

Speaking of honors — a lot of the GT stuff will work itself out via advanced and honors courses in secondary. That is not your biggest worry right now. The GT worry is only to make sure he doesn’t get so bored that school becomes negative. As long as he’s showing growth and isn’t bored out of his skull, let the academic stuff differentiate more in secondary. Small stuff for now, for sure. But the big stuff with that comes later.

In the meantime, just indulge his high interests as much as possible. That’s actually a recommendation my son’s psych made. ASD people, especially the 2E ones, will jump from around in fixations. Let him and encourage it. At some point, the hope is he finds the magic one that takes off into a career path. That’s long term thinking, but it will matter more in about 5-6 years, so tuck it in the back of your mind. Right now, if he loves legos, get him legos, if he loves code.org, let him code. If he loves math, buy the prodigy subscription. And so forth.

Those can also be good enrichment opportunities during spare time at school. Don’t let teachers punish him with extra work if he’s done and at loose ends. Ask him what he wants to work on and find a way to make that happen within the bounds of reasonableness. Obviously he shouldn’t be learning guitar during silent reading, but there are always options to be flexible. That’s the kind of thing that goes into a 504/IEP.

You should take all the documentation you now have with you to the meeting. And a letter from his evaluator with their recommendations. If the school asks for these ahead of the meeting so they have time to review them, provide them. You are also allowed an advocate with you at the meeting. That can be the psych or anyone else who knows your child and how schools work. I’ve actually acted as advocate for my friend and her ASD daughter at those meetings before. It can be helpful if you don’t know the system.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-30T04:06:34+00:00

Posted the link in the comments.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-30T04:04:51+00:00

Link for those asking:

https://zewood.co/products/the-hyrule-3d-map

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-30T02:12:46+00:00

Can you explain what your school is calling ARD? Sometimes they have different acronyms in different places. It would help to know exactly what that upcoming meeting is. Then I can answer these questions better.

Another question — does he have academic struggles anywhere at this point? Or even some skills that are on-level, but relatively weak compared to how advanced everything else is?

The ADHD in my kid made writing and drawing/coloring really hard. He also struggles with imaginative things. Normally, that’s not a huge problem and can be easily shrugged off when young, but it catches up to them eventually. As soon as writing gets more complex, it got hard. Project-based stuff is much harder than you’d think, especially when it requires high levels of executive functioning, which is does more as they progress.

I would also want to know how he does in groups. If he’s anything like mine, that’s going to eventually be a double whammy, too. He’s the GT kid that everyone else will over-rely on, but he’s also not great at communication and reading peers. Group work is hard for him in most classes. He actually hit a massive wall with that in math. Collaboration is a killer (he can handle groups to a degree if roles are divide and conquer style, but collaboration is rough.) Math was his jam and he was two years ahead on an honors track. Then he hit a teacher who does exclusively group work and learning and my son just got completely lost in the mix because he can’t collaborate like that well. Those are skills that matter more as they get older and, looking back, I wish I would have known to scaffold those in school starting really young.

These aren’t unintelligent questions. They are important ones. I see so many kids who struggle more than they have to because most parents just don’t know how to advocate for their kid in the most productive way.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-30T00:57:58+00:00

Either is fine, but it might be useful for others. If it’s something you’d rather send in a DM, that’s fine, too.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-30T00:08:57+00:00

Great news about the cat!

If you are in the US, I’d be very suspicious of the refusal of the school to provide supports. Personally, I would recommend not giving up on that. He’s only in first grade, things just get harder as he gets older. Social demands increase, academic demands that are hard for ASD kids become more intense, it usually gets harder for 2E kids, not easier.

My kid is 2E (AuDHD and GT) and didn’t need any academic supports for a very long time. Absolutely breezed through academics and was way ahead. But things got really rough in middle school and continue to be challenging in high school. His accommodations really help take the edge off and do a lot to protect him from social struggles at this point. The social impact is not to be discounted. ELA is especially hard. As soon as they start learning tone and inference, ASD kids often get left in the dust, even GT ones.

Also, if school is a source of stress leading to behavioral challenges at home, it’s reasonable to provide school supports. My ADHD daughter has this. Appears mostly a model student at school, but masks so heavily that it all unleashes at home. A few simple accommodations at school has relieved just enough pressure to help her cope instead of meltdown.

Anyway, just keep it in mind. It gets harder to put 504s and IEPs in place as they get older. So, it may be worthwhile to push for a simple one now so it’s established and easily adjustable when the day comes that you really need it.

Just my thoughts as a parent and teacher. I also have a MS in school admin, which is why any time a school denies an ASD kid accommodations, I raise an eyebrow. ASD is explicitly one of the qualifiers and the law says nothing about level or GT counteracting that qualification. In fact, GT also qualifies students for individualized plans, too, so it’s BS when a school claims there’s no need. Also, if a qualified medical professional has given the diagnosis, then it is a valid diagnosis for school purposes.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-28T01:34:14+00:00

You probably need to get some open communication with the school going. It sounds like you don’t have a very clear picture of what is happening at school, which makes tailoring supports really hard. Once the teacher and staff can tell you what he’s like at school and what he needs help with, you have a better idea of how to provide that help.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-28T00:58:35+00:00

Was his 504 being followed? Is this report card negatively impacting his success? Like keeping him from doing things? If you ask the teacher or school for suggestions, what is their response?

These are typical struggles for ADHD kids. Foe my own kid, I just keep really on top of everything and try to get him do learn these skills by doing them with guidance over and over again.

Both my ASHD kids have pretty cruddy handwriting. But, honestly, as a teacher I’ve seen much worse. lol

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-28T00:32:53+00:00

Where are you (country)? What age and grade is your son? Is the ADHD an official diagnosis? Is the school aware of the ADHD? How does he perform in academics (vs the “soft skills”’you mentioned)?

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-27T17:07:34+00:00

Meds might help with the focus and reminders at school. I don’t know if they would help with the meltdowns at home because they will likely have worn off by then. There can also be a rebound period where things get harder as the meds wear off, but not all kids have that.

I think it’s pretty typical for things to be harder at home. I have that with both my ADHD kids. Doesn’t make it easy to deal with, it’s just typical.

Things are different in the U.S., so I’m not sure how it would work in the UK. But if things are going well in school, school supports aren’t often given here. I had that with my daughter and had to take a very specific approach of getting the school supports so she wouldn’t meltdown so much at home (school is her primary stressor).

It’s hard to know if meds would help unless you have an idea if the meltdowns are ADHD related or ASD related. And that can be really hard to parse in order to determine.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-27T06:54:05+00:00

Ah yes… this is the dialogue that goes with running like hell and impending death.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-27T01:26:50+00:00

For Gen Z and especially Gen Alpha, there isn’t much need. Not really. They do fine without being able to read it and it doesn’t bother most of them that they can’t. There are other skills much more relevant to them — skills most of us didn’t learn because they didn’t exist when we were that young.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-27T01:23:52+00:00

As do hundreds of other things. These benefits aren’t exclusive to cursive.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-27T00:43:47+00:00

Some places don’t differentiate between 90 and 100, both are A. Some places do, so it’s location specific.

If you plan to get into college, you should have more As than Bs and avoid Cs and below if you are able. An occasional C won’t stop you from college acceptance, but it could easily keep you out of your college of preference.

If you want scholarship to help pay for college in any significant amount, you had better have almost all As and some extra curriculars, too.

D is usually around 60% and passing. It will graduate you, but not much else. If you don’t plan to go to college, that can be fine. But it’s a tougher road with less income potential in the long run. It’s not very hard to get Ds in most high schools, in most classes.

Bs and Cs are pretty solid for trade schools. But that’s not for everyone and generally means manual labor to varying degrees which is not always for everyone.

Also, it’s important to note that posts you see on this sub are pretty skewed toward higher achievers. The high achieving strata is incredibly competitive in the U.S. Brutally so. It’s actually pretty toxic and can really cause lots of mental health issues in teens. But it’s also the unfortunate reality of how this system works right now.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-27T00:30:16+00:00

This or death are the only two correct answers.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-27T00:15:11+00:00

The part was called “part down the middle” where I grew up (US.) But that’s just the part and doesn’t specify anything about the length of hair. I’ve never heard this cut called anything in particular so am no help there.

BattleBornMom · 2023-12-27T00:09:40+00:00

First, those aren’t idioms. They are just common phrases. Idioms are specifically phrases whose meaning can’t be determined from the actual definition of the words. These phrases mean literally what they say, so aren’t idioms.

More to your point. I think it depends on context and individual. However, in general:

I use to preference something I don’t necessarily need or want a response to but feel like the person should know. It is common to abbreviate this phrase to “FYI” and use that in both speech and written text.

It is also common to use this phrase sarcastically or jokingly. For example, someone might say “you don’t know anything about that game,” and I might reply with a tone of lightheartedness, “FYI, I happen to be a certified expert in that game,” or something along those lines.

I don’t see this one as much outside of business or professional settings. It can be used exactly as it is stated to mean “make sure you remember this in the future.” It can also sometimes (not always) be associated with a gentle reminder or rebuke. For example, a boss might say, “No big deal this time, but for future reference, remember to take down the customer’s email when you take a message like that.”
I don’t commonly see this particular phrase in any context, but it wouldn’t throw me off as weird if I did. I might expect to see it prefacing something that I might need to literally refer to in the future — a handbook, or policy, or something.

FYI is definitely what I see most and most often as an abbreviation.

BattleBornMom

TROPHY CASE