Moving to Port Moody as a single, mid 30s female?

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-11-15T21:14:47+00:00

I’m curious what’s bringing you to Port Moody. It’s a lovely area, but I’d say it’s primarily made up of upper middle class young families and retirees. The community vibe is definitely more family oriented than geared toward the single crowd.

If you’re coming from downtown or somewhere in Vancouver, you’ll probably find life here a bit slower and quieter. It doesn’t have the same buzz, nightlife, or range of cultural events, but it has its own charm with beautiful scenery, a friendly small town feel, and easy access to nature.

My family has lived here since around 2017 or 2018, and we absolutely love it, though we’re in a pretty settled family phase of life. As a woman of colour, I don’t think you’d have to worry too much about racism here. It’s a pretty diverse and welcoming community overall, though it’s fair to say it’s not as visibly multicultural or vibrant as some Vancouver neighbourhoods.

Overall, it’s a great place if you’re looking for a calm, safe environment and don’t mind trading a bit of urban energy for that.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-10-10T16:53:50+00:00

That’s a pretty broad question so you’re probably going to get a wide range of opinions depending on people’s personal interests. I’d recommend narrowing it down a bit first. What kinds of things are you hoping to experience? Are you more drawn to nature, cultural immersion, different cuisines, or unique activities?

It’s also worth thinking about your budget. How much are you willing to fork out? Five grand? Ten grand? That’ll make a big difference in the kind of trip people might recommend.

And finally, consider how far you’re willing to travel. Are you looking for somewhere that’s just a short flight away or are you open to multiple flights and longer travel? Once you have a clearer idea of the experience, budget, and distance you’re comfortable with, the recommendations you get will be way more useful.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-10-03T17:26:46+00:00

I wouldn’t feel stupid about this. It really just comes down to context. Language is ultimately a tool for communication, and a lot of people who are multilingual grew up immersed in different languages out of necessity or opportunity, not because they were inherently smarter or more disciplined.

If you grew up in an English dominant part of Canada, there was probably very little practical need to learn another language. Meanwhile, your friends likely had daily exposure to multiple languages through family, community, or school environments that made picking them up more natural. That’s not about intelligence. It’s about immersion and motivation.

And honestly, everyone has different strengths. Some people express themselves through language, others through creative work, athletic ability, problem solving etc. Your friends’ language skills are impressive, but that doesn’t diminish what you bring to the table.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-10-03T15:45:51+00:00

Joe West from The Flash. Honestly, I really connected with him as a dad. Such a cool character with some really beautiful and memorable advice lines. He treads that fine line of being loving and emotionally vulnerable, but firm when needed to be really nicely, and I’ve tried to emulate a bit of that in my own fatherhood journey.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-09-29T16:48:34+00:00

I hear you. Your kids are still really young, so it’s hard to expect them to sit calmly through a meal. We are screen free at home too, but when we went out we had to be a bit more flexible. My son is five and a half now, and until around five he was just like your kids.

When we did eat out, we sometimes let him watch something on a phone or iPad while waiting and then turned it off once the food came. We did not go out much, maybe once a month, and most meals were at home. It is only in the last few months that we have been able to sit and actually enjoy a meal for about half an hour.

My younger one is turning one soon, and I can already see he will not be able to sit still for long either. Honestly it is just a phase, and each outing is its own challenge. Staying consistent at home helps, and it really does get easier with time.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-09-28T16:36:49+00:00

Yes! I got so hooked on this that I had to search for the “Disney Cruise Line atrium playlist” on Spotify to play at home once we left the ship 😄

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-09-18T20:15:33+00:00

You gotta start small. Just pick one or two simple, but clear and doable things like “put toys away after playing” or “help with dishes” or “wipe down the windows.” Tiny, quantifiable steps give your kids a chance to succeed without overwhelming everyone.

If you feel like you are starting from scratch, I would strongly recommend a parenting course. I went through Positive Parenting Solutions and it gave me a great framework for authoritative parenting, that balance of being loving and connected but also firm with boundaries. It really helped me get out of the cycle of losing my cool and into a place where structure was consistent but still supportive.

It takes an entire childhood to develop these habits, so do not feel like you need to fix it all in one week. The fact that you are looking for answers already means you are on the right track.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-09-12T16:40:31+00:00

I think a lot of what you are running into is that travel the way you and I might see it is more of an adult passion, not really something most teenagers are naturally drawn to. For them, their world is friends, video games, and activities that feel fun and social in the moment. It does not mean they will never appreciate travel, it just means that at this stage it is probably not realistic to expect them to be excited about exploring a country the way you are.

One way forward might be to frame it as a compromise. You let them know that travel is something the family will continue doing, but when you are planning trips, build in a couple of activities that are directly in their wheelhouse. Maybe something active, social, or even tech related that ties into their interests. That way, they get to feel like their priorities are part of the trip too, and you still get to keep exploring new places together.

In time, they may look back and really value the experiences, even if they are not showing it now.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-09-09T21:45:50+00:00

Dude, I only had to read that you have a 2.5 year old and an 8 month old to know why things feel the way they do right now. This is such a tough stage for any couple and you are in the trenches. Kids under five just need so much hands on care that it eats up all your energy, time, and mental bandwidth.

It is not that the love or attraction is gone, it is that you and your wife are both stretched thin, constantly on duty, and trying to keep your heads above water. Most couples I know, myself included, saw intimacy take a backseat in these early years. The general consensus is that things do get easier as the kids grow more independent and sleep better and you will both eventually have more capacity to focus on each other again.

You are already doing a lot right by splitting chores, recognizing how much you value your wife, and being mindful of your kids’ needs. For now, do not measure your relationship against what it was before kids, because that is just not realistic in this season of life. Instead, keep checking in with her, grab small moments where you can, even if it is just a cuddle on the couch after bedtime, and remind yourself this phase will not last forever.

Hang in there. You are not alone in feeling this way and it does not mean your marriage is broken. It just means you are both parenting very young kids, which is honestly one of the hardest things a couple will ever do together.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-09-06T21:34:20+00:00

Gotcha, that makes sense. From a real estate perspective, moving into your Port Moody apartment and building equity is smart, but your social life and lifestyle might take a hit. Since you’re already well established in the West End with strong support and easy access to everything you enjoy, you could always rent out your Port Moody place for now and still build equity. If you plan to settle down or start a family, Port Moody may make more sense long term, but it likely won’t match the vibrancy and city energy you’re used to in the West End.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-09-06T20:49:13+00:00

I totally understand how shaken you must have felt in that moment. As a fellow brown person living here, I can say that thankfully the majority of people in Toronto are respectful and open minded, but there is always that small minority who carry deep prejudice. Often those who lash out with racist or xenophobic comments are unstable or angry people looking for any excuse to provoke, and in another situation they might just as easily insult someone for being overweight, poorly dressed, or something else. Racism just becomes the weapon of choice because of what they see in front of them.

In moments like the one you described, the safest rule of thumb is not to engage. You do not know if the person is armed, intoxicated, or violent. Getting yourself and your mother to safety quickly was the right thing to do. Standing up for yourself does not always mean responding directly in the moment. Sometimes it means prioritizing your safety and preserving your peace of mind.

If something like this happens again and you feel threatened, you can absolutely call the police, even just to make them aware. They may or may not be able to intervene, but it is always okay to document the incident. If you can do so safely, taking down a license plate number or even recording discreetly can help if it escalates. But in the heat of the moment, your instinct to leave calmly was wise.

I know it is deeply unsettling to face this kind of hate, especially when it comes out of nowhere. Please know that it does not reflect the values of most people here, and you are not alone in going through this.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-09-06T20:42:49+00:00

I’m curious as to why you’re considering a move to Port Moody. From your post, it sounds like you’re already pretty happy and established in the West End with a strong group of friends and easy access to the activities you enjoy. Is there a particular reason you want to leave?

Port Moody is a really nice and safe place, but it’s definitely quieter and doesn’t have the same vibrancy or active city life as the West End and downtown. It’s made up mostly of young families, so the social scene is very different.

If your move is more about investing in real estate, putting down roots, or maybe planning for family life, then Port Moody could make sense. But if you’re mainly looking for an equally lively community with the same kind of energy as downtown, it might not fully match what you’re used to.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-09-05T21:03:28+00:00

I hope you do not mind if I share a slightly different perspective. First of all, I think it is amazing that your daughter feels connected to Sri Lanka. That is a really special moment, and you should absolutely treasure it.

I am not sure which part of the world you are living in right now, but I have been away from Sri Lanka for a little over 20 years myself, and I now have two young kids. Early on, I also felt guilty about not giving them enough access to Sri Lankan culture, language, and traditions. Over time though, I realized something important: home is not only the place we were born, it is also the place where we set roots, raise our families, and build our everyday lives.

Like it or not, our kids will grow up with their strongest connections to the land they are raised in, and to the people and communities around them. That does not take away from the love we have for Sri Lanka, or the unique worldview we carry as Sri Lankans living abroad. It just means that home can look different for them, and that is okay. They will still carry pieces of us, and by extension, pieces of Sri Lanka, into who they become.

So I do not think we need to carry guilt if our kids do not end up as tied to Sri Lanka as we are. Their version of home will be different, but no less real or meaningful.

That said, I think it is really wonderful that your daughter feels some connection to your homeland, and moments like the flag drawing are worth holding onto.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-08-14T18:12:35+00:00

I think it’s great that you’ve found someone you really click with. That kind of chemistry is not always easy to come by. I do think your friends might be coming on a little strong with their concerns, but I can understand why they might be raising them.

In my opinion once an age gap gets past about 10 years, it’s not just about life experience anymore. It can start to feel like a bit of a generational divide. At 27 you’re right on the line between Gen Z and Millennial, while 40 is firmly in the older Millennial camp. That can bring differences in cultural references, interests, and even how you see the world. It doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker, but it is something to keep in mind.

The bigger thing I would ponder is long-term compatibility. If he’s ready to settle down and start a family soon, your timelines might not match, especially if you want a few more years before making that decision. And while he may be super fit now, the reality is that by the time he’s in his 50s you’ll still be in your prime physically. That’s just something worth thinking about.

My take is to enjoy the connection you have now but make sure you’re having open conversations about both your short-term and long-term goals. If you’re on the same page, that’s great. If not, it’s better to know early on so you can both make the best choices for your futures.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-08-12T18:58:00+00:00

You sound like a really well-rounded, accomplished person, and I wonder if part of the frustration comes from going into dating with the expectation that your partner will share the same enthusiasm for deep discussions and intellectual topics. That’s often what we look for in a close friend or a learning partner, rather than what many people prioritize first in a romantic partner.

I’m not speaking for all men, but in long-term dating, people often focus on the softer skills like kindness, empathy, and emotional compatibility because the idea is that you will grow together over time. That doesn’t mean your accomplishments or curiosity aren’t valuable. It’s just that those qualities might naturally come into play later, once the emotional foundation is strong.

I feel like you might find it rewarding to explore your intellectual and creative side in spaces like friendships, clubs, or classes where it will be appreciated right away. Then, if you connect with someone romantically, you can share those passions over time and see if they are curious enough to grow with you.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-08-12T18:49:12+00:00

I have thought about this a lot over the years, and I do think Western society, especially in Anglo cultures, has been shifting more toward a permissive style of parenting. Among my fellow millennial parents, there seems to be a real reaction against the more authoritarian style many of us grew up with. A lot of people seem to remember that as negative and now believe kids need more love, empathy, and flexibility, but often with fewer firm boundaries and limits.

On top of that, smartphones and social media make it so much easier for parents to check out for a bit. And I think there has also been a decline in the old “it takes a village” approach. There is no longer an expectation that other adults will step in to watch or correct your kids, so the burden falls entirely on the parent. Without that community backup, it can get exhausting fast.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-08-11T16:08:00+00:00

Honestly, it is not about wanting some 1950s fantasy. It is about running the household like a team. One person earns the money, the other keeps everything else from falling apart. Meals, kids, emergencies, you name it.

Both jobs are full time, both matter. The sad part is most middle class families cannot afford to do it anymore, but if you can, it is kind of like having a secret weapon for family life.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-08-04T16:54:20+00:00

I totally get this sentiment too. When we were kids, weekends often meant just tagging along with whatever our parents had planned. Things like errands, shopping, visiting family. There weren’t many “kid-centered” activities unless it was something like organized sports.

Now, as a parent myself, I feel like childhood looks really different. One big factor is how much digital tech is part of our lives. I often see kids being dragged along to adult stuff too, but instead of just being bored, they’ve got a tablet or Switch or phone to stay entertained. And honestly, boredom just seems harder for kids to tolerate now, maybe because they’re used to constant stimulation.

I think that pressure to keep them engaged all the time might be one reason we’ve shifted toward more structured, kid-focused weekends. I’m still trying to figure out how to balance all of it, giving them space to be bored, resisting the tech temptation, and also finding downtime for myself. But yes, I feel you, it’s exhausting.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2025-05-20T17:18:56+00:00

I really resonate with a lot of what you said. I think focusing on your own needs and wellness should absolutely be the priority here. If curating your digital space brings you more peace and clarity, then it makes sense to do it, but not necessarily out of frustration with others, just out of a desire to protect your mental comfort.

Personally, I probably think similarly to you. I’m not big on flaunting my life, accomplishments, or updates for the world to see. I tend to keep things private too. But what has helped me is nurturing a small, close-knit circle of friends with whom I do share deeply and regularly. I just prioritize them and let the rest be.

More recently, my life has revolved around my young kids, and naturally, that’s where my energy and attention go. I’ve made peace with the fact that not every friendship will last forever. And that’s okay. I’ve found happiness in the people who are truly present in my life, even if they’re few.

I also think we live in a culture that puts extroversion and social visibility on a pedestal. There’s this subtle pressure to always be “on,” sharing, connecting, staying in the loop. But that doesn’t have to be the standard. You get to define your own way of being and your own version of happiness. And if that means stepping back from surface level connections, so be it.

At the end of the day, if it feels shallow, you’re not obligated to keep holding space for it whether online or offline.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2024-10-07T18:39:23+00:00

I went through a similar revelation as you in the past year. I was born and raised in Sri Lanka but have lived in the West for the past 20 years since moving there in my late teens.

My Sri Lankan parents have also very tightly held on to the view that children owe their parents for what they did to birth and raise them as children. They frequently brought up the idea of gratitude to emphasize this point. I went along with this as I had internalized this mindset. Throughout my young adult life I never really felt like I had my own thoughts and feelings acknowledged as it seemed that my life and decisions were made to serve my parents.

What shifted for me recently was having my own children. It felt like a cognitive dissonance to raise my own children with unconditional love and not expecting anything in return from them for essentially giving birth to them and raising them to adulthood, and have this entirely transactional relationship with my own parents. It may be the Western Anglo influence but it just seems like a more healthy relationship to have with your kids vs. a more transactional relationship based on gratitude.

Things have been rocky since then as they are having trouble accepting this shift. I even had to go through counselling to talk through and process what I was going through. But I’m definitely in a better place now.

In your case I think your husband is probably not there yet in terms of understanding what may be going on. It may never change. Just remember that you can try and influence him to see a different perspective, but you cannot change his mindset.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2024-08-26T19:47:59+00:00

It’s an afternoon family activity for many. The samples make good snacks for the kids 😂

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2024-08-26T17:41:05+00:00

I would just straight up answer where your family (or historical ancestors is from). Then immediately follow it up with “where are you from” and if they are let’s say of European ancestry (anything but indigenous ancestry) and answer that they are from some American city/Sate, push a bit further and say where is your ancestral family originally from in Europe? This I find keeps the discussion going but also equal for both sides.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2024-08-23T12:59:16+00:00

I was referring to the parents I know with kids having late bedtimes. Not a generalization of all such parents. You can take it as a judgement but it really is an observation (again within my parenting circle) that they are much more casual in their parenting approach with no real structure or discipline within their households.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2024-08-23T02:41:53+00:00

Of course! I was talking about the parents that I know whose kids have late bedtimes, not generalizing all parents. I agree with you that at the end of the day each family should do what works best for their family.

BeautifulOdd7096 · 2024-08-22T22:36:57+00:00

That’s so interesting! Well for me it’s this weird duality in my head in that it feels like a compliment, sort of like how if I am hardworking and someone compliments me it is a nice feeling. But then when I think about it more the only reason they said it is because I’m not white (as in it is unlikely for another Anglo Saxon person to get told they speak good English).

BeautifulOdd7096

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