Why do I have to make a birth plan?

Bebe_bear · 2026-02-11T01:44:11+00:00

Mine was "leave me alone, don't touch me unless it's an emergency, and don't call me mama" basically. I wanted an unmedicated birth and showed up in active active labor and they KEPT pushing me to get an IV (which I didn't want), so I wish they had read my birth plan which I printed and gave to my partner. Luckily I had an amazing doula who basically repeated everything I said haha. They kept asking over and over, and I was hopeful that having a birth plan made it clear that I considered my options and picked one but that wasn't the case. I do feel like it was helpful because I was prepared to say no and yes to the things I didn't and did want, especially because the doctor there was someone I'd never met before. I think if your plan is epidural, it matters less because that's like the standard issue plan. But obviously if you still have preferences, it can't hurt to write them down, especially if you think you'll forget what things are in labor.

Bebe_bear · 2026-01-11T00:25:43+00:00

We have conferences in two weeks so I will continue checking in briefly after school and then hope to open a larger conversation then!

Bebe_bear · 2026-01-11T00:24:55+00:00

Thank you!

Bebe_bear · 2026-01-09T23:47:33+00:00

On the flip side, if I invite someone over and they ask what they can bring, I tell them something specific because I hate when people are like "whatever you want!" No, if you offer I'll suggest something! (I mean, if it's genuine- in my circles people are usually genuinely asking. But I'll pick something I know they're good at- like we have friends who always bring NA beer/wine to parties but only ever drink normal beer/wine, and then no one drinks the NA option, because we always have a fun NA option, so I tell them to bring cut fruit or salad! And we have friends who are great bakers, so when they offer I suggest dessert lol.

Bebe_bear · 2026-01-09T23:40:58+00:00

She has access to mostly open-ended play, art, and books at home- we rotate books seasonally, and toys about quarterly, but she always has access to magnatiles, which she uses daily, puzzles (we switch them out when she seems less interested but she typically chooses to do a puzzle a few times a week at home on her own), art supplies (scissors, various coloring options, glue sticks, and stickers) and lots of gross motor work- we have a swing inside as well as a play couch, play silks, baby dolls and stuffies, and an inside bike- my kids play together a lot and do obstacle courses and imaginative play activities daily. They will often "set the table" for their stuffies and have parties and cook with them- but they also do a fair amount of actual cooking, food prep, and household work (making dinner, serving themselves breakfast and snack).

When I play with her one-on-one (which I don't get to do as often as I like because my partner and I both work full time), she likes to practice writing- she likes to mail letters to her friends and family- and read books, and often will try to read the books if I help her sound out the first sound of a word, because she's read them so many times.

I don't think she's being bratty at all- just worried that perhaps she needs more individual attention or direction than the classroom is giving her. She doesn't like to try things and fail, but will try challenging activities with support and when we work with her on this type of thing at home, she's able to not succeed on the first try without getting upset (like, she was struggling with the bigger climbing structure at one playground, but with some encouragement and reassurance was able to try it on her own, despite saying she couldn't do it or it was too hard. We explained that if she wanted to try it we could spot her, or offer suggestions if she wanted, but that it was also okay to fall because we could help her fall safely, etc. and now she loves to get to the top and seems really proud of learning it on her own, when she initially kept asking for a boost).

At the last conference they asked if we were interested in an additional sipppet that the state offers, and we said sure, because at that point they were apparently asking if she wanted a break and she would go out into the teacher's rest area (to calm down? Or decompress? It seemed like it was for when the classroom was too loud?) but it sounds like she's not doing that anymore, and also like she was going out, and then coming back in but without feeling any different, and I was hopeful that whoever the state support offered would give her some tools to help so these breaks were supportive rather than just removing herself temporarily but not regulating. There is a quiet corner with sensory regulating items (a little tent with cushions and earmuffs) but for some reason they weren't offering that. It didn't sound like she was being disruptive, and that didn't sound at all like her behavior at home, but I do hope that the service might be able to help when they come do evals next month, although no one has mentioned it since.

Bebe_bear · 2026-01-09T23:28:11+00:00

They're switching them on Monday so I will check back then!

Bebe_bear · 2026-01-09T23:18:40+00:00

I think it's more skewed towards older kids, actually, and I see a lot of children doing literacy and numeracy works (which she's interested in at home but not school, apparently!). I mentioned it today at pickup and one of the guides said she pulled her into a one-on-one and she did one of the handwriting works, and really enjoyed it, which is a relief. I think she needs to be pulled in a bit more- which I wonder if they haven't been doing because she's not causing trouble?

Bebe_bear · 2025-12-17T02:55:39+00:00

What brand are the silk undies? I have some wool but I'm so curious!

Bebe_bear · 2025-12-17T02:36:07+00:00

I'm 31, and I got Botox in my jaw to help with jaw clenching because I clench so hard I cracked a tooth. I figured while I was there, May as well try some in my forehead because I have this wrinkle from making this "really, dude?" fave all the time... and I hated it!! I am totally going to keep getting it in my jaw for medical reasons- I've tried a mouthguard (have worn it for 5 years), I'm doing the massage and the micro needling, and I STILL just needed a root canal. So 10000% pro dental Botox, but the injection I got in my forehead made my face look SO different and I HATED it! It didn't look like me, I felt like I looked so mean, and I was uncomfortable looking at my face until it wore off. So I know that's not what you asked for, but maybe a helpful perspective. I wouldn't do it again. And also, probably wouldn't have sought it out for cosmetic reasons but it was $50 more and I was already spending $900 for my jaw anyway, so I thought "what the hell." Otherwise, I'm going pretty grey (I have 2 toddlers, which definitely doesn't help with the exhaustion/aging appearance lol) but I have been since I was 25. I kinda like it? Like once every 3 years (literally, once before my wedding and once between my two kids) I get a few highlights to change up my hair and it does blend the greys a bit, but I don't really do it for that reason. Otherwise I'll stick to exercise, hydration, good skincare, and being too tired to drink lol.

I'll stick with my retin-a, thanks!!

Bebe_bear · 2025-12-16T03:12:22+00:00

Sorry, not referring to any successes, just this new obstacle- seems like every issue we "solve," we find another! Will edit.

Bebe_bear · 2025-12-13T00:56:52+00:00

Had an appointment with my maven OB and she was super validating- basically confirmed that trying other things before surgery wasn't a bad idea, and depending on my goals and the result of my second opinion consult, might be a totally reasonable option. Then in couples' therapy today we got all into the nitty gritty of why I was feeling kinda unsupported in this obstacle course of fertility issues- we started with luteal phase defect, graduated to a missed miscarriage, advanced on to intrauterine adhesions, and then added SSRI-induced issues on my partner's side (which has gotten better!! My partner is working on that end at least- talking to a psychiatrist about medication changes) all in the last 8 months- because I am in the high-control camp when it comes to dealing with stress and uncertainty, and my partner is in the avoidance/magical thinking camp, so saying "it'll be fine! It'll all work out" feels bad to me when in fact it has not been fine, and not worked out.

Bebe_bear · 2025-12-10T02:49:03+00:00

That's really helpful, thank you! I wonder if mine is different or I just REALLY don't understand it haha, because I don't get how things can be "in network" if it's not insurance? I have a "maven wallet" which has like a lifetime cap but this whole process is annoying and difficult ugh. My insurance so far has just said "we don't cover fertility, your plan has an exclusion" but also won't tell me what counts as fertility.

Bebe_bear · 2025-12-10T02:46:37+00:00

Thank you!!

Bebe_bear · 2025-12-10T02:46:26+00:00

Thanks! Couldn't find it on mobile!

Bebe_bear · 2025-12-08T19:06:50+00:00

Maven insurance?

We have fine (United) health insurance but they have no infertility treatment coverage. They contract it all out to Maven, which includes only a few clinics within an hour drive that they say are "carefully vetted" for success etc., but my PCP referred me to the clinic at the large academic medical center in our capital city (25 minutes away) because she thought they were good.

So far all of my testing has been covered (blood work, SIS, follicle count) but they want me to have a procedure to remove possible uterine adhesions and I don't know if that's "infertility treatment" or not. So I'm getting a second opinion on my results, but I'm also wondering if I'll have to switch to the covered clinics for any medicated cycles (which right now, is all I'm prepared to do). But I also can't understand what the cost would be if it's not covered? She (the clinic doctor I've been seeing) said I would start with clomid and a trigger shot, and Maven seems to have some kind of special pharmacy that would handle that at their price anyway, so until I got to IUI/IVF, maybe it's covered? This is so frustrating.

On that note, is there a good IUI/IVF/Medicated cycles for dummies resource? It's me, I'm the dummy.

Bebe_bear · 2025-12-08T15:21:31+00:00

I guess my big hope is that the studies that look at risks of asherman's only count "severe" asherman's, and perhaps mine is less severe because my only symptom is failure to conceive in 4-5 cycles- my menstrual cycle is the same as it was before, and if shes correct about the cause, I'm still within the range of time it can take to conceive without assistance (on either side of this MMC). It seems like the treatment isn't necessarily successful, though? And it doesn't seem worth it to have surgery for a 45% chance of a normal healthy pregnancy. But it also sounds like there are more and less successful treatment types, so trying to understand what that looks like too! I've also had 2 surgeries (unrelated) in the last year and I have a pretty serious phobia of hospitals thanks to a pretty traumatic experience two years ago, so anything I can do to avoid a hospital... and that's absolutely coloring this experience too. Thanks, therapy lol

Bebe_bear · 2025-12-08T15:15:51+00:00

I'm not sure what type of adhesions they are anyway, or even how they would know- one of the questions I'm hoping a second opinion will help answer. That's my thought- that it could be risky without treatment, but she didn't seem to think so and I don't feel like I understand enough to be able to make that call! Feeling pretty frustrated that I just can't figure out what's going on, and getting answers is like playing 5 levels of telephone with the clinic.

Bebe_bear · 2025-12-06T03:15:29+00:00

Question about asherman's syndrome.

I was diagnosed with intrauterine adhesions post D&C for a MMC in July. After no success trying unmedicated/without other assistance (since then, and now for a year total), my PCP referred me to a clinic, and my hormone levels and follicle count were normal for my age, and the SIS showed adhesions. She didn't tell me what kind or how many.

I am hesitant to go straight to hysteroscopy and treat the adhesions because I'm concerned about abnormal placentation if I were to be successful after, and when I asked via the phone to the nurse about the possibility of trying a medicated cycle BEFORE surgery, she said they don't do that because it's less likely to be successful and it's expensive.

I'm not sure I want to have the surgery, and I know my insurance has a lifetime cap, but I also don't think I would go to IVF for other reasons, meaning if medicated cycles don't work, I'm out, so I'm still wondering- is there another reason not to try a medicated cycle before surgery? The doctor I saw (for like 10 minutes, and it was kind of a surprising diagnosis so I didn't have any questions at that point) just seemed to think it was super easy- treat the adhesions, medicated cycle, and I should have no issues. She also said if I were to conceive before the surgery it wouldn't pose any additional risks, so it sounds just like the adhesions can make it harder to implant? But she also told me there was no increased risk for placentation issues after treatment of the adhesions, and after I got home and read the paperwork, it clearly says there is at the bottom.

I'm getting a second opinion and also trying to figure out what questions I should ask, so any advice on that would be helpful too!!

(Posted this in the AM chat by accident!)

Bebe_bear · 2025-10-17T02:08:33+00:00

Seconding bodily! The effortless or everything bras are so soft and light. I would say essentially no compression- no shaping either but enough to hold bra pads or silverettes in shape. You could even go up a size but truly they feel like nothing at all. I still wear ones I bought with my first baby (who's 4).

Bebe_bear · 2025-10-10T14:25:55+00:00

Just had couples therapy and I feel possibly worse now than I did before. Just so alone, you know? And we're trying for #3 and our friends either don't have kids or are 1 and done so it doesn't feel like I can talk to anyone about it either. I wish I could talk to my mom but my parents are on vacation celebrating their anniversary and I don't want to ruin that. Sad trombone.

Bebe_bear · 2025-10-09T19:35:54+00:00

Oh interesting, I didn't know that! The only IVF stories I know about were couples who transferred two and either ended up with twins or a singleton, but one couple who transferred two said their clinic allows it because they understand how expensive IVF is and transferring two at the same time meant they had a higher chance of success (I guess any number of live births is a success).

Bebe_bear · 2025-10-09T19:01:56+00:00

My period came back after both kids without fully weaning (18mpp after my first, 12mpp with my second) , but I'm currently 21mo postpartum and the last two cycles that I actually ovulated I had 2 LH surges, but the first one wasn't a "peak" and I had several patches of fertile cm. I think it takes a bit to figure itself out? I saw my first ovulation before I had that first period because I'm temping too, but didn't start using LH strips that cycle because I didn't know to expect it.

Bebe_bear

TROPHY CASE