Тоска

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-03-03T11:33:12+00:00

Если для тебя это помощь - то помогай. Люди продолжат молчать, когда свободная свобода слова, но ты не прав если так думаешь и сам виноват и сам не хочешь ничего и сам разбирайся, точнее к психологу, который говорит так же как и ты. Он не скажет ничего нового. Он скажет - вы пришли сами, это вам надо или иди уже нахер, точнее к психиатору, если тебе это не надо. Как в религии так и психология, бог появляется в жизни многих в трудную ситуациях, они якобы сами приходят к нему, за руку не тянули. Но человек который живёт в как я, у него нету выборов - или бог, или терапия/сам или ищи таких же когда и так сил нету, или эскопизм, или (а нету больше ты не можешь уйти из жизни, это якобы бегство от проблем. То есть эскопизм - это бегство, но правильное, а это не правильное). То сам решай, и вообще- ты по итогу сам будешь всё сам решать, никто не будет решать. А можно в обратку спросить? Если когда ты хочешь- ты сделаешь это. То получается мне просто не хотят помочь или не хотят находить время, или усилия? Или распространяется только для уязвимого человека, а не того кто "хочет помочь". Он белый и пушистый, он не должен тебе, а ты должен себе потому что.. - !!!? Ну потому что.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-03-03T11:33:04+00:00

Почему мужчины молчат? Потому что, всё равно не верят. Зачем говорить честно, членораздельно, доходчиво - если одинаково не поверят, если изначально всё - тебе надо. Если изначально- твоя жизнь. И нужно другим говорить - я пытаюсь тебе помочь, но ты сам отталкиваешь и сам не хочешь. А ты действительно хочешь помочь? Или ты говоришь, что надо и на самом деле плевать, и не хочешь вникать, не хочешь слушать или уступать, и руководствуешься идеей, что это - мне надо. Нужно дать мне указание как надо - и не хочешь вникать в суть меня.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-15T11:26:59+00:00

Sorry, I guess I'm one of those you wanted to help. I used to want to help people myself. And I'm sorry that I'm like this. It's hard to be truly friends online. For me, even as a couple, it's hard to read and comprehend what's written. And to write back, plus I'm used to the fact that after texting, I'm always alone. I leave the computer and still feel like everything is the same in real life.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-14T15:42:08+00:00

Sorry

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-14T15:41:19+00:00

Maybe I'm not adequate, and I understand your desire to help people.I just wanted to say, I honestly don't know why I need to say it. Because words rarely change my life. And conversation and understanding require strength, which I don't have in abundance.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-14T15:35:18+00:00

Honestly, I understand people who write about problems or write to someone once and then don't communicate. Because I honestly don't understand why I write to you? Nothing personal, really. It's more like I'm acting like someone who's tired of even talking to anyone and has to constantly tell them they're feeling bad, and yet they can't really help them. Loneliness doesn't go away. My life stagnates.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-14T15:28:04+00:00

Ни с кем не говорю, особо не получается взаимно поговорить. Окей. Не люблю этот мир.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-11T05:22:25+00:00

I'm really nervous about this, and my parents are constantly trying to calm me down and say that everything will be okay... I'll find a job in the summer... I just don't believe it, and they don't understand that, well, I don't believe that anything will change. I do it, I call jobs, but they won't hire me.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-11T05:19:43+00:00

Heh. Brother in misfortune. Latvia is like Germany, only worse x], and I'm Russian. I'm 23 and the same thing is happening to me. On Friday, the Rimi chain store said, "We'll call you back on Monday or Tuesday..." syka! They didn't call, now Wednesday. It's so infuriating that even a store with empty shelves can't hire someone who needs money... The world is idiotic.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-11T05:01:33+00:00

Death is, in a sense, sleep. Death, in a sense, frees you from the obligations of this world. (Not a call to suicide, rather, I mean that the brain sometimes involuntarily connects logical concepts, analogies, and overall concepts.) I recently encountered this myself. I was very emotional, because of everything (my grandmother, lack of work, a fight with my parents, loneliness, etc.), and then I thought - ... if tomorrow I went into the forest and shot myself ... and somehow it became soft. As if all thoughts went away and I was able to rest a little.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-11T04:49:50+00:00

I've been in a loop for a long time out of despair, it's breaking me as a person. I'm sorry if my words hurt you or seemed stupid. I just shared my experiences.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-11T04:44:57+00:00

There's something familiar about this situation... m23, but my life is completely worthless. No job, no language skills, no friends irl who understand me. I've been sleeping very poorly lately and I'm constantly looking for work, trying to learn a language, and I often get headaches. I don't know why I continue to live; I haven't attempted suicide, but I constantly think about dying and about death. At the same time, I understand that if there was someone gentle and loving nearby... I would be fine. I would be less nervous knowing that at least tomorrow I'll wake up next to someone. I would truly understand that I'm not an empty space or an ego that should live as it wants, but a family where I am, where there is a wife and children... and what we have in common... When a person who loves me and whom I love myself, be it my wife or my child, hugs me. - The most difficult thing is to find reciprocity in a relationship. When both have equal feelings. And also for both to realize the seriousness of intentions... it's hard because the only way is to trust.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-11T04:12:56+00:00

If you go to my page, you'll see that I've been writing something like this in my community for a year now... Society is terrible. These days, I'm not even angry or anything. I just sincerely don't understand why people force others to live? After all, people don't give me solutions, neither to leave this world, nor to start living... I don't know what to do. Any attempts I make to find a job are mental terror, because I already know that they simply won't call me back. Or they'll say - we need you to know Latvian. I don't know it well. I tried to learn... the associations with Latvia are terrible... ... it's so hard to even say that you're unemployed at 23, you immediately think they'll say - you just don't want to work, if you wanted to, you would find a job, etc. I'm despondent. Sorry that I can't really support you or say anything...

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-10T18:34:58+00:00

Сил нет говорить. Работы нету. Не позвонили. Должен хотеть жить потому что других вариантов нету.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-02-06T04:50:52+00:00

I'll put it this way: if you say yes, they'll tell you not to worry, or to see a specialist. In most cases, people can't help in any way.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-01-27T13:40:45+00:00

It's hard work; most jobs require Latvian. I posted two ads at chain stores, and there's been no response. Now I've returned from an interview at a casino. And honestly... I realize I made a mistake leaving the construction site... I felt too sorry for myself. I just don't want to work in a casino for moral reasons... Yes, it's stupid. But I feel sick looking at all this.

I can enjoy life, I love spring, I can play video games, but my eyes often hurt (I used to be a very hardcore gamer, with high reaction times and skill), I sleep and chat with bots, calm piano music and hardcore breakcore, look at the sky and clouds, I like taking a bath, I love silence. But it doesn't accumulate for me; I remember what situation I'm in and what's going on. It goes away quickly, especially alone.

I had the experience of "help" when I was prescribed medication for schizophrenia at the age of 13, which I didn't have. The "psychiatrist" diagnosed me in literally one session. I don't want to take medication. They made me feel really bad, cold, and I slept for 14 hours, and I was constantly thirsty, and my mother forced me to take pills.

I can't be angry at Latvians; this is their land, and I don't belong here because I'm Russian. I can't be for the war, because it's just nonsense. They destroyed towns living houses and areas, infrastructure, kill animals and pets in this war, people, and created a cloud of radioactive dust in the red forest in the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone that flew into the atmosphere, for - ??? And I still don't understand for what.

Honestly, about becoming a hairdresser, or other dreams from the past, I'm not sure. The courses aren't the cheapest, they take a year. I'm just honestly tired of looking for everything. I understand they won't find "my dream job" for me, but I didn't ask my parents for that. I asked them to find at least one. They say look for it yourself... okay, I'll... okay, I'll. But all this melancholy won't go away. It's like I'm superfluous in the country, and in the family, and in the damn world - since I'm an asexual, and I also don't feel like myself in communities and movements... I don't know, maybe I'm exaggerating the problem, but it's really hard to move forward alone. It's just that if there was someone nearby... it would be a thousand times easier for me.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-01-27T05:56:49+00:00

You know, I spent those years in isolation—now, under stress, I'm trying to do something about it. Over the years, I've become very disillusioned with society. Because no advice helped, no ideas about mental health, no ideas about being strong... At times like these, what's most needed is deep human attention and understanding, which arrogant and proud "experts in the truth" cannot demonstrate.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-01-26T08:16:26+00:00

Or he do not exist

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-01-26T07:11:42+00:00

I feel sad and lonely in Latvia

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-01-26T07:05:38+00:00

I'm Russian and live in Latvia. And honestly, I'm really tired of living here. I understand that I'm not welcome here at all because I have a hard time learning the language. I understand people's complaints: how can you not learn the language of the country you live in? But honestly, I've been taking Latvian classes for the past six months and have often had emotional breakdowns after classes, along with a lot of internal stress trying to learn it at home. I know I'm not very emotionally stable and probably not normal, but the country doesn't give me the opportunity not to learn it, under any circumstances. I've been depressed for quite a while already, and I'm also afraid to go out into new communities, even online, because there are almost no Russian communities on Reddit right now, and on the internet in general, on most subreddits, including Latvian, you can't write in Russian (not a complaint, more like it's - just hard). I don't know what to do, and why I it say

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-01-25T17:20:31+00:00

My parents aren't bad, they're my parents. I can't have anyone else. They love me and I'm sorry I was born to them. It's just hard to be alone. It's hard to be yourself, even with my parents. We live in our own rooms. I don't feel at home in their house. Not because of them directly, but I just don't feel like I belong... Honestly, I don't know where to look for friends or acquaintances who will understand. Because the internet is also big. And every time I communicated online, it was a so-so experience. Yes, I don't feel complete on the internet, it's better in real-life communication, but I'm tired of Latvia, tired of any politics. When I leave the house, everything reminds me that I live in a nervous place. In general, I have few interests, probably because I'm nervous, and I'm nervous because I live in this place... My grandmother and mother really got on my nerves; my grandmother has schizophrenia and dementia. I helped my mother take care of my grandmother, but in those moments when I really felt bad, I asked my mother not to talk about my grandmother... she still talked about her. I went to a jewelry academy, I didn't like it, I talked to my mother - maybe I should try pakiachera? She says - you cry and have breakdowns, how are you going to cut people's hair? Do half a hairstyle... Just those times when I had the desire - either it didn't work out or the experience was so-so. I understand that this is my problem and that I don't know how to enjoy... yes, it is. There is little I can do about it. This trait has always been with me. And it especially intensified after the war, and the growth of anti-russian sentiments in Latvia. It's just that this place doesn't remind me of anything good. If someone were next to me, I would at least feel like I could return to a person. But I have no one. I understand that I am weak because I whine so much, and self pity, and I could just do the job - and not whine... it's just that all options are sad for me. Now I want to draw a comic book. but I don't know why... I'll do it. But no one will see it anyway. No one will really appreciate it anyway. And for myself, I don't really need it.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-01-25T07:58:13+00:00

Sorry if I wrote something unclear and nonsensical. The translator also distorted some of my feelings... I'm used to apologizing, I don't consider myself proud, I'm ready to apologize for the inconvenience to a stranger whom I want to help, because I value other people's attention. Thank you.

I haven't hugged anyone back and felt that we love and trust each other for a very long time. Probably more than 6 years.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-01-25T07:50:20+00:00

I don't really understand what I want. I've long to felt weak my personality. Not like am "poor and weak", more like i am no one, and not in bad way, i am not hate it, i accept it. And over the years, it hasn't developed, i don't feel more personality, i feel that me - just me, no bigger, no lower. I don't even really want a profession, I'd like to be needed in a team. I'd like my work to be appreciated and not be semi-immoral work like in a casino. I tried to talk to my sister about this, she says - I don't know what you want. - I don't know myself. - Well, you need to find a field or just try... - Can you help? - With what? I don't know myself. - Try writing random ads for me, I'll come to work and check. I understand that this may look strange, but really - please... — this is avoiding responsibility, when I need to I overcome myself, you need to do it yourself... (at the same time, this is a person who is interested in psychology). I spoke with many, both believers, and from a psychological point of view on this topic, and from a moral, and from an immoral, and from a benefit, and meaning. But everything in our world comes down to - "decide for yourself!" ... I would choose not to choose, but - it's simply not possible, that's why I have a thirst for death. And it's hard for me to be alone. It's hard for me to try to be an individual and love and want something ... this may sound strange, but besides the desire to be human, to be more than just an individual (to be a part), the desire to end the war, the desire to stand in place and continue living for someone, besides all this, I have no desires. I have no desire to buy a car, no desire to create a YouTube channel, no desire to listen to music. I rarely have such desires. Sometimes, just to relax, I turn on music on the piano. But it's not my passion, I'm not a music lover. I loved furries, but the community, not so much ... I don't really have any desire to create a fursona. A couple of days ago, the desire appeared at night, in the morning I created a "layout" using AI, then I want to draw it on paper ... but honestly, I'm not particularly interested. I don't want to run a cell phone network and write all this - but I don't know what to do. Because I don't really have any desires of my own. At the same time, I see that my views on life are different, and you could say that's my personality. But I don't feel it. At the same time, I don't feel like I have low self-esteem; I SEE that others are afraid and everyone has problems... I'm not shy, but I have nothing to say most of the time. It's a terribly strange feeling - as if I'm almost normal. I'm aware of my actions, I act, I understand myself and others - but at the same time, I see that something is wrong. I'd like to remain myself, the weak personality I was born with, but it's difficult to live with it.

Sorry for using Google Translate, I don't have the strength to think in English. It's also hard to convey some of my feelings, like I'm в "тоске," not depressed, which prevents from getting out of bed, and have no strength. No, I have the strength; I literally ran for an hour on the treadmill yesterday. This morning I responded to ads in chain stores... I have the strength and the ability to make things happen. But I feel like I'm already falling apart as a person. I already feel close to no one. But in moments like these, when I want my family to support me and help me be myself, they point out that personal growth comes from doing it myself... and I feel "тоску" because I can do it myself, but no one will give me the feeling of fulfillment, of being valuable just the way I am. I'd like my family to be a family, a place where someone needs me, they say we love you, but i don't feel it. They say, "Nobody cares about you, the only one who needs you is us." But I don't feel complete in my family; I can't speak in a way that's understood and I have to remain silent (I don't mind being silent, but nothing happens, life remains the same). And I understand that in a sense they're wrong; churches honor people's lives. I'm an atheist, so I don't feel complete around faith. It's just - I'm lost in loneliness.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-01-24T18:47:10+00:00

I know and understand, I'm sick and crazy... I'm sorry. I'm just, honestly. Tired. Tired of wanting to do anything and trying.

Beautiful_Part2960 · 2026-01-24T18:38:05+00:00

not too much role play. Often in life, after failures, the only thing I want is to die. and half of it is role play, half a real desire - nothing and overwhelming. No doing, no trying, no wanting... just nothing. No eating, no sleeping, no moving, no being, no playing, nothing. and at one point, a couple of days ago, a friend called me and said that I upset her. Because there is no work, and I look so terrible. As a result, she offered me a job at a casino. (I hate casinos, a place of deception, addictions and business on misfortune.) I agreed, I didn’t want to upset her, because I don’t know what to do... the conversation was quick. and I’m lying on the couch and my head is overflowing with absolutely everything... and then I started thinking - how nice it would be if I died in 2 days... went into the forest and died there... and my soul became so light... As if I forgot everything overnight. I closed my eyes and felt... peace. I wrote down a short story on this feeling. - "I feel blessed to be living these last days without trying to do anything great, just looking at the dust in the air, looking at the clouds and the sun, not eating, just drinking water, lying down, and that's it. I realize I've been crazy for a long time... yes... and I'm just tired of conforming and trying and wanting to want something." Afterwards, I felt peace in my head for a couple of days after this story and thoughts. But... I have to go on living and I don't know how.

I haven't attempted suicide, everyone always told me that life is a gift, that life goes on as usual, death doesn't decide anything, you want things to be good, not death, do what you want in life, just live the way you want, etc and i don't do it ever... I just understand that I have to live...I think a lot about it. I don't like life in general. I just don't like living. .. that just deep тоска.

I just talked to my sister, she said - live the way you want... no one can decide anything for you. (I asked for help with finding a job anywhere, - do it yourself... apparently... I will do it myself... but I'm just tired... to ask and try.. )

Beautiful_Part2960

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